Sell? PTS?

lucy108 said:
I have now come across one of the most horrendous situations I have been in since owning horse. Sorry, this is going to be a long one but for the answers to be given I need to give some context.

I lost one of my two best horses in late July to intestinal cancer and I was broken. I couldn't handle looking at his empty stable and my other horse was pining. We were both completely heartbroken and couldn't seem to find a way out of the fog.

So, I did what every emotional girl does and looked for another horse. I put an advert up on Preloved and within 5 minutes had a phonecall from someone with a 12 year old TB. She said he was very laid back and would make an ideal companion but also had the potential to event (my last horse was an eventer). So, I got in the car, with a tear stained face and drove to see him. He was lovely to look at, a lovely head and all the stamp of an eventer. I took him for a hack where, in fairness, he behaved very well. Through traffic, in an open space etc. all the while my mum was chatting to his owner about him and how suitable he would be and how well we clicked.

I can safely say I was completely blinded by grief and heartbreak. I stupidly paid for him and he came home the following Saturday. She sent him with quite a few rugs but to my utter dismay when we got him home he was nowhere near the horse she described. He was pretty much attempting to climb out of the stable, running round the box, screaming, shouting....he wasn't alone, there was at least 5 other horse in stables next to him. This was when I first realised this was not the horse for me. Nevertheless, we carried on and put him in the field where he paced, and paced and paced and paced. He was stressy, he was highly strung, he was anxious and he was unhappy. He was not the horse I had been sold, that was for sure. After a few days I called his owner and she said she would not take him back, despite the face I said he was not at all what she had advertised. She was quite adamant and that was when I knew for sure I had been totally done.

So I battled on, through tears and heartbreak of losing my best friend, I carried on with this little thoroughbred who I could see was really broken. There was just a deep sadness in his eyes - I know that sounds ridiculous - but he just gave off such a sad vibe. I tried riding him and he was explosive - nothing nasty but a typical highly strung thoroughbred. My heart was breaking all over again for this little horse, he had been done such a disservice by his seller who just wanted shot of him, she didn't care whose lives she wrecked along the way - mine or his.

We moved to Scotland and I felt him breathe a huge sigh of relief when he came off the lorry after two days and two nights of travelling. He rested his head on my shoulder as if to say ''oh good, your still here''. I think he has been passed from pillar to post since he left racing 4 years ago. He has had no stability, no person to love and it has made him very distant, understandably.

Now here comes the bit that I will be slated for. I do not feel I can keep him. He is not doing my other horse any good and I am not willing to sacrifice his happiness (he is an ex GP horse that I have had for near on 4 yrs now and he is totally retired). Scotland was supposed to be where he could really enjoy his well earned retirement but this little horse is stressing him out no matter what I do with them.

In addition to this, I feel 1000 miles away from him. We have no connection, it just feels like dead space between us. I don't enjoy riding him (not his fault) but it is just wrong and it is making me, and him miserable. I have horses as a hobby and work incredibly hard to pay for them and I just feel like I'm paying for something that makes me stressed and upset at the moment.

I have advertised him VERY honestly online in an attempt to find him a forever home who understands him but, as expected, people just aren't in the market for this kind of challenge. I will not advertise him for free as I care where he goes, I want to look at the home and I want to make sure this would be a home for life for him.

A friend said to me a few days ago that she feels I would be better having him PTS. He has so many behavioural niggles and everyone who meets him just says he is an unhappy, stressed out horse. I have had a behaviourist look at him who feels it is ingrained behaviour that nobody could ever correct, you can only maintain them in a way that makes their life manageable. But, is that a life? Turning yourself inside out everytime a horse leaves the barn...never really relaxing and grazing because your too busy pacing, worrying about life...I'm now starting to think that it may be a better option - he can go in a quiet place, at least with someone he knows beside him. But it just feels wrong putting down an essentially ''healthy'' horse....although he isn't healthy at all mentally.

I'm now lost at what the best thing for him is. He copes so badly with change that I feel like selling him would just be exacerbating the problem and passing it on to someone else. At least if he is PTS I can guarantee him no suffering and no more stress.

Please, please do not make this any harder than it is for me. I'd appreciate opinions but not criticism. Sometimes I feel I have to separate head and heart.
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It’s a tough call. But the right call
I am along with many others not against PTS. It’s a last act of kindness in some cases
I have recently been in your situation
My exGP horse seemed to just flip a switch and become a dangerous hot mess, spooks at everything, bolting like a killer machine (vet checks nothing’s wrong)
Sometimes it’s the best thing to do for THEM. Not always easy for you, but you are the responsible person in the relationship and sometimes we just have to make a call and suck up the greif, knowing he will never fall in to the wrong hands or have to go through any more suffering at the hands of another

If I was your friend, reading the above ... I would be standing by your side agreeing with PTS. As the thought of him being passed around and possibly getting mistreated and again misunderstood by other hands would be far far more painful than you having him PTS
At least you will have peace he will no longer be at risk

Good luck and chin up. X
 
Sadly there is only ONE way to guarantee his future. You are not cruel, you are responsible! - unlike the seller.......it is kinder to PTS and I know I will get slated too, but those who slate are not living in your current situation. How would you feel if he was rehomed/sold and you heard he was passed on again, it happens even when there are best intentions, no guarantees and it does sound like he has been through the mill. Good luck and well done for being a decent human.
 
But, in response to the two posters above, it has to be noted that the horse has not been described at too dangerous to ride at any stage. It has shown it can hack happily in its last home. The horse is stressed and probably sharp as its a tb, but its behaviour hasn't been described as too dangerous to ride, it hasn't bronced or flipped backwards rearing or anything. There is nothing in the description of the horse that makes it sound anything other than a sensitive unsettled horse
 
paddi22 said:
But, in response to the two posters above, it has to be noted that the horse has not been described at too dangerous to ride at any stage. It has shown it can hack happily in its last home. The horse is stressed and probably sharp as its a tb, but its behaviour hasn't been described as too dangerous to ride, it hasn't bronced or flipped backwards rearing or anything. There is nothing in the description of the horse that makes it sound anything other than a sensitive unsettled horse
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Exactly, if the horse rides well enough according to the OP to be advertised at 2k then I agree it's not as simple as PTS being the best thing. The horse sounds unsettled and sharp, maybe the routine doesn't suit it, or something its eating, or it's got a physical issue (ulcers)... I'm not against PTS for dangerous behaviour but in this case, with the information given, I feel it would be hasty.
 
southerncomfort said:
I'd cut him some slack. I'd try and see the world through his eyes and understand how utterly bewildering life has been for him. It doesn't sound like he's had any stability in his life and he is probably feeling deeply insecure.

For the sake of the horse I'd turn him away for the winter but with a strict routine of bringing in for a feed and a fuss and a brush every day. I'd let him be a horse and I'd let him experience routine and stability. I'd bring him in mid Winter and start doing a bit of work and I'd give him until mid-Spring and if he still hadn't settled then I'd start looking for a home for him as a project horse.
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This this this. And I noticed that OP mentioned she was looking into retirement livery to turn him out for six months, which is exactly what I was going to suggest. At the racehorse rehab where I worked, everything started with a six month spell to de-stress, settle and figure out how to horse again. I know this horse isn't straight off the track, but still, it's a different story once their life becomes calm, stable and predictable.

OP, you say yourself that you bought this horse at a time when you were vulnerable and upset. I suspect thoughts of PTS might be coming from the same place. Two months isn't very long for you to get over your loss, and however hard you've been doing it emotionally, this horse has it harder. I understand you not wanting to make things worse for you or your other horse either, which is sensible. So give this poor chap a decent chance to settle at arms length from you. Don't give yourself a hard time by judging yourself harshly or trying to solve this problem instantly. Turn him away for six months like you thought and then reconsider. It sounds like you both need this time.
 
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