Self pity post - you've been warned!

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MissMillicent

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Sorry to open with a downer!!

I've lurked for a while but feeling compelled to ask a bit of advice :o.

I recently sold my very loved horse to a good, long term home.
It had been an agonising decision to part with him, but after starting university in September (as a mature student) and having to work longer hours (to pay student fees) I was doing well if I managed to ride him once a week.
After sticking at it for a few months and trying to squeeze everything in, it became sadly apparent that I just didn’t have enough hours in the day.

Initially I’d no intention to sell him and only advertised him for loan. But when a lady I’ve known for some 12 years asked if I’d sell him, I decided it was the best option given the circumstances (these being that I know her, I’ve known all of her horses and how she treats them etc).

I took significantly less than he was worth in payment for him, on the basis that he could never be resold (unless he came back to me) and because I was confident he’d be well cared for and loved with this family.
Since selling him 5 weeks ago I’ve had several phonecalls and picture texts telling me how well he’s doing and how happy he is. And I’m 100% confident he’s in the best possible home (had I not been certain of this I’d never have sold him to her).

Typically – fate being what it is - since selling him I’ve been offered financial help from my generous parents to cover student fees (they hadn’t realised how much I was struggling until they found out I’d sold my horse).
I’m thrilled about this, but at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful brat I’m also devastated.
I’ve been in touch with my boy’s new owner to see if she’d give him back to me, but she’s very attached to him and has said no (which I understand and don't blame her for, but am obviously disappointed).
I’m trying to see the positives and not be selfish about this. He’s in a fantastic home with a Mum who loves him, but I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and wish I could turn time back.

I'm not asking for anyone to say "there, there", but would love to hear from anyone who's had a similar experience (and who can tell me this awful feeling does ease off a bit!) :(

Cookies (and valium to counteract the depression!) for anyone who read all the way through!
 
I think you just have to accept that there's nothing you can do about it. I'd try and get in writing a first refusal for him if she ever does sell him.

Are you in the position to buy another horse now? There's plenty of nice horses out there. I'd just take comfort in the fact he is happy in a lovely home instead of being passed around/in an unsuitable home with you being able to do nothing about it.
 
It must be so upsetting, i completely understand. But you did the best thing and a very selfless thing for him so just try to focus on the fact that he is happy and loved and that you are a really good person. Maybe you could take on another horse to take your mind off it, or even share one (then you still have plenty of time for uni work) whilst you study? Not that it will replace him obviously but it might help to fill up some of the time you spent with him and give you something to focus on.. His new owner sounds lovely so it may be worth asking her to keep in touch and keep you updated. And as above, maybe if you could get first refusal in writting?
 
Just remember that you did what was best for both of you at the time. I'm sure it's agonising for your circumstances to change so quickly but try to take comfort in that he's in a brilliant home and that he will be happy. Is there any way his new owner would let you ride him once a week?
 
Thank you for replying :).

Aper - New owner in fairness has been great. We’ve known each other a long time and when I called to ask for him back she was very sympathetic. He’s only kept 20 minutes away and I’ve an open invitation to visit/ ride.

Lou - The contract details my getting first refusal very clearly, but I doubt very much he’ll ever be for sale. She still has her child’s pony (outgrown several years ago!) and her gelding who she retired after a tendon injury.

Something - Yes I’m in a position to have another horse now, though at the minute I’m feeling that if I can’t have my boy back I don’t really want one at all :o.
I’m trying to not be quite such a drama queen about it and move on. Been busying myself with uni work and I was given a course of polo lessons for xmas, so been using those to fill time now I’m horseless.
So who knows?! Maybe its fate and I should be looking for a polo pony.
I don’t know :cool:. To be honest I think I’m too intent on dwelling at the minute to think about another horse in any form. I agree it would probably help matters, but when I look on horsemart I start blubbering like an idiot!

Think a kick up the backside is probably needed ;).
 
I really feel for you Miss Millicent, what a sad situation. BUT although many people may not agree I do believe that everything happens for a reason. So whilst that reason may not be immediately apparent it could be that there is another horse out there just waiting for you to find he or she. Who will help to fill the massive horse shaped hole you currently have in your heart.
 
ISHmad said:
I really feel for you Miss Millicent, what a sad situation. BUT although many people may not agree I do believe that everything happens for a reason. So whilst that reason may not be immediately apparent it could be that there is another horse out there just waiting for you to find he or she. Who will help to fill the massive horse shaped hole you currently have in your heart.
Click to expand...


Ditto ISHmad hun.

Hugs to you.
 
Dont beat yourself up, you did what was right at the time for you & your boy, and he has a loving home.

Would his new owner allow you to go & ride him maybe even take part in a share with him, i know it might not be the same as he's not yours as such anymore, but it might help fill the hole?
 
Hi
Sorry for your sad situation, but as someone said maybe a part share in him would work. If not him then a share in something else may be a better option rather than buying another one, that way you can still give lots of time and energy to your uni work and still keep a hand in with horses?
 
Things happen for a reason - we can all think "what if" but I am sure one day something will happen and you will think "ah that's why" be it extra study , getting preggers, needing to move, finding a 3year old sports horse in your garden with passport nailed to your door etc etc (you get my point ) :-)

Take solace in the fact that he is happy, find a good riding school and have a couple of lessons each month with you extra time & funds
 
OOh, this brings back memories and I know how painful this must be for you BUT you know where he is and that he is loved and cared for and that you can go see him etc (be warned I found this more painful than not seeing my boy at all, but I couldn't keep away) = torture!

As a previous poster has said, even if you could have him back you may find come exam time that you are back in the same situation - I bombed my exams and felt a failure on all counts cos when I did ride him I was so tired and stressed with revision, I made a hash of it anyway.

Take comfort in that she sounds like a good friend and you will always know where he is, whether he comes back to you or ends his days in another caring hom

((((HUGS)))))

PS, don't make the mistake that I did and get rid of your horsey stuff, I declared I would NEVER have another horse, low and behold 16 years later I find myself with another, similar build who I adore but had to buy all new for - hold tight and keep faith x
 
Thank you for the responses and hugs!

I think you’re right – there’s probably a reason it’s happened, I just have to wait for it to reveal itself.
I’m enjoying my polo lessons for now. It’s different from what I’d been doing with my boy (eventing) so I’m not constantly thinking about him while I’m playing it, but still getting a horsey fix ;).

He’s not dead, or in an abusive home – he’s with a wonderful new Mum and I really should be thankful for that.
I’ll have afew more days of sulking time and then give myself a stern talking to.
 
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