Scared Child

I think you need to give it a little more time. When children move up on ponies they tend to take a step back for while. You didnt say if shed ridden much since you lost the old pony? And its quite a jump from a small first ridden to a 13.2 2nd pony.
I sold my daughters first ridden this spring to move up to the next one for the first month i thought id made the biggest mistake ever she was doing less than the pony that had been sold but within 2 months shed got her confidence and now 6 months later shes so brave and jumping round 70cms and winning but it has taken all summer.
If shes happy hacking just hack out, in walk and trot even if its for the next 3 months, then in the new year get her in pony club with other kiddies, its nice cheap fun instruction and see how it goes. If shes still petrified then maybe its time to rethink.
But for now i wouldnt even mention cantering. Lead her round in walk for a few days dont even mention going faster i bet shes soon asking for a bit more.:)
 
Hi

As others have said I would only do what she is comfortable doing with the pony for now and build from there. If all she wants to do is walk then just do that.

My daughter is only 6, I am desperatly trying not to push her into riding more than she wants too. We have taken it very slowly with her pony and I go by how much she wants to do. Did not realise how far we had come until I took her for a lesson at local RS, they had her on a very laid back pony which was very reluctant to trot. But they had her off the lead rein very quickly, which she loved. Gave her loads of confidence and the realisation that some ponies are lazy.. And her pony is not.

If you don't have to give up the pony, then give her some time to get her confidence. Sometimes all my daughter wants to do is to groom and give cuddles... Pony seems quite happy to oblige.

Good luck, hope they click, good children's ponies are very hard to find.
 
How long has she had the pony. Could you lunge her in the school to make her feel you are in control (assuming it goes well on the lunge). I think at ten she is old enough for a chat about what she really wants. Ask if she want to persevere with this pony at her own speed (walking if necessary!) or get one more like the old one. Make sure she knows you are proud of her and won't mind what she decides.
 
My daughter is a nervous rider, for no obvious reason... but as she gets older, her confidence is growing. She is now 12, will hack out, canter along and will pop a few small fences. I think the hardest thing was for me to accept her limitations... she's happy pottering along.
We are not all blessed with an abundance of confidence or natural ability, providing she is genuinely happy doing what she is doing then I think you should let her get on with it...
 
I'd be hanging onto the pony and just let Meg play with her groom her and be led about. Get some lessons on a plod. Some kids just aren't gutsy, not immediately, anyway. I got a maniac for mine and they loved her - she was a cracking pony for the right rider and we kept her til the end.
 
I'd go at your daughters pace. Could you get an older sharer to do faster work with the pony / ride her a few times a week to take the pressure off your daughter?

When my youngest (who is quite cautious) wanted to learn to canter, I decided that our super fast 13:2 wasn't the best pony to learn on & sent her for a short course of private lessons on a tiny welsh section A. At first, when she started cantering on our pony, she would canter down one side of the school with someone at the other end 'just in case'.

At 10, she hacks out, walks /trots / canters & will jump a course of 2ft or 2ft 3 jumps (mainly out of trot as she still doesn't like to go too fast).
 
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You know when you learn to drive and your dad or mum says to you 'i'll give you some lessons' :eek: which always end in disaster and are best avoided if you want to preserve that parent child relationship... I sometimes think this is the same for children being taught by their parents to ride. We all see what we want to see and miss the little signs that if it were another child belonging to someone else we were teaching would make us think twice about pushing them that little step further than they were ready to go.

Dad started me on horses lead rein and then free on his ex hunter which was great but it got to a point where we decided that lessons were a better option given his frustration and my tears and so off I toddled plodding around a school a couple of hours a week, then got a summer job with my peers where all thoughts of self preservation went out the window on horses that made my parents panic... if she's not ready is it really that big a deal? There is no timetable to when you do what and at which stage. Takes time to get used to another horse my second after the loss of my first took years before we were really a team, one day we just clicked.

I'm doing the lead rein bit with my son but I have absolutely no intention of teaching him to ride if thats what he chooses to do... someone else can have that pleasure :D:D
 
My daughter was scared of her pny for a while. To the point she stopped riding for about two months.
I just didn't try and make her, I rode the pony myself to keep him going and try to school him a little and make him an easier ride.
Then we went right back to basics, the first time I actually just led her up our field and back. We built up what she was happy to do very slowly (and I became quite fit walking then running!)
She now hacks, canters and jumps etc and is pretty much back to normal.
I do think thought they need to click and my daughter already had it was just he scared her when they were already going well by being very naughty one day. If they had never had a good relationship I may well have considered selling.
 
How much does your daughter want to ride? Did she ask for another pony or did you decide to get another one?

How long have you had the new pony for? If only a couple of weeks then it might be worth perservering to see if she can get used to the pony's forwardness. If several months and she is still nervous then probably time to change!
 
Could you inadvertently be putting too much pressure on her to canter and do more by saying how expensive pony is etc? She may think she must do it in a certain timescale or lose the pony? I would just not mention it, let her trot around for now..she is only ten and from my experience when they dont have other voices in their head they are very good at working things out for themselves.
 
If she's happy hacking then let her just do that- she doesn't 'have' to canter surely. Maybe a fun ride too to add in some excitement.

My 7yo not keen on cantering around a school but will happily trot into the 1st fence of a small course and canter the rest without realising because she loves jumping- it's not until you show her the video that she believes she's cantering! :rolleyes:

Don't push its meant to be fun. PC is also another option if all the other kids have cantered there is no way that 7yo won't too ;). Taking her on a kids hunt next week where she'll be cantering with her friends (and me) and probably won't even realise!
 
When I was about seven I was bough a new pony, which was also a saint but seemed much further up from the floor and lots faster! It set me back in my confidence and I knew that the pony would never do anything wrong, it just seemed irrational even to me, but I couldn't help it!

I went to a riding school and rode the smaller ponies and this helped loads, if you can beg or borrow a smaller pony for a while for your daughter to play around with, or ride a quiet pony at a RS then I would, see if her confidence improves. It is meant to be a pleasure for them, not an ordeal, and although there are times when you need to push children a little, I don't think this is one of them.

I ended up working with horses and riding anything when I was older, so it is doable if not pushed too hard. :)
 
Years ago I remember an interview with harvey smith whereby he admitted he had over faced his boys. He sold the ponies and bought them an elderly donkey which they could really feel safe on. My next door neightbour had bought a young exmoor pony and realised the same. She swapped it for a very elderly riding school pony who blossomed as did the child. You know the pony is safe but maybe just for now your daughter needs something really really slow and steady. What about looking at something like Blue Cross to loan something very steady and then maybe go back to this other pony later ?
 
this has indirectly reminded me of a young child I knew recently, whose mother was into competing - poor kid was dragged into dressage tests (including prof lessons) and jumping courses, she kept falling off all the time, and it was obvious when I took her out for gentle hacks with me that that is all she wanted. She once said to me that "this is my first ride on the bridleway" (it was a few hundred metres away). She was unwillingly changed from one pony to another, blah blah. So sad. :(

So very sad - where as at that age I was having "own a pony for a day" fun, gentle fun lessons, galloping around like a mad thing, and had a lot more confidence than I do now.
 
IMO could you get your daughter doing weekly lessons in a local riding school NOT on her own pony, if she gets her confidence up she may then feel better riding her own pony. BUT I would say very important not to push her. Maybe give her a break for a while & see what happens - I would think that you should try to loan out the pony.
 
Actually, right now I don't think pc is the best idea. At 10, on a 13.2 no matter how they group her it will make her feel at a disadvantage. Either with younger kids, or ones same age or same size ponies, who'll be doing more than she's happy to. Which will make her feel worse. If she wants to, she'd be better at a rs for now, but only if she wants to ride with other kids herself. And I don't see it as a waste of money to keep the pony if it gives her pleasure to hack once a week & care for it herself. The only reason any parent should have ponies for their kids is for their enjoyment, whether that's pottering about grooming them or being on every pc national team.
 
littlelegs said:
And I don't see it as a waste of money to keep the pony if it gives her pleasure to hack once a week & care for it herself. The only reason any parent should have ponies for their kids is for their enjoyment, whether that's pottering about grooming them or being on every pc national team.
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I am afraid I agree, OP having seen your husband's comments, it does make it sound as though he is only happy to pay for the pony if he can see results coming from his daughter. What a pressure that must be for her. Surely it is her pony and she should be allowed to enjoy riding. Not become the next Ellen Whitaker, or other young star. I have to ask myself why he wants that, or either of you...
 
topstripelucy said:
Good evening all,

Just wanted to ask your advice.

My daughter has had a lovely 11.2hh pony that we owned for a number of years and she rode well just to the point of cantering. She got too old and unfortunately she died last winter, since then we have not had a pony for her. We now have a lovely saint of a 13.2hh palomino pony on loan for my daughter (10 years old) which is owned by my blacksmith. She is a lovely pony and has not put a foot wrong but she is very forward going, trots fast and nips into canter if turned too sharply. Never done anything else like buck or bronc etc. Problem is my daughter. She rides well, lovely position etc but she is scared!

In the outdoor school she will trot her but that is with trepidation and worry and will only trot one length of the arena. Out hacking she is fabulous, trots for ages and quite fast too, the pony is bombproof and even gets my big 17.2hh ID past things he is wary off LOL!

We had a long chat today about, cost of pony, cost of keeping pony and the fact that her confidence is getting worse not better. She hasnt and wont canter her either! I have thought about taking the pony up to nearby school and pay for a lesson from an instructor I know (since she wont listen to me - I am an AI too!) but she refuses to go as she is too scared.

It resulted in tonight her refusing to trot and when she did her legs shot forward, her position went to pot and her face was ashen! I decided that she would not make a rider, she admitted she was too scared but loved the pony.

Do I (a) Keep pony - buy her and hope my daughter will get used to the speed and her being a forward going pony? (b) Give her back to blacksmith who has at least another 2 families wanting to buy her? (c) Try her with an instructor even though she is adament she wont get on her?

I am pretty sure I need to just cut my losses on this one but love the pony myself and know we wont find another saint like that! Grrrr decisions....HELP.....
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Have you thought of trying her with a large donkey instead? Many children automatically relax more on a donkey than on a horse and there is really no height limit if you choose the right breed, so if she was happy you could get her something she would never outgrow. The cost of keeping a donkey is much less than that of a horse of similar size as they eat low-grade hard feed and don't require shoeing, just a quarterly visit to the farrier for a pedicure. the best breeds to go for are the Mammoth (no height limit), Balear or Martina Franca. There are also a few Poitous for sale. Since the breed is rare you wouldn't get a mare but there will probably be a few geldings surplus to requirements. All of these breeds are available in heights up to 15hh.
 
I have been thinking about your daughter overnight do you think she is feeling pressured in the school and thus affecting the pony if they are fine together on hacks but not in the school it's possible.
Tell your oh to take a running jump if your daughter loves the pony and spends lots of time with it what's the issue a child's pleasure should not be measured in adult terms.
Get the pony lunging well teach your daughter to lunge it be fun there really is no issue when she's ready get her one to one with a good teacher in a riding school on a fab school master and crack the cantering.
I am the first one to say spoilt kids who don't take interest in their ponys should have the ponies moved on but that's not the impression I get here.
 
I don't actually think that the husband is that bad here. Ponies are not cheap to keep - we all know that. To see and hear that his daughter is not really enjoying herself after all that expenditure, he is quite right to wonder if its worth it. My parents actually said the same to me when I was a kid and scared of my first pony. I was a good few years older than OP's child, and my parents weren't horsey. I did push myself a bit harder and got there in the end. A couple of years ago my mother and I were sitting outside having a drink when my stepson rode past on his steady, confidence giving pony, and even my non-horsey mum said "we should have got something like that for you, not made you battle it out with your first pony that scared you."

I also think that many horsey parents (myself included) have an idea of what we think is perfect for our kids, and what we would have killed for as a child, but its not always right for our offspring.. I think we enjoy the ponies almost more than the child.. My stepson has just dropped out of pony club at 14. I'm gutted - he is at the age where he could be on all the teams and doing tests, and I love going to pc and chatting with the other mothers, but che sará, its his choice. If he just wants to hack and do shows, thats up to him..
 
Some of the above comments are a bit harsh... Yes,it's fine if daughter wants to just groom & mess about with & occasionally hack pony (albeit a bit nervously) but it IS possible to be able to do all that AND ride confidently & happily in a school and mess about (ridden) in a school BUT only with the right pony. I think the OP &OH aren't necessarily being pushy,they just hoped daughter would have the whole 'package' as it were? Daughter just needs a confidence giver& this pony sounds like a 2nd pony. It's a very,very common situation & not one that is anyone's 'fault'. I think OP is just being practical. What's point in persevering with an uncertain outcome(daughter may be totally put off) when right pony may be around corner,daughter fall in love with it and be gagging to do everything with it.. Equines are v expensive. I for one don't see why they should fork out for daughter to just do bits and bobs with it. She could have a cheaper,unridden pony for that (someone said a Shetland,earlier in thread?) or a dog or a guinea pig or whatever! I told my kids if we get a pony,we ride him&care for him and muck him out,the lot etc etc He's not just to be taken out of field once or twice a week to be brushed and fed carrots and put back. Whilst there are worse ways to live for a pony(!) I think that is somewhat spoilt and indulgent (of the kids). Unless lame or retired,I personally believe horses&ponies,as well as being wonderful pets,are to be ridden. If that purpose is not intended,save the money and get something else:-/
 
I think a more suitable pony may be the answer for you, I remember getting my 13.2 second pony aged 10 after having a much older kick along type and I LOVED it, loved the fact that I had braking problems for the first year, he was ace! Sounds like she just needs a different type to get her confident and going again, she may not like the pony leaving, but its like ripping off a plaster I think - quickly is best :)
 
But how do you define what's a waste? Even a confident child who's very keen should be allowed to do as they please riding wise. Why is it ok to push a kid to canter & ride more often? I bet nobody would think it ok to force a competent 10yr old to continually practice for elementary dressage, or 1.20 courses if they weren't interested themselves, even if they were capable. Imo its no different whatever level they're at.
 
She is 10, if she takes another 2 years to canter does it matter.? i would just let her enjoy what she wants (hacking sounds like the way to go), and if in 2 years or so, think again.

If no pressure re loaning, maybe loan another quieter/slower pony, and let her decide, but if you need to make a choice buy pony. You will have no trouble rhoming it.
 
littlelegs said:
But how do you define what's a waste? Even a confident child who's very keen should be allowed to do as they please riding wise. Why is it ok to push a kid to canter & ride more often? I bet nobody would think it ok to force a competent 10yr old to continually practice for elementary dressage, or 1.20 courses if they weren't interested themselves, even if they were capable. Imo its no different whatever level they're at.
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She doesn't sound keen. She sounds terrified. Even too scared to go and have a lesson on a quieter horse.. This pony is killing her keeness. Perhaps a non-horsey parent sees it a bit more as it is than us horsey lot?

And the people saying give her time, let her enjoy it - wouldn't this happen better on a pony that suited her more?
 
Let the pony go and get something that takes a lot of work to get into canter. It is awful if little ones lose their nerve and takes a long time to get it back.

Or, get her back on the leadrein and get some exercise .... ;-)
 
I do see what you mean honey, & longterm I'm sure a different pony would be better. But as Goldenstar said earlier on, if that's done right now when there's conflict over what the child 'should' be doing, she may well see the pony going as a punishment. And might not even want a ridden replacement. But imo given a little space with no pressure she'll either begin to enjoy the pony, or be keener on the idea of swopping for something she can ride at a level she's happy with.
 
Have a good chat to her and ask if she would rather give up riding for a while. Send the pony back. It doesn't sound as though your daughter really wants to ride. I would just leave her be. In a year or so she may come to you and ask to ride again. I would try her at a rding school before making any arrangements to take on another pony.
 
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