Scared of making the wrong decision

[zoon]

I’m trying to buy a horse. I seemingly have no idea what I’m looking for and can’t make up my mind.

I think the reason I’m being so indecisive and have no idea what I want is that I am scared of making the wrong decision. So i guess if I don’t make any decision at all then I can’t make a wrong one. That’s the realisation I had yesterday

I viewed a very nice horse yesterday. He ticks all the boxes that I’ve actually managed to decide should be boxes plus a few bonus boxes too.

But here I am not able to make a decision

Someone smack me in the face please

 

[nagblagger]

How would you feel if that horse was sold, if you don't feel disappointed etc it's not the one.

 

[Cloball]

I think it's okay to say no to a horse that doesn't feel right even if it ticks the boxes ( and the reverse also ).

Would you feel better if you made a backup plan if the chosen horse proves not to be right so it doesn't feel so permanent?

 

[Kirstd33]

If and when I buy a 2nd horse for my teenage daughter or at such point for myself I would be sooo much pickier than I was when i bought coblet last summer who was a bit of a rushed purchase! I have a list of must haves and then a list of nice to have's

 

[emilylou]

Dont worry. Being on the other side as a seller I feel like most buyers are like you. They view horse buying a bit like dating and are viewing a horse trying to find this mythical 'connection' or enlightening moment that tells them its 'the one'

The reality is the best horses are made, not bought.

Look for a horse that can do the job you have for it, is a nice person (if that's something you care about), and is fundamentally sound.

Any horse you get will need work to build a partnership and become all you want it to be, so be willing to learn, be willing to put in the work and find a horse that meets your most important requirements, the rest will come- as long as you work at it.

 

[emilylou]

I guess if you want to give us more details on the horse and what you are looking for we may be able to help in deciding if your hesitation is worthwhile.

 

[zoon]

I don’t think the issue is the horse, the issue is me and being scared to say yes - because what if I’m wrong and I choose the wrong one?

 

[ponynutz]

I think he sounds lovely!
Could you share details on this thread? Or there are a few very experienced people on here who can answer any questions for you privately if you asked nicely!
What is it about him that's making you worry he's the 'wrong decision'? There is an element of listening to your gut too if it's making some good points - we (and people in your real life) can help with that!

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I’m trying to buy a horse. I seemingly have no idea what I’m looking for and can’t make up my mind.

I think the reason I’m being so indecisive and have no idea what I want is that I am scared of making the wrong decision. So i guess if I don’t make any decision at all then I can’t make a wrong one. That’s the realisation I had yesterday

I viewed a very nice horse yesterday. He ticks all the boxes that I’ve actually managed to decide should be boxes plus a few bonus boxes too.

But here I am not able to make a decision

Someone smack me in the face please

Trouble is, I found certain breeds are harder to find, and you get carried away when you find one which does not have much interest and make rushed decisions even when you have boxes needing ticking..

I am in that boat now, I rushed and bought 3 weeks ago, but turns out the wrong horse for me ( can't go into detail here )

 

[mavandkaz]

I know what you mean.
I am currently in the market and found a lovely one, with no real negatives other then being on the small side. And initially I loved him and thought 'yep, he will be good'. Then started having doubts, then told myself to just get on with it so started booking a vetting, and now I have pulled out completely. (Will no doubt be branded a time waster, but oh well)
I think that the fact I was having doubts, even though he would probably have been just about right for me, means that he's not the one.

 

[Skib]

Our RI always said that if one bought the wrong horse, one could sell it again. There are lots of horses out there.

 

[suestowford]

I remember having massive doubts about whether to buy or not, the last time I was faced with that decision. The thing that really worried me was, what if I ruined him by my own incompetence? It's easy to catastrophise, and overthink, sometimes you have to jump in and to hell with the what-ifs. As Skib says, you can always sell on...

 

[emilylou]

I guess if you are unclear on what you really want, then throwing a lot of money at an unclear plan will feel daunting.
But as others have said, you can always sell

 

[avthechav]

I don’t think most people get the magical thunder bolt moment when viewing a horse. I think if you have decided what you want and you find a horse that fits all the criteria, and you think they are nice and fit the bill, your job is done. You build the rest when you get them home in your stable. (However I’m probably the wrong person to comment as I’m fairly impulsive and usually find horses a bit randomly!) x

 

[KittenInTheTree]

You could try asking the other way round: are you the right person for this horse?

 

[SEL]

I don’t think the issue is the horse, the issue is me and being scared to say yes - because what if I’m wrong and I choose the wrong one?

Then you have to go through the hassle of selling on.

That really is it though provided what you are buying is sane enough not to injure you.

 

[Alibear]

Buy the horse you can ride now, not one that you think you'll be able to ride in future after help/lessons etc.

 

[Tiddlypom]

If you’re not sure if you want the horse, don’t buy the horse.

Try and decide what you want before you start trying horses. You’ve posted that you don’t know what you’re looking for yet. As a seller, this is most irritating to have such an indecisive person wasting their time trying their horse.

 

[ester]

I don’t think the issue is the horse, the issue is me and being scared to say yes - because what if I’m wrong and I choose the wrong one?

You can sell it and try again

(I had a love at first sight moment though )

 

[Birker2020]

I’m trying to buy a horse. I seemingly have no idea what I’m looking for and can’t make up my mind.

I think the reason I’m being so indecisive and have no idea what I want is that I am scared of making the wrong decision. So i guess if I don’t make any decision at all then I can’t make a wrong one. That’s the realisation I had yesterday

I don't blame you either, after my horrendous experience and the experience of so many people on 'dodgy dealers' you have every right to feel scared about making the wrong decision and you'd be very foolish if you didn't feel like this.

There are many horror stories out there and I can assure you that despite the party line from most dealers saying that the reason horses are miss sold are because buyers have unrealistic expectations, can't ride one side of the horse they've bought, or have over horsed themselves, the reality is very different. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule and some people that would fall within that remit of picking an unsuitable mount but there are far more than don't and find themselves saddled (excuse the pun) with an unsound or psychotic horse!

You need to be 100% sure, do due diligence on all of the 'dodgy dealer websites by putting the sellers name into the search bar. Ensure you ride the horse in all the scenarios you can (i.e. hacking if you want it for hacking, jumping if you want it for jumping, etc) and get it vetted with a five stage test and bloods.

I would also see if you take a professional with you to view the horse or show them the sales advert and video of the horse doing flatwork and ask them what they think. Your vet /physio might be willing to view a video for a few quid as long as you don't go broadcasting if they find it unsuitable!

Every horse I have bought I knew almost iimmediately after riding it that I wanted to have it vetted. The ones that I was doubtful about I didn't let heart rule head and walked away, even the poor shut down animal that I felt sorry for that looked like a clothes rack and had literally given up on life. It killed me to walk away but I knew 100% I'd have had problems with him. I think about him often and hope he found his best friend.

 

[Polos Mum]

OP can you work out what you are 'scared of'

1) buying a lame /ill one - very common so a valid fear - but managed by viewing multiple times with trainer and getting reputable vetting and good quality insurance including loss of use insurance
2) buying one you can't ride is too young / in experienced for you - also pretty common and a valid fear - so take your instructor with you and ask them to be really honest
3) buying one you will 'grow out of' is too slow / not enough scope - I think this happens less often unless you are a pro / have massive competition aspirations - but again a quality third party opinion of your scope vs. horses scope would be well worth it.

4) something else
5) a 'better' one coming along next week. If we waited for a 'better' job / husband / time to take a holiday etc. etc. we'd literally never do anything - so man up and if the one you've seen is good - do it.

 

[Birker2020]

You can sell it and try again

(I had a love at first sight moment though )

Unless you are pretty much made of steel it is very hard to do this in reality. There is no way I could have sent my boy back to the person I purchase him from, wondering if he would be happy and looked after and loved. I would be absolutely devastated if something happened to him and felt that way after a few weeks. I love the bones of him even though he wasn't rideable. I spent so much time and energy on him and he responded in such a lovely way I could never have got rid of him in reality.

I can remember (and I say this with much shame so please be kind) that I said to my YO I wished he'd get struck by lightning or something equally as horrible but I was just reacting in anger, frustration and total despair.
The thought of not having him in my life now is unbearable.

 

[zoon]

It’s an unstarted 3 year old I’m looking at, directly from the breeder.

There is nothing that I can see wrong with this lovely horse. I really liked him at the viewing - he was friendly and inquisitive, moves really well and is well put together. As a bonus is a cross of two breeds I love and is a fabulous colour. He’s also been raised as I would raise a young horse

My trainer came with me who knows the breeder well and she liked the horse too

My absolute soulmate of a horse had an injury last year that hasn’t responded to treatment so he’s likely to need retiring or light hack at best and it’s broken my heart so that certainly has something to do with it

Maybe I’m worried about getting another lame horse. I really don’t know why I’m being so weird about it

I know for definite I’m worried about spending so much money - I last bought 14 years ago so prices are significantly higher now!

 

[Polos Mum]

Sadly - try as we might, we can't stop them getting injured.
Horses in particular have an ability to self harm in unexpected and spectacular ways !

If £'s is an issue - don't spend more than you can afford to chuck on a bonfire tomorrow. If you have to borrow / cut back on essentials - then keep looking for something in budget or saving until the bonfire cash pile is big enough. Also consider loss of use insurance - if the initial outlay is big for you. It's expensive itself - but if you buy a dud then at least you could get some cash back.

An unproven youngster could well have more undetected issues than a horse in work - so the fear of lameness / illness is bigger I think when the horse is currently not in work.
A 9 y/o that is out doing what you want to do, and has been for some time, has a pretty good chance of staying doing that.

Have you had youngsters before? Does your trainer think your up to a baby? Even if the baby is wonderful in the trainers eyes.
Do you have another £3-4k in the budget for breaking / assistance with breaking / brining on.

Presume your happy to not really ride for 2 more years and then only a little and at low levels for another 2 after that?

Science is more and more seeming to show us that doing too much with them too young leads to physical problems in later life.

 

[Jambarissa]

It’s an unstarted 3 year old I’m looking at, directly from the breeder.

There is nothing that I can see wrong with this lovely horse. I really liked him at the viewing - he was friendly and inquisitive, moves really well and is well put together. As a bonus is a cross of two breeds I love and is a fabulous colour. He’s also been raised as I would raise a young horse

My trainer came with me who knows the breeder well and she liked the horse too

My absolute soulmate of a horse had an injury last year that hasn’t responded to treatment so he’s likely to need retiring or light hack at best and it’s broken my heart so that certainly has something to do with it

Maybe I’m worried about getting another lame horse. I really don’t know why I’m being so weird about it

I know for definite I’m worried about spending so much money - I last bought 14 years ago so prices are significantly higher now!

It sounds like you'd be gutted if this one got away?

I have always got fed up with looking and said f-it and bought random horse. It appears to work for me.

 

[YourValentine]

I don’t think the issue is the horse, the issue is me and being scared to say yes - because what if I’m wrong and I choose the wrong one?

I don't know about anyone else but I'm like this about any large purchase - car, horse, holiday. I think if it feels largely right and nothing is screaming no you just have to commit and pray

Particularly with horses, so much could fo wrong beyond your control that it's really hard to know if you are making 100% the right decision. I think if you're 80-90% confident your doing well

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

I think you can only do so much and then it’s a giant leap of faith. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. You can do all the right things but it doesn’t work out or you can take a punt and it’s the best decision you’ve ever made.

 

[maya2008]

I think the one you are looking at minimises the risk.

But there is always risk. That’s life.

I find the right one is one where you won’t leave the yard without putting a deposit down.

I had a minuscule budget last summer due to car repairs, £1000 for something to hack out with the kids. At that point my criteria were: sound, tame, not going to kill me and big enough to carry me. I didn’t care if it was backed or not, what it looked like, age… Ended up with a type of pony I would never have even looked at had my budget been larger, being sold due to being in the wrong job. She’s exactly what I needed. I took husband to check for soundness, rode her, had brakes and steering and nothing dramatic, got off, paid them a deposit and collected the same day. She’s been great. I’m still not convinced about the looks, but once I’m on she’s brilliant fun.

Sometimes, what you need isn’t what you thought you wanted. I had originally (with bigger budget) gone looking for a nice 3/4yo with decent breeding and good athletic movement. Slightly odd looking little cob crosses weren’t in consideration. Yet every time she stops dead to catch the runaway pony and child, reliably doesn’t spook and run when others might, or gamely takes the lead as needed, I am more glad she’s here and not the pony I went looking for.

If nothing you’ve seen has grabbed you and made you want to put a deposit down then and there, then maybe just look at what else there is in your budget. Is the plan you have made what you really really want? Is that why you cannot pick one?

 

[CobsaGooden]

I have only bought twice and both were thunderbolts of ‘I have to have that horse!’
One of which was uncatchable, obese and running loose in their neighbours allotment! He turned into my horse of a lifetime.

I like the idea of would you be upset if it sold before you decided? If yes, then go for it. If not, walk away (and then double check how you feel )

 

[zoon]

If £'s is an issue - don't spend more than you can afford to chuck on a bonfire tomorrow.

I’m tight as a ducks arse and wouldn’t throw a quid on a bonfire!