Should I be thinking of giving up? What keeps you going?

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snowstormII

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Need some kindness...

I have had a run of bad luck with horses in the last few years and I am starting to get a nagging question in my head, like 'how will I know if/when it is time to give up horses?'

Lost one to masses of sarcoids and an unhappy brain, lost another in a fire, lost the best one to a broken leg in the field, caused by the current one who has the beginnings of kissing spines and who spooked 3 months ago breaking my collar bone and zapping my confidence on her. I now have emotional 'baggage' with her and worry every time she does anything other than just going along sweetly, so I am sure I'm not doing her any favours either.

I hate the process of trawling for a new horse, with all the differing interpretations of sound/safe/straight moving that entails, and who inevitably changes character once with me and we have a bumpy ride for the first 6 months to a year, getting to know each other. I know I invest a lot of emotion in wanting that relationship to be perfect, but I have had it once or twice so I know it can exist.

Fundamentally, though I am a horse addict! I guess I just need to understand if it is a knee jerk reaction to get another quieter replacement or should I somehow give myself some space and see if it still feels right to dive in again in a few months.

What kept you going after a loss of confidence/heart/ horse of a lifetime, and has it worked out?

A flake and cuppa tea for anyone who got this far :)
 
Hi.
Firstly hugs as you sound like you need them
I so feel your pain. I too have had such bad luck with horses over recent 7to 8 yrs. last one I lost age 8. Even current horse has had ulcers (twice) and other stuff.

However I could not be without a horse to ride. So while looking for another is absolutely horrid I would dive right back in.
I would probably just be 10x more careful what I looked at
 
my old horse died about 18 months ago had him a long time i totally lost my confidence as he dumped me so many times he would just explode for no reason though i expect he may of ahd a tumour in his brain in the end but anyway i said when he went not getting another horse give myself a rest 2 months later bought my mare so didnt last long got my confidence back but had to give up riding 2 months ago due to my hips being knackered but to be honest wont ever give up i feel empty without a horse i have someone to ride her and i am going to do some in hand stuff i like the grooming and the stables duties and i love the social life i have at the stables so dont give up you will miss it
 
Id lost my confidence due to yard bullies, a spooky/nappy welsh cob and letting these things really get to me...now, i have a fab instructor, my cob hacks on his own and is schooling really well (ready for shows), ive have my youngster backed and he's safe as can be for a 4 yr old. Basically, ive taken the pressure off myself and look back on the time when i almost sold /loaned the older cob because my confidence was in shreds.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship with a horse or person for that matter - life would be pretty boring if that was the case and we wouldn't be on this forum:) x
 
Many years ago I split with a long term boyfriend and was absolutely gutted! After much stamping and shouting my wise old mum sat me down and asked me if I could live the rest of my life without him in it? Could I see a future without him? Of course I can I answered.

She then said, "then he's not the one for you."

I use this analogy a lot. If you can see your future without horses in it, take a break.
 
I can rarely afford anything decent. I get horses and make the best of them. I like the whole horse ownership thing, the relationship you build with them and to a certain extent the social side of life on a busy yard (if the people are nice!). It's not only about the riding for me. I go into it with the attitude that I'll buy what I can afford, try my best to get a sound one, then see what the horse can do once I've got it home and settled in. Some turn out to be barely broken in, others take a long time to settle and I don't feel safe around them if I'm having a bad day with my own health, some are decent riding horses from the first day and some turn out to have health issues or behavioural issues that limit what they can do or require a lot of rehab to get right.

I don't mind any of it. Sure there are days when I just want to get on and go for a gallop, but for whatever reason I can't. But, you could spend 10k on the perfect horse and end up duped by a dishonest seller or it could break a leg in the field the day after you get it home. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe it would help you enjoy horse ownership more if you just go with the flow rather than trying so hard to make everything perfect. I currently have an almost perfect horse, but he was many years in the making. If I had to start over again with something new, it wouldn't be the same or anywhere near as good, especially if I was grieving the loss of my current one.

In your situation I would take an objective look at the situation as it stands and decide if you like it enough to want it as part of your life. There are many things we can do with our life apart from horses, but if its in your blood you maybe can't do without them! If horses are for you and you like your current horse, then persevere at your own pace and do the things you enjoy. It shouldn't all be hard work. If you don't want your current horse then instead of feeling guilty, pass them on to someone who does want them and get yourself something more suitable.

For myself I can never imagine giving up horses, but I have at times sort of taken a break whilst still being involved. I've had grass kept horses where I've visited, checked and fed an apple then gone hone again, barely ever meeting anyone on the yard and doing little or nothing with the horse. I've had horses on full livery and turned up to ride, groom of chat to the other owners when I've felt like it and not even visited the rest of the time. I've had horses on DIY that I've groomed daily but rarely rode. I've enjoyed pootling up the lane in the summer sun but not gone near the arena in months, or got a sharer to keep the horse fit so I can go for the occasional fast ride, or had a weekly lesson purely to keep me motivated. Other times I've gone all out and competed regularly, schooled horses and kept them fit all through winter mud and rain. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Do whatever you and your horse are capable of at the time and don't worry about whether either of you is realising your full potential. Horse owning is supposed to be fun. :)
 
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