Scared to ride a spooky mare?

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Pingyponies

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Sorry for a long post!

I've been riding for 6 years now and have had a variety of part loan horses/ponies. After saving up for years, I have now brought my first horse. I went out looking for a 14hh-14.3hh placid gelding but ended up buying a 14hh stressy mare. I loved her as soon as I saw her and had to have her, when I tried her she was nappy but nothing I haven't dealt with before. Two weeks into owning her she dragged me whilst I was leading her from the field, that had never happened to me before and it knocked all my confidence with her. Stupid, right? One little thing can knock all my confidence, or maybe I wasn't as confident as I first thought?. 2 months down the line and the mare has not done this again. She's good in all ways but she is very spooky out riding, she's totally different to anything I've ridden and in honesty, I am scared to ride her. Many people tell me that we are a good match and I just need to work on it, but all I seem to do is avoid riding at all costs. I have since ridden an old loan pony and I am at my full confidence whilst riding him, so I'm thinking that it's because I lack trust in the mare? What can I do to help gain my confidence? I have thought about selling but I don't want to give up on her at the first hurdle, any advice is welcome and I'd love to hear any similar situations anyone has encountered.
 
When I bought my last horse I hated riding him at first. He was very sharp and had me off quite a few times by spinning when something spooked him. I found that having one of the small straps that goes from D Ring to D ring gave me something to hang on to so when he did whip round I didn't go out the side door. Roll on 10 years and I still own him. Yes, he's still spooky but brilliant in traffic and I now know him inside out.

Give it a bit longer, cut back on anything food wise that won't help (mine was on haylage at the time) but if it doesn't work out, remember it costs as much to keep a horse you're happy with as one that doesn't.
 
Well, some lessons from an instructor you trust, a neckstrap, and adopting a good defensive leg position would be my starting point. And making sure she's not being overfed is a good plan.

Spooky ponies are always a bit of a pain, but you do get used to what they're likely to object to and how to stay in the saddle with time; so if you're prepared to persevere, then your seat will almost definitely improve for it. However, if you get a bit further down the line and she's still genuinely scaring you, there's no shame at all in saying that the pair of you aren't working out as a team. Take each ride as it comes, and see how you go. Best of luck.
 
If you are scared then she will sense that and think there is something to be scared of. Mares are often more reactive that way than geldings.

First things first... every person on here has been where you are now. If they say they haven't then either they are lying, they haven't been riding very long or they have been lucky so far but this will happen to them at some point. You are not alone, weird, weak, a bad rider or any of the other negative things our internal voices try to say to us. You are human. That is a big animal.

There are lots of things you can do to help yourself. What works depends on you as an individual. A good instructor can help. Sometimes a really supportive friend - although sometimes friends can make things worse too. There are books like Kelly Mark's Total Confidence if books work for you. There are confidence courses, both online and individual. Some people find NLP helps. Some people swear by rescue remedy. Some by a quick swig from a hip flask (don't do that one too much!) But because this is so common there are also a lot of things out there which cost you a lot of money so step carefully and thoughtfully.

When we are nervous or bodies give off signals the horse can read. But they are not so good a spotting when we are bluffing. When nervous people tend to hunch forward a bit and hold their breath. So sit straight and tall - and sing. You can't hold your breath if you are singing. Stay in your comfort zone for a bit and think carefully about what sort of help fits best for you - listen to your gut.

And above everything else know that you are not alone!
 
You've had some great advice above. The only thing I can add is to find yourself a hacking buddy with a steady horse. The more confident you feel, the less your mare will spook as horses get their confidence from their rider.

Good luck :)
 
You are still very new to each other so allow some more time to build up your relationship together. A naturally spooky pony needs to establish her confidence in her rider, and won't be able to do so if she feels that you are nervous.
Try riding her out with a more confident horse alongside. She needs to get used to her new surroundings which will help somewhat. If there isn't another horse you can ride with, is their a friend who could walk alongside you to begin with?
Also Is there a school where you keep her? If so you could ride her more in there for a while to enable you to get used to each other more. Avoiding riding her has hampered your opportunity to develop your relationship, so it's a bit catch 22. Good luck, I hope it works out.
 
This is what I did when I was scared of something with my spooky horse - break it down into tiny manageable steps and give yourself time. So, for example, start by just aiming to tack up and walk a circle round the yard, pat her and get off, that's it. Do that for three days. Next time, walk to the yard gate, stand there for like five seconds, pat her, get off. Next step is to walk out of the gate five steps, stand for three secs, get off. Make it really easy for yourself and for her. Build up ridiculously gradually. In the meanwhile, go with other people, but only when you both feel secure - so only with people who understand, etc, and get some lessons in the school too.
 
Pingyponies said:
Sorry for a long post!

I've been riding for 6 years now and have had a variety of part loan horses/ponies. After saving up for years, I have now brought my first horse. I went out looking for a 14hh-14.3hh placid gelding but ended up buying a 14hh stressy mare. I loved her as soon as I saw her and had to have her, when I tried her she was nappy but nothing I haven't dealt with before. Two weeks into owning her she dragged me whilst I was leading her from the field, that had never happened to me before and it knocked all my confidence with her. Stupid, right? One little thing can knock all my confidence, or maybe I wasn't as confident as I first thought?. 2 months down the line and the mare has not done this again. She's good in all ways but she is very spooky out riding, she's totally different to anything I've ridden and in honesty, I am scared to ride her. Many people tell me that we are a good match and I just need to work on it, but all I seem to do is avoid riding at all costs. I have since ridden an old loan pony and I am at my full confidence whilst riding him, so I'm thinking that it's because I lack trust in the mare? What can I do to help gain my confidence? I have thought about selling but I don't want to give up on her at the first hurdle, any advice is welcome and I'd love to hear any similar situations anyone has encountered.
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My ID is the queen of spooks she is a stress head, magic was useless, but my trainer suggested Relax me https://www.******.co.uk/Non-Prescr...ft5pgQ_ihlTuJullnYSRGVgVdkib5zgm-waAqe48P8HAQ as it is good for stressy spooky horses. It has made a good deal of difference, also I would suggest you take someone with you to turn out and maybe someone one else turns another horses at the same time but in front. You may also try a be nice halter, duelly head collar or slip head with bit when turning out.
 
I completely feel you. I bought my first horse in September last year, like you I also wanted a 'been there and done it' gelding and ended up with a 3 year old newly backed mare.
She is a complete sweetie and follows me around like one of my dogs but she has also more recently started to be quite spooky out hacking which has also unsettled me a little. I wondered if it was her feed/me/spring grass, but then think she is a youngster (hasn't yet been backed a year) and what do I expect sometimes!
She was only on a basic feed of molasses free chop, fibre plus nuggets and a feed balancer but I have reduced this by half and added a herbal supplement by Dodson & Horrell - Placid just to take the edge off her. Now the weather is slowly improving our field has nearly dried out enough for me to ride in so I have planned a few lessons for us to do alone and hoping that with more work she will settle back in. I am also going to take babysteps in hacking alone as our hacking companion isn't a suitable match for my mare and last week they both ended up bolting on a main road and I'm not happy putting anyone in that position.
Good luck to you
 
Pingyponies said:
Sorry for a long post!

I've been riding for 6 years now and have had a variety of part loan horses/ponies. After saving up for years, I have now brought my first horse. I went out looking for a 14hh-14.3hh placid gelding but ended up buying a 14hh stressy mare. I loved her as soon as I saw her and had to have her, when I tried her she was nappy but nothing I haven't dealt with before. Two weeks into owning her she dragged me whilst I was leading her from the field, that had never happened to me before and it knocked all my confidence with her. Stupid, right? One little thing can knock all my confidence, or maybe I wasn't as confident as I first thought?. 2 months down the line and the mare has not done this again. She's good in all ways but she is very spooky out riding, she's totally different to anything I've ridden and in honesty, I am scared to ride her. Many people tell me that we are a good match and I just need to work on it, but all I seem to do is avoid riding at all costs. I have since ridden an old loan pony and I am at my full confidence whilst riding him, so I'm thinking that it's because I lack trust in the mare? What can I do to help gain my confidence? I have thought about selling but I don't want to give up on her at the first hurdle, any advice is welcome and I'd love to hear any similar situations anyone has encountered.
Click to expand...

Dont take anything for granted, and dont put pressure on your relationship with her, she is special and she is yours, you just have to get know each other better! Start from the complete basics, take her for a walk (bridle etc) and do new things together that you haven't done before. Anything new and different you do with her, she will look to you for guidance. Do alot of groundwork, in as many varied places as possible, she needs to respect you are boss then she will trust you more. With being spooky out, always go with someone whether its a friend with a dog or another horse and build it up gradually. Even if you walk her on foot - she needs to enjoy it and so do you, even if it involved you running around over jumps/through water with her following! Have some fun with her you might surprise yourself :-)
 
A lot of us have been there with you!

I bought my current pony last year in June, she was going fantastic and one day she suddenly played up and I had a nasty fall. We did all the checks in the world and each one came back clear and the prognosis was that she's just a little bit of a cheeky monkey! I don't think I've ever had so many sleepless nights.

As she's still young, I decided to take her back to the ground basics. Lunging her, taking her out for walks and developing manners. By doing varied exercises I have not only developed her knowledge but gained her trust and we've gotten and unbelievable bond off the back of it. We've recently restarted our ridden work and she's doing really well.

One tip I have is getting a really good instructor. I had help from a fantastic qualified instructor, who even came out with me on our first hack to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Sometimes if you have somebody on the ground talking to you, it allows to to take your mind off your horse doing a runner from underneath you. My horse calms down a lot when people talk around her, she loves singing too.

If you're really nervous, how about getting a producer or a jockey to come and ride her a couple of times a week? Sometimes seeing somebody else do it can't half spur on your confidence. It also makes you a little bit jealous :D
 
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