Share Frustration.

TrasaM

TrasaM

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I've been sharing a TB ex racer for a few months now and I'm not sure if its working or me. The initial arrangement was 3/4 times a week and that I could also arrange to have lessons on him if I wanted. She was nervous about riding him on the road so my role was to get him accustomed to traffic and being out and about. He's been pretty straightforward and more or less spook free.
Initially the hacks were very short but i though that would pick up and it did occasionally once we found the right bridle path routes. Owner has some anxiety about canter so mostly we walk with only brief trots. We did manage a couple of very brief canters last month but it was a case of maybe 10 canter strides and then trot.

The owner has started having twice weekly lessons so over the past three weeks we've probably gone out once a week for short hacks. She is now seems reluctant to let me have lessons on either horse because she just wants to go for hacks and thinks that it'll be too much or them.

So..what's in this for me at this stage? I'm ok hacking out only but I'd like to do more than walk occasionally. I'd also like an opportunity to practice what I'm being taught in my lessons but this isn't happening either.

So quite fed up as I feel that I'm going nowhere with this share in its current form. Anyone want to slap me hard to help me to sense of this please feel free. :( Today I felt that I should just collect my tack and walk away ( I bought saddle + pad+ new stirrups).
 
It does sound a bit frustrating. Are you paying for this? Why on earth did you buy a saddle?? Sounds very strange. I would have a chat with the owner and say you would like to be able to do a bit more. I'd also keep an eye on what else is advertised for share - there are loads of ads on equine adverts and Preloved...
 
I think that you need to have a serious talk with the owner and explain that there share isn't working out as you expected. It sounds really as if she should be paying you to ride the horse and accompany her on hacks. Perhaps you could ask the RI if she feels that the horse can cope with the work being asked of it, in the owner's presence.
I think if you have paid out for the tack, you should be allowed to stick to the original terms of the share.
 
Honey08 said:
It does sound a bit frustrating. Are you paying for this? Why on earth did you buy a saddle?? Sounds very strange. I would have a chat with the owner and say you would like to be able to do a bit more. I'd also keep an eye on what else is advertised for share - there are loads of ads on equine adverts and Preloved...
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The saddle she had for him was totally wrong..inherited from a cob and too wide and also rocked back and forth. I found a cheap one on preloved which fitted really well. Why? I didn't want to be responsible for damaging his back and didn't want to be bucked off because he was in pain. This was probably the source of his mounting issues. Yes I pay but since we've been going out infrequently I've been holding back on money .. No ride no pay.
 
Echoing what others have said - why did you buy a saddle?

Sounds as though the owner of the horse wants you to be paying her to bring on her horse for her - which doesn't sound right to me. Do you have a contract or any sort of written agreement which outlines what you first discussed?

I'd be on the edge of walking away tbh.
 
TrasaM said:
The saddle she had for him was totally wrong..inherited from a cob and too wide and also rocked back and forth. I found a cheap one on preloved which fitted really well. Why? I didn't want to be responsible for damaging his back and didn't want to be bucked off because he was in pain. This was probably the source of his mounting issues. Yes I pay but since we've been going out infrequently I've been holding back on money .. No ride no pay.
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Quite understand why you'd want a saddle that fitted, you would have hoped that the owner would! She ought to be doing everything to keep her side of the bargain, you sound like a good sharer. Shame you're not in my area!
 
Honey08 said:
Quite understand why you'd want a saddle that fitted, you would have hoped that the owner would! She ought to be doing everything to keep her side of the bargain, you sound like a good sharer. Shame you're not in my area!
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Thanks.. I'd like to think so. Now that I've put this down in writing I'm beginning to think it through a bit more and realises just how frustrating it it really is.

Clara.. No, no written contract.
 
I would walk away..you dont deem to be getting anything from this. If she wants someone to babysit her out on hacks and bring on her horse then SHE should be paying, not you..!!!
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
I would walk away..you dont deem to be getting anything from this. If she wants someone to babysit her out on hacks and bring on her horse then SHE should be paying, not you..!!!
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Ditto this. It sounds as if you're paying for the pleasure of sorting out things that she's not happy with. If you pay, you should have an input in what you do; if she pays, then she decides what you do. Somehow this seems to have become a little mixed up. I'd walk away, there are other shares out there.
 
As you have invested time and money you need to discuss it rationally first as owner may then suddenly realise she is being unreasonable - you have nothing to lose by doing this. Then if that does not resolve it you will have to find something else. Having been on both sides I definitely found it worse being the sharer as had no real say in the well-being of the horse. I always had to share my pony as a child/ teenager to afford him and sharers varied in ability and reliability but we could call the shots ultimately.

Post -uni after settling in to career I had crap 3 shares in a row:

1) Big mad mare who was horrid in stable and to ride - she was the first horse to dent my confidence owner was OK but drippy.
2) WB gelding who was injured about 2 weeks after took share on by another sharer who took it drag hunting was on box rest for ages then developed navicular when came back into work and I had to persuade owner to get vet as he was too dumb to notice - I probably didn't ride for 70% of time I had it but still paid.
3) Ex point to point horse that I had for a 2 weeks then the owners went on holiday and the day after they went it got severely kicked in the field and I nursed it and did everything the vet said to the letter - it had to have antibiotic injections daily for 5 days and was terrible to inject - no thanks from them when they came back from their 2 week holiday to Disney. It was on box rest for about a month then out in field for a week and then the owner got on and went to horseball practice with no other build up to work. When I came up to see him he was encrusted head to toe in dried sweat. :( That was the last straw - never wanted to share again.
 
I would look for another share to be honest. There are plenty of nice, reasonable people out there who would appreciate the help and dedication.

Look on preloved or advertise on horsey Facebook groups in your area.

Please don't be put off.. I have shared one of my horses with great success and my latest sharer switched to full loan and is thinking of buying her (at a very reduced price as I know she is with a fab home).

P.s make sure you take your saddle with you... Or that she buys it off you!!
 
Thank you all for taking he time to talk sense to me. We went out for a pootle around the block again today. Was told that horse had started to nip people and must confess to feeling a little smug because he's very well behaved with me. I know..bad of me.

Saddle will definately be coming with me or bought from me. I'll be going about like the Prince in Cinderella at this rate trying to find a horse who fits it :D my RI also advises me to walk away so I've now got to man up have a chat to her about what we are doing and let her know that to not what we'd discussed at the start.

Sussexbythesea. Exactly as you say re horses welfare and training. Boy had a chafed mouth again today caused by the happy mouth type bit which was put in with the manufacturers name in raised print facing upwards and basically scraping skin off horses lips. I switched it back around so that smooth side was against his lips and rubbed Manuka honey on the sore bits.
Guess my job with him is done anyhow . He's very good out hacking and on the roads. She'll just have to figure out how to ride both at once as neither will leave yard without the other.
 
I had similar situation - limitations to my share and i was paying so much every month that enough was enough. I wanted to be able to do what i wanted on the days i shared and it wasn't happening. It did take me a while to pluck up the courage to say look this is not working out...its always the initial build up of how someone will react, but once you've done it you will feel a million and one times better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they don't take it the right way then that's their loss. I felt like i was paying out so much and i wasn't happy, so i wish you luck and hope you find a horse to suit :)
 
Sarah20 said:
I had similar situation - limitations to my share and i was paying so much every month that enough was enough. I wanted to be able to do what i wanted on the days i shared and it wasn't happening. It did take me a while to pluck up the courage to say look this is not working out...its always the initial build up of how someone will react, but once you've done it you will feel a million and one times better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they don't take it the right way then that's their loss. I felt like i was paying out so much and i wasn't happy, so i wish you luck and hope you find a horse to suit :)
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Thanks Sarah20. I've given it time to see if it would improve but as you say it's now time to move on. Very frustrating as I'm not in a position to get my own horse just now.
 
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