Scared Child

I would just totally ignore riding for the time being, and focus on grooming, in-hand work ect. Do not suggest riding. If at any point she says she would like to ride, act completely casual but let her. Don't ask her to do anything, just let her muddle along doing what she wants. Confidence will return, I am sure :D
 
My eldest child took to riding like a duck to water, would ride anything and was popping jumps on a forward going 14.2hh age 7. Then lost interest.

My second eldest adores ponies. Will muck out, groom, walk out inhand... but really is rather backwards with her riding :o. Her beloved pony is now fully retired and she wouldn't ride anything else. We tried friends' saints of ponies, and she would just panic. But she REALLY wants to ride.

For now we've paused, and she goes to a good riding school. The cost of sending her for private lessons is more costly than a pony, but I can hand on heart say it's the best thing we've done. She daren't faff about, and she listens to and trusts her instructor. She has fun, and there's no pressure to perform.

I've set about finding the next pony, and I won't buy one until I find the perfect one for her. It's not about it being THE perfect pony, it's about it being one that suits her and that she clicks with. If I buy one that doesn't jump or whatever, it doesn't matter, because it's all about letting her take her time and learning to trust that pony.

Riding isn't the be all and end all. It's nice, but having a pony they can take time to learn to trust is so much more important.

I'd say keep the pony and send her to a GOOD riding school for a few weeks.
 
My daughter fell off two summers in a row when she was seven and eight and broke her arm both times, the second time she needed two operations. This was off our old 11.2 first ridden who was like bike except out hunting. After this she was very nervous and I said we would keep him what ever even if she never rode again.
She did ride him again but I live in a village so we could potter to the shops or wander round the housing estate, we just took it very slowly.
I bought a 14.2 schoolmaster from a friend and at 9 she started riding that, the main thing was the pony did only what it was told to do and stopped when asked. She eventually hunted this pony even though she thought she wouldn't like it and asked to go again.
I think your pony is too sharp for her, look for one that does very little, next door to comatose and buy a pony she likes not you want. I would even take her to a riding school and disappear, if she wants to ride she will get bored and want her own pony back.
Having been there I know how hard this is.
 
I haven't read all the replies but my son is 7. He rode until he was 5 and didn't want too anymore so we let him make his own choice. His elderly lead rein pony was kept and the fat little grey was sold. In hindsight he never really wanted to stop riding the lead rein pony and didn't take the the little grey. Fast forward to this Feb, a couple of months before his 7th birthday and he decided he wanted to ride again. I agreed to lessons with a friend of mine but no new pony yet. He arrived at his lesson, took one look at the pony and said 'I'm not riding that, it's too big'. He groomed said pony and then asked if he could ride the little one who looked exactly like his original lead rein pony. We got off to a very nervous start and he rode the angel 'Timmy' for several weeks. We arrived one day to find Timmy was lame and he was given a saintly 13.2, weight in gold type mare. After a little persuasion he got on and quite enjoyed her but wanted Timmy back next time. For his 7th birthday he received a little brown 12.2 mare who he absolutely adores. She is the spitting image of the lead rein pony and Timmy. He is convinced she is Timmys sister. At the start he would only ride out hacking or in the field. He still prefers hacking and doesn't like the sandschool but will now canter in the indoor. He has a lovely instructor who doesn't push him but does gently encourage. At times I want to say 'oh come on, you can do it fine, give her a kick on'. These are the times I bite my tongue and think we will get there eventually. They all progress at their own pace. The change in him since Feb is astounding really. I have sat on animals and thought 'I don't feel safe'. I imagine this must be the feeling they have when they feel the pony is too speedy etc. Good luck. Finding the right pony, I think, is the most important part. It looks like I will spend my life looking for little brown mares who are slightly taller than the previous one.
 
Any child who goes white with fear is on the wrong pony. I would be talking to her very gently and appologising to her for your mistake in getting this pony and would she like you to sell him and get something a bit smaller and slower. that way she will not think its her fault or that she has done anything wrong and she has the opportunity to say what she feels and really wants without worrying about what you think. I know you bought the pony with the best intentions but I think the only way to get your daughter happy and confident is to find out what she thinks deep down. there are plenty of 12.2 or 13 hand ponies around who are a bit bigger than the one you sadly lost but who are more of a kick to go type and who will feel a lot safer to her. Imagine how even people who have been riding a long time would feel if you put them on a horse 2 hands bigger more forwards going and bouncy and probably 4 times stronger than the horse they are used to and also think as an AI what you would be saying to one of your clients if they suggested buying such a horse after a really quiet one! Hope it does not sound harsh
 
OP your daughter sounds just like mine, mine is just a year older. She's been riding since she was 4 but is still a nervous nellie. I went through a stage of trying to push her through it, all i did was make her worse, reduced her to tears and made her feel useless:o:( I backed off and we talked about what she wanted to do, she said she just wants to hack, no jumping, no trying to keep up with her friends who go to pony club, just hacking at her own pace:) That is what we do and she loves it, she now has a 16yr old connie who is a dream, she can whizz with a confident rider but with my daughter she pootles along and daughter loves her to bits:D
Let daughter ride for her enjoyment not yours;) it is so easy to fall into pushing them too hard and forgetting that they are not us:)
I would let current pony go back and involve daughter in finding a new hacking partner who she feels comfortable with.
 
I look for alternative solutions and have a nervous daughter who loved being with the ponies but doesn't tolerate pressure well.

If I were in the situation you were in I'd stop the pressure to work in the school for a bit and keep her on hacking just at walk and trot where she feels comfortable, then I'd see for myself how the pony lunged and assuming she's a star at that I'd ask your daughter if she wanted to teach the pony some voice commands and start by making a game of walking round the school with your daughter leading the pony and making it stop when she said stop, walk when she said walk, trot when she said trot and then playing at accuracy stopping over poles, walking down tramline corners, through bending poles etc all the time with your daughter commanding her by voice. All things that she shouldn't find threatening but show her and the pony that she is in control. Then I ask her if she'd like to learn to lunge and whilst you're teaching her how to lunge properly keep up with her using as many voice commands as possible, especially concentrating on coming down a gear and stopping. When you're confident the pony is totally voice operated ask her to try it out hacking, she doesn't use an aid from walk to halt other than her voice. When that works, get her to try a downward transition from trot just by voice. Emphasise it's just playing - she's seeing how clever the pony is:) When she's confident the pony WILL work from voice ask her if she'd like a go at lunging it in the school with you on board and her asking it only to walk and halt with her voice. If that goes ok ask her if she wants to see if the pony is clever enough to do walk to trot and back again by voice. Once she can see that the pony is doing what she asks you could offer to swap places and let her see if the pony is clever enough to do it with her on top and you holding the lunge rein. If she'll do that then you have a basis to suggest that at some point after a successful play like this she tries with the pony off the lunge just in walk halt walk transitions. It won't be a quick fix but I've had a bit of success with getting children who are nervous of the pony getting used to it by teaching it to react to their voice.

I clearly remember the day my nervous daughter who would only really trot round the edges of an open field suddenly realised that the quickest way across the field was right across the middle at a canter:D She arrived with a huge grin on her face, mirrored by the grins on my face and the pony's face:D
 
For me the mixture of amuch bigger pony, who is also much more forward going has just been too much. My first pony is currently on loan to a 10 year old, and he is just over 14h, but he is dead quiet when they are nervous, and gets faster when they are ready. The little girl who has him had a devil of a 12h pony, who really frightened her, and when they heard about mine through some friends were really keen because he was so safe. Size isn't everything, but the mixture of size and being very forward can be too much. If your daughter is tall I would be finding something a similar size, but much quieter, albeit probably after some lessons at a riding school, and if she isn't then I would just find something smaller and quieter, they are about, its just a matter of finding the right one. I know so many people who have persevered with ponies, and sometimes it works out, but in the meantime you have a terrified child. In your place I would be giving her back to the blacksmith and finding something else.
 
I had a pony just like that (technically still have him :) but retired now) i got him for my 8th birthday and my legs didn't go past the end of the saddle flaps :D. he never put a foot wrong but he was very fast and very responsive so if i changed my position he would burst into trot or canter :rolleyes:. i was scared to ride him for years but always had to keep on riding him ( the threat of loosing my pony was enough incentive :D ). when i was 10 i started having lessons on other horses (every 2 weeks or so.) which really helped to boost my confidence and i would then go and try what i had learned on my own pony. for cantering my pony always got a bit excited so my aunt would put him on the lunge line, while i was riding him, so that i knew he wouldn't run away this really helped and soon i was cantering no bother on my own :D we used the same technique for learning how to jump and within a few weeks i was jumping a metre :D. Bracken taught me so much and gave me so much experience that i couldn't have asked for a better horse. i think you should stick with the pony any try for just a bit longer because honestly nothing compares to the feeling of finally having confidence on a horse that you were scared of before :)
 
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