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kc921

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Hello me again!

Just a quick question really on what would you do...
My sharer is 14/15 years old, I have a contract in place with her and got it signed by her mum as well.
Theres just a couple of things she keeps "forgetting to do" for example I have put in the contract for her to message me when she arrives at the yard and when she leaves with a quick update of how the day/ride went etc.
I've had to message her on both her days asking if she is there yet and how it went, as she says she "forgot" to message me on arrival and after. Thing is she is a nice girl, but she can come across as quite rude sometimes.
Another example would be, I have asked her not to hose down Arrow as he can get cold back and instead to use a brush/sponge thing, yet she went against my wishes and hosed him down regardless. (I have spoken to her about that already)

Any advice on what you would do?
Thanks in advance! 😊
 
I agree with Amymay why does she need to text you every time?

I have a 15yr old who sharers one of my ponies, I trust her totally and have never asked her to text me on arrival or to say how things went!

Yesterday she went out on a 14.6 mile hack I asked her to text me when she got back to the yard safely that was all. Maybe if the trust isn’t there between you and your sharer it isn’t right?

I guess I’m lucky my sharer has become more then just a sharer and she always texts me if I’m not around to let me know how my pony is etc... without me ever asking.
 
My daughter is 14 and terrible at remembering to text me when she's ridden and got back safely etc, so I wouldn't be surprised if your sharer just genuinely forgets. Also my daughter's text can be a little on the blunt side. She doesn't mean it but usually she just puts what shes needs to, no niceties to it, so that may come across rude but she doesn't mean it.

With regards to not hosing down, then you need to have another word about it. Maybe she's just used to hosing horses down so again forgot.
 
Remind her about not hosing and explain why if she continues to hose threaten to end the agreement - that should concentrate her mind.
 
You said in your OP you want her to text you so she can tell you how the day/ride went etc. And now you're saying it's so you know she's safe. Which one is it? If you want text updates and a report of the ride then I think you need to be paying someone. I wouldn't expect someone to text me when they got there and when they leave - it's too much.
 
SpringArising said:
You said in your OP you want her to text you so she can tell you how the day/ride went etc. And now you're saying it's so you know she's safe. Which one is it? If you want text updates and a report of the ride then I think you need to be paying someone. I wouldn't expect someone to text me when they got there and when they leave - it's too much.
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I would certainly expect a young sharer to text on arrival and leaving she only needs to say Horse was well-behaved today, as her feedback. If I were her mother, I would expect her to text me too. This is a child, after all. OP, I think you are very brave allowing a child to ride your unpredictable horse without direct supervision, tbh.
 
SpringArising said:
You said in your OP you want her to text you so she can tell you how the day/ride went etc. And now you're saying it's so you know she's safe. Which one is it? If you want text updates and a report of the ride then I think you need to be paying someone. I wouldn't expect someone to text me when they got there and when they leave - it's too much.
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The point is that the sharer agreed to the text. If she didn't want to do it she should have said before she took on the share. OP I'd give her another chance but say if she forgets again you'll end the share. I've had a few sharers now and have had mixed experiences. One wasn't great in terms of care - forgetting things I'd asked to be done eg washing the bit after riding or possibly dangerous - leaving things on the stable floor. I'd send a very polite text reminding the sharer's mother ( was a child sharing) and eventually got back a very snotty reply. This asked me not to keep texting if they hadn't done something as it spoilt their enjoyment riding. The mother pointed out that she had a sharer for her horse who didn't always do what had been asked. She finished by saying that this was to be expected of sharers and you had to put up with it!
 
SpringArising said:
You said in your OP you want her to text you so she can tell you how the day/ride went etc. And now you're saying it's so you know she's safe. Which one is it? If you want text updates and a report of the ride then I think you need to be paying someone. I wouldn't expect someone to text me when they got there and when they leave - it's too much.
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These can be the same thing. I’m 22 and still text my mum when I’m riding as I’m usually alone at the yard and have a green/quirky horse, so we both like knowing someone will be aware if something goes wrong. If the horse is less than straightforward, getting feedback on how a ride went can be a means of heading off problems before they escalate, eg if the horse is starting to get a bit nappy/spooky/etc, knowing early can allow OP to advise/intervene before an accident happens. Especially true for a young rider left unsupervised. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy description, just a “went well” or “sticky to start with, improved as we went on” is enough to work with and make sure everyone is safe and aware.
 
From what you have said I would do nothing. I shared my horse before I bought him, I was 15 then, like yours he could be difficult but the owner was very relaxed - I told her if he’d done anything out of the ordinary but that was it. It worked very nicely. 14/15 year olds are capable of judging situations, if he did something dangerous I expect she would have told you. Of course there are plenty of flaky sharers, but if you don’t trust her with your horse then maybe you should look for another sharer?
It seems like she’s only just started; if you’re not happy with her behaviour in a few weeks then he’s your horse, you can just ask cancel your share agreement. But for now I would educate her on what she’s doing that you don’t like, and accept that she’s still learning and is likely to have a few missteps at first.
 
Lillian_paddington said:
. 14/15 year olds are capable of judging situations, i
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This is fundamentally wrong. Teenagers are actually neurologically wired to take increased risks. It’s to do with creating your new tribe (ie impressing friends) and breaking away from parents. Whilst they may be capable of judging situations they will often take the riskier option - it is why teenagers have more car accidents than older new drivers. Boys are higher risk takers than girls but girls take many risks too.
 
If those are your rules for your horse then any sharer must abide by them. But be prepared, if they don't like the rules, that you will loose the sharer. That really depends on the balance of need from your perspective. I have very strict rules for how our share pony is used. He's a PC Competition pony so always with children and I insist on a horsey adult too. If sharers break the rules they are removed. But he is fairly unique and I always have waiting list so I have no issue with dispensing with someone who doesn't do as I want. (And I'm not unreasonable incidentally - he is a great share!)

But if it has taken you a while to find someone and you are otherwise happy then I would just have a conversation. Hosing him down - absolutely that is a no go. Perhaps she didn't understand why that was the rule so explain it. Texting... thats difficult for me as I would not allow an under age child on yard without supervision. Not becuase they are not safe / sensible etc. But because the liability if there is an accident is massive. The law does not expect a minor child to appreciate risk and its my liability / insurance as owner. (And as others have said it is scientifically proven that perception and attitude to risk doesn't become fully "adult" until 25 - but part of that is that they themselves don't recognise it. Ask any teenager!)
 
Leo Walker said:
But they arent. not in any shape or form. Teenagers do breath takingly stupid and thoughtless things. Its part of growing up. Any teenager rider/sharer I have had is accompanied by either me or a parent for this exact reason.
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To clarify... no, not all situations. Particularly new ones. But if this sharer is riding a difficult/unpredictable horse, then I assumed she was fairly experienced. If she’s not, then I’d reevaluate.
At our yard we have plenty of helpers from 12-15. If they’re unsure about anything, or are having problems, they will always ask me or someone else more experienced. We’ve never had any issues. So yes, I do think they’re capable of judging situations, even if the outcome is to ask someone older what they’d do.
In terms of your sharer, OP, I suppose it’s down to how sensible you think she is. If you don’t trust her and you don’t think she’s going to learn from the mistakes she’s made, then I’d find someone else.
 
SpringArising said:
You said in your OP you want her to text you so she can tell you how the day/ride went etc. And now you're saying it's so you know she's safe. Which one is it? If you want text updates and a report of the ride then I think you need to be paying someone. I wouldn't expect someone to text me when they got there and when they leave - it's too much.
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Well it's both?
They relate to the same thing, she messages me with a quick update even if it is just "all went well" then I know she and my horse are safe
 
Lillian_paddington said:
To clarify... no, not all situations. Particularly new ones. But if this sharer is riding a difficult/unpredictable horse, then I assumed she was fairly experienced. If she’s not, then I’d reevaluate.
At our yard we have plenty of helpers from 12-15. If they’re unsure about anything, or are having problems, they will always ask me or someone else more experienced. We’ve never had any issues. So yes, I do think they’re capable of judging situations, even if the outcome is to ask someone older what they’d do.
In terms of your sharer, OP, I suppose it’s down to how sensible you think she is. If you don’t trust her and you don’t think she’s going to learn from the mistakes she’s made, then I’d find someone else.
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Having taught at riding schools for the best part of a decade this was categorically not my experience.

As someone said further up, its not anyones opinion, its a scientific fact that teenagers lack judgement and take risks. Then theres the legal aspect, and again, someone said further up, the law does not consider teenagers capable of being responsible either. If they are coming to you for advice you will almost certainly be putting yourself in the position of responsible adult for them and if something goes wrong it will sit on your shoulders, so might be worth looking into.
 
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