Shattered Confidence

[Lolo20]

Hi Everyone,I'm new here and so grateful to have found this forum and community! I'm really hoping you can help me and give me some advice. I bought the horse of my dreams a few years ago but unfortunately after constant lameness issues we decided to retire her. In the two years I had her I only managed to ride her for a couple of months as she could never stay sound. We retired her in March and tried to get her in foal but with no success :-(. She is now retired in the field. We spent so much money on her but had no luck. I had managed to find a lovely loan pony from a woman who was giving up riding completely and had been loving riding him but we fell off on the road and I sustained a very bad back injury which needed surgery. i have been off from riding for 4 months while I recover and while I really miss riding, I can't face returning to my livery yard. Even though the people are so lovely, I am so embarrassed about all the bad luck I have had. I feel like a bit of a disaster and that maybe I should give up completely. I know this probable seems irrational but when I see everyone from my yard out and about competing and having lots of success and fun I just feel ashamed. I would have to go back and ask for lots of help as I will be really nervous getting back on too so I would really appreciate anyone's advice who has been in a similar position.

Thank you in advance

 

[Roxylola]

If there is a group of people who know about bad luck it is horse people. Nobody is going to judge you for that.
However, maybe see about taking your horse for a break somewhere - do you have lessons, could you do a weekend with your trainer? A local riding school? Friend on another yard? Then if you feel bothered about going back still look for a new yard maybe - clean slate etc

 

[Green Bean]

Poor you, you have had a really rough time. Just know that you are certainly not alone. There are a lot of riders out there going through the same thing. Your best bet is a sympathetic instructor who will move at your pace. As for going out there to shows and stuff, that is really not important at all. Your relationship with your horse is the only thing that matters. Spend time with him on the ground. You can gain so much by just relaxing and doing things you do enjoy. Grooming, grazing, walking around with him will help you gain your confidence again. Above all, be kind to yourself

 

[Carrottom]

Sorry to hear of your bad luck with horses, are you seeing your retired mare?
What has happened to your loan pony in the 4 months you have been recovering, is he still a the livery yard? Could you go to visit him at a quiet time when there won't be many people there. Maybe a few short visits will help to build your confidence.

 

[Muddywellies]

Ooooh bless you. Let's just turn this around. If this had happened to someone else on your yard, and you were one of the ones regularly riding and competing, what would you say to them if they felt how you feel?
It sounds like you have some good friends there who I expect probably miss you being around. I should think they will be so pleased you're back and will support you in whatever way they can. Don't be ashamed, lean on your friends a bit. Don't try to keep up, and just stay within your comfort zone, but ill bet you a pound to a penny no one will judge you and you'll be welcomed back with open arms ?

 

[MrsMozartleto]

Accept that sh!t happens sometimes no matter how much one puts into this love of ours.

Is just a case of learning (always learning!) and taking little steps when we need to.

Go back to your lovely people. Expect to be treated as you'd treat them if the roles had been reversed.

 

[outdoor girl]

Don't be embarrassed. There are lots of us on here who have been in similar situations. I had a bad fall and was in plaster from hip to toe for 12 weeks. My old horse wasn't in front of the leg enough for me to start riding on again, so I looked and found a horse to take on loan. She was 17 yrs old and a real schoolmaster with a sneaky shy at stuff at the side of the road! I went to try her but was so nervous, it took me an age to even trot, and I didn't dare canter. I took her but had to have someone walk with me for weeks before I dared go it alone either in the school or on a hack. In the end she was the most amazing horse and the owner gifted her to me. I carried on riding her until she was about 22 when, during a routine vet visit, we discovered she had a grade 6 heart murmur and I was told not to ride her again. I had her pts at the age of 31. People will understand. Take things at your pace, don't be pushed by anyone to go a step forward when you don't feel ready. Maybe the shame you say you feel is, in fact, a little bit of envy? Good luck and keep us up to date with progress.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

If you started a thread on here and asked how many people have had to retire or PTS a horse despite paying for all the best veterinary treatment or how many people have had a fall that resulted in a bad injury, you would find that lots of us have been or are in the same boat as you.

I completely agree with Roxyloa.

If there is a group of people who know about bad luck it is horse people. Nobody is going to judge you for that.

Never have truer words been spoken.

You say that the people on your yard are lovely, which is brilliant.

Maybe take some pressure off yourself and just aim to look after or visit your retired mare (depending on your situation) over the winter that will soon be upon us.

You can always get back into riding at a riding school on trusted confidence giving horses. I even rode with the RDA for a while after my accident and they did wonders for my confidence.

I think you said in your intro post that you hope to get your mare in foal next year, so that is something to look forwards to.

There are many ways to enjoy horses, they key is to stop comparing yourself with others. I have had a huge amount of pleasure from having Arabian youngsters. No riding, just the joy of watching them grow and doing the bits of training that result in a good adult horses.

I have a neighbour who stopped riding after her TB sadly died. She now has Shetlands and is learning to drive them and much prefers this to riding. She also adores their cheeky personalities.

Don't be ashamed or embarrassed, you are not alone and you will find joy in horses again as so many of us have.

 

[Annagain]

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We've all been there and your friends will only want to help you.

I have a new horse at the moment and am taking things very slowly getting to know him. My horsey friends have been nothing but supportive - holding him for me to get on as he's not brilliant with the mounting block yet and going far slower than they'd like to on a fun ride until I knew he was going to be ok cantering in company and overtaking /being overtaken by strange horses. Luckily, that only took 20 minutes and we had a fabulous time for the rest of the ride. Your friends will be the same with you. Do you want to get back on your loan horse? Talk to his owner. She obviously trusted you with him and him with you so I'm sure she'll be keen to help you get back on board when the time is right.

 

[Lolo20]

Thanks so much for the kind comments everyone, I really appreciate the support. It really helps to hear that my situation isn't unusual at all. You can seem like the only one sometimes! I think that maybe the first day back will be the most challenging but hopefully after that it will be ok. I have a bit to go in my recovery anyway so I don't have to face it yet.

@annagain - yes I would like to ride him again. I would be nervous but love him so really want to try to go back! Hoping his owner is ok with me going back to ride him.