Shannon Matthews

I was a stay at home mum when first hubby died. Matthew was only 14 months old. I, like JM, didn't have any handouts from family or friends and there was no decent insurance policy to provide for me. Only a widow's pension of £101 per month.

I took a few weeks to pull myself together, understandably, but no one in my family offered to feed or clothe us. I HAD to sort a situation out. Didn't go in a council house, I rented in the private sector. I'll admit I was too "snobby" to want to move on to the estates that had houses vacant in our area and I also wanted to keep Ashley at the same school and not move him.

It can be done and Tia's right, it's not luck. I wasn't at all lucky to be widowed or forced out to work, leaving my very emotionally fragile children with a stranger (well she was a registered childminder, but they didn't know her before I had to use her).

People are either survivors and "get on with it" or they sit and wallow. I am proud of the fact that I became a better person through my own personal tragedy and even more proud of how the boys have turned out, given the enormity of their loss.....a loss which has seemed greater to them the more they've aged and realised what they've missed out on.

I wouldn't be the person today, who Duncan fell for, if I hadn't experienced all my trials along the way. My children now have an amazingly blessed lifestyle on the farm and want for nothing. Much as I wish my first husband hadn't died, I can also see that his death hasn't ruined mine or the children's lives in the way I assumed it would have at the time.
 
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From newspaper reports and quotes from the police "neglect in relation to the case"


the uncle was seen out shopping on several occasions, meaning Shannon was left ALONE by him, and the mother knew that. Maybe, just maybe, this is where the neglect comes into it? Maybe SS weren't at fault at all....

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I personally feel it was neglect to effectively abandon Shannon into the "care" of this other man. A man who she no doubt knew was seen by social services to be incapable of raising children, as his own children had been taken off him via SS.

Neglect emotionally and physically. Did Shannon know it was part of a plan or did she firmly believe she was being held hostage? I would assume if it was the latter, her mother would also be facing child cruelty charges for the suffering of Shannon.
 
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some people don't have the opportunity to borrow money to 'find a way out', so therefore JM was fortunate enough to be able to borrow money so as she didnt have to live on a council estate.

some people do not have access to childcare... and cannot borrow money for childcare.

Hard work does come into it, but also having contacts, family and friends who are able to help out helps.... to think EVERY single mum in this country who doesnt work is 'lazy' is beyond belief, especially from one who apparently 'been there'.

I don't find someone who has such a low opinion of people who live in local authority housing and of single parents who don't work 'an inspiration'. I find it narrow minded and quite a sad reflection of what people choose to believe.

An inspiration would be someone who is able to see past what they read in the paper, or the stereotype, and able to empathise that things aren't always black and white
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I was a stay at home mum when first hubby died. Matthew was only 14 months old. I didn't have any handouts from family or friends and there was no decent insurance policy to provide for me. Only a widow's pension of £101 per month.

I took a few weeks to pull myself together, understandably, but no one in my family offered to feed or clothe us. I HAD to sort a situation out. Didn't go in a council house, I rented in the private sector. I'll admit I was too "snobby" to want to move on to the estates that had houses vacant in our area and I also wanted to keep Ashley at the same school and not move him.

It can be done and Tia's right, it's not luck. I wasn't at all lucky to be widowed or forced out to work, leaving my very emotionally fragile children with a stranger (well she was a registered childminder, but they didn't know her before I had to use her).

People are either survivors and "get on with it" or they sit and wallow. I am proud of the fact that I became a better person through my own personal tragedy and even more proud of how the boys have turned out, given the enormity of their loss.....a loss which has seemed greater to them the more they've aged and realised what they've missed out on.

I wouldn't be the person today, who Duncan fell for, if I hadn't experienced all my trials along the way. My children now have an amazingly blessed lifestyle on the farm and want for nothing. Much as I wish my first husband hadn't died, I can also see that his death hasn't ruined mine or the children's lives in the way I assumed it would have at the time.

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Patches..please try not to use that quote from katy...as it is totally far removed from my true personal situation.

thank you
JM
 
Sorry JM. I wasn't really thinking you in the way that the quote described you anyway....hence me agreeing with Tia's comments about you and it being nothing to do with luck. I must admit I hadn't read your later "shouting" reply at the time of posting so had no idea how insulted you had been by the comments made in the post I had quoted (but have since edited to remove). Was merely concerned that the poster may have thought other single mum's, that now appear to have a better life (perhaps like myself), may also only manage it through handouts and not their own drive and determination to change the outcome of their situation from negative to positive.

As you say, it's not true for either of us and is therefore far removed from the truth of both of our journeys to where we are today.

Like you, I'm proud to say I worked hard to better my lifestyle for myself any my children. It would've been far easier (and seemed tempting at one time) to sit in a chair and stare at the goggle box all day moping, but my own pride prevented me from wallowing.
 
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Sorry JM. I wasn't really thinking of it being about you and hadn't read your later "shouting" reply at the time of posting. Was merely concerned that the poster may have thought other single mum's, that now appear to have a better life (perhaps like myself), may also only manage it through handouts and not their own drive and determination to change the outcome of their situation from negative to positive.

As you say, it's not true for either of us and is therefore far removed from the truth of both of our journeys to where we are today.

Like you, I'm proud to say I worked hard to better my lifestyle for myself any my children. It would've been far easier (and seemed tempting at one time) to sit in a chair and stare at the goggle box all day moping, but my own pride prevented me from wallowing.

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needed to shout as katy was obviously not listening as she quoted me twice...wrongly.

same as you, and agreeing with Tia..i feel i have done a damned good job with my kids....god knows, there was NO WAY i was going to stay in THAT situation...

it is, i agree, far far easier to just sit on your arse and wallow, but i had far too much pride in myself than to let that happen....
 
LOL You quoted me before you'd seen my edited reply....the edited version was much nicer!
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Yup. It's not easy to pick yourself up when you're downtrodden. Many people can't or won't try, preferring to believe that the world and it's uncle owes them something (meaning state handouts/free housing etc) as "compensation" when they feel they are in that situation through no fault of their own.

I disagree with people who think like that. I prefer to think that whilst I didn't choose to be a widow at 24 with two young sons to care for, I still have choices on what happened next.

Yes, I did have some help with rent for a while as I wasn't earning much after childcare, but I went from "the first job I could get, even though it paid next to nothing" to a better job as time went by. It was never easy, I was never well off, but what I had was mine and worked for.

It's a good feeling, wouldn't you agree? I'd far rather have struggled through and feel proud than still be sat moping 13 years later and full of self loathing.
 
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Sorry JM. I wasn't really thinking you in the way that the quote described you anyway....hence me agreeing with Tia's comments about you and it being nothing to do with luck. I must admit I hadn't read your later "shouting" reply at the time of posting so had no idea how insulted you had been by the comments made in the post I had quoted (but have since edited to remove). Was merely concerned that the poster may have thought other single mum's, that now appear to have a better life (perhaps like myself), may also only manage it through handouts and not their own drive and determination to change the outcome of their situation from negative to positive.

As you say, it's not true for either of us and is therefore far removed from the truth of both of our journeys to where we are today.

Like you, I'm proud to say I worked hard to better my lifestyle for myself any my children. It would've been far easier (and seemed tempting at one time) to sit in a chair and stare at the goggle box all day moping, but my own pride prevented me from wallowing.

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Life is what you make it, and in reality only a small percentage of single mums live their whole life expecting handouts.

I cleaned pub loos by day (taking my child with me), i worked in a chippy in the evening. Working both jobs I still only worked part time. I just didnt have the finances to pay the rent, pay the bills AND afford childcare. I went to the job centre and even THEY agreed it wasnt worth me at that time working.

My point was that for those who've manged to get their lives on track it's easy to dismiss others as lazy. I don't think i;'ve ever known a parent who's manged to sit and watch tv all day and do little else, in reality that isnt the case, being a parent is the most important job there is. Alot of factors come into wether a single parent can work or not, if soemoen is able to get a loan, or borrow money, or better themselves when they literally have no money to their name, no family, then I would say that that is pretty lucky! You said you got £101 a month widows pension, yet you rented in private sector? May i ask how you managed a deposit and month rent in advance, AND fed yourself and a 14 month old child on that and child benefit? Did you have somewhere to live whilst you saved up?

My life is now ten fold what it was, and yes, that's through blood sweat and tears. But I still remember where I was back then and don't condemn others who perhaps havent had the chances I've had. Yes, i was lucky in the end, and had an opportunity to better our lives, which i grabbed with both hands. But I remember where I've been and keep my feet firmly on the ground.
 
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"charged with Child Neglect"....

good old Social Services.....missed that one...again!

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will say for all the wrong people think they do- I was taken away to a fabulous family. I can only assume go on what is told and what they see.. otherwise wouldnt people be complaining about being defamatory...like many on here. We can all knock SS for the wrong they do in peoples eyes. but they took me from my mother and gave me a chance, MORE than a chance than listening to people on here where their own families wouldnt help them or wouldnt ask for that help.
 
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