Serious fall serious confidence problems

[Michelle1109]

I’ll try and keep this to the short version.
Old horse (22 ex gp) turned in to a dangerous hot mess, worked through it got worse got professional help didn’t help got worse started bolting like a killing machine
I fell off broken ribs damaged tendons muscles etc etc off for months (and that’s just me) horse was fine of course!!!
After some time we retired him and we are looking at our options for him .... due to our location (Middle East) it’s hard to kindly retire here as we have no grazing

Soooo after months of thinking discussing etc etc I tried a few new horses and got one she is a gem really she is... a little mare/y at times but that’s ok
All the time I was trying her it was great she was lovely and good for me to ride

I took her home and WOW! I have no confidence at all!!! I even started to shake when I rode her
For safety sake I’ve got some help and we are working her from the ground and my Friend also jumps on to keep her going
I keep having memories of all the bad stuff that happened with me and my old boy and I fear it’s going to happen again and that’s what the problem is

What the hell!!! What has happened to me?

I am not super experienced and will never be a super star rider and I dont want to be I just like to enjoy a ride and a few silly in house competitions.

But wow!!! This is awful
I’m stabled at very large pretentious yard where the atmosphere is electric everyday

When I go to smaller yards I fill up with confidence and ride anything!!! but at home i am a quivering mess

Help!!! Should I move yards should I get hypnosis Hahhaha!!!!

Please keep the comments positive. I am not Carl Hester and never will be
I am or was a happy horse owner who just enjoys for fun not for competing so please keep it in mind if you can offer any help ..... it’s me that needs help in the confidence department

TIA

 

[Widgeon]

Well, straight off, it sounds like your current yard isn't helping - you don't sound happy there and it doesn't seem to be supporting you. If it's possible to move to a smaller yard could you consider that?

I can't comment on how to regain your confidence with your lovely new horse (congrats by the way on finding her) but your line "When I go to smaller yards I fill up with confidence and ride anything!!! but at home i am a quivering mess" does suggest to me that you need a more low key, less pressured atmosphere. The fact that you say "pretentious " also sounds like you maybe don't get on with the people on your current yard? If better (for you) options are available it sounds like you should seriously consider them.

More experienced people than me will be able to offer advice on regaining confidence, but regardless of why your old horse ditched you like he did (that sounds like a whole other question) a bad fall with associated injuries is frightening - yours is not an abnormal response. With a kind horse and support from a good and presumably competent friend, it'll improve with time. Don't let fear get the better of you though, you might have to push yourself a bit at first to get on and just ride. Eventually you will start enjoying it again! Good luck, and please don't feel you're overreacting - lots of us feel / have felt like this at some point.

 

[Experienced equestri]

I rode a 16.2hh horse called Miya sometime last year & it didnt like contact Initially i rode her with a long rein (+ very light contact) but she spooked at something & I took up contact to hopefully stay on & she bucked me off. I got back on & tried to repeat the excersise & she spooked again at the same place & I was off again. As a result I have a permananet injury to my shoulder & told my instructor I never want to ride her again -she's mad & needs to be long reined

 

[SpringArising]

I can empathise with you as I've gone through very similar recently. I was bolted with twice in very quick succession and each time I came away with serious injuries. My confidence doesn't dent easily (I can't think of anything that's made me think twice about getting back on in twenty years), but this has done a bit of a number on it, as the 'what ifs' of what could have happened to me AND the horse could have been so much worse than what they were.

My only advice is to be kind on yourself and take things as slowly as you need! You could have someone walk out with you on foot - with a spooky/unpredictable horse I find this is a really big comfort.

 

[Experienced equestri]

Cheers my friend My confidence wasnt dented ol carry on going . Recently i fell off Bella -that was my fault I missjudged a small fence I thought she was going to be honest enough to have a try but she "put the breaks on" instead lol I ll always ride her anytime

I hacked out with my instructor a couple of weeks ago she rode a beautiful grey. Believe it or not in the 40 years I've riddenn IVE NEVER RDDEN A GREY!!!) all the horses ive ridden have either been chestnut, bay, skewbald, piebald , black - appaloosa, albino , every colour but grey Seems hard to believe but its true -.Its not a case of saying I want to ride...... the grey. I have to ride who I;m told & they have never been greys

My instructor told me that once she'd ridden Tequilla (the grey) a few times she's going to put me on her-so living in hope but looking forward to it -whever & if ever it happens

 

[Michelle1109]

Well, straight off, it sounds like your current yard isn't helping - you don't sound happy there and it doesn't seem to be supporting you. If it's possible to move to a smaller yard could you consider that?

I can't comment on how to regain your confidence with your lovely new horse (congrats by the way on finding her) but your line "When I go to smaller yards I fill up with confidence and ride anything!!! but at home i am a quivering mess" does suggest to me that you need a more low key, less pressured atmosphere. The fact that you say "pretentious " also sounds like you maybe don't get on with the people on your current yard? If better (for you) options are available it sounds like you should seriously consider them.

More experienced people than me will be able to offer advice on regaining confidence, but regardless of why your old horse ditched you like he did (that sounds like a whole other question) a bad fall with associated injuries is frightening - yours is not an abnormal response. With a kind horse and support from a good and presumably competent friend, it'll improve with time. Don't let fear get the better of you though, you might have to push yourself a bit at first to get on and just ride. Eventually you will start enjoying it again! Good luck, and please don't feel you're overreacting - lots of us feel / have felt like this at some point.

Good to know I’m not the only one!!

I am trying to ride through it and Moving yards is high on my priority list, the people are all very nice don’t get me wrong, but they all think everytime they ride they are riding in to the main Olympic arena :/
Some days I just want to plod and play
The atmosphere is super electric all the time and I know many horses who have flipped a switch being there
And also lots who moved for the same reason

Wish me and the ginger ninja luck!
Who would I thought it!!!! I bought a chestnut mare

 

[JFTDWS]

Just sounds like a very mismatched yard for your current circumstances. The only way to get over confidence issues is - in my experience - to keep chipping away at small goals and forcing yourself to make small (even tiny) steps forward until the stuff you really want to do is normal again.

And chestnut mares are awesome. Don't knock 'em

 

[shirl62]

I feel your pain...Last year in the riding school I was thrown off unceremoniously when the horse shied at some invisible predator...Don't really remember much as KO'd and like you had fractured ribs...It took me about 4 months to get some of my confidence back. I remember at the time when I was recovered enough to continue with my lessons that in the first few weeks nothing was ever right...stirrups not right etc, but I persevered and eventually looked forward and enjoyed riding again. I am sure you just have to take your time and you will soon get your mojo back.

Shirl

 

[AppleBon12]

I found the yard a massive influence without even realising at first - after coming back into horses and buying my mare, after some time out just riding friends, we relocated to a different part of the country (partners job) yard that was perfect on paper but an absolute nightmare so bitchy, judgmental, negative. I had a couple of falls off of her and really started to doubt myself, my knowledge and capabilities.
We then moved to a yard that we knew absolutely nothing about but the owners, yard staff and other liveries are incredible. They are so supportive, everyone helps each other and it brought us on leaps and bounds! Definitely worth looking into a knew yard as if it wasn't for my partner coming down and seeing what the original yard was like I probably would have just stuck with it xx

 

[JulesRules]

I lost my confidence after a bad fall. Someone on here advised me to go to my local riding school and get some lessons on different horses. Best advice ever. It really worked. I still get nervous occasionally but on the whole I'm fine now.

 

[laura_nash]

should I get hypnosis Hahhaha!!!!

I didn't have anything like the same excuse for my nerves (had a fright but no injuries) and I was working through them, but I did hypnosis for a totally un-horsey reason, also related to overcoming fear, and found when I next rode my nerves were gone.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Just sounds like a very mismatched yard for your current circumstances. The only way to get over confidence issues is - in my experience - to keep chipping away at small goals and forcing yourself to make small (even tiny) steps forward until the stuff you really want to do is normal again.

And chestnut mares are awesome. Don't knock 'em

This definitely I had an accident on one of my horses last November he fell on my leg and broke my ankle in 2 places, I now have a plate in it and riding is just not the same for me, I can get very worried about it but I just do what I can and try and do a bit more each week but nothing too daring so I don't scare myself, and I have progressed I have started to have a short lesson each week and that has really helped.

 

[Experienced equestri]

Well, straight off, it sounds like your current yard isn't helping - you don't sound happy there and it doesn't seem to be supporting you. If it's possible to move to a smaller yard could you consider that?

I can't comment on how to regain your confidence with your lovely new horse (congrats by the way on finding her) but your line "When I go to smaller yards I fill up with confidence and ride anything!!! but at home i am a quivering mess" does suggest to me that you need a more low key, less pressured atmosphere. The fact that you say "pretentious " also sounds like you maybe don't get on with the people on your current yard? If better (for you) options are available it sounds like you should seriously consider them.

More experienced people than me will be able to offer advice on regaining confidence, but regardless of why your old horse ditched you like he did (that sounds like a whole other question) a bad fall with associated injuries is frightening - yours is not an abnormal response. With a kind horse and support from a good and presumably competent friend, it'll improve with time. Don't let fear get the better of you though, you might have to push yourself a bit at first to get on and just ride. Eventually you will start enjoying it again! Good luck, and please don't feel you're overreacting - lots of us feel / have felt like this at some point.

I don't thnk I said pretentious. he poor horse has had an operation & had her ey removed,When i saw her i just broke down- I wouldn't wish that on any horse regardless of their behavour
I get on well with everyone to be fair. I rode a lovely horse called Missy - beautiful skewbald in the school. Once she told me how she should be ridden I was ok with her .I miss my own horse who sadly was put down in the 90s. a part arab called count ellwood

 

[Widgeon]

I don't thnk I said pretentious. he poor horse has had an operation & had her ey removed,When i saw her i just broke down- I wouldn't wish that on any horse regardless of their behavour
I get on well with everyone to be fair. I rode a lovely horse called Missy - beautiful skewbald in the school. Once she told me how she should be ridden I was ok with her .I miss my own horse who sadly was put down in the 90s. a part arab called count ellwood

I was replying to OP who described her current yard as "very large (and) pretentious"

 

[Mahoganybay]

This is interesting as I am considering hypnosis for my riding nerves.

I didn't have anything like the same excuse for my nerves (had a fright but no injuries) and I was working through them, but I did hypnosis for a totally un-horsey reason, also related to overcoming fear, and found when I next rode my nerves were gone.

 

[JFTDWS]

Experienced equestrian seems confused as to their own identity, and that of the OP...

 

[Widgeon]

Experienced equestrian seems confused as to their own identity, and that of the OP...

Well I wasn't going to say anything. But, erm, yes.

 

[henmother]

It sounds like the fall has left you feeling vulnerable and the yard you're on offers little support. I can empathise fully after an up and over left me an incomplete paraplegic. I broke my ribs, two in several places ,they hurt more than the burst fracture of my L3! Broken ribs are awful. When you ride do you wear a body protector, or better still an air vest ? I find that if you take every possible precaution to prevent further injury that can help with your confidence. Have you considered speaking to a sports psychologist? They may be able to help you work through your concerns . Or a hypnotist ? Confidence is a fragile thing and can easily be shattered , you have to find a way to slowly build it back up and be happy with progress even if it's what the other liveries would scoff at . Start slowly , and remember there's always tomorrow. If you aren't having a good day , and don't want to get on , don't . Riding should be fun , not blimmin torture . Could you have some lessons on the lunge , find a rider to escort you , what about some lessons on a mechanical horse ? Please don't ever beat yourself up for being worried , there's nothing wrong with being a bit scared when you've had an accident . I would never ever be able to be on a big yard as I don't think I'd get the help , support or bum kicks that I get with people that I am close to , trust implicitly and that really care . I wish you the very best of luck . Let the rest of them get on with their horses , and you enjoy your time with yours.

 

[Michelle1109]

It sounds like the fall has left you feeling vulnerable and the yard you're on offers little support. I can empathise fully after an up and over left me an incomplete paraplegic. I broke my ribs, two in several places ,they hurt more than the burst fracture of my L3! Broken ribs are awful. When you ride do you wear a body protector, or better still an air vest ? I find that if you take every possible precaution to prevent further injury that can help with your confidence. Have you considered speaking to a sports psychologist? They may be able to help you work through your concerns . Or a hypnotist ? Confidence is a fragile thing and can easily be shattered , you have to find a way to slowly build it back up and be happy with progress even if it's what the other liveries would scoff at . Start slowly , and remember there's always tomorrow. If you aren't having a good day , and don't want to get on , don't . Riding should be fun , not blimmin torture . Could you have some lessons on the lunge , find a rider to escort you , what about some lessons on a mechanical horse ? Please don't ever beat yourself up for being worried , there's nothing wrong with being a bit scared when you've had an accident . I would never ever be able to be on a big yard as I don't think I'd get the help , support or bum kicks that I get with people that I am close to , trust implicitly and that really care . I wish you the very best of luck . Let the rest of them get on with their horses , and you enjoy your time with yours.

Wow thats one hell of a fall! Hope you are doing ok now

Thanks very much for the kind words
I’ve put my name down to move to a quieter yard (may be a month or more before a space if free)
But my friend is now helping me and I’ve got a different saddle that I feel much more secure in
Plan is to ride at 5:6am when the place is dead! Just me the ginger ninja and my ground support
Even if I just walk her or trot her I’ll feel good

I know it’s the yard (ad some memories for sure) but more the yard as when I was riding her a few times to test the yard was quite as I had no fear at all........ so we are packing our bags

 

[henmother]

Well it sounds to me like you've made great steps to improve your situation. A quiet yard certainly helps when you aren't feeling your bravest . There's loads you can do in walk and trot . I always feel better if my mind is focussed and I have a plan in the arena . If I don't have a plan I sometimes end up just bimbling along . Maybe look at the intro dressage tests , that'll give you a plan , something to concentrate on . I'll never be carl Hester but like to do a bit stressage to give us an end goal .
You'll get there , it just takes time , your own time not someone else's timetable . Enjoy your ride , whatever you do , and there's loads you can do in walk and trot . Build that confidence with your great new mount and cherish it . Every time I get on I say to my lad, you look after me, and I'll look after you . It's worked so far. He is, and has been my lifesaver . There's a reason we don't give up , you can do it .

 

[Experienced equestri]

I don't thnk I said pretentious. he poor horse has had an operation & had her ey removed,When i saw her i just broke down- I wouldn't wish that on any horse regardless of their behavour
I get on well with everyone to be fair. I rode a lovely horse called Missy - beautiful skewbald in the school. Once she told me how she should be ridden I was ok with her .I miss my own horse who sadly was put down in the 90s. a part arab called count ellwood

Well I wasn't going to say anything. But, erm, yes.

 

[Experienced equestri]

To be fair m not I am not confused. I know who I am & Im experienced equestri so how can I be confused about that ? I rode Tilly this week -shes a lazy bugger lol-& very difficult to ride, but got a lovely canter once its been established though

Experienced equestrian seems confused as to their own identity, and that of the OP...