Sharer dilemma

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dilemma123

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Hi all
I am a regular user posting under a different name as you never know who reads the boards!

I have a sharer for my lovely mare, who is 6 years old. I don't like her to be jumped too much, as due to her breed she's still growing and maturing, plus the ground is currently like concrete and I don't want her thinking that she always goes out and jumps.

To get over this, my sharer and I have been sharing an evening and doing a bit of jumping each, sometimes on one of my nights, sometimes on one of her nights. Last week it was her night, and I rode first, then she got on and I believe she did the same amount as me (maybe very slightly less).

On Sunday I had a jumping clinic, so pony jumped again then.

Yesterday I took her off cross country, so she did more jumping. After hacking up there and doing the course, I let my sharer get on for a little bit so she didn't feel left out, and told her that we'll take the pony up again and do it the other way round, so she gets most of the time on the course, and I just do a few at the end. I then hacked pony home.

Last night I got a text from my sharer asking if she could jump Friday, and I said I'd like her to wait until next week (when I'm away so won't be jumping). She replied saying she only got to jump for 10 mins last week, and 10 mins XC, and it doesn't seem very fair. Last week she jumped for more than 10 minutes, and there have been ocassions in the past when she's done waaaay more than me (once she did 45mins before I said I wanted to ride my horse, and I did about 5 mins).

I didn't reply immediately (needed to calm down!) but later suggested that we meet for a drink and a chat, as text is not the best way to discuss things.

Have I handled this well do you think? I refuse to back down on the jumping this week, as a) it will set a precedent, and b) I feel my horse has jumped more than enough these past few days. It just feels to me that she's throwing her toys out of the pram a bit? I've done my best to be fair the whole time, and really don't know what to say.

Help please!

Cookies, drinkies etc to anybody who reads this far, and cake to anybody who replies!

Many thanks
 
Hi there,

I think you have handled this situation very well. Keeping calm and telling her straight! At the end of the day she is your horse and you decide what she does! It also sounds like she has done alot of jumping recently from what you describe and I wouldn't risk it with any horse at the moment because the ground is so hard - it could really damage her.

I think it is very good you decided on a drink and a chat because I hate when people discuss major things through text - like when the owner of my loan pony said she selling him the day before christmas without any notice!

Keep going as you are and stand your ground. Just explain nicely (like you seem to of already) that you would like her to wait till next week for obvious reasons and that as you are away next week she will have as long as likes to jump her! And hopefully the ground will have eased up a bit!

Good luck,

Laura.
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It is ultimately your horse and having been a sharer myself I would never have made demands like your sharer has - I think you are within all right to tell her what you want the horse to be doing. It is about what is best for the horse, not about what is best for the sharer - she should realise that.
 
Assuming you believe things to be totally fair then stick to your guns. If she isn't happy, perhaps it is best for her to find someone elses horses to jump and you find a sharer who is happy to work around you and has the interests of your horse at the forefront of their mind and not their own interests. I recently had a sharer and it has put me off for life - well, I say sharer - didn't share any of the bills, just time and then couldn't be bothered half of that.
 
I think you handled it very well, I would of told her it was my horse and the welfare comes before her getting an extra jump in! If all she wants to do is jump regardless of how much work the horse has done then perhaps she is not the right person, but your right to suggest a chat then perhaps she can understand how you feel and how you would like things to be. Ive got a really nice girl sharing one of mine but I have had a lot of useless, unreliable ones on route to finding her, but there are people out there who would jump at the chance so dont feel you have to keep her on if you dont agree.
 
Just a thought BUT if you do get another sharer, try and find one that wants to do just flat work for instance.I am older and don't like jumping so if I looked for a sharer I would want one that does like doing a bit of jumping.
 
I can understand why you need to regulate her jumping. However I think its a bit odd you are both trying to ride on the same day. I'm a sharer and I only go up the yard with the owner at the very beginning of the arrangement or if something exciting is happening i.e one or other is competing (although sometimes it would be have been nice to see them more often).

Presuming you trust her to do what you ask (if the answer is No then have a serious re think!) you might find it easier to work out a monthly timetable of activities for your mare and allocate your sharer 1 jumping day per week or every other week.

My friend does this with her sharers it stipulates when hes competing, when hes to have a gentle hack etc its good everyone knows what they are doing and can book in their plans and the horse has the exercise shedule he needs.

It maybe helpful if she could go and have some jump lessons somewhere, it may make you feel happier if you know she has some supervision?

Definately talk to her and at the end of the day its your horse, you set the rules, she can walk if she likes, but I do think it would be easier if you could plan it out so you both feel like you get a fair shot.
 
Thankyou everyone, you can all have cake!

I'm glad that people don't think I'm being unreasonable (have been worrying ever since yesterday's text - I'm a terrible worrier!). Will see what happens when we meet for a chat. Her contract is up for renewal at the end of next month so will see how things go up until then.

HobbitPony - We both want to jump, hence we share an evening - it also means we get to see each other and we do get on well imo. As she's just shown she doesn't like jumping every other week! I trust her, but pony has done a LOT of jumping in the last week and a bit and I don't want her jumping until next week. I don't have any arguments with her jumping my mare, it's more the fact that I feel she's somewhat thrown her toys out of the pram at having a week where she's only done 10minutes. I'm going away next week and until this had no worries at all about her being in sole charge of my mare!
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I'm going to disagree slightly.
I have re-read your post, and from the sharer's point of view, this is how it looks;
Last week (her jumping night) - you rode her most of the time
Sunday - you jumped her at a clinic
Tues - you jumped her XC
Finally, after thinking to herself that your horse hasn't jumped Wed and Thurs, she asks if she can jump Friday - and you 'throw your toys out of the pram' and say she can only jump when you're away and don't want to.
Now, I know it is your horse/pony, but if I were your sharer, presumably paying towards cost, turning up to put up fences/groom at shows, I might feel hard done by, too.
I think you ought to decide, before you talk to her, how many times a week you want your horse to jump, then split it at least evenly with your sharer. If you think your horse is becoming a bit stale, it might be more diplomatic to have a week long 'ban' on jumping for both of you.
Good sharers are hard to find...hope you take this in the right spirit...
S
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I am inclined to agree with Shilisdair. Perhaps get a white board, put it up in your tack room, agree and jot down a plan for who does what each week/fortnight. This could easily spin out of hand and you could loose your sharer.

However, I totaly agree that a young horse should not be doing too much juming, especial on hard ground - so perhaps this week would be a good week to have off jumping as the forcast is for hot dry weather.
 
I'm afraid I'm with Shilasdair on this one. The horse has jumped a bit but your sharer hasn't and it sounds as though normally she'd be doing half the jumping.

I think you probably need to make it a bit more formal - e.g. subject to soundness & other sensible conditions agree that sharer gets to jump x nights a week and stick to it. If you take horse off for an extra jumping clinic one week perhaps sharer does the same another week (agree when when you book yours) and so on so she doesn't miss out in the long run.

If you don't want to share the jumping you think the horse can do given the conditions perhaps you should be honest about that and just look for a flatwork only sharer. It isn't really fair to ask sharer to contribute time/money for something and then take the 'benefit' (jumping horse) away whenever you feel like it.

Or unless setting up jumps etc is a total pain where you are perhaps you could sometimes try jumping little & often rather than both in one night? E.g. on a given night agree to say 40min flatwork & 10min jumping? That way sharer doesn't have to watch you have the fun on her nights and vice versa?
 
Thank you all for your replies.

Shils - I can see your point, but it honestly does work both ways. I only like my horse to jump once a week, and so that she gets to jump every week, we share a night subject to ground conditions. I'm always careful to ensure that we do equal, and it's not always on her nights, it's usually on one of my days and there have been times I've lost track of time, she's done LOADS, and then I've felt bad about riding my horse and doing more. There's a rule that you can't go down on your own to our jump paddock, so it also ensures that we have somebody with us. I don't want my horse jumping anymore this week as she's done a lot in the last week and a bit and the ground is solid at ours. I did also tell her at the XC that we'll take the pony back up and swap places as it were, so she does the majority and I just do a little at the end. Same when showing, I LOVE showing my horse, and I make the sacrifice of doing classes so that she can do some, as well as already having said that when it comes to hunter trials we'll take it in turns as we'll both be wanting to do the same height. I honestly don't put any restrictions on her that I don't put on myself (if anything I'm stricter with myself). It's been a while since I've taken her for a blast in the fields as my sharer takes her out there regularly, so when I go I make sure I only walk and trot so she doesn't always think that grass = fast. I honestly do make every effort to ensure things are fair and when it comes to jumping at home it's equal.

magicmillbrook - While I would certainly be sad to lose her, it wouldn't be bad for me regarding money etc. Now I've said she can jump next week I don't want to say 'no you can't'... It's awkward and I want to do the right thing hence asking for help, opinions and advice!

Tickles - The horse has jumped a lot more than normal and she jumped last week for the same amount as me on the Tuesday, and she jumped yesterday at the XC despite my feeling the horse was getting tired, but I didn't want her to get upset! It's all backfired beautifully! In the contract it says about jumping and ground conditions etc. I have also said to her that she can do the next jumping clinic, even though I REALLY want to do it and feel I would really benefit from the instruction. We share the jumping, but my mare is green XC (it was her 4th time) and I wanted to take her round. I would say that saying I'm taking the benefit away is a bit harsh personally, she knows full well my feelings on how often my horse jumps, and while I have jumped more this week, she will jump more next week (I'm away Mon-Fri and won't jump when I get back). I'm happy watching her jump my horse (as happy as anyone can be!), but while she's young and growing do not want her jumping more.

Woeisme - She does hack as well, but wants to jump when the horse has done a lot this past week.

I think I've repeated myself a fair bit! (A habit of mine I'm afraid!) I really do value everybody's opinions, suggestions and advice, and just because I disagree doesn't mean that I don't so please don't take it that way!
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I am a sharer and from my point of view it seems like your sharer has no respect for your horse and is quite demanding!! All she seems to want to do is jump and go fast! Fair enough these things are fun to do but she needs to realise that sometimes the horse needs basic flatwork and gentle hacks as well as being ridden into the ground.

I think the white board is a brilliant idea. that way you can ensure that your horse is getting a balanced workout with not too much intense work and has enough time off inbetween.

If there are other girls at your yard then you could maybe ask them to keep an eye on your pony while you are away to make sure that your sharer isn't jumping everyday etc.

good luck! x
 
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