Sad Post - How To Say Goodbye

[sasquatch]

Hello, been a while since I’ve last posted.

I’m not sure if many remember me with my little trotter cob who went very wrong a few years ago. He’s been retired since, and over the last year has had issues with locking stifles due to losing muscle and being a bit older.

He was moved to a new retirement home - huge big field with the hope he would get moving a bit more but sadly there hasn’t been much improvement. Mentally he is still very bright and sharp, his best friend is a 2yo he spends all his time playing with but condition wise he is looking poor due to compensation. I suspect he has something else going on in his back legs as well as locking stifles as he is so stiff.

I’ve decided once the weather starts to turn, it’s probably his time. He’s only 22, so not old, but just wouldn’t be fair to keep him going when he’s going to suffer more. He is not in so much pain he’s unable to buck and kick and run around with his friends, but his movement is not great and will only get worse so he’s had his ‘last summer’ to enjoy himself and have the sun on his back.

How do I go about what comes next? I’ve never done this before for a horse, so am unsure. I feel weird about the fact I don’t feel overly sad or emotional, other than I will miss his little face and cheeky personality a lot vs how I was in March when his locking stifle issue flared up and it was looking then like it might be time without having much of a chance to prepare.

 

[Carlosmum]

Its such a tough decision, but once made there are the practical things to deal with. have you thought about what you want for him after? Do you want his ashes? Have you the space to bury him? Would you be happy to send him to the local hunt kennels? Your decision may effect how you want him PTS. Injection or captive bolt. The first will require a vet, the second a licenced slaughterman. do you want to be there at the end? If not have you a trusted friend? The BHS offers a friend at the end service and can give advice and support.

I was lucky to be able to bury both my boys at home. the first was a shock the result of colic surgery, the second much like your situation, he couldn't cope with retirement. I had the vet both times. first he was still in horsepital 2nd time it didn't occur to me to ring the kennels. I wasn't there for the last bit, I didn't feel strong enough, however my OH who was known to both ponies was. I hope you feel some relief now the decision has been made and have support to see you through the next part. Its not easy. xx

 

[sasquatch]

Its such a tough decision, but once made there are the practical things to deal with. have you thought about what you want for him after? Do you want his ashes? Have you the space to bury him? Would you be happy to send him to the local hunt kennels? Your decision may effect how you want him PTS. Injection or captive bolt. The first will require a vet, the second a licenced slaughterman. do you want to be there at the end? If not have you a trusted friend? The BHS offers a friend at the end service and can give advice and support.

I was lucky to be able to bury both my boys at home. the first was a shock the result of colic surgery, the second much like your situation, he couldn't cope with retirement. I had the vet both times. first he was still in horsepital 2nd time it didn't occur to me to ring the kennels. I wasn't there for the last bit, I didn't feel strong enough, however my OH who was known to both ponies was. I hope you feel some relief now the decision has been made and have support to see you through the next part. Its not easy. xx

He will have to be cremated, as I don’t have space for burial.

I would like to be there for him, and have a friend who I know will be able to come to support me.

He’s had a very good retirement, 6 years of living in a field and causing chaos, which is a lot more than most horses get in lovely big fields.

 

[suestowford]

I've had two pts, both times we had the vet and it was done by injection. The first was planned to a certain extent, in that I knew it was coming, the second it was an emergency. I was with them both, and I'm glad I was, as I could see how quietly they went. I think I would have struggled with watching a captive bolt being used. So I admit, injection would be my choice for my sake. But I do trust the vets we use 100% to get it right.
If you know it's coming, you do get the chance to spoil your horse a bit. All his favourite foods for instance. Also you get to do what you are doing, make a sound plan for how you will do it. That will save you a lot of worry when the time comes, and you won't be making decisions while you are feeling emotional.
The last one I had pts was only 22, and I felt a bit cheated that I never got to nurse him through his old age, but now some time has passed I can see he had the best time while he was alive, and didn't have to endure the indignities of old age, and all the disgusting medicine!

 

[Irish-Only]

I feel weird about the fact I don’t feel overly sad or emotional

When I had my best mate of 25 years ID stallion put down, I didn't feel overly sad or emotional either. I think this was because I'd had it at the back of my mind for some time due to his age, he'd had the most wonderfully fulfilling life with us, (as well as his stallion duties he was my hunter, all round riding club horse etc) and the time was right for him. When my vet arrived on the said day, his comment was that he looked very well, but yes I was doing the right thing as he was clearly becoming very stiff. I think my vet and those close to me were expecting me to be an absolute wreck but I couldn't have done any more to ensure that my best mate had had a wonderful life and didn't suffer at the end.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I do think it helps if you have already made the decision several months in advance and have had time to come to terms with that decision. I am feeling similar with one of my old donkeys who has health issues, it became very clear about a year ago after a soundness issue that he will not be around long term, one way or another. I was absolutely distraught at the time even contemplating having him put down, even if it would be at a later date., I have owned himhis whole life.

Now we seem to be coming towards that point my sadness has turned into practical resignation, he swerved a bullet just 3 weeks ago and is now very much on borrowed time. But I will let him go calmly and without the absolute devastation I felt about him a year ago. Do not feel guilty, I think it is probably just the way our mind deals with impending loss and grief when we are given time enough to come to terms with it beforehand.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

You have had time to come to terms with the necessity for the decision and you know that you are making it in your cob's best interests.
Now you need to decide on the method. Imho a shot is best for the horse, as it is instantaneous, while many owners prefer the injection, if they intend to be present.

I have used both methods in the past, injection when the emergency vet was already present. If you choose a shot, then you need to decide who you want to do the job. I would choose someone who does it regularly, so not a vet, in most cases. Some vets simply don't offer the option. We are lucky in that there is an excellent equine crematorium locally but we have also used the hunt in the past. Your vet might be able to advise who is available.
Then, if you opt for either the injection or crem/knackerman you will be asked whether you want communal or individual cremation, with the ashes back. If you choose to have the ashes, you should be aware that there will be a lot.
We have chosen to pts elderly horses at the end of summer in the past and when the bad weather has arrived, we have been glad that we did.
Whatever choices you make, I hope it all goes smoothly and you are able to find comfort in your memories of better times.

 

[Honey08]

I had my horse of a lifetime put to sleep last year. Making the decision was a lot harder than the actual event. I stayed with her, something I never thought I’d be able to do because I’m a weeper. It was very quick and peaceful. We took her out onto a corner of the yard so she’d not be stuck anywhere. We let our other horse sniff her (the rotter bit her!)

 

[rextherobber]

I think it's an advantage, not feeling overwhelmingly emotional, you can be calm and reassuring , your usual self, so that he'll go feeling that everything is OK. Far, far better than sobbing over them, and possibly distressing them. I've only ever had it done by captive bolt, once by the vet, once by the knackerman, both were compassionate and kind. If anything, I'd say the knackerman had the edge, the horse was not giving the side eye, expecting a vaccination/examination, and his timing was absolutely spot on. But do have support to do the cleaning up, don't stay for that bit unless you have to.
Having said that, this was a good few years ago, I would now probably go for injection... I don't know if you're on Facebook, but Natalie McGoldrick, a vet, has recently posted about this very subject, including what happens next, and rough price guide.

 

[Maesfen]

I'm sorry you're going through this; it's always hard no matter how many times you've seen or had to have it done.
Being totally practical; sometimes a day early can be far better. I've lost count of the times my vet has regretted someone 'giving them the summer', especially for lameness issues because hard uneven ground can make that more uncomfortable for them.
As someone said, depending on where you live, you have the choice of either a vet (injection or gun) a knackerman (gun) or hunt kennels (gun). Whichever you choose it will cost something; the vet being most expensive of course as not only do you have to pay them, you'll also have the hassle of arranging and cost of disposal of the body on top too whereas the other two will include disposal with their charge.
Personally, I will always choose the hunt kennel staff, at home if possible. They are always sympathetic, professional and very efficient. If the horse can travel to them so much the better but they'll always come out if necessary but then you might have to transport the carcase over to them; it all depends on their vehicle set up so do check.
Again, think about if you want to pay to have the ashes back because it is expensive but that option would not be available if you used the kennels and probably not the knackerman either as his income comes from being able to use the body. Sorry to sound callous but it's all things to think about and better to be prewarned I think.
I am always with them but it is very much personal choice; it just needs to be someone practical with a rapport for horses. It's also a very good idea to allow buddies to see the body and give them time to move away in their own time; it helps them to settle without their mate a lot better than if he's carted off and they don't know why.
Also think about where is suitable; you'll need to talk to your yard owner of course. It will need suitable and easy vehicular access; a stable can be the worst place because of a narrow doorway (in comparison for towing the body out of course).
If you have a plan it is always far easier than if it has to be done as an emergency but thinking of you; it's never easy even when you know it's the right thing.

 

[rabatsa]

Our local knackerman is my go to for home pts/disposal. He is kind and caring to both equine and owner. He does not like the owners to watch him winch them away, even when he is following the vet, as it gives a bad last memory of the animal.

As someone else has mentioned this is also the cheapest option by several hundred pounds. If using the vet get him to liase with the knackerman so that there is not a dead horse lying about for hours between the two jobs. My knackerman is happy to meet the vet at the place where pts takes place, before the deed is done.

 

[Cortez]

It's never easy, but this is part of having animals, and especially older ones at the end of their natural lifespan (by any metric, 22 is an old horse). I have always preferred to use the hunt or knacker man, who will shoot and do removal quickly and efficiently. Despite being a hardboiled old bag, I don't hold my own horses. I don't want my last memory of them to be that.

 

[cindars]

Our local knackerman is my go to for home pts/disposal. He is kind and caring to both equine and owner. He does not like the owners to watch him winch them away, even when he is following the vet, as it gives a bad last memory of the animal.

As someone else has mentioned this is also the cheapest option by several hundred pounds. If using the vet get him to liase with the knackerman so that there is not a dead horse lying about for hours between the two jobs. My knackerman is happy to meet the vet at the place where pts takes place, before the deed is done.

My mare was put down in July. Was recommended a local knackerman,it was the earliest call 7.30 on a sunny day we both walked her into the field I left dreading the noise but he used the quietest bolt ever just a buzz he said they could all use them if they wanted. It was over in half an hour no fuss.

 

[splashgirl45]

My last horse was done by the hunt , I stayed until the last minute and left her with my lovely YO for the last bit. All went well and I didn’t look afterwards as didn’t want to see her when she was dead and being winched on to the trailer.. previously I used my long term vet and they were sedated first and I walked away once they stopped eating their treats, I heard the bang but again never looked back… I think I did all my crying in the lead up to each one and just felt numb afterwards, and a bit shocked that it had finally happened … I don’t have ashes back for any of my animals as they are still in my heart forever … hope all goes ok on the day

 

[Griffin]

I am sorry that you are in this position OP. I have always had the hunt (despite not hunting myself) because they are always very calm and quick. The last horse I had PTS, I knew it was his time and I didn't feel too emotional about it in the lead up or on the day itself, it was more afterwards that I felt sad (despite knowing I had done the right thing). He was still relatively well in himself but I couldn't put him through another winter because he was already losing condition.

 

[Spotherisk]

I had two put down in June, both 31 years old.

Emergency vet call out at silly o’clock, pts via injection, horse has always been needleshy but was in pain and tolerated that just fine, but he did stagger and his eyes opened very wide, it was all over very quickly but not completely instanly whereas the other horse was pts later that day by captive bolt, it was instant and I preferred it tbh.

 

[nagblagger]

Well done for thinking ahead and getting prepared so it will be the least stressful for your horse and yourself.
I have had my own and held for friends as i can put my 'professional head' on and reassure the animal with treats etc. (crack up after!)
Decide what you would prefer which, can be down to cost, there is no wrong way so don't be swayed by others, do what is right for you.
Our knackersman is absolutely brilliant, compassionate, brings bucket of food, gives time for the owner and stays until you are ready and said good byes.
The vet is obviously more expensive and you still have to pay for disposal after. They can sedate the horse first and you can say goodbye while he is drowsy before he is given the final injection again they allow time and are compassionate.

If you want more honest details feel free to pm me as this is a sensitive, upsetting subject for many people who may read this thread.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

So sorry you are in this position OP.

Firstly you need to decide what method you will use: I have used both - but my preference every time would deffo be for the Gun as they know absolutely nothing about it. My current pony fights sedation tooth & nail, so when her time comes (which hopefully is a long way away yet) she will be done by the gun.

If you are having the vet: there will be likely THREE injections. The first will be a general sedative, to make them feel a bit dozy like for e.g. having teeth done. The vet is likely to put in a canula after this first-sedation stage. After this a deeper sedation is implemented - similar for say Scoping or similar procedure. You will then be asked (and perhaps asked to sign) that at this stage you are happy for your horse to be PTS, and it may be explained to you at this stage that the next injection will be irreversible, i.e. will actually put your horse down. You may be asked to stand back at this stage and the vet may take the headcollar rope and pull the horse down as the injection takes effect. The horse will fall and then the vet will check for heartbeat and signs of life. Your vets should arrange with you beforehand what your wishes are re. disposal and often they will arrange this for you. Sometimes you may have to wait for the disposal people to turn up (I've had to wait about 4hrs before now, not the best experience ever).

With the gun: it is VERY quick. By the time you hear the shot the horse will be dead. It is that quick. The horse will fall rapidly. There may be some blood - which does put some people off this method - but not always. There may be some twitching as the nervous system works (ditto lethal injection), but the horse will not be in any distress as it is already gone.

We have an excellent Knackerman in my area (Devon, SW) who is renowned for his professionalism & compassion, so I guess we are fortunate as we have that reassurance that if he is needed, we can rely on him doing the best job possible.

Hint: if you decide to have the gun - do NOT under any circumstances think that you will be "helping" by administering any sort of sedative such as Demosedan or whatever to the horse whilst you are "waiting", because you won't be; and sadly if things do go wrong it is when this has happened and the horse realises what is happening and comes out of sedation at the very last minute. Best thing (either method) is to have some favourite little snack the horse likes in a feedbowl and then offer that to the person doing the PTS to give to the horse. For safety, you will find yourself directed where to stand and so really it is best that you say your goodbyes at this stage - as (both methods) the horse may drop very suddenly. This will certainly be the case if gun is used. Some owners choose to walk away at this stage and that is perfectly OK. You can stand with your back to your horse and that way you will be reassured that your horse can still see you, but you will not see them again.

Afterwards, you may find yourself ushered away; it isn't pleasant watching them loaded up into the wagon: tho' one owner at my yard wanted to stay and see it as she didn't feel she'd achieved "closure" until she'd witnessed the final sending-off of their horse.

Whichever method you use: make sure you pay beforehand - some Knackermen work by cash-on-the-day, OR card. Not helpful if (a) you haven't got the right money; and (b) the card-machine won't work. So either have the right money OR pay beforehand is best. Also (both methods) you will need to consider disposal. Hunt & knackerman can take away; if PTS by lethal injection (or some med's administered) then cremation will be the required method. But check first.

So sorry you are in this position. There is an organisation I believe called "Friends at the End" who will come and be with you if you need. If not, then PLEASE make sure you have someone there who can support you. It needs to be someone who has used the method you are going to employ; and someone who is steady, reliable, and who will be able, if necessary, to take the headcollar rope for your horse if you feel you can't go through with holding them.

 

[SEL]

We had the vet for 3 last year. One belonged to someone else and I left them to deal with it quietly (v old horse), but one was the absolute love of my life and it's the anniversary next week.

I've been there for the hunt for other people's horses but it's not my personal preference.

I knew it was his time so phoned the vet the week before. I thought I'd pulled myself together but was an absolute mess on the phone. He wasn't great with needles but I knew he liked one vet so asked for her - I felt a bit bad about it because she's young and not long qualified but she was a total superstar on the day. I got the vets to book the removal service. I wanted his ashes back but that's expensive.

The vets checked with me the day before we were still going ahead. The hunt had been around so any thoughts of a peaceful final day were trashed because he had a final gallop and totally stuffed his bad leg. They were again amazing and just told me to get him high on Bute and they'd be there first thing in the morning.

We used our last week to spoil him rotten and take tonnes of photos. The actual day itself was peaceful and calm thankfully. I even got a large rainbow over the field.

How you do it is entirely up to you but no matter how ok you think you are now it can still hit you hard. The other two that were PTS last year I wasn't close to but even so the day was stressful and you do feel their absence.

 

[Peglo]

I had both my old horses PTS by vet injection. I left for both of them once the vet was ready. They were confident in themselves they didn’t need me and quite frankly I couldn’t keep it together. I did better when the first went but I was a mess for my second, poor vets but I did apologise a lot.
I phoned and had a day with one before she went and a couple of days for the other. That was the worst part. I knew they had to go but the wait for it to happen was really tough. For me I couldn’t do a 2 week countdown. Once decided I would want the vets at their earliest convenience.

Fortunately my BIL is a digger driver and they got buried next to each so sorry o can’t help with that bit.

I’m glad you’re at peace with your decision and I’m so sorry you’re having to make the call. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time together. It is really hard.

 

[Spotherisk]

If anyone is looking for up to date costs my vet bill (which includes out of hours charge at £82 + vat) was £487.80 inc vat for pts by injection, and the charge to dispose was £225 so over £600 altogether.

If I’d had him pts captive bolt by the same business which took the carcass the full charge would have been £225.

 

[SEL]

On the removal point - I've been there for a few, including one who had died in a awkwardly placed stable. It's undignified and if you aren't having an expensive solo cremation there may be other bodies in the van. It's not worth staying around for

 

[ponynutz]

Nothing to add other than I hope it’s done well for you. Sorry to hear you’re in this position.

 

[babymare]

My last horse was that horse you dream of. Horrifically abused with many issues I bought her aged 7. Fast forward 7 years she and I know each other so much. She saw me through my own abuse. But at 10 her sight was going (solved a lot of questions about her mental health). I had to move from area but to move my girl was out question. I sat and talked with vet and decision made. I made date and I spent the time just enjoying my girl. My vet was amazing. I chose injection and it was so peaceful. Once she had gone my vet held me sobbing. Don’t stay for removal. They have gone. Hardest decision I have made but one I know was right xx

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

Mine was PTS via injection, it was planned so I booked for mid morning to spend time giving him a load of his favourite treats and spending time in his stable chatting to him. I'd also got OH to take some nice photos a week or so before, we had a gorgeous sunset and I've got the photos framed

The vet then arrived and heavily sedated him - I'd taken his passport but didn't have to sign anything?

We then lead him to the spot it was due to take place. The vet took his leadrope so she could guide him down and also in case he fell awkwardly

Me and OH walked a bit away, I hadn't planned on watching him go down but I'm actually glad I did (I'd never seen a horse PTS) as it was actually way more peaceful than I'd expected, it was like he was lying down to sleep. I appreciate not all may be like this but I'm actually "glad" I saw and this is the image I got.

The vet warned me there may be noises as the air left him, I think there was just one like a sigh but he was gone at this point. I spent a little bit of time with him before leaving the vet to deal with the wagon as I knew from on here to not see that

I got straight on with clearing out his stable but whatever you do make sure you don't see the putting onto the wagon, go for a tea/walk/hide/leave for a bit whatever just don't see it

I just chose mixed cremation as it was impractical to have ashes back (giving up horses). The vets sent a lovely card though

*I made sure I took some tail and the vet cut me some mane after. You can get various Keepsakes ATM I haven't it's just in the box of the few horsey things I kept. In the wild wood do GORGEOUS sculptures but unfortunately out of my price range. If you've got the hair you don't have to decide straight away, but it's there either as a keepsake in its own right or if you want to do something with it down the line.

*It's good there's someone who can be with you on the day, I'd definitely recommend having someone

*Time of the appointment - it's entirely personal choice but I went with one where I could spend time giving him treats but not so late you were waiting around the whole day

 

[doodle]

We made the decision in the morning. Vet packed him full of painkillers and went away to arrange collection to happen at the same time. I spent the next few hours with him. Vet turned up and I didn't actually realize until after he was gone that the cremation lady had arrived too. She waited at a distance. Vet sedated him and we took him out to an easy to access place with some nice straw to go down on. Vet said what he would do. As he injected I turned my back (and given a bear hug by my amazing second mum) vet took the lead rope and I heard him go down. There was no crash or drama or anything I had expected. After a minute or so vet let me turn back round and I said goodbye.

He took 2 big gasps and his head and neck came off the ground and actually knocked into me. I wasn't expecting that. Vet had already checked he was gone and said it was just the air escaping from lungs.

10 days prior a friends horse had been pts and the same lady collected her. She had actually brought back her ashes when she collected mine. So I had already spoken to her and she is lovely. She came in riding gear and patted and talked to the horses and knew just how difficult it was. That case horse was already down in stable so it was very hard to get her out. That was very difficult and took a while but she couldn't have got back up.

I had been scared to see a dead horse. But actually when I did see it it didn't scare me. It really was just a shell. They were gone and what was left wasn't them.

My other was already at hospital. He was very distressed and I just wanted it over for him. I had had a call that he had gone downhill and nothing more could be done. I went to be with him but he was sore and uoset. I took 5 mins or so to say goodbye but knew I couldn't have held it together as he was so distressed. First horse was very calm and so it was easier. So I left the hospital and the vet text me to say he was gone and it all went smoothly.

I had Mintos ashes back. He was then buried beside his pair bond. The casket that came back was huge and heavy.

I didn't get soli back. There was no.obvious place for him to go and actually getting the ashes back and waiting for farmer to bury him was more distressing.

 

[sasquatch]

Thank you all for your lovely responses, I’m in Ireland so not sure how different it is here. I’ve been told the vet apparently arranges removal, not sure if the hunt is an option as I don’t know if many hunts here would have a use for him (in not the best wording) and he’s signed out of the food chain so unsure if he could go to the knackerman.

I think seeing how he’s still very bright and behaving as his normal self, but his movement hasn’t improved after giving him everything he needs for it to improve has been what has made it easier to accept. He still won’t let me catch him even as he hobbles around, and he’s happy, but he no longer looks like the pony I know with how poorly he did last winter. Vet wanted to give him another chance over the summer last time he saw him as well, so knowing that I’ve done what I can for him I think has helped. It doesn’t feel like I’m suddenly having to let go and there isn’t the shock that comes with it being sudden.

I’m going to try and arrange for the end of September/early October as that’s when our weather usually takes a turn and it gives me time to get money together and figure this whole thing out. You have all been very very helpful, and given me options to look into. Thank you so much.

 

[Cortez]

The hunts have a licence to dispose of equines, they don't necessarily use them for feeding hounds. I'm not sure that you understand what a knackerman does - there is no way whatsoever that a horse can enter the human feed chain through a knackery, that's the whole point; they take animals that cannot go to meat processing factories. Both hunts and knackeries usually send equines for rendering.

 

[Ditchjumper2]

It's never easy, but this is part of having animals, and especially older ones at the end of their natural lifespan (by any metric, 22 is an old horse). I have always preferred to use the hunt or knacker man, who will shoot and do removal quickly and efficiently. Despite being a hardboiled old bag, I don't hold my own horses. I don't want my last memory of them to be that.

I am with you 100% on this. I am not there either as you never get that awful image out of your head. Mine go to the hunt too. Whatever people's views they are absolutely the best or a knackerman. They are both calm, know what they are doing and are professional.

 

[babymare]

Thank you all for your lovely responses, I’m in Ireland so not sure how different it is here. I’ve been told the vet apparently arranges removal, not sure if the hunt is an option as I don’t know if many hunts here would have a use for him (in not the best wording) and he’s signed out of the food chain so unsure if he could go to the knackerman.

I think seeing how he’s still very bright and behaving as his normal self, but his movement hasn’t improved after giving him everything he needs for it to improve has been what has made it easier to accept. He still won’t let me catch him even as he hobbles around, and he’s happy, but he no longer looks like the pony I know with how poorly he did last winter. Vet wanted to give him another chance over the summer last time he saw him as well, so knowing that I’ve done what I can for him I think has helped. It doesn’t feel like I’m suddenly having to let go and there isn’t the shock that comes with it being sudden.

I’m going to try and arrange for the end of September/early October as that’s when our weather usually takes a turn and it gives me time to get money together and figure this whole thing out. You have all been very very helpful, and given me options to look into. Thank you so much.
[/if you need a shoulder one is here ok xQUOTE]