Sharer stress advice please

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Bens_Mum

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Ages ago I posted about my teenage sharer and the contribution she was making vs what she was getting. There was some great advice and we formalised days and price which made things easier.
We agreed that on one day she would do the jobs to give me a day off and that this would all be supervised by her friends mum a fellow livery who I am also friends with.
There has been a few things I just wanted an objective view on.
I came down one afternoon to find boots on the horse still. Not only had they been on nearly 24 hours but they were on filthy legs underneath.
I got a text telling me the horse had hardly any feed left. He had a whole bin she had fed someone else's clueless what he had been given.
Found out she had been riding in Spurs because she can't get him going. This has never been an issue before she doesn't have the ability for Spurs. The horse is much less forwards because she kicks and kicks which is another gripe.
Yesterday I went up and was told by the groom that he has been left wearing his headcollar all night (doesn't have a panel that breaks) and left with one small haynet. She had ridden him and basically dumped him. The bed took me five barrows to muck out so I was rather cross.
I have tackled the adult nicely and child. It would appear the child is sorry and she has text me saying she is sorry I'm angry. That's not really the point to me I am concerned that when she only does one day she can't do it properly and the potential that harm could have come to the horse apart from my being annoyed about my huge muck out job.
The riding I can put up and shut up now there's no Spurs but the rest of it has made me furious. The horse is very stale because she just goes round and round the school like he is doing riding lessons but I guess that's not for me to specify. She isn't competent to hack out alone or jump it I would guess but there seems no effort to do poles or any sort of schooling.
Just wanted opinion. If I didn't need the money notice would have been given I am just wondering if I'm over reacting or maybe for the sake of £20 it's not worth this stress?
 
If the loaner is being overseen by your friend then it is them I would be a bit cross with, if I had agreed to watch over a novice loaner then on loaner leaving the yard I would glance at the horse, if boots/headcollar on then I would point out the mistake, same with dirty stable and I would expect it to be put right before they left.
As for the riding, she is not competent enough to hack out and/or jump so rides in the school, so you have allowed what sounds like a novice to loan your horse I am not sure how you expect her to know about poles/schooling or not kick kick kicking. the spurs I would be cross about but I don't suppose a novice would know why there may be a problem with using them.
I think you need to take some responsibility here, you allowed a novice loaner but don't want novice things to happen with your horse so either offer some of your time to help her progress for the benefit of you and your horse or call an end to the loan.
 
Not at all worth the stress. She'd be long gone.

I used to share for £20 a week and did everything, treated the horse like my own AND improved his schooling!
 
She's ridden at a riding school for many years and was riding with the friends daughter. The horse was very unfit when she started so it wasn't quite so apparent how novice she was as he was coming back into work.
I am not not taking responsibility but it has come apparent over time that we have different ideas of what novice is.
I could go and help her as i did teach but the whole point was as I have a young baby to get him exercised a bit and to help towards my bill. I don't know either how much standing over is reasonable when you are charging someone to use a horse?
 
I really couldn't cope with that, I would be telling her that it's not working and the share is finishing. She may be a novice and needs to learn and she may be supervised to some point but I would never trust that the little mistake could become one massive mistake. And how can you not see that a horse has its headcollar or boots still on!!
 
Thanks Jericho that was my thoughts. Adult and child are both saying lesson learned blah blah but to me id rather let someone competent ride for free it's just causing me a load of stress I know it may sound OTT but he could have hung himself or got horrible boot rub or mud fever who puts boots on filthy legs?
 
I will only allow children / young people to share if they have a responsible and horsey adult with them. The only exception I have ever made for that was a young person in 6th form waiting for the summer to take up her place at an equine college. (Best sharer I ever had!). I have also ended a share for leaving a headcollar on at night. Give notice and re-advertise. Dealing with sharers can be a pain (I know there are good ones out there - but a lot more bad ones especially for schoolmaster ponies) You have to stick to your guns and not be afraid to call it a day if it doesn't work for you.
 
If she is being supervised, I would ask why the hell her supervisor is not having words with her, or supporting her with making sure horse is brushed off, fed correctly etc after riding. Yes, the girl may be novice about these things and not have realised her mistakes (or plain lazy), but surely that is why you asked for her to be supervised!

She sounds more hassle than she is worth. Coupled with the fact your horse appears to be going stale, could have caused himself an injury with headcollars left on, and doesn't appear to be getting correct feed (all whilst under 'supervision'), then I would get rid.

There ARE good sharers out there. I think I would just put up with the extra cost until I found the right person. Your horses happiness and your peace of mind is worth far more than £20!
 
Thanks all I am a bit OCD sometimes it is a really super horse and well schooled, safe etc I've put a lot of work into him in the past too. It's difficult because we have already had a set too about the money which caused huge upset and I thought we had hashed all this out its a bit like ground hog day. I agree about the supervision but she's 13 and this is 3 months on. At that age I worked on a yard to me this is really basic stuff he has a handful of chaff it's not complex.
 
at 13 I'd expect some level of thoughtlessness that needs pulling up. maybe after another sit down, rules and a check list for her that she has to do before she leaves and your friend has to ok with her before she can go? also labelling the feed bin (or making it up the day before for her?)
i suppose I'm just saying she's young and needs to learn. you may not want the extra responsibility though. your friend may well have learnt as well, id be mortified if i was in charge of someone and this had happened.
personally id give her a last chance before i gave her the heave ho
 
She sounds very immature and also a bit clueless as to what to do with the horse, hence the endless circles in the school. This is surely due to ignorance on her part, she sounds like she hasn't the knowledge to know how to school? Maybe you could point out a few different things she could do with the horse to make it more fun for the both of them, leg yielding, rein back, trot poles progressing to canter poles and a little cross pole. If she's not competent to jump why not just offer her a quick half hour jumping lesson so you can control things a bit.

Stress the danger of leaving a horse with a headcollar on, maybe relate a horror story or two of outcomes of people who have done so and stress how important it is that he has a decent sized hay net left.
 
I think I'd be giving her a final warning.

You've been more than patient with her and given her a second chance already. I'd make it very clear that this is her last chance and if she can't prove to you that she can be responsible and take care of your horse and ride him in the way you have asked her to then the share will end for good.
 
Yes she is clueless but the real thing is is she a nice girl who simply doesn't know, or a brat who doesn't care. If the former, I would spend some time with her with baby in tow, and give her some lessons using poles and things. She is more likely to enjoy this too, so will then no doubt add more variety. You say she was riding with someone's daughter, is this no longer the case? Is there anyone else she can hack with? I would have thought she would like to hack too.
I too would be more concerned about the fact she had put boots on muddy legs and left them, where was her supervision?
The feed thing is a bit odd, surely she knows which bins are yours?
I am less worried about the headcollar thing, as I see this all the time, including on a stud I worked on for a while, and mine live in headcollars, albeit in the field.
 
Maybe I'm mean but I muck out and do jobs every day with the baby in the sling and work from home. The point in the sharer was to help towards costs and give me a day off. If on that day off I have to go to the yard and cart poles around and teach a lesson I don't see the point. There is an instructor there but she chooses to pay for lessons at the riding school instead. I have offered a reduced price lesson but it's refused.
The friend still goes up with her but she isn't safe to hack. There is a very busy road at the bottom of the drive to cross and after all the less than sensible decisions she has made I wonder what if any experience she has of riding on a road so maybe it is aswell?
I'm new to all this is it usual to have to have such a lot of input? I thought the adult supervising and a strict list of jobs would have been enough?
 
As a fellow mum who needs a sharer to get on with things on their own and be reliable and competent, END THIS ARRANGEMENT!!! Seriously, there are good sharers out there so keep looking. If I were you I'd specify adults only.

It's not your problem that this girl is uneducated and you are not responsible for remedying that.
 
Thanks Broodle I'm just stressed out enough babies, horses, dogs and jobs are hard enough to juggle. Just didn't know if I was being unreasonable or not.
 
Not worth the stress, I can't understand why you are continuing with this arrangement. There are plenty of people out there who would love the chance to share a horse and would do a good job.
I have someone who rides/ shares my horse a couple of times during the week as I work away a lot. I don't charge as she has quite a drive to get to the yard, plus she's doing me a big favour. Horse is on full livery mon-thurs in winter so she doesn't really have any jobs to do, though she does fetch in him and the other stabled horses on her afternoons (YO says). She's done the occasional Friday and Saturday too, when he's normally DIY, so she does all of the jobs then for me. I trust her, she hacks him out for me and looks after him, she's reliable and everyone on the yard (incl. my YO who is very particular!) really like her. If I ask her to do something she does it - ie please use waterproof exercise sheet in rain/ v cold, use boots, do or don't do X.

There are good sharers out there, get rid of the bad one.
 
Bens_Mum said:
Maybe I'm mean but I muck out and do jobs every day with the baby in the sling and work from home. The point in the sharer was to help towards costs and give me a day off. If on that day off I have to go to the yard and cart poles around and teach a lesson I don't see the point. There is an instructor there but she chooses to pay for lessons at the riding school instead. I have offered a reduced price lesson but it's refused.
The friend still goes up with her but she isn't safe to hack. There is a very busy road at the bottom of the drive to cross and after all the less than sensible decisions she has made I wonder what if any experience she has of riding on a road so maybe it is aswell?
I'm new to all this is it usual to have to have such a lot of input? I thought the adult supervising and a strict list of jobs would have been enough?
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i agree with you, id say one more meeting at the stables, with a strict list and a check list of what must be in place before she leaves and that she must show your friend your horse in it's stable, muck out done well, and everything as it should be before she leaves.
should this then not happen she has failed her final warning and the share ends
a 13 year old is not going to be the same as a share with an adult
 
Bens_Mum said:
Maybe I'm mean but I muck out and do jobs every day with the baby in the sling and work from home. The point in the sharer was to help towards costs and give me a day off. If on that day off I have to go to the yard and cart poles around and teach a lesson I don't see the point. There is an instructor there but she chooses to pay for lessons at the riding school instead. I have offered a reduced price lesson but it's refused.
The friend still goes up with her but she isn't safe to hack. There is a very busy road at the bottom of the drive to cross and after all the less than sensible decisions she has made I wonder what if any experience she has of riding on a road so maybe it is aswell?
I'm new to all this is it usual to have to have such a lot of input? I thought the adult supervising and a strict list of jobs would have been enough?
Click to expand...

If you want the best for your horse, you need to spend some time teaching either her or another sharer how to do it properly. You wouldn't entrust your baby to a clueless teenager so why your horse? Make some rules that must not be broken; no boots left on, no headcollars in stable or field. Make up the feeds for the entire week, make haynets for her day or teach her how much needs to go in a haynet. Show her how to muck out properly and don't just leave her to her own devices then complain when she gets it wrong, set her and your horse up for success.
 
I really don't think this arrangement is worth it to you, it seems to be causing you more stress, not less. I would be inclined to either find an older sharer, one that can be trusted to do what you want without needing to be supervised or forget the £20 and let the horse relax on the days you cant ride. If the horse is as nice as you say I would think there would be quite a few takers :) Seriously though, why are you carrying on with this girl!
 
9tails said:
If you want the best for your horse, you need to spend some time teaching either her or another sharer how to do it properly. You wouldn't entrust your baby to a clueless teenager so why your horse? Make some rules that must not be broken; no boots left on, no headcollars in stable or field. Make up the feeds for the entire week, make haynets for her day or teach her how much needs to go in a haynet. Show her how to muck out properly and don't just leave her to her own devices then complain when she gets it wrong, set her and your horse up for success.
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This. As I see it, you have two choices - you either continue with this youngster and work with her to make her level of care acceptable to you, or you terminate the share and get a competent adult instead.

P
 
All she had to do was fill some haynets which she's been shown put a handful of chaff from a labelled bin in two buckets and muck out one stable I even make sure she won't need to top the bedding up. She has been shown. It's assisted DIY all other jobs are done she doesn't even need to put the feed in the stable . Her friend and her mother are there the whole time they bring her and take her home she hasn't been left alone at all. There is an issue that they obviously aren't checking her as well as they should too. They proposed this in the first place and introduced me to her that's the only reason I considered a child.

I thought we had cleared all this up last time we had tears and her dad being rude when I asked for a fixed arrangement and let her have it for less money on the proviso she did these few jobs on one day on the other two it's all done for her by me.

I'm just saddened that I gave her a chance and she let me down, the horse down and now I'm going to have words again. She does really care about the horse if the upset is anything to go by before but short of standing over her myself it doesn't work.
 
Bens_Mum said:
I'm just saddened that I gave her a chance and she let me down, the horse down and now I'm going to have words again. She does really care about the horse if the upset is anything to go by before but short of standing over her myself it doesn't work.
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Then you have your answer. Your trust has gone, both with her and your friend's ability/willingness to supervise.

FWIW, there are very few people I even allow to lead my horse from the field. Those that do are given specific instructions on how to do even that kind of simple task. If they do it wrong or think their way is better, they don't get another chance. But I wouldn't have a leg to stand on if I hadn't told them how to do it in the first place.
 
To be honest if you want a comple day of dont have a child sharer. She needs supervision, needs help and support with her riding,to ride your horse to your satisfaction. Lots of Kids need to have things drummed into them time and time again.

Have you asked her how she feels and had a discussion with her?

HAve you thought that she doesnt know what else to do? is she being led astray by others on the yard?
 
Totally agree I would never have let anyone ride him in the past this was a big deal for me so I have tried to stay out of it knowing that it wouldn't be done as I would like but there's that and then doing things that cause a welfare concern.
 
But you are staying out of a minor in sole charge of your horse who doesnt seem very experianced. If your friend is supervising why isnt she picking it up with her. At 14 I shared two horses with one lady for years and she has just got back in touch with me after 14 years to go back and ride for her.

She supported me and taught me how to clip ect ect ect. I did have sole custody but I was checked on and if i was not doing something ot her liking she would sit down and explain why whats I was doing wasnt acceptable.

Im sorry but if you want a day of pay someone to do it or find a older mature and sensible person. Leaving a teenage girl on her own to do what she wants when she is a novice anyway (by the sounds of it) is a recipie for a disaster.
 
You posts read as though you already know you want to end the agreement with this girl. You badly need a day off so as a short term solution, could you ask one of the other liveries to do a day for you in return for doing a day for her, while you look around for a sharer you can relax with?
 
I have a 13 yr old sharer for my pony, mine live out so no jobs to do really apart from haynets but I just do those myself anyway. Her mum isn't horsey so for the first few weeks I was up there with her and the mum everytime to make sure I was happy with how she tacked up ect, so now I let her go up and ride by herself (but also rides with me once a week). She is really good though and always brushes him off before and after, picks feet, sorts rugs and feed. The only issue I had to start with was when she jumped him alone he kept refusing so she only jumps him when I am there to watch and I can help her out and give her a sort of lesson. We mainly hack though, I wouldn't be happy if he was being ridden endlessly in a school.

If I was in the same situation as you though I wouldn't want to leave my sharer to do everything as she isn't experienced enough, I would probably go for an adult or a more experienced teen.
 
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