Saying goodbye...

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welshstar

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My mum is ringing up the vets tomorrow to have our old horse put to sleep :( I've never had a horse put down before and never really had to deal with grief like this. I can't stop crying thinking about it even though I know it's been coming for a while and it is the right time.

But he's my horse of a lifetime and every horse I ride after him has always been compared to him. We got him when he was 7 and he was nasty and would go for you, he wouldn't box and wasn't schooled. My mum rode him before my sisters did and then me so he was a real family horse. I did everything on him from ODE's, to showing, to xc, to games. I used to ride him bareback and he would always see an opportunity to be cheeky and go for it- very intelligent :) But we've had him for 16 years and I can't ever remember him not being there.

I feel like a mess and it hasn't even happened yet. I don't know how I'll cope when he's not there for a cuddle, or when we go down in the morning and he doesn't whinney to greet us like every day for the past 16 years. I had ideas of him having a lovely long retirement in the field like he deserved but sadly he got cushings about 5 years ago.

I'm sorry this is so long and I don't really seem to have a point to it really other than just trying to let it all out and take comfort from other people having to go through the same thing because no one seems to really understand.
:(
 
sorry to hear this hun :( our boy of 10 years is getting older by the day and were dreading it. i cant bear the thought of it. hugs to you and just know you will get through it :( xxxxxxxxx
 
I am so sorry for you and your family. Its so hard to let them go, you wish they could be with forever, but you gave him a long and happy life. He was well loved, well fed and well cared for and now you are making the hardest decision of all for his sake. He is a very lucky boy - take pride in the fact you did right by him to the end. xx
 
There isn't anything we can say or do to change how you feel and take away the pain and sadness of what is to come. So many of us have been through it, and many more than just the once. The last goodbye has to be the hardest thing ever and there is never a good time or one which is right for anyone except one's dearest friend.

All I can tell you is the horror of the 'wait' is the worst bit. Once it is over and he has quietly slipped away, it's on with the rest of your life and maybe onto another who will experience the love and happiness your lad has whilst he was with you.

(((hugs))) are about all I can offer, and that you can smile at his memory very soon.
 
Thank you so much :)
It just makes me so upset because I just can't imagine him not being there. I have my first pony too who is going a similar way and will have to be put to sleep in the coming weeks :( We've had him about a year shorter than our other horse but he is only rising 19 :(
This is why I bought a 5 yr old, hopefully a few years till I feel like this again :(
 
My girl is going to leave me in less than 2 weeks. As I have chosen not to be there at the very end, for both our sakes, I will be saying goodbye before.
My mare is only 10. She is wonderful and kind and did not deserve this in the slightest.
She is my grey unicorn pony and I love her more than most things.
I have no idea what I will say or do. How can words sum up 2 and a half years of highs, lows, struggles and love?
I absoloutly understand how you feel. I am having a really really hard time coping with this waiting. Its awful.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved boy. Like you, I have never had to go through such a situation before either, and I've had horses for years. I've just been "lucky" in that they were sold on before the time ever came.

However, my current boys are with me forever. One is out on loan, but he'll come back eventually, but my other fellow is my true friend, quirks and all. He's 14, has (controlled) arthritis in his coffins and hocks, and I love him dearly. He was an abuse case and I want to give him everything he missed out on in those horrible years. When the time does come, it'll wreck me.

So just hold on to your wonderful memories of your boy and be strong. Remember he'll no longer feel any pain which surely must be some comfort? Maybe consider taking a lock of his tail for a bracelet?

((((Hugs)))) to you.
 
cloudandmatrix said:
My girl is going to leave me in less than 2 weeks. As I have chosen not to be there at the very end, for both our sakes, I will be saying goodbye before.
My mare is only 10. She is wonderful and kind and did not deserve this in the slightest.
She is my grey unicorn pony and I love her more than most things.
I have no idea what I will say or do. How can words sum up 2 and a half years of highs, lows, struggles and love?
I absoloutly understand how you feel. I am having a really really hard time coping with this waiting. Its awful.
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I'm so sorry. I feel happier that he is getting old and has had his 'time'. I won't be there for the end because I don't want that to be my last memory of him.
 
Welshstar I'm so sorry to hear your news. It is the day we all dread. Although it is only a small comfort right now in time to come hopefully you will come to realise that you are being a very loving owner in doing the right thing for your lad.

You have to make the very personal decision of whether to be there or not at his passing. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but we were there for my horse who we lost last year. But that isn't right for everyone I know and it was hard to stay calm until afterwards.

I hope that his passing is peaceful and will be thinking of you all at this sad time.
 
I lost Hadleigh last April after 28 years together. He was 31. It was strange but I almost felt a huge sense of relief after he had gone. I had dreaded the moment for several years and when it actually happened nothing could hurt him anymore. Don't get me wrong it is a horrible time and you will grieve but he will be at peace and it is at times like this we show them just how much we love them. Hugs Jx
 
Sorry to hear it. Still hurts to think of our family pony now that he's gone....it was a good 7/8 years ago. Don't feel bad for being a mess, and take comfort in that you know you're doing the right thing and letting him go in a dignified way. xoxo
 
I'm am so sorry to hear this. It's heartbreaking when you have to make the decision.

If it's any consolation to you, I agree with the others.I found the horror of waiting the worst bit. Once it was over I felt so much more at peace, just like my poor girl was. I knew she was no longer in pain, and that was a big comfort for me.

So sorry for you :(
 
Hi there

I know exactly how your feeling, as Im in the same position. We have a 32 year old welsh cob and have had him since he was 8 yrs .
Again we have done all sorts x country , dressage , fun rides etc and he has taught me loads. He is my first horse.
We thought we was going to have him put down 5 years ago, as he blew both front tendons , but with 5 months box rest and lots of TLC we managed to get good enough and sound enough for him to be retired up with my parents .
Hes had a fab 5 years of extra joy, but today is a bad day as he has been very unwell with sand colic , my mum called vet out and the boy has been tubed twice and lots of medication, got a phone call from my mum (I was expecting the worst!!) to say he has perked up a little. So its a waiting game now, we have decided to do every thing we can to make him comfortable , but if he takes a turn for the worse Mum will make the best decision for him so he does not suffer.

So im feeling the same.
I know its got to happen at some point, but it doesnt make it any easier .
 
I found comfort reading this when I lost my horse in January, (((((hugs))))) On this very sad time. xxx

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
 
I know exactly how you are feeling as I went through the same last summer.

My old chap also had cushings and was losing weight. Nothing was helping and then one day I looked at him and thought, enough is enough. I felt he was on the brink of suffering. I just couldnt bear to let that day come when I found him down in the feild unable to get up. I can still hear his whinny the morning the vet was due, and it still upsets me to remember his lovely face and the trust he had in me that day.He came over for some carrots and peppermints (normally not allowed!:))

Oh to turn back the clock 10 years. I had him 30 years and he too was a horse in a million. Totally challenged conformationally but the biggest, biggest heart you could ever wish for. He was MY boy and trusted only me. No-one else could ride him out of a walk as he would panic. I think he was my horse of a lifetime tbh. No world beater but just did anything I asked. I really dont think I will ever have that bond again tbh.

I also dont think I really appreciated him as much as I should have. I guess i realise now just how special he was.

Huge hugs for you and your boy. I hope all goes peacefully for you all. It really is a hard thing to do but it is the best thing you can do.


Dxxxx
 
I've never had to have a horse put down before but we had our dog put down in January. He was our beloved boy who we'd rescued from the streets in Cyprus and who'd given us 15 years of happiness. My mum and dad decided the time was right for him to go and told us when he'd be going about a week in advance. My god he got absolutely spoilt rotten in that last week, he probably didn't know what had hit him! Take videos of yourself with your horse, take hundreds of pictures, do whatever you feel you need to do even if you feel stupid doing it - you'll only regret it later if you don't. Just as my dog was on the way out the door, I cut off a bit of his tail hair to keep, and the day before I sat down with him, just him and me and told him his life story. It helped me remember all the good times, things he used to do that I'd forgotten about through watching him age and he got a long cuddle all to himself. Just remember that he doesn't know what's happening - I let it all out before he went (not near him), and in the days afterwards felt much more at peace than when our old dog was put down very suddenly. I read a lot of poems as well and one bit of one really stuck with me: "You must accept your pain so I can be free of mine". Just remember the old saying - that its better a week too early than a day too late. Take comfort in the knowledge you're doing the best thing for him xxx
 
Black_Horse_White said:
I found comfort reading this when I lost my horse in January, (((((hugs))))) On this very sad time. xxx

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Click to expand...

What a lovely poem and all so true. We had him put to sleep this morning, I went to uni and came back and mum said he was gone. At first I was distraught that i didn't get to see him just before but then I was thankful that my mum protected me from getting really upset. I know I would have been a mess and I wouldn't like that to me my last memory of him. Like my mum said, we should remember all the nice memories (of which there are plenty because he was amazing :) ) It was either today or monday but the waiting would have been horrible. My mum said he went quietly after he had had a morning gorging in the summer field. I've been crying most of the afternoon and just feel exhausted. I took my youngster out for a hack and had a good sob in his mane aswell as a good sob in my ponies mane (who gave me a shove to pull myself together!) I still feel horrible and my sisters horse keeps on whinneying (they were very close) and she whinneyed when he was takwn away. I really hate this part of having horses but I thought i'd just let you all know how comforting it has been hearing from other people. Thank you :)
 
I really feel for you, RIP pony, there's nothing like a sob in a nice soft mane to make you feel a tad better, try to keep thinking of all the happy times, all the funny things he did to/for/with you, and with time it will get a bit easier x
 
Thanks :) although my welsh is about as sensitive as a hippo so doesn't seem to sympathise with me. I'm just sat looking at all the pictures that we have on the walls of him and all his rosettes and all I want to do is give him a big cuddle :( I miss him so much and it's not even been a day :(
 
That's so sad. Unfortunately there's no way to avoid the pain, grieving and tears, but think of it as a small price to pay for all the wonderful years you've had together. You can only be hurt when you've truly loved 80) Hopefully soon your memories of him won't be painful - they'll be a great comfort.

And BHW, that poem is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it 80)
 
((((((((((hugs))))))))))) SO sorry for your loss. It's so hard when you loose them isn't it. I still cry over my belovid mare Lucy who I lost in July. Made all the worse by the fact that I never said goodbye :( I still feel guilt about going away. Try to hold on to all the happy memorys of him. Look at the pictures and rosettes and remember him in his prime and all the fun you had together as i'm shore thats what he's remembering now.

RIP pony xx Run free xx
 
i lost my old man in the begining of december :( i had 6 amazing years with him and much as i wanted him to fight on, i knew he couldnt and i had to do the right thing by him.
many hugs hun


My time's come my dear,
As it comes for us all
Hug me close one last time
As I lay in my stall

I feel you shudder,
But there's no need to cry
I'll tell you the secret
of why horses die

I got to a pasture that's
far away and above,
But know that we're forever
bound by our love

I'll make hoofprints to heaven
So you'll find your way,
Wear the path smooth to
keep you from wandering astray

I'll carry your guardian angel nearby,
With my wings wipe the tears from
your soul when you cry,

If you're ever alone,
Or your life's hard to lead,
Close your eyes and remember
Me, your eternal steed

Who awaits, at the gates
to carry you home
So the last journey you make
Is not made alone

On my golden hooves we'll gallop,
And on silver wings fly,
Yes, this is the secret
Of why horses die.

The Secret
by Annamaria Tadlock


My time's come my dear,
As it comes for us all
Hug me close one last time
As I lay in my stall

I feel you shudder,
But there's no need to cry
I'll tell you the secret
of why horses die

I got to a pasture that's
far away and above,
But know that we're forever
bound by our love

I'll make hoofprints to heaven
So you'll find your way,
Wear the path smooth to
keep you from wandering astray

I'll carry your guardian angel nearby,
With my wings wipe the tears from
your soul when you cry,

If you're ever alone,
Or your life's hard to lead,
Close your eyes and remember
Me, your eternal steed

Who awaits, at the gates
to carry you home
So the last journey you make
Is not made alone

On my golden hooves we'll gallop,
And on silver wings fly,
Yes, this is the secret
Of why horses die.

The Secret
by Annamaria Tadlock


.
 
(((Hugs))) to you Welshstar. Such sad times I know xx

FF that is absolutely beautiful, brought tears to my eyes reading that poem.
 
LauraWheeler said:
((((((((((hugs))))))))))) SO sorry for your loss. It's so hard when you loose them isn't it. I still cry over my belovid mare Lucy who I lost in July. Made all the worse by the fact that I never said goodbye :( I still feel guilt about going away. Try to hold on to all the happy memorys of him. Look at the pictures and rosettes and remember him in his prime and all the fun you had together as i'm shore thats what he's remembering now.

RIP pony xx Run free xx
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I read about your story with Lucy and I could tell how much you thought of her.
I feel like I can control myself a bit more today and all your comments have really helped. I've found my old silver locket so I'm going to put a lock of his tail in it :) I feel like i'm losing my mind abit as I talk to him at night. I also have a teddy that looks just like him, I used to use it to comfort myself when he went to the vets so its nice to cuddle at night :) I even woke up in the middle of the night when 'he' fell out of the bed!
Again, thank you for all your kind comments- it really has helped :)
 
Welshstar you have lost a family member, people deal with things in different ways, you should be able to see a grief counsellor through your GP. Personally I have never found benefit in counselling for anything but it seems to help some people. If it's that bad, maybe consider it?
 
Thanks for your concern but I'm really not as bad as I thought it would be :) I do cry, especially at night or down at the stables but I feel quite positive now that it was the right time and he was ready to go. I knew it would/will be hard but my youngster is keeping me busy so I don't get too much time to think about it too much. I'm upset but a bit relieved at the same time as especially over the last month, he wasn't my horse anymore. I miss him so much but deep down, I know it was the right thing to do :)
 
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