self indulgent, feeling sorry for myself post......sorry!

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L&M

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After 30 yrs of horse ownership I just feel I have totally lost my 'mojo' and am starting to really resent all the hard work and expense that goes with them - but before I do anything radical maybe they are the wrong horses for me, hence feeling this way.

I am lucky to own 2 horses so will tell you a bit about them both:

Horse 1 - 15hh irish show type cob, 14 yrs old, owned for 5 yrs. Lovely temperament and 80% of the time is angelic, but has a cheeky buck and currently having girthing issues (will be speaking to vet on Monday). Since I have had him we have competed, hunted, fun rides, show jumped, shown at local level and generally had a hoot, but as I am getting older the bucking does bother me, and have stopped doing so much with him. My 12 yr old son can ride him, but again looses his confidence when he is having an 'off' day, but the horse does generally try and look after him.

Horse 2 - 14.2hh 6yr old irish type show cob, owned for 10mnths. This horse was bought for me as a 40th birthday present (I know I am a spoilt cow so really shouldn't complain..). Hunted last season and bringing on with the aim of competing at local level and has a fab jump for his type. However being green, he can be unpredictable, and despite the occasional 'eureka' moment, again is eroding my confidence and not always a pleasure to ride. I don't have the confidence to take him places on my own, so am currently avoiding competing him as can't predict how he will behave unless I have someone to 'nanny' me.
I have regular lessons at home with him, and have braved a couple of RC clinics and fun rides when I have found someone to go with, where he has generally been good, but can be very silly for the first 10 mins or so, which does unnerve me. Coming into August I feel I have wasted the whole summer as should have had him out and about more. I can see his potential but am not sure if I am brave enough to ride it out....

Instead of jumping out of bed in the morning to ride, I am now dreading it, and avoid it if possible, which is so unlike me. This then becomes a vicious circle as the less the horse are excercised, the more they prat about, which is my fault as much as theirs. Today I made myself ride and lead, but with the flies being so horrendous, neither I or the horses enjoyed it. Also to top it all when I got home our neighbours dog charged down the drive at them both, causing my older cob to panic so badly I nearly fell off as he spun and legged it. I don't blame him for his reaction at all, but just another incident to 'survive' and to niggle away at my subconscious.

I am lucky to work part time, but I do not know my rota more than a mnths notice in advance so makes it hard to plan competitions or fun rides, especially if needing to pre-enter, but again could be just using this as an excuse not to go to anything.

I used to live for my hunting but cannot motivate myself in any way, despite hound exercise starting this week, partly because I am worried about how the horses will behave and partly because our hunt is also going through major changes which I am not entirely happy with, but lack confidence to join another.

I am dreading the approaching winter - I found the last one very hard due to the constant wet, and ended up having to stable the horses for much of it, which did not improve their behaviours, and felt I was taking my life into my own hands just hacking out, let alone hunting or competing them. I am very lucky to have my horses at home but because of that have no one to hack with or offer moral support.

It also feels like a constant juggling act of horses/work/husband/dogs/children and end up neglecting one factor to keep the other happy, but again a few years ago I would have had the motivation and energy to keep battling on.

Any thoughts, or feel free to give me a kick up the ass for being a spoilt brat when there are people out there with genuine problems......
 
I understand what you're saying. It doesn't sound as though they're the horses for you. Would you consider selling them both and having one confidence giving horse, perhaps if you only had one it could be on part livery..?

As for the competing and hunting, it doesn't matter, being a happy hacker is not wasting the horse. I've had to come to terms with that a bit myself, not having the drive anymore to event and compete on my mare. It doesn't matter..
 
Oh dear I don't really know where to start, it does sound as though things are getting on top of you. On the other hand , you're having regular lessons and you hacked out today, so you're not totally un-motivated. Do you think the problems have really started since you got the youngster? Would perhaps a steadier second horse have been better but you feel you should persevere because he was a present?
If you had a calmer second horse would you feel better about hacking out with your son, whichever one you or he rides?
Keeping horses at home can be very isolating, I certainly know that I rode far more when on livery, but then it's easy to just turn up and ride when everything else is done for you. When you have them at home there are just so many other things that you feel you should do first. I can understand that you feel you are 'juggling' but honestly, that's what we all do! Hopefully we won't have another winter like last year, nearly everyone was at their wit's end. Despite all the climate change prophets of
doom I reckon it's really unlikely, so no point in worrying about it!

Sorry, not much help really, I can see where you're coming from, but come on girl - you're only 40!
 
I know exactly where you are coming from. I have had horses for more years that I can remember, and my current boy I have had for 15 years. Earlier this year I had a really small tumble off him and just decided, there and then that enough was enough. I love my boy, but the last 2/3 years on DIY have been really, really hard in the winter, especially when you have no support. My lad also suffers on the hard ground in the summer, and I hate winter riding. Sol have decided to retire him this year. Found a lovely retirement home for him. He will be looked after, I don't have the stress.

Who knows - watch this space and maybe in 12/18 months time my mojo will be back -somehow I doubt it. After 50 years I think enough of the cold dark mornings, the cold wet days and eternal mud, and in the summer the ever increasing horse flies.
 
It is meant to be fun! If you are not having fun at the height of summer then something is really wrong. You should not dread riding, it is one of the payment s for all the hard work. I don't want to tell you to sell your horses but maybe you need to consider if they are for you. However, everyone goes through periods where it all gets too much. I felt that way when I was having saddle issues. Once sorted I started enjoying myself again. Maybe start with why horse1 is bucking, they way you talk about it, it is not just a wooo hoooo. So is something hurting or not fitting, those cobs can change shape at the drop of a hat. With horse 2....young horses are difficult, with mine oneday I am getting there and the next I am back to wishing I could have my old horse back.
Sorry to ramble on ........you need to put emotions aside and try and work out What you want and what is important to you, once you do go from there. Good luck, I hope it works out.
 
I am now in my 50's ridden since a child, at one point worked full time and rode 5 times a week, taught my children to ride looked after them and their ponies and now I do not ride at all. Through circumstance we were at livery with no short hacks and no one to hack with and one day I just thought that its wasn't what I wanted to do anymore and stopped just like that. I still have my ponies, love being with them occasionally think I might like to ride but not that fussed.
I would give your self space. Its the end of the summer so we have only a few weeks before the mud so turn them a way properly and just do field checks and book you self some lessons somewhere with great schoolmasters or have some great hacks. When my children were small my best rides were on holiday or lessons where the pressure is off you and you feel responsible for your horses behaviour, book a beach ride what ever you can find and have some fun, then have a think what you want to do.
 
Big hug L&M I feel for you it's so easy to lose your mojo when the combination isn't quite right. At my age I wouldn't like a horse who put in large bucks or whose range of possible off day reactions was beyond me.

I agree with the advice from honepot I would turn them away have a good think and decide if you need to sell and buy a confidence giver. This is supposed to be a fun hobby so be kind to yourself and consider what you need in your ideal equine to be riding for many more years.

Take care.
 
I feel like many posters above.

Owning horses has been a part of my life for the past twelve/thirteen years, but they are damn hard work and I recently sold my youngster after finishing her off because I feel like I just want a break from it all now.

Don't beat yourself up about selling and/or stepping away from horses for a while. They are lovely, but they are also draining in every way possible and there's nothing to say we have to have them if we're not enjoying it!
 
Thank you for all your kind words and support - and for not berrating me for my self indulgence.

I just want to get my passion back - I have lived/breathed horses for 42 yrs of my life, including working with them, and tbh don't know if I would be 'me' without the horses, and I suppose that is what is scaring me. Up until a couple of years ago I would be out every weekend competing and thought nothing of getting up at silly o'clock to go autumn hunting before work. Our property and lifestyle revolves around the horses, and all my friends are horsey and hunting. Don't get me wrong - I often dream about being a 'townie' (imagine life with no mud or horseflies?!), but it is only ever a short-lived fantasy.

My plan is to have the vet out next week to see if we can get to the bottom of the older cob's issues - I have always had a niggling worry over him that he may have KS or similiar back related issues, despite having has numerous saddle checks and chiro and physio visits. He is a lovely chap for the majority of time I have owned him and I have had a lot of fun with him, so maybe he is fixable rather than just being a 'git'.

The youngster is a different issue - when I am in a positive mood I can cope with whatever he throws at me, but maybe will just have to face facts that I am too long in the tooth to be dealing with teenage tantrums. The sad thing is that my husband bought him for me, so feel indebited to him to make it work. I will speak to my instructor in my next lesson and get her opinion - I know she highly rates the pony and may even know someone who would be interested.

Thanks again - it has been a great help to get my feelings down in words, especially to people who understand.
 
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L&M said:
Thank you for all your kind words and support - and for not berrating me for my self indulgence.

I just want to get my passion back - I have lived/breathed horses for 42 yrs of my life, including working with them, and tbh don't know if I would be 'me' without the horses, and I suppose that is what is scaring me. Up until a couple of years ago I would be out every weekend competing and thought nothing of getting up at silly o'clock to go autumn hunting before work. Our property and lifestyle revolves around the horses, and all my friends are horsey and hunting. Don't get me wrong - I often dream about being a 'townie' (imagine life with no mud or horseflies?!), but it is only ever a short-lived fantasy.

My plan is to have the vet out next week to see if we can get to the bottom of the older cob's issues - I have always had a niggling worry over him that he may have KS or similiar back related issues, despite having has numerous saddle checks and chiro and physio visits. He is a lovely chap for the majority of time I have owned him and I have had a lot of fun with him, so maybe he is fixable rather than just being a 'git'.

The youngster is a different issue - when I am in a positive mood I can cope with whatever he throws at me, but maybe will just have to face facts that I am too long in the tooth to be dealing with teenage tantrums. The sad thing is that my husband bought him for me, so feel indebited to him to make it work. I will speak to my instructor in my next lesson and get her opinion - I know she highly rates the pony and may even know someone who would be interested.

Thanks again - it has been a great help to get my feelings down in words, especially to people who understand.
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Sounds like a good plan. Hope it all works out for you.
 
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