Seperating pair bonded horses - advice please.

Montyforever

Montyforever

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Mine and my mums mare have been inseparable since I got my mare roughly 3 years ago. My mums mare isn't so bad she will whinney/pace a bit but isn't overly bothered if seperated but mine goes completely mental and makes herself ill. She's jumped fencing, given herself spasmodic colic when stabled on a different part of the yard overnight, charged through fencing etc.
Managed to get to a point where she was relaxed with a line of electric fencing between them in a small area and so that she was okay to come in for short bits of time on her own but it's always upset my mare to be away from her for too long.

Unfortunately it's looking like my mum will have to loan out her mare or find someone willing to take her on as a companion as she's not going to be able to afford to keep her much longer and I can't afford to take her on :(

The question is, how will my mare cope?! She's the type who would run across a river full of crocodiles just so she wasn't away from my mums mare so I'm naturally a bit worried!
Obviously would like to avoid her getting colic again or injuring herself. She has other friends in the field who are stabled pretty close to her so will have them around her at least.

I was thinking maybe of sedating her before my mums mare goes and maybe for the first few days while she gets used to her not being there anymore. But I don't know if that will stop her stressing or make her stress more :confused:

Any advice appreciated, it's not an easy descion for anyone but I would just like to make it go as smoothly as possible for my little mare :(
 
Are they kept together with no others? If so, I would think that you will have to take her to another yard, somewhere with a lot of other horses.

Actually, just read that again, and sounds like you are already on a big yard. I would speak to the vet, see if they can suggest a calmer/sedative etc that may help.
 
I had a mare just like that - she'd run through you and knock you over if she was on her own or another horse was taken away. She jumped fences, galloped about injuring herself and was a general nightmare - I couldnt school as she'd just call constantly and nap to the gate.

I put her on regumate and within 2 weeks had a horse who'd stand happily on yard on her own and could knuckle down to a good schooling session. She even hacked on her own. Have to say it changed my life!
 
I really sympathise with you as I have been through exactly the same with my mare and her stable mate. I dreaded the thought of loosing the older horse as I knew my mare wouldn't cope. TBH I put it down to changes in her mentally due to an ovarian tumour. Even after it was removed she never really settled back down again. Not for one moment do I think that your mare has any such problem, just that I know what your going through.
It is not an easy problem to solve but I would start by talking to your vet about maybe starting her on a prescription calmer such as zylkene (sp?).
 
my first try were

you need your mother with her mare

you and your horse

than you go and look for an curve and on one end must be enough space

you go on the end with the space your mother walked around the curve (must be able to hear you) than keep your horse very busy reverse circle etc very busy...... every time if he is well behaved give him an big praise and call your mother to come back that your horse can see the mare repeat this 20-30 min a day and from day to day do longer periods where your horse not can see the mare

it takes time to get the results but it works as often as you try your horse will learn the mare will come back and there is no reason which must worry your horse
 
Take your mare away from your mums, rather than the other way round. At first just a short distance, like round the corner, or turn out literally a minute before. And always to do something positive, whether that be a carrot, handgraze, or do her itchy spot. So you get yours to have positive associations with leaving your mums horse behind. And just gradually increase the time you move yours away for, always returning yours before she has chance to stress. Work towards being able to leave your mums in, while yours goes out for a few hours with another. Then you start removing your mums from her. So perhaps yours gets her feed, your mums is walked around the corner for a minute. And again, build it up very slowly. Eventually they will get to the point they are happy separate for an entire day or night.
 
Can you try to find someone to share her at your yard so she doesn't have to leave but your mum has some financial help?

I hate separating horses that have pair bonded - always seems so sad for them! I am a big softy.
 
amymay said:
I agree with littlelegs. Take your horse away from your mums horse. Not the other way round.
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Now I would say just get them apart completely, different yards miles apart; doesn't really matter which way but a complete break, same as a weaning or a death. Then give your mare lots of work to do and don't let her get fixated by another horse, they're a pain in the neck when they do that.
 
Can't find a sharer as she's not rideable as she's a very nervous type and she's very very spooky. Spent 3 years working on her confidence and still can't get her safe enough to even consider rebacking her, she doesn't like being fussed over/groomed and would quite happily live out with food/water/shelter and be left alone other than for farrier/vets visits. She's a sweet pony but had her confidence wrecked by someone in the past but she's okay on the ground handling wise after a lot of work she's happy to have her feet picked out, rugs on and off etc but she just likes being left to be a horse.
So realistically going on loan as a companion is the only option for her so we can keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't end up anywhere dodgy.
It's not a descion either of us are taking lightly
 
Similar to maesfen. When it's time for your mums horse to go I would take your's to another yard first, for a week or two. Then bring her home once your mums has gone. I think taking mums away leaving your's at home is asking for trouble. Loaning mums on current yard won't help. A new loaner will get fed up quicker than your mum trying to accommodate your's everytime they want to do something.
 
Montyforever said:
Can't find a sharer as she's not rideable as she's a very nervous type and she's very very spooky. Spent 3 years working on her confidence and still can't get her safe enough to even consider rebacking her, she doesn't like being fussed over/groomed and would quite happily live out with food/water/shelter and be left alone other than for farrier/vets visits. She's a sweet pony but had her confidence wrecked by someone in the past but she's okay on the ground handling wise after a lot of work she's happy to have her feet picked out, rugs on and off etc but she just likes being left to be a horse.
So realistically going on loan as a companion is the only option for her so we can keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't end up anywhere dodgy.
It's not a descion either of us are taking lightly
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I'm sorry but those taking on a companion usually take on something that's easy to handle in all ways not a nervous one as this seems to be. I think you need to be very careful that you won't be adding to her problems by moving her on if you can find someone to take on what most of us would refer to as a nut case (however it was caused) and would steer well away from. Sometimes, the hardest decision for us can be the best decision for the horse.
 
She's not a nutcase maesfen :) shes easy to do day to day you can catch her easily/sort out her rugs/pick out her feet and bring her in and out easily. She never reacts nastily and if she spooks she just jumps rather than having a complete meltdown. She's only ever bitten/kicked when I've pushed her too much (putting on fly spray and accidentally cornered her so she panicked) shes an ideal companion as she doesn't flip if she's left alone for a little while and doesn't bully horses in the field. She lunges/longreins too but doesn't ever seem happy doing it, it's like dragging a toddler along sulking half the time and she spooks at the lines/lunge whip and is just like a ticking time bomb.

Shes a very good companion, she's not nasty, she's cheap to keep and fairly easy to handle so ideal for a companion home really :)
 
That is a really tough situation. I have three mini shets that are a 'family', mum, dad (now gelded) and baby (now 5 years old). The two girls can be seperated and kept on their own if necessary but if I try to take the lad, the most laid back individual you can imagine, he gets into a panic. I take him out on his own for walks etc and he is fine but if he is 'at home' he is desperate to be with at least one of the girls. If he is apart from them he gallops around and gets very sweaty and upset. Fortunately I plan to keep all three but I think he would suffer terribly if we were forced to seperate him. We purchased the trio when the foal was only a few weeks old but I think her mum and the gelding had been together for many years previously. Maybe that is the problem....if you allow horses to form very strong bonds it is almost impossible to break them without a lot of heartache.
 
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