Said goodbye

springgrass

springgrass

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On Friday, at 10am, I said goodbye to my old friend. He had a tough year with two nasty injuries rendering him off work a lot. The Pastern injury never fully came right. He was arthritic and lame and the time was right. The day after I booked the hunt he came in more lame then usual and just looked so sad and down trodden. I KNOW I did the right thing.

I have never had to have one of mine put to sleep before. I chose the hunt after lots of careful consideration and I'm glad I did. The chap who came was lovely...I had started emailing him back in September and he was always so kind and patient in answering my questions. I'm afraid I couldn't look him in the eye when he came though and don't think I said much to him. I'll have to email to thank him properly.

My boy spent the morning being loved and fussed. It was a beautiful, crisp, sunny morning (rain was forecast but didn't come!) and he walked down to the gate thinking he was first to be turned out, with the sun on his back. I don't know how I handed the huntsman the lead rope, but I did. I walked away, leaving my horse happily eating apples and feed from a bucket. Then about 3 minutes later I heard the shot and 'just like that' his suffering ended.

It's been hard, such mixed emotions and I miss him and always will. I also feel slightly guilty as I have a new horse arriving tomorrow. I have been looking, on and off, for a year. It's a shame that the two events are so close together but that's the way it's worked out. I find myself feeling I have to explain to everyone how I haven't gotten rid of one for another (I would have had room to keep my old boy if he was comfortable and happy).
I just have to keep telling myself that those closest to me and my boy know the whole story.

I'm looking forward to actually riding again, I refuse to feel guilty about that. I've shed a million tears these past 8 weeks....he will always be in my heart and I have so much to thank him for.

Has anyone else ever got a new horse so quickly after losing one?
 
So sorry for your loss but sounds like the time was right. When it comes to getting another animal after the loss of one everybody is different. I lost my first pony (at the age of 40!!) and got my new boy 6 months down the line. I lost him suddenly 2 years later & it was 4 years before I got another. You do whats right for you.
 
Big hugs. It's hard making that decision for an old loved friend.

Same as you in that I saw mine struggling and thought enough is enough.

I knew mine was having his last summer/ autum and actually got mine in the summer whilst I had my old boy. I have nice memories of them together and to be honest on those days where your loss hits you hard it's good to have something to make you get up,out and realise life goes on.

It won't take away your memories.

Enjoy your new horse, I'm sure they won't mind any tears you may shed whilst with them.
 
Sorry to hear about your boy but I am glad to hear it went well for him. He wouldnt have wanted you to feel guilty, and your new horse will help mend things. But I totally understand how you feel. My lovely CB went last Saturday. Like yours it was peaceful and she knew nothing. But my new horse had already arrived a week earlier and the whole thing made me feel awful. It wasnt deliberate, he came up by chance, being a somewhat neglected ex racer abandoned on livery. And I also didnt want to leave my 3 yo alone for any length of time. I almost felt he was pushing the old girl out. Of course I know thats rubbish and tbh being busy getting to know him has helped. So dont feel bad, they would have understood x
 
Such a sad time, but you did right by him, my lad lost his field mate during a colic attack and went into a deep depression, (he saw his friend die) a friend lent me her pony till I could find a companion, cue two weeks later, a WB rescued hatrack arriving, she turned out to be a star, but she did the job, my lad perked up, the mare improved, three years on, we have a happy herd of four
 
You did the right thing for your horse and how/why/when is nobody's business but yours. I haven't 'replaced' one quite so quickly but I usually start looking immediately. It helps me to get over the huge sense of loss.
 
Oh bless you. The thoughts of others are irrelevant...you did the right thing by your boy regardless of how much it hurt you and that is something I deeply admire. Xxx
 
Sorry that you had to make that decision, but so glad for him that you did. Horses in herds may mourn but they understand that life goes on, he would not want you to be without a'herd' to keep you safe.
 
Thank you all for your replies. It's nice knowing people understand...Facebook isn't always the place for emotional outpourings so lovely to come here and hear other 'horsey' people's experiences.

I wish he had the chance to meet the new mare...so much so that I considered delaying it (the mare already arranged to come tomorrow). However, he was ready....yes, I could have buted him even more, but why? I'd just be putting him through the upset of a new herd member joining, and the very real risk of a nasty kick....and on the flip side, the mare is a bit wired and likely to take a while to settle. I'm not sure a PTS would have helped her settle in.
One horse already seems a bit depressed....the one that called out to my boy as I took him to the grass. He hasn't finished his hay nets since. They have all had a sniff of the place it happened when they came in that night. They must know:(

The place seems very subdued and quiet...my boy was VERY vocal at meal times and used to 'sing' for his breakfast and dinner daily. It's taking some getting used to. Thank again for the kind words
 
It's a difficult thing to make the right decision, and at the right time, so at least you know you did that.
I did too for my homebred lad 2 years ago.
I started looking immediately for another horse as although I missed him terribly, I
Had a hole in my heart that needed filling.
I brought a mare within a month having only looked at one other, plus a couple at the breeder where she was.
I do not regret that decision at all, she has more than stepped into his shoes, and helped me with the grief I had.
Everyone is different, but if you, like me, want to find another horse ASAP, it's the right thing for you so go for it.
 
springgrass said:
On Friday, at 10am, I said goodbye to my old friend. He had a tough year with two nasty injuries rendering him off work a lot. The Pastern injury never fully came right. He was arthritic and lame and the time was right. The day after I booked the hunt he came in more lame then usual and just looked so sad and down trodden. I KNOW I did the right thing.

I have never had to have one of mine put to sleep before. I chose the hunt after lots of careful consideration and I'm glad I did. The chap who came was lovely...I had started emailing him back in September and he was always so kind and patient in answering my questions. I'm afraid I couldn't look him in the eye when he came though and don't think I said much to him. I'll have to email to thank him properly.

My boy spent the morning being loved and fussed. It was a beautiful, crisp, sunny morning (rain was forecast but didn't come!) and he walked down to the gate thinking he was first to be turned out, with the sun on his back. I don't know how I handed the huntsman the lead rope, but I did. I walked away, leaving my horse happily eating apples and feed from a bucket. Then about 3 minutes later I heard the shot and 'just like that' his suffering ended.

It's been hard, such mixed emotions and I miss him and always will. I also feel slightly guilty as I have a new horse arriving tomorrow. I have been looking, on and off, for a year. It's a shame that the two events are so close together but that's the way it's worked out. I find myself feeling I have to explain to everyone how I haven't gotten rid of one for another (I would have had room to keep my old boy if he was comfortable and happy).
I just have to keep telling myself that those closest to me and my boy know the whole story.

I'm looking forward to actually riding again, I refuse to feel guilty about that. I've shed a million tears these past 8 weeks....he will always be in my heart and I have so much to thank him for.

Has anyone else ever got a new horse so quickly after losing one?
Click to expand...

I already had another horse when I lost one, not the same.

We are all different and think in different ways, there is no right or wrong just do what is right by you. You did not just pts because you were getting another, you pts because he was not having the quality of life he deserved. You saw to it he had a dignified end instead of giving him away free to end up good knows where. My friend pts her dog and stop off at the pound on her way home and said " what dog has been in here the longest?" then took that dog. It was no disrespect to the last dog it was her way of coping and moving on, the thought of an empty house was to much but having something to grieve on helped.

Good luck with the new horse
 
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Sorry for your sad loss.
I echo others, in thinking he was a lucky horse to have an owner to look out for him at the end.
And when you arrange to have another is up to you and nothing got do with anyone else.
She will not be a replacement for your boy - she will be a different horse and I wish you happy times with her. x
 
You can never replace a lost pet, instead you open a different part of your heart for the new mare, all the love and memories for you had for your lad stay locked behind his closed door of your heart. The heart is a wonderful thing you can love many at the same time, that love never dies when that individual moves on to another place or time.
 
You've done the kindest, and hardest, thing - always brings a tear to my eye as have been through it several times and it is so emotionally draining.
 
It is the last right thing you can do for them. I've lost two now, one I had to make the decision and the second it was the on,y decision I could make - neither was easy but I don't regret either. You and your boy knew when it was time - it's still so hard though and I am so very sorry for your loss.
 
Bless you. You did the right and proper thing for him. Shows how much you loved him. It's the hardest thing I have had to do, but don't feel guilty. With my old racer, I still had my other boy, Murphy, so that helped, but when I lost him it was awful. I got another about a month later, but that did not mean I forgot my boys. I still miss them, and often think about them. Every day really, but my little filly has helped heal a broken heart, so enjoy your new horse, don't feel bad about it, big hugs for you. Your old boy is at peace xx
 
What a brave and sensible owner you are.

We had this situation forced upon us in September, when my OH's mare suffered a sudden bout of colic. She was 21 and we had owned her for 14 years, but the prospects were very poor so my OH made the incredibly difficult decision to have her PTS there and then (we were at Langford Equine Hospital).

Our double trouble was that my gelding was left on his own, something he was ok with for a week or so, but as time went on he was looking duller, smaller and more lonely by the day and this was reflected in the way he rode (I was trying to keep his routine as normal as possible).

It is very hard to mourn the loss and search for a replacement at the same time and how my OH managed it I don't know (her inner strength I guess).

Within a couple of weeks we had a nice little mare on trial and she is now part of the family.

Someone else wrote on this forum "just because they are no longer there, it does not mean you stop loving them", that is so true; your decision was made in his best interests and he is now free from all pain and discomfort, you can continue to love him and remember the fun you had over the years without feeling guilty about getting another horse. This is the conclusion we have come to, even though we still miss our old lady.
 
So sorry to hear of your lose, you have done you best for him. Most people on here have been through the same thing and while we may not agree all the the time about some things, in this one H&H are united, you do the best you can for your horse, this you have done.
I know it's silly but what helps me is that I like to think they stay with me. Over the years we have lost a number of horses at home. I like to think they wait for the next one and then they gallop off together and that's how they spend their days, it's always hot and there are no flies!! Stupid I know! Saying that about a week after I lost my mare, I was driving home and I swear I saw a shadow standing in her best place under the trees it made me do a double take!
You will always think of him, but with less sadness and more joy as time goes on. Enjoy your new horse.
 
So very sorry for your loss. As others have said it sounds like you did all you could for him and in the end you put his needs over yours. That was the time you showed him how much you truly loved him.
Please don't feel guilty for getting another so soon. As you say the new horse was coming anyway and if your boy had been comfortable you would have kept him going.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason. When my belovid Lucy was diagnosed with her illness and only given about 1 month to live I went out and bought Herbie. I knew I needed another pony before I lost Lucy or I would have given up horses forever. I was in no way replacing Lucy with Herbie and as it was she faught the illness for 8 months (costing me a small fortune but she was worth every penny) She had been diagnosed in the November and I was told she would be dead by xmas. She was still going strong in June. In July I went on holiday with my mum and dad. When I left Lucy was looking good and I had no reason to worry about leaving her in the capable hands of my friend. 3 days into the holiday my vet phoned me in tears. Lucy had gone down hill overnight and my vet thought Lucy was giving up the fight. Even though there was no way for me to get home I made the desition to let her go before she started to suffer. I also had the hunt and Lucys last day was filled with apples, carrots, lemon sherborts and sunshine. The huntsman was so kind and stood her in a spot where she could see a hill we used to hunt over. Like your boy Lucy had a truly fitting end. I still to this day feel guilty for not being there for her when she needed me most but I do believe she waited for me to go away as she didn't want me to see her give up.
Massive (((((((hugs)))))))) to you. Enjoy your new horse your boy is watching over you and he would want to see you happy.
This poem helped me through the tough times after I lost Lucy.


If the day should come when I'm in pain,
And you know I won't be well again,
Promise you'll do what must be done,
If this is the battle that can't be won.

It'll break your heart, but please be kind,
Don't let your grieving sway your mind.
For this is when you'll let me see
Just how much you do love me.

Together we've had happy years
The future now can hold no fears.
Please don't let me suffer
so When that days comes, please let me go.

For my usual vet please will you send?
But stay with me until the end.
Hold me steady, speak to me
Till my once bright eyes no longer see

In time I hope you'll come to see
It's the last kindness you'll do for me
One more time please stroke my mane
And know that I'll have no more pain.

And don't be sad that it was you
Who decided this was what to do.
We've been such buddies through the years
Don't let me be the cause of tears.

You'll always see me graze now,
with the sun upon my back
Painful limbs won't tire me now,
however long the hack.

I live now in your heart and mind,
a lovely place to stay.
And what you have in memories,
no one can take away.
 
I got my current gelding in full knowledge that I would be having my old lad put to sleep in the autumn. I know exactly what you mean about feeling guilty, but you shouldn't at all. If you'd kept your old horse around knowing that he was in pain, then you'd have something to feel guilty about. It's 10 years since I had my horse put to sleep, and I still miss him loads. You enjoy your new horse - you have done the very last act of loving, responsible ownership for your old boy and deserve to have a fun, guilt free time with your new one.
 
Yes. Mine was pts last Saturday and left us totally heartbroken. Ive had them pts before but this was something else. It wasnt 'his time' but i had no choice due to ongoing lameness. He was the centre of my world and had been for 11 years. I have another one coming in the next few weeks and she currently belongs to a friend, and before that she belonged to another friend so I know her fairly well. Still seems very very strange having to get to know another horse and start building a relationship from scratch. Bit apprehensive, and im still grieving for the one i lost, but i think it is positive and will hopefully all turn out for the best :-)
 
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It is so very hard to have to do this, but we spend all our lives looking after a special friends giving the best care and the last thing that any of us can do is to make sure that they do not suffer at the end It takes a very brave person to do this which goes to show that you really did care for your boy. Good Night and God Bless dear Lad Rest In Peace. Thinking of you at this very hard time x x
 
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