Separation anxiety…… Please help.

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iudall

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My 4 year old mare is struggling with what I suppose you’d call separation anxiety.

She becomes very unsettled and stressed when other horses move away from her, even if she still has company.

The easy thing would be to pal her up with another horse so she would have a companion but I’m worried she’d become so attached she wouldn’t cope with doing anything without them.

I would like to build her confidence and independence so she doesn’t fret so much.

:confused: Has anyone any ideas, advice, experiences they could share with me please?

She’s so special; I don’t want her worrying about anything!!

(Other than this, she is actually quite bold and not spooky! She takes a lot of confidence from humans and is very attached to me already and I’ve not had her long! I absolutely love that but have been asking other people to handle her too so she is confident with all people and not just me)
 
You say that you have not had her long, and she is also very young. My own (new) young mare, has had a huge change in personality just by being allowed to have some "time" in her new home. I still have some big problems to solve with her, but we are chipping away at them. I think mares like to have continuity with the people who handle them. I also think they like their routine. Once she feels safe and secure in her home environment, you can try to stretch her emotionally by asking and expecting her to leave her friends. if you try to push her too hard and too fast you might get some unwanted problems.
 
I completely agree with you BigRed and thank you.

I’m not expecting too much from her considering her age and ‘newness’ and she has already become much more settled than she was when I first moved her.

I don’t ever ask her to be alone as I agree that would be too much for her to cope with.

I struggle a bit when lots of people ride together because that leaves only one or two horses in the yard and not many horses around her in the field. Its ok when I’m there as I do some ground work with her which she loves doing and she doesn’t notice that the other horses have gone! I obviously can't be there all of the time though.

Unfortunately, she has had to go in a field on her own for the time being (although surrounded by other horses) as she had a bad kick on Sunday night and is recovering from this. She paces up and down the fence line now which is sad to see.

I’m not expecting miracles in the short term but I just wondered if anyone had experiences or tips for how their horses became more confident and independent in the long term? I’m hoping just time will solve this but I’d like to help her if I can.

I’m trying to think carefully about how to build her ‘self-esteem’!! We went for a walk down the road on Sunday for instance. We took another horse so she wasn’t expected to go on her own but the other horse walked behind her and not in front. She was very good with this and lead the way very well. She did have me by her side though.

I suppose just the more we do the more relaxed she’ll become in general?
 
My horse used to be terrible on his own even coming in from the field. There where times when he had to be left on his own on the yard as everyone one else was out competing etc. If he was left in the field he would jump out and try and follow the lorry up the road! However if he was left in the stable with a hay net he was good as gold and better without anyone (especially me around).

However it did take a long time

I suppose they are used to being in stables on their own ?
 
I work around my mare's separation anxiety, though I'm very lucky that she will hack out alone. She needs to have another horse in the field with her, a horse on the other side of the fence isn't good enough. She will wait patiently at the gate for 5 minutes if it's still light out but will then go bonkers. I tend to "borrow" horses a lot if her fieldmates need to go in for any reason.

No help, I'm afraid, but if your mare is happy to just go out walking with you, and from the sound of it she shouldn't be a problem as she led the other day, I'd try and find a quiet companion or two (same sex) so she can become part of a herd.
 
Thanks guys.

The stables are in a barn so are very open, she can see everyone’s movements! She did go through a stage of literally climbing the walls and racing around her box.

She is much better now but will still have a few moments of this a couple of times a day.

On the walk out the other day, she was really good until a few horses up the road started to whinnie. She then forgets everything and it just set on being with the other horses! I suppose I need a technique to regain her attention in these types of situations!

I need to move her in a few weeks to a new yard, nearer to where I live. Where she is kept at the moment is lovely but is 21 miles from home and 27 miles from work!

Any tips for planning the move to make it go as smooth as possible!?

There is another horse moving too so I think that will help although I don’t want her to become too attached to him. She will be in the same field as him but I think we might purposely not have stables right next door to each other so she gets used to him not always being in touching distance. I’m hoping they get on ok and she doesn’t have any more kicks.
 
mine used to have very bad seperation anxiety, He used to run around his stable(he is nimble enough to almost trot around the stable) and kick and buck at the bars when his friend left him, We used to wave a lunge whip in his face every time he ran around, not make any eye contact or speak to him, and every time he got a little bit calmer move further away, it take a while but weve got there and he now stands happily watching the school or eating hay.

Good luck with yours, I hope she gets better! :)
 
Have you thought of a stable mirror to help her? I was always quite cynical but tried one recently in desperation with my 'needy' youngster and the difference has been amazing - he now quite happily stands in his box staring at himself while everyone else is out. One evening he started to get a bit stressy again, the yard owner heard him, went out and turned the light on his box and as soon as he could see himself in the mirror again, he went quiet again - it's the best 'proof' I can offer you!
 
is she food-oriented?

if so, distract her with a nice bowl of yummy carrots, chaff, mix, or hay. that way she associates being on her own with having a big pile of food. She might be happier - though she'll be fatter too ;-)
 
Thank you guys!

jumpsforfun, a mirror is a fantastic idea! Thank you! I hadn’t thought of that!

Did you have any problems when you put your mirror in? I’ve been told to introduce it slowly as they can be frightened by them or they can try to fight with their reflection!

I’ll definitely get one anyway! If I try to get one before I move, hopefully seeing herself at the new yard will comfort her as it’ll be something familiar!

Suechoccy, she is fairly food oriented! Good point! I do always make sure that she has plenty of food.

I have however taken her off the very sugary food that her old owner had her on. I felt it fuelled her behaviour to be honest.

She’s not dreadfully underweight but could do with putting on a few pounds! She eats plenty and I believe she digests her food well but I think the thing that is stopping her from gaining weight is being unsettled and ‘on the move’ all of the time.

She takes a mouthful of food then walks a bit (because she feels uneasy), then she takes another mouthful and walks a bit. I think if she relaxes then she will gain weight.

Yesterday, I tied her haynet just outside her stable (she could reach to eat it!). This meant that she could keep an eye on everything whilst eating at the same time!

Hopefully this will continue to work well and because she isn’t constantly moving she won’t be burning so many calories!!

I put her in the field with some other mares last night (not with the one that kicked her). I'd have ideally had her on her own until the swelling had gone down in her leg but she just wasn't settled on her own. Sometimes it's so difficult to decide what to do!

I hope she doesn't get another kick bless her!
 
I’m very interested in this thread as 4 years ago I bought a 8 year old Haflinger mare from a dealer. Physiologically she was a mess as I have since found out that she had 5 homes in 7 months (poor girl). She was fine if I take her away from others to ride etc but if any horse was taken away from her even if she was left with another horse she would go nuts as in going over the gate to follow.

I have still have her and yes she is a little better but I have her living with a companion but I always have to do her first and if I turn him out before her then she tries to get over the stable door, She rears when In the trailer on her own. I just don’t know what else to do as ive tried everything to try to improve the situation (food, mirrors etc and she is good to hack out on her own) she just doesn’t cope with any change in routine.
 
I understand how you feel, I had two horses for years who were inseparable!

I just had to handle them in the way that they were used to so they were happy but sometimes it was a compete pain!

It became even more difficult when one horse needed to be in a lot (laminitis) and the other needed to be out as much as possible (arthritis).

This is my reason for trying to plan ahead and not allow my new mare to cling onto any one horse! It won’t be healthy for either of us if that happens. I compete understand that she needs time to settle but I don’t want any habits forming!

The only thing I could suggest is to try to pal each of them up with another horse or pony for a while. It may only take your mare from desperately needing him to just needing company. That may be a little better though? I’d try to separate them (with the new company) for very short periods of time to start off with and although it’ll be a slow process, it won’t panic her too much. I understand that it is difficult to be reliant on another horse and owner but long term it may help.

I have been giving Ella walnut essence which has definitely helped. I have used it quite a lot in the past too. It helps them deal with change (in routine and environments) apparently. It does seem to make a difference! You just put a couple of drops in their feed twice a day. ‘Bach flower remedies’ do it in a little glass bottle which you can buy from Boots etc. It’s about £6.50 and lasts about 2 weeks. It would be worth the money if it helps your mare in the same way that it has helped my horses in the past.

Magnesium oxide is also very good for calming.

Have you tried anything like that?
 
To be honest it’s not just the gelding that she gets attached to its whoever she is with she gets attached to. I quite often take her to my friends yard for the day and we all go out for a ride then back to her yard for a while before returning home. When arriving back at her place she comes over the stable door when she turns her horses out as I have to close the top door until all movement of horses has stopped before I open it again
 
Ah, I can appreciate that it must be very very difficult.

I suppose calming her in general will make a little bit of a difference so the supplements may be worth trying?

I may have a reiki treatment for my mare if she gets any worse in the future. I’m not really 'fluffy' I promise (I work in racing etc.!) but I have seen it work for other horses!! I was massively sceptical but saw the results for myself. You have to find the right person though; there are a few con artists out there!!
 
I have to confess, I just stuck the mirror up and let him get on with it. Obviously, I watched to make sure he didn't freak out but I'm happy to report that it was love at first sight! Various other horses have been in his box since it's been up and none of them have taken fright or tried to fight with it although there's been a lot of licking - the mirror needs regular 'grooming' !!
 
Well I am just beginning to think it’s her and that’s just part of who she is, as apart from this issue she is fine and very calm etc

She has a regular reiki person out approximately once every 6 months and I’m learning how to do reiki treatments myself. She is brilliant and defiantly not a con as she has treated me before as well.
 
Te he he jumpforfun!! That’s comforting to know thank you!!

Buness_21 it sounds like you are doing everything possible to help your mare. I’m out of suggestions really other than buying a sheep to keep her company all of the time! That’s what my friend had to do!!

I've had reiki too. I wasn't sure when I had the first treatment but ones I've had since then have been amazing!
 
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