should I be there when my pony is pts?

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hollyflower

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I found out today my lifelong pony friend of 19 years is going blind in both eyes and my vet has recommended he is pts in the next few months. The pony and I have extremely close bond and I totally adore him. The idea of being there and seeing him pts is so distressing in itself, I think I would be hysterical if I were there, my husband has said he will be with him but my mum thinks I should man upnand be with him. I was wondering how other people handled this and what they think. I was with my dog and was hysterical, he really struggled and kept pulling the line out of his forearm and I have wondered wether I was upsetting him, I dont want to let him down either.
 
So sorry for you both x

You do what you are comfortable doing, don't let anyone force you to be there if you are going to find it too upsetting.

Spend some quiet time with him before the time comes, say goodbye and go and walk the dogs by yourself for a bit.
 
Do you think he will be distressed by me not being there? I am worried I am letting him down by not being and hd has never let me down once :(
 
Do what YOU want to...what feels right to you. Do not be swayed by what people on here say. Your pony does not know what is going to happen. If you want to remember him as he is then get someone else to hold him or to be there for you. There is no shame in not wanting your last memory of your pony to be that of him laying dead on the ground. Your horse, your decision, no one elses. x
 
It really is a personal decision and i needed to be by babys side to help her not fear anything but hun its nothing to do with manning up. I found booking date in advance allowed me to "come" to terms with it. The morning I sat watching her graze with her friends and then groomed her. Yes i struggled but my vet was calm and understanding. She talked me through everything. I held it pretty much together till she went down and then yes i lost it but baby had gone by then. But i found planning helped me even to which rugs to put in fiekds to cover her her feed taking some mane and tail etc. But hunny what you have to keep in your heart is you have been and are being a caring owner. It is not a nice thing but maybe you may regret if dont ?Big hug and please please pm if you feel need to. In my thoughts x
 
I've stood with a few horses getting PTS for their owners who couldn't face it. The horses were happy eating carrots and being petted and they didn't know what was going on. If it was my horse I would be an absolute hysterical wreck which would freak him out, so I would most likely need someone else to stand with him after I had said my goodbyes.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Do what you are most comfortable with.
 
He doesn't know that he's about to go, so no, he won't be upset by your not being there. If you can't handle it calmly then don't distress him by being there. I know someone who was hysterical over her childhood pony and was literally throwing herself over the pony sobbing. This can't be nice for the poor thing, so it would be kinder not to.

On the other hand you might surprise yourself and find it a worthwhile experience for your own grieving process. I agree with those that have said have someone else there ready to take over - and if you can't control yourself (I mean this kindly) then give her a pat and walk away.
 
This a decision only you can make and a decision you will probably change your mind about a few times. Do what you feel is best. Just remember your upset could upset him and this may not help the situation. Have your OH there and if you feel you can not do it then ask him too. Its your decision and no one will judge you for it
 
It can only be a decision you make I'm afraid. I just had one of mine put to sleep 2 days ago, it was incredibly traumatic from my point of view, I'll never forget it. But I felt I had to be there for her. I'd had her 22 years, I couldn't let her face the end on her own or basically without me. My mum was there too as she wanted to be as well. I fed her mints while it happened and we stroked her during it. I wasn't hysterical though as I didnt want to upset her. Its really up to you, if you think you can keep it together and you might regret it not being there then do it. Have your husband with you, so if it did get too much for you then you could leave and he could stay with her. Its a horrid, horrid thing to go through but honestly only you can decide. Thinking of you. x
 
It is, as babymare says a very personal decision. I have to say, for me if I look back now (this is going to sound weird) it was a privilege to be there, right at the end, to make that decision for her, and to be the last person she saw. It was a privilege to be able to ensure that everything was done with the utmost respect and preserve her dignity right up until the last. Its not for everyone, but Im so incredibly glad that I did it and I think if I hadnt I would have regretted it and found it harder to move on and accept she was gone.
 
I stayed with my boy while he was sedated and totally out of it and then the farmer and the vet took over. I then went back to see him afterwards when he was at rest.x
 
going completely blind can take a long time, make sure vets check out his eyes fully again before you make the decision, it might be a lot longer than a few months time. does he have a companion because they can carry on if they have a horse they know who you could tie a bell to their rug or on their head collar, it doesnt have to be the end, unless he is not well
 
Hugs for you.. Very individual decision but try not to let anyone else make the decision for you, no right or wrong at all. It can be nice (strangely) to see how quick and pieceful it is, sometimes we can imagine it to be worse than it is. Equally you might not want that lasting image in your mind (for me it never goes, when I think of ones I've lost the first image in my mine is always that very last one - not ideal).
He won't mind at all either way especially if your husband (whom I'm guessing knows him well and he knows) is there.
 
I would have someone with you, that way you can make your decision as the process unfolds. I have stood with my horse until she went down and it was all very peaceful. I also left my old boy (who had the same problem as your horse) with someone else once he was sedated. What I would say is make sure you have him sedated somewhere familiar and if you can stay with him until he is sedated. It is a very personal thing and if you feel you would distress your horse more by you being there then its best to leave him with people who are going to be calm. I would see how it goes personally and don't feel guilty whatever you decide xx
 
You do what you feel is right and what you are capable of. I have always held my dogs and horses when they are being euthanised. For me I feel very strongly it is my duty to be with my animals right to the end, however I am always very calm and composed for it. For anyone who is going to be a crying wreck then it's probably best not to be with a dying animal as it not only upsets the animal but also the poor vet who's trying to do a job quickly and efficiently.

I'm sorry to hear about your horse. I've had quite a few ancient old blind horses retire here and I always become more attached to them for some reason. If your husband will hold your horse for the vet and he can remain composed then he's the man for the job and you should maybe just say your goodbyes a day or so before and stay away on the day the deed is being done.
 
Sorry, but I'm one that can't be there. Yes I do all the other stuff, booking in etc but I can't handle it, my Hubby and a friend stand with them as mine aren't injected but shot and my Hubby also does the dogs when the time comes, I just go and stand in the corner of a stable and ball my eyes out, so yes I would upset them badly if I was there.
 
hollyflower said:
I found out today my lifelong pony friend of 19 years is going blind in both eyes and my vet has recommended he is pts in the next few months. The pony and I have extremely close bond and I totally adore him. The idea of being there and seeing him pts is so distressing in itself, I think I would be hysterical if I were there, my husband has said he will be with him but my mum thinks I should man upnand be with him. I was wondering how other people handled this and what they think. I was with my dog and was hysterical, he really struggled and kept pulling the line out of his forearm and I have wondered wether I was upsetting him, I dont want to let him down either.
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I cannot tell you what to do but here is my story.



My first mare went 90% bind with cataracts and moon blindness, she carried on living till 25 when she was struck down with an illness
I knew she had little vision but when tack was on she was confident as long as I kept the rein contact and any obstacle she needed to step up or over I went "HUP" had she stepped over. I brought a sweet donkey in 1993 who I still have now 17+ years later who be befriended her and whom my mare would follow round as her other senses got stronger. I had post and rail fencing and I used a white bucket which she could make out.


Every horse is different my mare had been with me 12 years and trusted me implicitly she knew where you were by her other senses. I don't regret anything and my vet did not offer me PTS as she knew my mare well and as her sight was slow deterioration, knew she could cope.


I feel sorry for your pony and you to be in this situation, please pm if you want to talk.


Oh yes when it was time to PTS due to illness I dont regret being there with her holding her at the end.
 
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He was literally fine two weeks ago and now he can barely see at all out of it, the other eye is already gone due to an injury a few years ago, my kids were riding him out a few weeks ago, it has progressed so rapidly.
 
putasocinit said:
going completely blind can take a long time, make sure vets check out his eyes fully again before you make the decision, it might be a lot longer than a few months time. does he have a companion because they can carry on if they have a horse they know who you could tie a bell to their rug or on their head collar, it doesnt have to be the end, unless he is not well
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This

I think the fact you know what is happening is good but you probably have a fair bit of time to think about this so don't panic now! If the horse is happy as he is then don't feel you have to rush in to this. Plenty of horses cope fine with one eye and some even almost totally blind (not that I am saying you'd want to let him to get to that stage!).

Personally I think I would have to be there - although I imagine that when you have to pre-book these things it does make it more difficult as opposed to the horse having to be PTS in emergency circumstances. I was upset that I couldn't be there when my pony died. I felt responsible and felt guilty so I wish I'd been there. We lost an old TB back in Nov but it was sudden and he collapsed. My mum, sister and me were all there with him and I am glad we were as you get some comfort from it and I am sure they do too. If you really can't face it then maybe just be there to say your goodbyes and then leave your husband to be with him,

It is awful but it's one thing most horse owners will face at some point and I think sometimes you are shocked by how well you actually do deal with it even if you think you can't.
 
putasocinit said:
going completely blind can take a long time, make sure vets check out his eyes fully again before you make the decision, it might be a lot longer than a few months time. does he have a companion because they can carry on if they have a horse they know who you could tie a bell to their rug or on their head collar, it doesnt have to be the end, unless he is not well
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This is what I did above as you see the same brought a companion it made he more confidant and she also shared the same stable, both together, as PASII said as I said , it does not have to be the end.
 
One thing I learnt which may help your pony

  • Use a white bucket while there is a little vision
  • Keep food and hay fed in the same place
  • Careful when you walk him in and out stables
  • talk to him when approaching him
  • If there is a step stop him in front of it lift his leg onto step and say HUP so he learns this means lift foot up a step
  • get a bell on companion
  • Don't feed him in the field with others as he will be vulnerable
  • When leading him keep rope taught , this will keep a contact and provide him with a security
  • When leading him keep an eye out for any ruts / uneven ground/holes
 
No you don't need to be there so long as there is someone he knows and is comfortable with is there. I was there when my beloved mare was PTS. I wanted to be with her, but there was no one else in any case. One of my liveries chose not to be with her horse. But did that mean she loved him less? No. One thing I can tell you is that my mare's death plays over and over in my mind. It is my main memory of her right now, and that's a terrible shame. So it's not nice. But would I change my decision to be there? No. But it's what I wanted to do. I don't think anything less of those who choose not to be there.
 
I won't be givjng up on him too easily. The vet said he had lots of blood spots at the back of his eye, he said they would multiply until he had no vision in either eye. Thanks for the tips, it is difficult as I have to use livery yards which means electric fencing, which isnt ideal.
 
It's never easy knowing what to do, and you won't actually know how you cope, until the time comes. So as others have said, keep your options open, and have people with you who know they may need to step in. For me, being there has been an important part of the grieving process. But for many others, it's not a memory they want. I have to say though, I don't often think of my "last" moments at all. Now that time has passed, I think nearly always of the good times.

One thing that (unusually) hasn't been said on this thread, is DO NOT be there for the body being removed. It's not nice, and there is no need to see it. There are professionals for that, and even my non horsey OH was sent away for that part.

When the time gets closer, I would ask again on here about what to expect. Being prepared makes it a whole lot easier. Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
I honestly believe your pony will be fine whether you or your husband are with him but just wanted to say you may be surprised how well you handle it. I lost my old boy back in November. He was 29 and I'd had him for 17yrs.
I'd always joked that they'd need to sedate me too when he went but actually on the day I was very calm and almost composed.
My vet was brilliant which helped tremendously and actually as devastating as it was the whole thing was very calm and I never considered not being with him. I had a great friend with me who offered to hold him but I wanted to do it and in fact she held my mare who I wanted to be with him when it happened.

As others have said there is no right or wrong decision but just wanted to say that you might be surprised at how strong you are x
 
Also absolutely agree with now-loves-mares. I was with him at the end and spent some time with him afterwards but I was gone when he was moved. I did not want to see that x
 
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