Selling horse - limbo land

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TheRedMare

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We came to the decision that we were not suitable riders for our horse (first horse, I've ridden since I was young but never been in a secure financial position to own with university and then finding reliable, solid work - parents could not afford one when I was younger than that), who turned out to be greener still than told with much lacking from his life experience. No fault of his- he is superb and it's fricking heartbreaking to say goodbye... I'm just not able to give him the experienced home required. I wanted him to be with us forever. I didn't want to be the person who sells horses on and doesn't do their duty by the animals. Only that goodbye is now drawn out and excruciating.

He's with a friend on ridden livery for the moment and we're going to get teeth and all done in preparation to have him find his next home, only it's taking so long because we want to double check all with the vet beforehand too (little niggle that we'd like looked at and possible melanoma as a grey). Only once the vet sees him will I know if he will require a course of treatment and need to be on this livery for longer, which is excruciatingly painful. He's not at home and is a good distance away so we cannot see him. I don't have any problem spending money on him in the slightest, but I'm spending a good £500 extra per month on livery, which isn't sustainable long term. I'm doing a lot of extra work to ensure we can afford this, but I'm burning out and dreading finishing my day job to come home and do more work every evening and weekend.

I just want things to be better. I want him in the BEST home possible and I want my heart to start healing again after this horrible experience, that I don't think either us or the poor horse deserved. I thought I'd give it all up, but I can't stand not being at the yard and going there today felt like I was finally able to breathe again after these weeks. Not going to the yard every morning and evening is slowly wearing away at me and I just want to look forward for better - for both of us - but I'm stuck in limbo land with nothing really happening. I want the dream of owning a horse to come right this time, with a horse suitable for us and to be the people suitable for the right horse.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? How do you get through the limbo period where everything's up in the air - particularly when they're not even there for you to fuss and care for? :(

And how do you give your heart to another horse when the final sale is done?
 
I bought one that was not a match, and like you went to a sale livery. I guess I got through it because I trusted the sales livery to go a good job. We had a couple f weeks with not a lot happening, but they were schooling, then she went to 3 shows in 3 weeks, showed progression and sold very quickly.

I guess you could start to gather photos and videos to make an advert, ready to go when you are.
 
One of those people who buys and sells horses - there's nothing wrong with buying and selling horses if they don't suit you. Far worse to be one of those people who struggle on with an unhappy horse they are scared to handle and pour money down the drain keeping it.

I think I would have got the vet stuff sorted before the horse went away as you want him ready for sale asap if you're paying someone to sell him.

As for bonding with a new one. The moment you find the right horse that suits you and doesn't scare you - you won't need to worry about bonding with it!
 
Why don't you just arrange for the vet to go and see him? If you are spending an extra £500 per month, the value of the horse will soon be lost if you don't manage to get on and sell him. What might he need to be treated for?
 
FfionWinnie said:
One of those people who buys and sells horses - there's nothing wrong with buying and selling horses if they don't suit you. Far worse to be one of those people who struggle on with an unhappy horse they are scared to handle and pour money down the drain keeping it.

I bought a horse 10 years ago that I realised was not the one for me, I still have him he is a completely happy field ornament, I am not afraid of him and will keep him until his end. Is that so wrong? Not all unridden horses are unhappy or have owners who are afraid of them.
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If he does have melanomas you will have to declare them, even if they have had some treatment, so taking that and the livery costs into account I would just ask the yard to get on with selling him, I take sales liveries and know how tricky it can be to sell a horse with an issue that needs to be declared and how much it affects the price so the sooner they get on with it the better because he will not really go up in value, the livery will soon be more than he is worth if he has melanomas.
If they have him going well, do a really good honest advert he will have every chance of finding a wonderful home and you can move on and find a more suitable horse, the only other thing to consider is seeing if the schooling he is currently getting will help him be the horse for you, you don't give much info but it is worth considering investing in putting the miles on the clock for a month or two and going to ride him a few times, £2k spent on 4 months education may make all the difference and could be the most sensible route financially if he is a genuinely nice horse.
 
Crugeran Celt said:
I bought a horse 10 years ago that I realised was not the one for me, I still have him he is a completely happy field ornament, I am not afraid of him and will keep him until his end. Is that so wrong? Not all unridden horses are unhappy or have owners who are afraid of them.
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I was replying to the OP - not sure how your post getting at me brings any sort of value to the thread when the horse is on sales livery and the OP has intimated she is indeed scared of the horse.
 
I feel like the point of this thread was missed - I'm happy with how my friend's yard is taking care of him. Vet and dentist out next week. There's no point putting him up for sale beforehand if there is a melanoma as it will require declaration IF it is one. No point bringing him home as that's £300 transport and no arena available to ride in currently. I trust my friend is a better judge of people than me at the moment and will get him the best home he can have. Finding the best home for him is definitely my responsibility, regardless of livery fees.

Hopefully, it will not be a melanoma and the other niggle (which has already been seen twice by my vet and said to not be a problem) will not be a concern.

It doesn't really stop the horrible feeling in the interim, I was thinking more how to cope in the meantime between horses and not having the yard routine to dig into? I was musing over getting some jobs done around the yard to keep my mind in it and ensure all the prep is done (new stable mats acquired, trailer repairs done etc).

I suspect things will move more quickly once we have the vet and dentist done and know where we stand again.
 
I was in the same situation as you a few years ago.Mine went to a selling livery who were very good and got him a brilliant home.When I was upset someone said to me that somewhere out there is the perfect home for him and somewhere out there is the perfect horse for you.This proved to be absolutely correct.One hint.Find a really good trainer and take him/her with you when going to view.Well worth the money.Don't fall in love with anything until your trainer and your vet tell you you can.Don't be in a rush,it is finding the right one that counts.
 
Finding jobs to help you prep the yard for the next one is a good distracting technique. Also think about prepping yourself as a way to stay occupied - maybe do some Pilates or something to get you fitter and more supple for riding.

It'll be easiest if you can shorten the whole process as much as possible. I'd get the advert ready to go, and you can give him the best chance by putting together a really good advert - good conformation photos, a video under saddle. If the niggle has already been dismissed, hopefully you can deal with the teeth and the melanoma check next week, and get straight to market. Even if he does have melanomas, you can still find a good home if the price is right - and unless he's worth five figures, you're better (financially and mentally/emotionally) moving him on immediately at a much reduced rate than hanging on and trying to get everything fixed first.
 
I would start advertising him now, the nights are drawing in and people start thinking of winter. It may or not be a melanoma, who knows, but if you need to know if there is a market for him. I have a quality yearling for sale on Horsequest and I have not had one phone call, so I am planning already that I am going to have him through the winter.
I know you want the best home for him but spending lots on sales livery may not be economic, depending on his value. I have my own land, it took me two years to sell one, nothing wrong with him and I sold him for over £4k but there has to be a buyer looking.
 
I'd tend to agree with those suggesting to crack on and start advertising him, as unless he's a fairly high value prospect you'll likely end up spending more in livery than you'll end up making by selling him if he doesn't sell this side of Christmas.

I was in a similar position a few years back albeit with a horse I'd owned for years but just hadn't clicked with. His idea of fun was hooning around the woods, doing xc and sponsored rides, whereas I'm a total dressage diva.

I was paying out full livery and for my trainer to ride him a couple of times a week as I just didn't enjoy riding him anymore. In the end I dropped his price significantly to ensure he went to the lovely girl who'd viewed him but couldn't afford the full asking price as she had recently retired her other horse. My logic being that every month I kept him was another month I was spending hundreds on an unsuitable horse. She absolutely adores him and says he's her horse of a lifetime and I found M who is literally my childhood dream so I think it worked out well.
 
I feel your pain. The very day I decided my horse and I were not suited and that I was definitely going to sell, was the day it all went a bit wrong! Horse started to buck when ridden, had previously been occasionally when asked for canter but it increased dramatically. So had trainers ride her, same thing. The was v unusual for the horse- had back and saddled checked. Then scoped and found to have ulcers - vet v confident this was causing the bucking. Day after scope decided to kick stable wall and give herself a fat leg (all ok now), then pulled shoe on same foot twice, not straight off though, half off so she was standing on toe clip,wrecked hoof, then got abcess in said foot - particularly deep! Finally had all clear from abscess and shoe back on. Being scoped again next week. Now a running joke at the yard that this previously perfectly healthy horse does not want to be sold!
Depending on what scope brings, I will then have her in full livery. Kind of resigned myself that I will need to keep her through winter- as she's had eight weeks off, so will need bringing back into work etc (sssh - not mentioning the R I D E word in for the of her, incase she decides to do something else!) and sell in the spring. I'll see how it goes. I feel your pain currently spending hundreds of pounds a month to pick up poo and brush the horse! It is frustrating and expensive but unfortunately all part of horse ownership!
Before all of this she had been schooling beautifully, hacking alone and in company, to couple of dressage comps,a pleasure ride, training events, jump schooling, on holiday to the beach- all with no problems and a great attitude to everything!
Keeping my fingers crossed she gets the all clear! It is hard, especially when others are going out, doing stuff, progressing but can't be helped.
 
TheRedMare said:
I'm just not able to give him the experienced home required. I wanted him to be with us forever. I didn't want to be the person who sells horses on and doesn't do their duty by the animals. Only that goodbye is now drawn out and excruciating.

He's with a friend on ridden livery for the moment and we're going to get teeth and all done in preparation to have him find his next home, only it's taking so long because we want to double check all with the vet beforehand too... Only once the vet sees him will I know if he will require a course of treatment and need to be on this livery for longer, which is excruciatingly painful. He's not at home and is a good distance away so we cannot see him. I don't have any problem spending money on him in the slightest, but I'm spending a good £500 extra per month on livery, which isn't sustainable long term. I'm doing a lot of extra work to ensure we can afford this, but I'm burning out and dreading finishing my day job to come home and do more work every evening and weekend.

I just want things to be better. I want him in the BEST home possible and I want my heart to start healing again after this horrible experience, that I don't think either us or the poor horse deserved. I thought I'd give it all up,

And how do you give your heart to another horse when the final sale is done?
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ok, I have kept the bits in your post relevant to me because this was me 3/4 months ago-right down to distance, having certain diagnostics done and spending a shed load of money that I didnt begrudge but had to work two jobs to afford. I had weeks of not knowing what was really going to happen, wanting to give up and knowing I wouldnt have much, if any budget for another. All I can say is that it did all work out in the end-the horse is out on loan (hopefully permanently) to someone who adores him and who has no expectations of him. But those few weeks where I realised he'd never be the horse for me but not being able to do much about it were pretty crappy and stressful.

When I was horse shopping I had a list of essential requirements and some desirable ones-I did not deviate from that. Nearly two weeks ago my new pony arrived and he's been everything I wanted and not put a hoof wrong. He's a complete dude-I will say though, that although I thought my horse gorgeous we had never clicked, even on the ground really so it wasnt a massive heartbreak for me-I am very pleased he's found a good person though.
 
I can relate slightly to this. I had a 5yo gelding last year. I hadn't had him very long but the intention was to showjump him. Long story short I changed my mind and decided I wanted to event instead. And while he was a lovely horse and did everything I asked, he was very big, nearly 17hh, and far too powerful for me. We tried to work through it but ended up buying a smaller mare to bring on and event instead and put him up for sale. He stayed at the same yard and didn't sell for a couple of months (we were concerned it would take several months for him to sell) so I still had to keep him fit which was upsetting because I just wanted him to be in a new home and for it to be over!

You just have to power through because eventually he will be in a brand new amazing home and you will have your dream horse. Try to make the process as quick as possible if you can, then you won't feel like you are stuck in limbo.

Good luck x
 
I took my beautiful, totally adored and totally unsuitable KWPN warmblood with a pedigree as long as my arm to a reputable dealers and part exchanged him for a 5yo IDx with no recorded sire/dam when my confidence was non existent. 3 years later and me and this horse are still a happy team and growing together day by day. My confidence has also slowly returned which has been the best outcome I could have wished for! I still miss the warmblood and I don't know what happened to him which is sad but it was the best decision I ever made.
 
OldieButGoodie said:
I still miss the warmblood and I don't know what happened to him which is sad but it was the best decision I ever made.
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I personally couldn't do this, I could never swap a horse at a dealers. I carefully select where my horses are sold, I will visit the home prior etc. and ensure I have done as much digging on the new owners as possible to make sure they are a genuinely nice home. It doesnt sound like the OP could do this either.

OP, if I were you I'd get the vet out pronto (what are you waiting for?) to confirm if its a melanoma or just a sarcoid. Then deal with the treatment if needed, then put up for sale asap. No point wasting time and there will be someone out there for him but you need to get going as you're coming into winter which isn't the ideal time to sell as often people wait until Spring (or at least they do up my way - might be different down south where you guys have more indoor schools!). You'll find the right horse, you just have to be really careful when looking. Ask local RC's or PC's if they know of any horses for sale as often they can vouch for them.
 
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