Sharer changing her mind? Possibly just being me and thinking to

Amy567

Amy567

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So, the girl that shares my old mare (pretty much does whatever she wants with her, basically like owning her own without all the expense and time) she's just gone into year 10, so is starting her GCSEs and her parents are wanting her to concentrate on her education - I have nothing wrong with this, brilliant thinking! However, she wants to cut down riding my mare to two days per week - fair enough, they're still paying the same amount. My mare is a competition mare that LOVES competing, going out, thrives on it. Sharer isn't as experienced as I would like, but her abilities are coming on leaps and bounds and we're concentrating on 'shoulders back, leg on at all times' atm, she's turned around and said that she just wants to have fun - hacking, schooling but she doesn't want to compete. I'm going to start riding her 1-2 times a week now to keep her fit for sharer to do whatever she wants, however, I have my own youngster and I'm now too big for Kiki (share horse) so obviously, if I only have time for 1, I'm going to concentrate on my youngster. I'm worried that the sharer doesn't want to improve her riding any further - which, in the nicest way possible, needs to happen just for 'having fun'. I'm also worried that due to her very non horsey and worryer parents, Kiki is just going to go round in circles constantly until I can hack out with them. I work 12 hour shifts and alternate weekends so this wont happen often! I'm worried that she's going to get bored and depressed (she does) and get very ill again. But if I go out and do stuff with her, sharer gets jealous and upset (she's 15). However, without the sharer, we would have to sell Kiki.

Am I just being pedantic and worrying too much?
 
id look for another sharer if I were you, it will only get harder for your current sharer as she goes into year 11 too, sounds like kiki is a nice horse and im sure there are plenty of people that cant afford their own that would love her and to be able to event will make someone even easier to find?
 
She is going to be busy with coursework and the riding might go caput once they really get into it.

I think it is better to put your horse mental health and fitness first, and she might have to deal with sharing her with you and someone else. I agree with sallybatty, that getting a more experience second sharer might be what you need. Especially comes winter time.

I am afraid if they cut the days, they should expect someone to take them one way or another. At her age, she might not warmed up to the idea, but it was their decision to cut down and understandably so. Have a chat beforehand to let them know about your plans.

I personally think the parents will be relieved, even if they don't say it ... that the pony is getting exercised by someone else. I would :)
 
Your horse has to come first, not your job to worry about sharer's feelings (harsh as that may seem). If she doesn't have what you consider to be enough time, then I think you should find either a different sharer who doesm, or at least a second sharer.

Sharer really has no right to get jealous or upset about you riding your own horse! Perhaps you need someone who is a bit more mature!
 
I would also look for a second sharer who will compete and use the existing girl to be the one to keep the horse ticking over - it sounds like more her thing anyway

Tell existing sharer to play nice with the new sharer though!
 
cinnamontoast said:
This is why I like adult sharers, I don't get the dramas! I would look for another sharer.
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Hope you don't think that all teenage sharers are like the one OP's describing- most of us wouldn't dream of getting jealous and upset when the owner rides her horse- it is, after all, her own!
OP- it's a tricky one, but I think that you'll need to get another sharer. I think that you should gently tell existing sharer that you'll need someone for more than 2 days a week, and you'd like someone who's going to compete her as she's needs to be in more challenging work than just hacking and schooling. I personally wouldn't say that you want an experienced person as that would probably hint to her that she basically isn't good enough for Kiki.
 
I know youngsters aren't all like that, I teach them!! I have refused sharers under 18 because they all seemed to want to gallop everywhere all the time or jump constantly. Some of them just didn't seem to understand that occasionally, schooling in walk and trot or just going for an ambling hack is nice!
 
cinnamontoast said:
I know youngsters aren't all like that, I teach them!! I have refused sharers under 18 because they all seemed to want to gallop everywhere all the time or jump constantly. Some of them just didn't seem to understand that occasionally, schooling in walk and trot or just going for an ambling hack is nice!
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That's a shame, ambling hacks can be very enjoyable!
 
I think she is the wrong sharer.

Horse needs and wants to do more.
You don't have time and sharer doesn't want to.

So sounds like a good opportunity to part company and find someone more suitable.
 
Thank you foe all of your input, it really is appreciated. I've spoken to my mum and dad about it all and there's quite a few factors to take into account. Basically I'm going to get her out and about and get her more muscled ready to have an absolutely heartbreaking sale in the Spring. It has got to the point where we're actually only keeping her for the sharer to share, which makes no sence at all!

So I have a question for you all. She'll be 17 at the time of sale, she's a 15.2hh TB x with not much other than TB in her. She can only be on quiet, small yards as she gets VERY stressed on large yards (but it fine being stabled at national competitions) and can become dangerous - getting angry makes her worse too. She ties up, but hasn't since last May, she has a past injury that means she has a weight limit of about 10stone to keep her healthy and sound. She needs a confident rider that wants to have a bit of fun, still jumps 1.15 with plenty of space over a fence! Absolute sj school mistress, but LOVES her job so gets very excited and strong, so needs a confident rider. Her flatwork is good with work and she's 100% bomb proof. We wont ask for much for her due to age and health issues, would you mention her issues IN the advert, or just tell people over the phone when they ring up? Mum and I are in disagreement and I believe we should be 100% upfront about everything in the advert. WWYD?
 
By dangerous I mean, in a flight reaponse constantly. Bargy and rushes to the paddock to be with the other horses. Not ever rearing, bucking, biting, kicking dangerous. Just blind panic about everything CONSTANTLY
 
It will be hard to find her a decent home at that age, especially with those issues. I feel a bit sorry for her. She sounds like she ought to be living out her days with you. I would personally sell the youngster and make sure that she is safe in her old age.
 
cinnamontoast said:
This is why I like adult sharers, I don't get the dramas! I would look for another sharer.
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I don't know about that, certainly hasn't been my experience. Of course, there are genuinely good adult sharers and I really admire them, but so many seem to have no interest in the long term soundness and happiness of the horses they "share" and think they "love" most of them should probably just put 10p in the pony ride machine at the arcade.

I'd look for another sharer to either replace or go along with this sharer, just make sure they know what you expect and are happy with this
 
Honey08 - if I sell my youngster (which is my forever horse now) and keep Kiki, she'll have to be PTS. If she's out of work/retired she gets depressed, ill and starts to look like an RSPCA case no matter how much fattening things and general food you pump into her. There is no point in putting down a horse that is still winning, has plenty of life left in her and is healthy imho, if she can carry on living the life SHE loves with someone else. I'm 5ft8, broad and 12 stone, I'm way too big for her now - I can't keep her as my main horse, it just wouldn't work. So it's sell or PTS.
 
Then if all that is really true, thatif she isn't working she would rapidly go downhill, I would PTS. If you sell her you could be responsible for someone too heavy ending up with her, her being passed onto someone at a huge yard where she would get stressed, or someone who couldn't manage to prevent her tying up... She has a lot of issues and could end up in a mess if sold on. At least if you find another sharer or a loan home you can make sure she is going to be ok for life. Sorry if you don't like my opinion, I just feel that by 17, a horse that has issues and has been a good horse to you in the past deserves a secure old age.
 
Why don't you look for someone to have her on full loan? Still kept locally to you so you can keep an eye on her? I know that I'd love a horse like her but just don't have the time for full loan right now.
 
With all the issues you mention I couldnt/wouldn't sell. I personally don't see what's wrong with letting the current sharer continue. As I see it, a reduced workload and some "fun" is preferable to an uncertain future with someone new who might end up selling on again anyway.
 
Agree with Mosh. I think trying to loan would be more realistic as it sounds as though she will be hard to sell. If she is that competitive, would it worth contacting local PC or riding clubs to see if anyone would like her?
 
I also think loan is a good idea. If you do sell her i would mention at least the worst problems in the ad - this gives you a written record apart from anything else!

People seem more ready to overlook problems if a horse has talent.
 
Or you could lose 2 stone and have her as your main horse. At 5'8" 10st is a healthy achievable weight.

If you want to keep your young horse I would look for a full loaner so you can keep control.
 
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