Same DIY yard 12 years...time to move on??

Alchemy

Alchemy

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In a bit of a dilemma I have been at my current yard 12 years and my current horse who I've had for 11 years now has been there ever since I've owned him. Over the years I've seen the yard grow from a small yard with lots of grass and nice size paddocks to a yard which now has over 50 horses and our winter turnout paddocks which are now are incredibly small (I know we are lucky to have all year round turnout) even our summer turnout paddocks are much smaller
Horse is very settled and happy in his environment and because of this and his age (soon to be 21) I'm reluctant to move (and there are very limited DIY yards in my area) but my dilemma is this a couple of what used to be very close friends who keep their horses on the same yard (they have been there 2/3 years) and I have fallen out and no longer speak. I now feel uncomfortable being at the yard when they are around and although we do our best to avoid each other we obviously do end up in close proximity and sometimes I just want to get my horse down asap get done and go. There is behind my house a very small yard of three small stables and one paddock (could split for summer/winter) with just enough grass for 1 horse (he's a good doer so should be ok) and a bit cheaper each month, no school and limited hacking and obviously I'd be on my own(good idea for a depressive?). I don't know whether if I move him here I am doing it for the wrong reasons ? Or whether we just ride it out at our currently yard where I have lots of good friends?

Thanks for reading...feel free to tell me to get a grip !!😬 But don't be too brutle 🙏🏼
 
It's awful when a fallout ruins the enjoyment of your horse, and I canuunderstand why you would want to leave. Would the acre behind your house be solely for your use?
 
I don't mean to sound harsh, but you and your 'friends' are grown ups I take it. Do grown ups really fall out and stop speaking to each other (oh, I suppose they do, that's how wars happen), but is there no way you guys can come to an understanding and make up?
It will take some guts to make the first move but it could all work out really well...
Good luck.
 
Can you not make up with the people you fell out with? It sounds like you've been 'friends' a long time. It's very hard being on your own, no one to do or share things with. Think hard before you act.
 
Slightly Foxed said:
I don't mean to sound harsh, but you and your 'friends' are grown ups I take it. Do grown ups really fall out and stop speaking to each other (oh, I suppose they do, that's how wars happen), but is there no way you guys can come to an understanding and make up?
It will take some guts to make the first move but it could all work out really well...
Good luck.
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Nope your very right and it does seem childish I know and yes I'd like to think that we are beyond that but we all very stubben!
 
Its a lot like the dilemma of considering a job change - stay anywhere for a long time and you're very lucky if it doesn't get worse in many ways... However, there's no point comparing where you are now with the same place ten years ago, compare it, as it is now with all its current pros and cons, with other places now. If the other places compare favourably then its time to move, if not, then just figure out that everything, everywhere is worse than in the past, accept it and stay put, lol.
 
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i would think of how your horse would feel. sounds like he is very settled and has lots of company. if he would be on his own at the new place i think it shouldnt be considered as an option and if you really feel you must move ,keep looking for a better option for your horse...but as he is 21 he may have less time than you think!!!!
 
What's best for your horse? I certainly wouldn't rule out moving but if he's been kept with other horses is it fair to move him on his own? Maybe a small companion would solve this issue? I have my horses at home but it's always nice when a friend comes to ride out as it can sometimes get lonely. Having said that I'm not sure I could cope with livery yard politics!
 
Let me get this right. Because you and your friends have fallen out and are too stubborn to make it up, or even speak to each other, your poor old horse is going to be condemned to a life of solitary confinement. What has the horse done wrong? Why should he suffer. Get a grip and grow up.
 
sport horse said:
Let me get this right. Because you and your friends have fallen out and are too stubborn to make it up, or even speak to each other, your poor old horse is going to be condemned to a life of solitary confinement. What has the horse done wrong? Why should he suffer. Get a grip and grow up.
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Sorry but I agree. Act like an adult and either ignore it or make up with your former friends. I would never put my horse back to being by himself he was miserable. Your horse has had company for at least 12 years of his life. Going to isolation will be incredibly depressing for him now. Suck it up. :)
 
There's no way I would keep an old horse on its own because I had fallen out with a couple of people .
I would just continue to ignore them and let my horse be settled on the yard he's used to .
If the new home had company for him I might well take a different view .
 
I hate yard politics, which is why we are not on a livery yard. We rent a field with a shelter. I would not be happy to have a horse on its own, we have 5 so they always have company. If there would be a companion then go for it.
 
Hi OP, as a fellow sufferer of mental illness, my immediate advice would be don't make any snap decisions - believe me I speak from experience!

Sounds like you are on a fairly large yard atm and your horse is happy. I understand the desire to move and be on your own and get away from 'proplem people', but from personal experience when I moved to a small yard with no one to hack out with my depression got the better of me and I stopped riding.

From my experience I would say stick it out, I think it would be in the best interests for both you and your horse.

Hugs xxx
 
Would it not be less upheaval for everyone if you and your frenemies just tried to bury the hatchet (preferably not in each other)? I had a massive falling out with friends a few years ago and I never thought we could reconcile. We're fine now, thanks to the passage of time and a few boundaries in place.
Perhaps you could get a trusted third party to mediate a bit?
I do agree with the other posters that it would seem unfair on your horse to move him because of this.
 
Have you tried just saying "hello" when you see them, even if you have to ignore pointed ignoring in response? Often all you need to do is break the ice for everyone to pretend nothing has happened. I wouldn't keep a horse in solitary.
 
splashgirl45 said:
i would think of how your horse would feel. sounds like he is very settled and has lots of company. if he would be on his own at the new place i think it shouldnt be considered as an option and if you really feel you must move ,keep looking for a better option for your horse...but as he is 21 he may have less time than you think!!!!
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This.
Your horse has been on this yard for nearly half his life.

Your erstwhile friends might be feeling as cr@p about the whole situation as you are; dreading meeting you, rushing in and out to do their horses, wishing the damage between you could be mended but not knowing where to start. Could you bear to make the first move to build bridges, or is there some wise person on the yard who could mediate?
 
Horse is happy with his friends, why should humans inability to get on put him out on his own, he's a herd animal, sort things out at your current yard.
 
Don't MOVE to a quiet yard ! Yes its great for getting things done quicker - but its so lonely ! Also, you miss the security of having other people around, knowing someone is up the yard at all hours and will notice if anything is unusual so to speak.

I had to move from a lovely DIY yard do to it approved for redevelopment into houses - where people were actually a real 'family' and we had amazing grazing - lucky I found a private yard within the same if we don't see each other, its really lonely ...

And my horse is lonely, being on individual turn out.
 
Please don't move your old boy because of a falling out. It is very rare a horse thrives living solitary, & at his age it's not fair to expect him to try.

if you love your horse do what you can to sort out the yard politics so you can start enjoying your time on the yard more.
When it comes to being stubborn, I could write a book. But I would also be the first to swallow my pride & apologise to put right something that was enjoying my riding time.
 
When I wanted to communicate a message to someone on the yard I used the yard gossip, and that way the message was delivered, guaranteed. All I would tell her is that you are upset about your ex friends, and the atmosphere, ................ this may work.
 
sport horse said:
Let me get this right. Because you and your friends have fallen out and are too stubborn to make it up, or even speak to each other, your poor old horse is going to be condemned to a life of solitary confinement. What has the horse done wrong? Why should he suffer. Get a grip and grow up.
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I would never be that cruel or heartless to my horse who I've looked after,loved and worked very hard for him to have the best of what he needs for 11 years. I would obviously get him a companion pony and the decision to leave wouldn't be taken lightly . Thank you for your comments sometimes it's hard to get a grip when your mind is clouded and you fell incredibly hurt
 
tankgirl1 said:
Hi OP, as a fellow sufferer of mental illness, my immediate advice would be don't make any snap decisions - believe me I speak from experience!

Sounds like you are on a fairly large yard atm and your horse is happy. I understand the desire to move and be on your own and get away from 'proplem people', but from personal experience when I moved to a small yard with no one to hack out with my depression got the better of me and I stopped riding.

From my experience I would say stick it out, I think it would be in the best interests for both you and your horse.

Hugs xxx
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Thanks Tankgirl yes mental health issues do cloud my judgement sometimes :-( and how others judge me !!
 
Thanks all for your words I'm sure my horse will stay at the yard he is happy at and his well being is my number 1 priority I have been happy there too, just better suck it up and get used to a big yard !!
 
Alchemy said:
Thanks all for your words I'm sure my horse will stay at the yard he is happy at and his well being is my number 1 priority I have been happy there too, just better suck it up and get used to a big yard !!
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Well done. Now go and offer an olive branch to your friends and try to make it up - just say how stupid you have all been and can you all mutually apologise and move on? If they refuse well that is their problem not yours and hopefully they will feel uncomfortable and leave the yard!!

Good luck to you and your horse.
 
Alchemy - I feel your pain, I do, but I wouldn't ever keep a horse on its own especially after having had the last 11 years in quite a large herd situation.

If it was me, I would ask the people if we could have a chat and a brew. You don't need to be besties again, but you can explain that the atmosphere isn't nice, you don't want an arguement and they must feel the atmosphere too. You want everyone to enjoy their horses so would it be possible to be at least on speaking terms (in a civil manner) so that noone looses out on enjoying their horse, especially people outside of the disagreement.

That would be my tact, if they turn it down then the next step would be to be as perky as possible to break the ice. "GOOD MORNING X!!" "Hiya, you alright?!!!". There is only so much people can ignore that!
 
splashgirl45 said:
i would think of how your horse would feel. sounds like he is very settled and has lots of company. if he would be on his own at the new place i think it shouldnt be considered as an option and if you really feel you must move ,keep looking for a better option for your horse...but as he is 21 he may have less time than you think!!!!
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Yep, agree with this ^^^ - think of your horse, he's an old boy now and change isn't going to be something he embraces readily.
 
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