Sharer dilema

[noggin123]

Right, its been a while since I posted on here! Anyway I’m hoping for some advice.

I recently put my horse up for share and found a lovely girl who looks after him amazingly.

The only problem I have is she does not ride him so he works correctly. He is a tb type so all this work with his head in the air is starting to build the wrong muscles. I have spent so long working him correctly and had just started to get a decent topline and its now disappearing so quickly! She rides 3x per week, jumping twice and flatting once. I have offered help/suggested lessons with the flatwork but I get the impression she does not want help or thinks she doesn't need it.

My friend has recently sold her horse and can ride mine really well. She has said she would love to share with me, but I am stuck as the current sharer is perfect every other way, its just the flatwork. I am starting to not enjoy riding as every time I get on I have to re-do the work I did the last time to fix what has been undone.

I think ideally I’d like to get rid of the current sharer and have my friend share but I have no idea how to let the current one down. She has become quite attached to my horse in this short time. Has anyone else been in the same situation? What would you do? Sorry its so long!

 

[be positive]

Unless you are only hacking yourself I think 2 sessions jumping is too much every week, that plus a poor flatwork day is going to do far more harm than good for any horse and I think you must get tough, either insist on lessons, reducing the jumping to once and hacking the other day so you have more impact or end the share before he is totally ruined, he would be better doing nothing in the field 3 days a week than ridden badly, it doesn't matter how well she cares for him she is not helping you .

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

There are a lot of horses about for sharing at present, at least it appears so from my local Facebook pages!

Be honest and say to her that the sharing isn't working for you, and regretfully you need to terminate the share.
No need to get into a pickle about her riding style etc or drawn into conversations on it.

"Sorry, it's just not working out how I had hoped it would, so I regret that we need to part company at the end of next week (or whatever your agreement is) but understand if you want to finish more soon. Thanks for everything and I wish you all the best in finding another share".

 

[noggin123]

Thanks for the replies. I ride 3x per week atm and he has one day off. I hack once (hacking isnt very good at the yard) and flat twice, albeit not very intensely. I used to jump but since she has been I haven’t felt like I can because she does it twice already.

 

[sasquatch]

I would make sure your friend is definitely wants to share your horse before you speak to your current sharer about potentially ending the share, so you're not left with no sharer if friend finds a new horse quickly or can't commit to the share in a way that suits you both.

As for current sharer, if you don't want to tell her its how she's been riding that's why you want to end the share, I would just say your circumstances have changed and the arrangement no longer suits you so you've decided to end the share - I'd maybe give her 2 weeks notice (unless you have a contract with a notice period) so she can enjoy her last few days/rides with your horse and say goodbye and you can try and keep it civil at least. You don't need to mention that your friend will be taking over the share, imo.

I would definitely not try and do something like asking her to cut down her days so friend could ride or anything that could see it turn nasty, especially if sharer has been perfect in every other way.

 

[flying_high]

I have two sharers. One for my older horse (he’s pretty much dressage schoolmaster) and one for my younger.

One sharer hacks both, she has no interest schooling or riding in the school. She’s a great, experienced competent hacking rider, all situations, speeds, escorts less confident riders, sensible judgement according to the ground conditions, good at gates and crossings and negotiating livestock. Sits spooks / spins / naps and rides alone or in company.

But she cant canter on correct leg in school, my horses deny ever done any dressage if she rides in school. She’s not interested in riding in the school so doesn’t matter.

My other sharer schools my older alone / has lessons / hacks. He’s a nice, balanced, sympathetic, slightly too passive rider.

My ruling is if you want to ride my horses in school, need to demonstrate competency in the way I want them ridden, and be willing to have regular lessons with a compatible (with my way of riding and training) instructor.

In your situation, I would consider giving direct feedback to current sharer, that your horse needs to be ridden rounder in the school as he’s building the wrong muscles. And she needs to have lessons to learn how to address this, or she will only be allowed to hack, or the share needs to end.

 

[Theocat]

You have already raised the way she rides, so I think you can be honest about the "why", and just say that you really do want him ridden a particular way and unfortunately you don't think she and the horse are suited. If she is already ignoring your suggestions (on how you want your own horse ridden!) AND you are already having to curtail your own riding to take account of hers, I can't see this developing positively.

 

[mytwofriends]

If your current sharer really is perfect in every other way, why not say it as it is? Tell her you’re having issues maintaining your horse’s topline and you'd appreciate help on her part. Show her what you do and help her yourself, or suggest lessons.

It would be a shame to lose an otherwise perfect share.

 

[Red-1]

I have had 3 sharers and did not 'like' the way they rode on the flat in any case. But, they looked after my horse, gave me financial security, the horse had exercise and generally it was a bonus - their riding was neutral rather than harmful.

My sharers were not sawing on the mouth, just riding on a long rein, so my work was not compromised. When they schooled it was more about trotting circles with nose in the next county Besides, they did all improve and by the end they could all get some semblance of an outline properly, even though they did mainly hacking. I would prefer that to someone who pounds the school misguidedly trying to haul them into a shape.


I did give guidance with mine, as I had 2 horses and only one was shared in 2 of the cases, and in the 3rd the sharer was there alone but regularly had good lessons with a great instructor. So, it was done right.


In your case, I think he sharer does not have enough input. If the schooling is upset each time I suspect your sharer is being heavy handed. If she is alone she is not going to improve. I would also not allow her to jump unsupervised if she can't ride into a soft contact and help the horse balance.

Sharing is meant to help you. This current arrangement seems to be bringing you upset. So, it needs to change. Either through the current sharer having more input, or through a change of sharer.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

How long will your friend be able to commit to sharing? Will she be looking to buy another horse before long? Did you not watch the current sharer ride before you agreed to the share?
All questions to consider before you make a decision!

 

[ycbm]

You want to jump but you can't because your sharer has already jumped twice?

I think you need to ask yourself:


Who OWNS this horse?

 

[sasquatch]

Thanks for the replies. I ride 3x per week atm and he has one day off. I hack once (hacking isnt very good at the yard) and flat twice, albeit not very intensely. I used to jump but since she has been I haven’t felt like I can because she does it twice already.

So the sharer dictates what you can do with your horse? no, that's not on.
if you want to jump your horse, she has to not jump your horse as much.

If you have concerns about her riding on the flat, I'd also have concerns about her jumping. I know you seem to want to not have her riding on the flat very much, but maybe tell her you want to jump your horse, so she is now to flat once a week, jump once a week and hack?

OP, without wanting to sound offensive, but it sounds like you need to be a bit firmer with the sharer. I would speak to her about the way she is riding and really put your foot down.

I have had sharers before, and found they were jumping my horse more than they told me (they knew I was also jumping him and would jump him once a week - but would put up big jumps and I don't doubt would spend an hour just jumping as high as they could get him to go) and he started refusing fences and lost interest in jumping. I had to put my foot down and say to them no more jumping, under any circumstances. Its your horse, and you can't sacrifice your own enjoyment to keep others happy. If you want to jump once a week, your sharer should accommodate that, not the other way around. All share agreements I've ever done have revolved around that, with either me as the owner saying 'I am going to jump B on x day this week, so if you want to jump can you please do it on y day so he has a gap between when he's jumped' or when I was sharing the owner would text me to ask if I wanted a jump that week, or to let me know if she was jumping so I could work around her.

You're not happy with how your horse is being ridden, and you need to let the sharer know this and be a bit more firm with her, imo. I'd speak to her again about lessons or your help, and explain to her why you want him to work correctly and how important it is and say you don't mind helping her or her getting lessons on him to make sure, and if she refuses to do it still then maybe you could consider ending the share.

As for sharing with a now horseless friend, I have also done this, and it was great short term but it was just short term and didn't last as long as either of us had hoped as my friend found a new horse. She was a great sharer with B, having rode him for me when I was sick and then her mum suggested she shared him as her own horse was lame at the time, and it lasted about 2/3 months until she got her new horse. It did leave me in a slightly awkward position as ideally I needed a sharer until my exams were over.

 

[noggin123]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond

My friend sold her horse so she has money to save to buy a house, she said sharing would suit her better as she can then still ride but save too. She won’t be buying another anytime soon.

I have had a word with the sharer and she has agreed to let me help her out with flatwork one evening next week. I am also going to ask her to only jump once per week, so that I can then jump if I want to. I currently have another horse at the yard for schooling, so am around on her share days to offer help/keep an eye on her progress.

 

[AandK]

You want to jump but you can't because your sharer has already jumped twice?

I think you need to ask yourself:


Who OWNS this horse?

This. Just because this sharer is perfect every other way does not mean you have to put up with something you are not happy about. Her riding is having a negative effect on your horses way of going, and also is affecting your enjoyment of your horse on the days you do ride (you feel you can't jump and you have to 'fix' him each time you school). This in itself would be enough for me to want to end the share. Sounds like your friend would be a good bet to share with if she is not looking to buy again soon.

 

[mytwofriends]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond

My friend sold her horse so she has money to save to buy a house, she said sharing would suit her better as she can then still ride but save too. She won’t be buying another anytime soon.

I have had a word with the sharer and she has agreed to let me help her out with flatwork one evening next week. I am also going to ask her to only jump once per week, so that I can then jump if I want to. I currently have another horse at the yard for schooling, so am around on her share days to offer help/keep an eye on her progress.

Perfect. Hope it works out!