"sell or persist" update

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katelarge

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OK peeps, I want to update you all on this. After a lot of tearful emailing of friends, filling out "Horse for Sale" ads and then deleting them, I now have a plan.

My yard owner, in short, has come to the rescue. She talked with me this morning and is going to help me out, and we are starting this afternoon. We are going to pop the devilmare on the lunge and work her badly-behaved little socks off. I will also do some groundwork with her, but we will lunge her first to get her attention and to take the edge off her. My YO has worked with remedial horses before who are much more severe than her, so she has high hopes we will be able to get it all sorted out.

Personally, I remain to be convinced, but then I'm thoroughly down in the dumps and being utterly pathetic. I have been crying since 5:30 last night, so god know what new YO thinks of me (I had a good blub in front of her this morning). Anyway, there is a plan, and we will give it a go and see what happens. My YO is aware of the back sitch and a fellow livery was actually the physio who treated me after my accident, so there will be no pushing me beyond what I can safely do.

The other thing is that I have a little retirement horse, so even if the mare and I do end up going our seperate ways, I could always move him to the yard and just play with him. And there's always the big hairy cob I've always fancied...

Will keep you posted. Thanks you for ALL your comments, from the hanky-passing to the tough love. You have been brilliant.
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BTW has anyone else on here done the "drawing up imaginary horse ads and then deleting them" thing? I can smile at it this morning, but last night it was deadly serious!
 
Glad you are feeling more positive today and have someone to help you. Let us know how you get on, good luck with the lunging and the groundwork, sounds like a good plan
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BTW has anyone else on here done the "drawing up imaginary horse ads and then deleting them" thing? I can smile at it this morning, but last night it was deadly serious!

[/ QUOTE ] Yes i did this for a month before deciding to actually sell him, now a year later i really really regret it and wish i could go back in time
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That's great news, glad you have a plan. But I would also give yourself some sort of timescale. We love our horses and we know there can be times of elation but also of sadness and despair. If the last two keep outwaying the former, then it is time to look for that 'Hairy Cob'!
Good luck and I hope you get the best outcome x
 
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BTW has anyone else on here done the "drawing up imaginary horse ads and then deleting them" thing? I can smile at it this morning, but last night it was deadly serious!

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Oh god I so can and I have been the person sat at the top of the stairs crying her eyes out and at my age believe me I am not an appealing sight!!
 
First session today from 4pm.

BTW her headcollar (already very old and very rubbish) has got trashed with all the pulling, I'm going to replace it - would a Dually be a good idea? I want something I can do groundwork with but also tie up in, and I understand you can do both with a Dually.
 
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First session today from 4pm.

BTW her headcollar (already very old and very rubbish) has got trashed with all the pulling, I'm going to replace it - would a Dually be a good idea? I want something I can do groundwork with but also tie up in, and I understand you can do both with a Dually.

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I have one, very exspensive but good quality and very adjustable.
 
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[ QUOTE ]
BTW has anyone else on here done the "drawing up imaginary horse ads and then deleting them" thing? I can smile at it this morning, but last night it was deadly serious!

[/ QUOTE ] Yes i did this for a month before deciding to actually sell him, now a year later i really really regret it and wish i could go back in time
frown.gif


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I am doing this at the moment with mine, but think he'll def be going on the market at Easter
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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
BTW has anyone else on here done the "drawing up imaginary horse ads and then deleting them" thing? I can smile at it this morning, but last night it was deadly serious!

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh god I so can and I have been the person sat at the top of the stairs crying her eyes out and at my age believe me I am not an appealing sight!!

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Oh have so been there. Took me 2 months before i knuckled down and got on with it. OH was really getting quite fed up with it. BTW I'm the husband, she's the "horsey" one and I'm not admitting to any tears. I've still got him and I am so so glad I never gave up on him. We're now inseperrable and he's turned from a bullying pushy snappy boy who frightened me witless ( the thought of ACTUALLY getting on him *shudder*) into a teddy bear who likes nothing better than burying his head into my shoulder and getting his bum scratched (Got long arms
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).

Well done you for giving her another chance. I hope it all works out right in the end. Getting the right help and realising you need it and also realising it actually CAN help has gotta be 80% of the battle.
 
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We're now inseperrable and he's turned from a bullying pushy snappy boy who frightened me witless ( the thought of ACTUALLY getting on him *shudder*) into a teddy bear who likes nothing better than burying his head into my shoulder and getting his bum scratched (Got long arms ).


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Being Nosy as I am hoping to achieve the smae not snappy or pushy just excitable whast made him change
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Oops to spelling not dyslexic just knackered.
 
I wouldn't worry, Ive been having a good cry for the last 20 mins after my generally well behaved 4 year old finished leaping, rearing, launching at me and smacking me in the head with his own all because another horse was going down the road- I feel like I can't cope with him if he's going to be like that, but I know its partly that he needs more turnout (getting at least 6 - 8 hours but in ice and slop so can't wear off his energy) and regular work.

Thing that made me cry is that for the first time I lost my rag and really shouted at him and yanked at him (he needed the discipline but not the temper), once i finally go to the yard i had to throw him in his stable and leave him I was so mad.
 
I have so been there! I had the written ad for my mare on my laptop for months, ready to be posted.

So glad I didn't though! I also cried in front of YM/other liveries/people at work, the list goes on! Having said that I did stick with it where a lot of people would have ran a mile.

Sleepeeze_Dad, you sound like my OH! Never sat on a horse in his 30 years, until he met me and now owns a 6 yr old TB. Who he adores, not without his problems but they seem to suit each other.
 
I hope it works out for you, I had a similar mare but she was lovely to handle (90% of the time with a wonderful temperament), it was ridden work that gave me the problems.

Cut long story short, I ended up with the big hairy cobs and life hasn't looked back. Stinky and I have been great friends from the day I looked at those big brown eyes and he has never had me scared, worried or not wanting to ride and above all, we have huge fun.

Best decision I ever made to buy that hairy yearling and put Fleur out as a broodmare - (excellent breeding and conformation). It turned out she had a back problem that took several years to get to the root of, despite thousands spent on vets and professional help which combined with a highly intelligent and slightly quirky competition horse was all too much for me.
 
Have you just been leading in a normal headcollar?!!! Cripes, i can't do that with mine, well I can 95% of the time but if he decides he's off then I don't have a say! Lol

I got mine an eskadron chain headcollar, maybe that's worth a try? Was about £35 I think and has been a godsend to be honest. No more horse b*ggering off and you just put on as a normal headcollar. You use the chain bit - like a dog choke chain effectively buit around the nose but when tying up you can change your leadrope so it attaches to the normal headcollar ring.

It is essentially a stallion chain built inot the headcollar so you don't have to faff about attaching a separate chain.

http://www.eskadron.org.uk/index.php?ite...cture_id=6&
 
WEEEEEE DID IT!!!!

I had good vibes from her when I brought her in - she was breathing out, playing with the lead linem being chilled. I got back to the yard where I washed her legs and again she was better than last night (the silliness started after leg washing, I should explain).

So, square shoulders, and into stable - oh, back up first, and then in - we walk nicely in, turn round - then just in front of the stable door, she did a bit of a scoot forward, I went "AAH!" and she stopped.

Then I realised I had a pocket of treats, for lunging, and I have a brainwave. I walk her back out, then back in, turn, and... she runs through the door. It's a VERY half-hearted version of the other night, she looks a bit embarassed and best of all, I do not get angry and silly. Again we do it, and as we stop in front of the stable door, I stop, she stops, drops her nose - and gets a treat!

So, we go in and out through the door and on the way out we stop with it closed in front of us, then with it open, and when she stands quietly, she gets a treat. I was able to go in and out with much less stress than before, and I am going to do this daily until she realises that standing back from her door gets her a treat.

The lungeing was great - got lots of tips from fab YO on improving technique (though nailing my feet to the floor was one technique I didn't like the sound of), we lunged over poles and even a tiny jump.

So the pony stays, and it's up to me to make it clear to her what I expect and help her understand. I am going to buy a Dually though, and I will never take her for granted in front of a stable door again. Positive reinforcement and treats will get us going.

Mind you, I'm still not ready to ride yet... so watch this space...
 
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We're now inseperrable and he's turned from a bullying pushy snappy boy who frightened me witless ( the thought of ACTUALLY getting on him *shudder*) into a teddy bear who likes nothing better than burying his head into my shoulder and getting his bum scratched (Got long arms ).


[/ QUOTE ]

Being Nosy as I am hoping to achieve the smae not snappy or pushy just excitable whast made him change
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Oops to spelling not dyslexic just knackered.

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Sorry about the long reply. Had to share how I got round it in the hope it helps a little.

Ok it appears Caismum has discovered my little secret
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Everyone says you can't train horses like you can dogs. Maybe alot you can't but appears there are 2 problem children on here you can.

Theory seems basically the same. You're good you get a treat and lots of fuss. You're naughty and I ignore you. If you're really naughty I'll lose my rag. More like I'll be firm, the hands will be on hips and there will be a very loud voice... I just decided one day to not back down and when he did his usual go away routine (head swinging, ears back, teeth out, stepping towards me) I stepped up to the side of his head and asked in a very loud voice "what do you think you are doing?" I was scared witless but I wasn't going to show him that. Doesn't mean he didn't do it again but I never let him have an inch. When he was good he got spoilt. He has an "in" which I exploited mercilessly. He loves having his tail scratched and that helped the bonding no end. Initially from the other side of the fence... and no matter what he did and how much I was shaking in my boots I kept repeating the mantra "stay calm and focused" in the hope he would.

As Caismum said - "positive reinforcement". Brilliant. Helps set up the rules the horse has to follow so they know what you expect of them. So they don't get into trouble
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Suppose it's different for everyone but I also think the triggers are the same, no matter what your horse likes. I ignore him now when he does it and now he does it behind my back. I know he's doing it and when I turn round he's suddenly very interested in his haynet. Not nasty now just playful.

I had an extra reason for doing it - where do you think the next place would be for a chestnut 16.2hh 4 1/2 year old ex-racehorse who including me would have been through 2 owners in 3 months? Being an animal lover there was no way i was going to let him down and end up being on aforementioned dogs plate. That's how I saw it - me letting him down. That's what gave me the guts to do it. But just like Caismum I went and got help. That's the biggest battle - understanding the fact there are ppl out there who can help in situations like this and are glad they can. Half the time it's you that needs training. You may not have a particularly problem horse but your confidence is so shot and knowledge so meagre it might as well be a wild stallion.

I'm taking the same attitude towards my riding and after a few spineless weeks I again knuckled down and got on with it and ignored my fear as much as I could. Still a bit scary but it's coming on leaps and bounds. I have only been riding on and off for a year and I think I might have mentioned he was an ex-racehorse
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I just think we're perfectly matched - green as each other and learning together. Again i got help - I have an awesome instructor with even more awesome patience.

Love to know how you get on CM - please, please keep us updated. Hope it works out at least as well for you as it did me and you do feel so chuffed when it starts to go down the right road and I'm really made up for you. Positive reinforcement works both ways...
 
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