Sharing woes

[swfy03]

Hi, I haven’t used this forum in years but have rediscovered it again recently and thought I’d come on here as I don’t have many horsey friends and my other half is sick of me talking about this!

I’ve been riding for over 20 years and had part loans on and off for 10 years now and they have always worked out really well for me. After a break from riding I had 6 months of lessons at a riding school to get back in the swing of things and then started looking for a horse to share last Summer.

I found it really hard to find something but I did quite like a green 6 year old mare that I tried. l thought that with some lessons she could be a good fit. Over time I realised her owner had been quite dishonest about her and she was spooky and quirky in the school and strong out hacking (tanks off everytime we canter) and I found out she had been bought for her teenage daughter who had been overhorsed and given up with her. At that point I did look for other horses but didn’t find anything so carried on with the share. I had loads of flatwork lessons over the summer and we made huge progress. My instructor felt the owner was taking advantage of me due to the amount of effort and money I was putting in to bring her on but I didn’t really care as I felt the situation was beneficial to me as well. I should also point out I’ve been her main rider since the share started doing 3/4 days a week with owner lunging her and riding once a week or so.

Anyway, a few months ago the owner told me that she needed to move yards because she couldn’t afford the livery. I was disappointed as I loved the yard we were at but I was very understanding about the situation. A couple of the liveries told me that would be the end of my share as they knew the yard we were moving to and said it was awful but I thought I’d give it a go. Sadly they were right and I have hated the new yard we’re at. I won’t go into too much detail but the facilities are very limited and not well maintained, the yard is unsafe, the liveries aren’t friendly and the yard owner is nasty. I’ve had experiences at a whole range of yards but nothing this bad before. I tried to make the best of it, but after 4 months and some horrible incidents I’m miserable. I told the owner how I felt a couple of months ago and she assured me she would look for another livery yard asap as she didn’t want to lose me as a sharer. I understand it takes time to find a new yard but she’s got quite specific criteria and has several horses so I think it’s unlikely she will find anywhere else. Everytime I tell her how I feel she tells me we’ll move but I'm losing patience. I’m now struggling to see the good points of this share and do feel I’m possibly being taken advantage of.

I have been looking for other horses to share as I really don’t want to give this one up with nothing else to move to but I can’t see anything being advertised nearby. Am I going mad or are there really limited horses for share out there due to covid and people having more time? Going back a few years ago I used to get inundated with offers and now nothing. Do you think things will pick up soon?! I really don’t want to be ‘horse-less’ but this current situation is making me miserable.

I don’t know whether to just end the share and take my chances that I’ll find something else, or continue as having a horse to ride is better than nothing?

Where do people advertise horse shares nowadays? I’ve been trying local fb groups and preloved…

Sorry for the moan

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

The advantage of sharing someone else's horse is that you can easily walk away if the owner does something you don't like/the horse isn't as you expected

The disadvantage is that you don't have as much influence over decisions about welfare. If you would really like to continue to ride the horse but would prefer to be on the first yard, perhaps you could offer to pay the difference in the livery, if owner is prepared to move back.

 

[HorseMaid]

Have you put up an advert yourself, or just keeping an eye out for people advertising? I know that when I advertised my horse for share (on Facebook) I had tonnes of replies and have ended up with a really lovely sharer plus a bonus one for my friend's horse. In general I think loads of people would like a nice sharer!

 

[Trouper]

If you really like this horse and have invested a lot in her, could you afford to take her on full loan and keep her at the previous yard if the owner were willing? If she has other horses, she may be happy to have one less to deal with.

 

[Courbette]

Having had a few ups and downs with sharing myself recently I feel for you. On my last yard the good horses seemed to go by word of mouth so it could be worth putting an advert up on the first yard or on local equine Facebook groups.

Some owners aren’t actively looking for sharers but will consider it if the right person comes along. I’m sure you will find the right horse ?

 

[McFluff]

Maybe your instructor or people at the previous yard would keep an eye out for something for you?

Covid is keeping things slow/on hold up here. So things may pick up soon.

Good luck.

 

[throwawayaccount]

at the end of the day, you don't deserve to be subjugated to abuse or bad feeling from other liveries. whether or not you want to continue in that situation is your choice- i understand its not easy especially since you have clicked and put so much work into the mare. (assuming that is still the same horse you have on share now)

you may need to bare in mind that the owner doesn't have your best interests at heart as she wasn't candid from the get go, its not your responsibility to bring on someone elses horse.

i know tensions are high at the mo and covid doesn't help, but that doesn't excuse peoples personalities or how they treat each other 24/7.

you deserve better

 

[Annagain]

Could you afford to / would you want to take the mare on loan and move her back to the other yard? You'd have more control over things if it was a full loan. If not, I'd walk away. When lockdown lifts I'd volunteer at your local riding club, it's a great way to make new horsey friends and find a share through word of mouth.

 

[9tails]

My yard is still closed to sharers but this lifts on 29th March. Maybe put a wanted ad up, or ask a friend to do it for you, to see if anybody with a more suitable horse is looking.

 

[swfy03]

Have you put up an advert yourself, or just keeping an eye out for people advertising? I know that when I advertised my horse for share (on Facebook) I had tonnes of replies and have ended up with a really lovely sharer plus a bonus one for my friend's horse. In general I think loads of people would like a nice sharer!

Yes I've got a couple of ads up but the only people who have replied are miles away (45min/1hr drive) which just wouldn't fit in with my work commitments sadly.

 

[swfy03]

If you really like this horse and have invested a lot in her, could you afford to take her on full loan and keep her at the previous yard if the owner were willing? If she has other horses, she may be happy to have one less to deal with.

Could you afford to / would you want to take the mare on loan and move her back to the other yard? You'd have more control over things if it was a full loan. If not, I'd walk away. When lockdown lifts I'd volunteer at your local riding club, it's a great way to make new horsey friends and find a share through word of mouth.

I would seriously consider taking her on full loan but we had a conversation about a while ago and her owner said she wouldn't allow her to move yards.

That's a great suggestion - I'll have a look into volunteering at my local riding club. I've not lived in this area very long anyway so it will be good to meet some horsey people locally.

 

[swfy03]

at the end of the day, you don't deserve to be subjugated to abuse or bad feeling from other liveries. whether or not you want to continue in that situation is your choice- i understand its not easy especially since you have clicked and put so much work into the mare. (assuming that is still the same horse you have on share now)

you may need to bare in mind that the owner doesn't have your best interests at heart as she wasn't candid from the get go, its not your responsibility to bring on someone elses horse.

i know tensions are high at the mo and covid doesn't help, but that doesn't excuse peoples personalities or how they treat each other 24/7.

you deserve better

Thank you, I really needed to hear that from an 'outsider'.

 

[Tarragon]

You may find that if she thinks she will be losing your support, and presumably your financial contribution, she may be prepared to consider some other options?
I think it sounds like you are getting a lot of satisfaction from riding this horse and it would be a shame to have to start again somewhere else and with another horse.

 

[alibali]

Loans and shares can be great so long as both parties are benefiting. If a previously happy loan/share changes so that one or other party is no longer satisfied with the arrangement then it's worth discussing whether circumstances can be changed to ensure all are happy. The great benefit for the sharer/loaner is that if matters cant be resolved then, emotional attachment aside, it's easy to walk away.

In your position I would think up as many solutions as possible to resolve your unhappiness, you may come up with one or with several. Then have an honest chat with the owner regarding how you're feeling, give her your possible solutions and also an indication of the time scales for change you feel able to cope with. Really then the ball is in the owners court as the advantage of being the owner in a loan/share arrangement is that they retain ultimate control.

If the owner is unable or unwilling to implement any of your possible solutions within your acceptable time scale then you need to walk away. Save your money for school master lessons or other horsey fixes while volunteering at local horse trials/driving trials/endurance rides/dressage writing (insert sport of your choice). Which may in turn open up other opportunities for you.