Serious help needed to help 6 year old child terrified of dogs

[danda]

I really need help here as my 6 year old grandson is too frightened to come to the house due to the presence of our 3 dogs .
dogs are ages 14, 12 and 11 not barking and not jumping up or behaving in a bad way.
He has known them for years since he was born and was never really at ease but not a real problem.
we had a family birthday party on Sarurday and they had to go home after 10 minutes as he just screamed all the time. parents say nothing they know of has happened.

I am trying to find out how to approach this, how to help him but not penalise my dogs by locking them out on every occasion. I tried putting up a temporary barrier so they were blocked into the far end of the room but by that time he was incapable of calming down.

i really hope someone with common sense can give me some ideas as I forsee no more family get togethers’ birthdays, Christmas etc.

 

[CorvusCorax]

I'd probably seek professional help and in the meantime, step out of the situation put your grandson first. I know dogs are important but their heads won't fall off if they're in another room for an hour here or there and you don't get the time back.
You wouldn't expect a child with (for example) a clown phobia to be fine with three clowns being in the far end of the room as long as they were cordoned off by a barrier.
Nothing bad has to happen, some people have phobias of buttons, feathers, it's a psychological issue that can be debilitating and needs to be dealt with properly.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I agree with CC, keep your dogs out of the way for now while the child if given professional psychological help for this phobia. Part of the problem is that a 6 yr old won't have the words to really explain how he feels about dogs or if there is an external reason for that, even if he knows, which he probably doesn't. This is going to be a disruptive problem for him all his life unless his parents find some professional help for him.

 

[meleeka]

What do the parents think about it? It’s down to them really if they choose to do something about the phobia. In the meantime, I’d just shut the dogs away for the duration of the visit.

 

[Tiddlypom]

i really hope someone with common sense can give me some ideas as I forsee no more family get togethers’ birthdays, Christmas etc.

Please put your grandson first, and shut the dogs completely away or even board them in kennels when he visits.

You seem to be more concerned about upsetting your dogs than your grandson .

 

[MyBoyChe]

I do agree that if this child is so terrified by your dogs he cannot even visit you, he needs correct professional help as this is something that could well affect his life. Whilst he doesnt have to have anything to do with dogs if he chooses not do, if his phobia is this extreme he is going to start having panic attacks and meltdowns if he accidentally comes into contact with a dog whilst out and about minding his own business. My own MIL wont visit us because she is so terrified of dogs, even if I promise to shut them out she wont visit in case they escape and get back in. In the 14 years we have been married she has visited once whilst all 3 were at the groomers!! I dont know how easy it is for you to visit them instead, how close you are to each other and although its not a solution to his problem, it might be a safer option for now. Its not fair on the child or the dogs to try to force the issue (not that you suggested you would do that) Phobias are awful and we all have different ones, nothing in this world would entice me into a swimming pool or onto an aeroplane!!

 

[splashgirl45]

thats such a shame for him...i would make sure dogs are in another room when they come to visit..... would it be worth taking one dog out for a walk with him and his parents to try and make him feel more at ease with them. maybe you walk in front so he can feel safe....or perhaps his parents need to seek professional help if he is very bad as it may make him insecure in other things as well. poor little chap

 

[misst]

I agree with putting dogs out of the way for the duration of the visit so he can start to relax in your house. However that sounds so extreme I would wonder if this is a manifestation of a behavour problem which includes other things? Does he react extremely to anything or anyone else? How does he cope with new situations in general?
His parents will know if there are other issues so it is up to them how they address them, but think in the nicest possible way it needs very very careful handling and probably a bit more than general common sense.

 

[Clodagh]

I wonder if the problem has been exaggerated by lick down and all other stresses?
I would keep the dogs right out the way for now so he can relax in the house. I also agree he needs professional help.

 

[Clodagh]

My own MIL wont visit us because she is so terrified of dogs, even if I promise to shut them out she wont visit in case they escape and get back in. In the 14 years we have been married she has visited once

never complain about that ?

 

[Jenko109]

I really hope his parents seek help for him.

I have a friend whose child is afraid of dogs, now 10, pretty much because she didn't really socialise him properly in the early days and it's a nightmare. She can't go anywhere with him where dogs are as he will have a melt down.

 

[Flyermc]

My little girl is the same. We dont have dogs at home, but my mum does.

She was scared rather than a phobia, so we generally started outside so the dogs were 'around' but not 'in the picture' (eg going for walks, park etc) she's now OK with my mums dogs in her home, but still unsure about other dogs, particularly dogs that come running up to her off there lead, but thats a different story!!

She generally has an 'unsure' nature and was similar when we first got our chickens.

 

[CorvusCorax]

The granddaughter of the man who pretty much helped get me onto this crazy dog planet I'm currently living on, so a very doggy family, had a real fear, sparked by one of the dogs barking very loudly in her ear/right beside her head in the back of a car when she was very young. The dog was not barking *at* her.
They took on a couple of his older dogs that didn't make the grade for showing and actually having them live in the house with her seemed to help, although she's still a bit nervous of strange dogs. Her Mum used to bring her up to watch the training but she was still a bit wary. Early teens now.

My cousin's son, who's father was a gamekeeper on a big estate in Scotland, also had a fear of dogs despite being brought up around spangles and labs. I must ask how he's doing these days.

 

[ester]

I can think of a lot of reasons why a family party would not set the kid up to succeed in managing a stressor like dogs being present and might make the reaction bigger than it has been previously. Family get togethers are stressful even when you get on well with your family!

No more family get togethers seems a bit extreme for the sake of removing the dogs for a short time. Hopefully his parents can seek some help and it can managed in a less stressful setting but I don't think being scared of dogs is anymore unusual than lots of other things people are scared of.

 

[cauda equina]

And far more logical
A dog may kill you, clowns and buttons probably won't

 

[Red-1]

You say that before the party it wasn't such a problem, but the party was obviously too much for the child and he has now had a meltdown.

I would say that it now needs properly looking at, as damage has been done.

3 dogs is a lot for someone not comfortable, and mixed with a family party, a lot of energy was in the room.

Have you spoken the your children (parents of the child) to see how they have worked with this so far? If they had to leave, they presumably had some conversation about that?

I would consider professional help, as it is a downer for life, not to be able to manage dogs, but, depending on circumstances, I would have a try to repair the damage. Maybe from the dog's perspective (the quietest one) saying that Fido was sad when you left the party, could he come for a walk with you? Maybe meet in the park, with added ice cream. Short walk and split up again. A no is a no though, the child has to want to come to you. Maybe you could sit on a bench with the dog (with added ice cream) have a moment and leave.

I'm afraid that, if the cild really was so overwhelmed as to have a meltdown, I would also board the dogs for the duration of the visit, for now. Contact has to be on their terms, and a family party is not the place for that.

 

[Jenko109]

And far more logical
A dog may kill you, clowns and buttons probably won't

Clearly you have never seen 'It'

 

[scats]

Could you arrange to meet regularly on a walk with your grandson so he is with the dogs but doesn’t feel ‘trapped’ with them?

 

[CorvusCorax]

And far more logical
A dog may kill you, clowns and buttons probably won't

There's not much logic in some fears and phobias, especially when you're six.

 

[Tiddlypom]

I do know of two children who were at one time terrified of stange dogs who later came round to be ok with them.

One was a bit less scared of whippets than other dogs, so the family got a whippet puppy which the child adored and is still a much loved member of the family.

I'm not sure what happened to the other child as he grew up, he was ok with the family dogs but not strange dogs. He is now at vet med school so must have outgrown his fear.

Also the family party - I imagine that the child hasn't seen many group gatherings recently due to Covid? The whole thing could have been overwhelming after being told to keep his distance from people for so long, and the dogs were the thing that pushed him over the edge.

It does need to be handled carefully so that it doesnt escalate further, and if he were mine I'd be seeking professional help as to how to deal with it. The last you want is him out for a walk in a park and an unruly off lead dog bounding up and bowling him over.

 

[Moobli]

Please put your grandson first, and shut the dogs completely away or even board them in kennels when he visits.

You seem to be more concerned about upsetting your dogs than your grandson .

That's a bit harsh! My dogs are family as far as I am concerned and if I had a visiting child who was afraid of them I would either shut them away somewhere or probably suggest I visit said child in their own home and leave my dogs at home. I certainly wouldn't be sending my dogs to kennels.

 

[Moobli]

The granddaughter of the man who pretty much helped get me onto this crazy dog planet I'm currently living on, so a very doggy family, had a real fear, sparked by one of the dogs barking very loudly in her ear/right beside her head in the back of a car when she was very young. The dog was not barking *at* her.
They took on a couple of his older dogs that didn't make the grade for showing and actually having them live in the house with her seemed to help, although she's still a bit nervous of strange dogs. Her Mum used to bring her up to watch the training but she was still a bit wary. Early teens now.

My cousin's son, who's father was a gamekeeper on a big estate in Scotland, also had a fear of dogs despite being brought up around spangles and labs. I must ask how he's doing these days.

My younger son has a fear of strange dogs despite being brought up around my shepherds and all the sheepdogs. I think it possibly stems from when, as a baby, my sister's border terrier jumped up at him, he knocked his head on the wall and the terrier tried to pull his nappy off He absolutely adores my two and he isn't scared of them at all, but he is still a bit unsure around the kennel dogs (who can be jumpy and loud) and strange dogs on walks no matter the size or breed. He is now 13 years. I don't think it is phobic level but he is definitely a bit uncomfortable.

 

[Tiddlypom]

That's a bit harsh! My dogs are family as far as I am concerned and if I had a visiting child who was afraid of them I would either shut them away somewhere or probably suggest I visit said child in their own home and leave my dogs at home. I certainly wouldn't be sending my dogs to kennels.

No harsh at all.

The grandson is human family and humans come first in my book.

 

[CorvusCorax]

My Mum boards hers if I'm staying for a few days (I have three and it's a bit of faff) despite being a stressy sort, he loves his holiday down the road!

 

[paddy555]

you talk about your house and your 3 dogs. What if he was playing in the park and say a cockapoo came over to play.. Would he still panic? Large open space, no hassle for him, a different looking dog who just wanted to play ball. He throws it runs away to fetch. Just wondering exactly what he is scared of especially based on Moobli's comments about her lad.

 

[splashgirl45]

i live on my own and my dogs are my family , when my sister and neices came with my nieces 6 month old baby i put my 2 terriers on leads for the duration of their visit. my old collie cross is very quiet and the baby loved her but i think the terriers would have been too lively...i have a tiny cottage so have no where to shut them away but they were both very well behaved and didnt bark or jump about so my great neice had a pretty good introduction to my dog family...i wouldnt put my dogs in kennels if there was a problem, i would go to their house and leave my dogs in their own home..

 

[Moobli]

No harsh at all.

The grandson is human family and humans come first in my book.

This comment was a bit uncalled for I thought ...

"You seem to be more concerned about upsetting your dogs than your grandson ."

 

[windand rain]

My daughter in law is afraid of dogs my 2 grandsons were but it is a good reason to have a dog crate trained the dog stayed in the crate until they asked to have her out then they sat on the sofa while she wandered about. They adore her now but my worry is if she dies as she is 11 that a puppy might just be a bit much for them

 

[CorvusCorax]

This comment was a bit uncalled for I thought ...

"You seem to be more concerned about upsetting your dogs than your grandson ."

TBH the inference I got was that there would be no more get-togethers because OP wouldn't be shutting the dogs away, but can appreciate the OP was probably stressed and can't be expected to be perfectly articulate in this scenario.
There will be real and lasting damage done if grandson gets the impression that his grandmother values the dogs more than him.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

I presume that due to lockdowns he presumably haven't visited your house for months, possibly a year. From our adult perspective it doesn't seem that much, but for a 6 year old child, that's like half an eternity, and something that can make a big difference to what they feel used to doing, and not. The lockdowns has maybe also meant that he's not been out walking, and seeing other dogs being walked on the pavements, as much as before the lockdown.

How does he react on seeing/meeting other dogs out walking? Is it possible that his parents has been trying to fix his problem themselves by telling him he doesn't need to worry, because look, that dog is on a lead, it can't do anything to you? Hypothetically, if they have been saying something like that, and presumably your dogs weren't on their leashes in your house, then that might have been a contributing factor to the meltdown.

Regardless of what his parents might have been saying or not, on top of meeting the dogs came the tension of it being a birthday party. A type of gathering which he presumably also due to lockdowns, haven't been going to much the last year.

To really solve the problem, I can only agree with the others, saying that this seems to have escalated to a problem which needs the help of a professional educated in helping people with dog phobia. Which makes it into something that the parents have to feel is a problem big enough to warrant involving such professionals.

Personally I'm okay with keeping my 3 bitches either in the large dog crate I have with plenty of room for more than 3 dogs of their size, which could be placed either in- or outdoors. Or having my bitches in another room, or on leashes indoors, for some hours while a guest is visiting. But I draw the line at paying both for a party, and boarding my bitches in dog kennels.

I had a look at what it would cost for me to let my bitches stay in a few dog kennels nearby me. They take full price for one dog, and 50% per any other extra dog, as long as they're small enough to share a kennel. To that comes that some special days in the calender they charge a higher price than ordinary, my birthday is on one of those days, and during Christmas, and New Years Eve, they only book for a minimum of 4 days.
Presuming that their kennels are large enough for 3 Finnish Lapphunds to share 1 kennel, on my birthday I would have to pay from around 85 to 170 GBP, and during Christmas, in total from around 340 to 435 GBP. If my 3 bitches would need to be split with 1 in 1 kennel, and 2 in another kennel, the cost would increase even more.
My entire buying Christmas presents budget is at most around 300 GBP, to pay for boarding my bitches on top of that is simply out of the question.

Besides, board them in kennels for what, the joy of having a 6 year old child I barely know but happen to be related to by DNA, running around my house for a handful of hours? I have to say that simply saying humans is worth more than animals in some imaginary book, is not really selling it to me.