should i move stables??

AprilBlue

AprilBlue

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okay so i have this problem, i don't know if i should stay at my RS/stables. this is what's going on. bear with me as this is long.

(btw i don't own a horse)

i don't know if i feel appreciated at my stables. it's like whatever i do, everyone takes it for granted. and just because i don't own a horse doesn't mean i should be ignored.

basically, i used to be very good friends with this girl and we used to be quite close i made friends with another girl and i introduced her to my friend because they didn't know each other. after a bit of time, they started to become better and better friends and i didn't mind that. soon us three became best friends till the trouble started. the two girls started leaving me out of whatever they did and sometimes ignored me. then me and the girl i was close friends with had an argument and the girl i introduced to us started becoming involved and she turned my close friend away from me. since then, they have been nice to me but they don't realise how upset i am. i am NOT jealous but i sort of feel like a 3rd wheel or 5th wheel, whatever the saying is. now they are best friends and they are acting like everything is normal when it isnt. i just can't believe they are soo naive. remember that this isn't rapid, this has been going on for a long time. it isn't bullying but i just can't get over how they don't realise how upset i am.

another thing, just because i don't own a horse doesn't mean that i can't be horsey right?? for example there was this one incident where this girl from my RS/stables found out that i had bought a bridle(because i wanted to learn how to clean a bridle, take it apart, for decoration ect.) and i was just about to go to the shop and buy a bit. and she was like: what's the point of buying a bridle when you haven't got a horse to ride it in? why are you wasting your money on stuff like that!? i got very upset by this because imo this sounded quite harsh and spiteful but have i over reacted or not? was it mean to say something like that or did i take it the wrong way?

and that was just an example.


most of the girls at my stables have a special bond with a pony and i just feel soo upset because whenever i ride a horse, they just seem like i'm a rider, not a friend. they just ignore me when i call them when they are in the field whereas the other ponies are already standing by the gate waiting for my friends. i dont want to and am not rushing things but i just feel like i can't bond with any horse and i would really like to. i don't own a horse as i don't have the money quite yet but at least i could make a friendship with one but they just don't care. they have been handled by soo many people that they just aren't bothered.

whenever i come back home from the stables i'm always upset and feeling hurt because of all this but i don't want to move stables as i love horses and i just love my stables. just not the people.

i wouldn't be able to bear to leave my RS/stables but i just come back home upset! what should i do, the things that i have told you are just examples.

remember that i'm really not trying to put my riding school down as i love it(like i said above) but i don't feel aprieciated.

what should i do?????

i feel soo much better for letting it all out but please reply

thanks
 
Friends grow up and grow apart in time and if it's a riding school most of the horses/ponies don't come to call just because you or somebody else is there, they come because they know it's work time and if they know it's not then they will keep their heads down grazing as it's their off time, if you aren't happy then try and find another stable that you could fit in maybe a smaller one. If it's making you unhappy then perhaps stay away for awhile or try and make other friends with the people there.
 
i think maybe you should try another R/S if its upsetting you that much-its ment to be fun and it doesnt seem like you are having any! rise above the childish girls and remember why you love horses and riding:)
 
archiepoo said:
i think maybe you should try another R/S if its upsetting you that much-its ment to be fun and it doesnt seem like you are having any! rise above the childish girls and remember why you love horses and riding:)
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thanks archiepoo but i cant exactly move rs either because it is the only one that is in my area and the rest are private yards and i would still like to carry on with lessons but i totally understand what you mean:)
 
Yes a little over the bridle thing, but there again I've so much tack in my loft that I've bought over the years and never used and practise makes perfect, far better to be able to take a bridle apart and put it back together than look like a wally say DOH!!!
 
thats a shame but youve sort of answered ur own question by saying there isnt anywhere else to go -if you want to carry on riding then you need to ignore the girls and concentrate on the horses, buying a bridle shows you really want to learn . can you book your lessons at a different time when they wont be there?
 
archiepoo said:
thats a shame but youve sort of answered ur own question by saying there isnt anywhere else to go -if you want to carry on riding then you need to ignore the girls and concentrate on the horses, buying a bridle shows you really want to learn . can you book your lessons at a different time when they wont be there?
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nahhh not really because they're nearly there every day. i'm sorry i'm making this hard for you but i really don't know how i should deal with this:confused:
 
I'm afraid I think you need to just accept that things change and be open minded enough to try to move on and not let them bother you anymore. I'd think along the lines of maybe not going for a week or two and doing something else that you enjoy to reduce your upset over it all and see how much you miss it. You might be surprised to find you don't miss it, and there's nothing stopping you from putting an advert in a local tack shop asking if anyone will let you volunteer at their private yard.

Having been in a similar situation where something I was doing wasn't any fun anymore, in my case ice skating, I stopped doing it for a few weeks and found that actually I didn't really miss the people just the activity so I went elsewhere and I'm much happier now. :)
 
You change friends lots as a teenager/young adult and it's often quite a painful process. Can you speak to them and say that you were upset? I think this s a really important issue that you need to resolve.

The bridle thing, yes, you overreacted a bit. Don't take it to heart, but equally, don't worry about what others say. I took ages to be able to take apart and reassemble a bridle using a made up one as my model. You need to learn, so ignore silly comments.
 
cinnamontoast said:
You change friends lots as a teenager/young adult and it's often quite a painful process. Can you speak to them and say that you were upset? I think this s a really important issue that you need to resolve.

The bridle thing, yes, you overreacted a bit. Don't take it to heart, but equally, don't worry about what others say. I took ages to be able to take apart and reassemble a bridle using a made up one as my model. You need to learn, so ignore silly comments.
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will do:D
 
Is there anyone else at the yard you could make friends with? Let the girls be chummy together and you move on and make other friends.
I love my horse and like to think we have a bond but she doesn't come to call. She's more interested in grass. She looks at me, looks at the grass and decides grass is a better option! It's hard to make a bond with a horse unless you handle it more than anyone else so don't worry about that.
I suppose buying a bridle when you don't have a horse seems odd to some people but if you can afford it and want to practice then why not! Would the yard allow you to clean tack as practice?
 
yeah, i have had a break from my stables for like a month once and every day, i missed it terribly and i was soo excited to coming back i was even counting down the days but when i came back i realised things didn't change one bit:(

little_critter my RS is very restricted to what you do around horses if you don't own one seeing as it is a riding school and the horses are always on the go and if someone doesnt clean the bridle properly for example it could cause discomfort for the horse. it's a rule i'm afraid. and i can't muck out ect. either because the YO pays the workers to do it and she only let's me groom and sweep the yard, even though im literally a teen now. but im too young to be a worker *sigh*
 
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Oh goodness me! This takes me back to my teenage years.

There is a saying "two is company three is a crowd". Sometimes you just need to step back just a little but don't get upset. The chances are the three of you will all keep taking "turns" at being friends. Isn't there a huge gang of people up at your stables? Just be friendly to everyone and enjoy your time and keep on learning. These times you have at your stables now are the foundations of whatever horsey future you will have, and the one thing you gain as a youngster that is very, very difficult to gain as an adult is confidence.

Also, isn't there one horse there you really like, regularly ride, or perhaps one who is retired and needs some TLC or one who is used for? I'm sure you could find one who you spend time with and who you can form a bond with. Riding school ponies don't have the one to one time with a particular owner that privately owned horses do!

For what it's worth...

I had two friends at the stables where I worked who would behave like your friends when I was a teenager many many years ago. We are still best friends now, I've been bridesmaid for both of them and we're actually meeting up today!

I bought bits of tack when I was a riding school pupil. Turned out very handy because eventually I bonded with a nutbag mare who I adored more than anything on earth and the stuff fitted her perfectly so I donated it to her BUT then got it back when I eventually bought her (when the place closed down and I howled until my parents gave in!!)

So basically, it's all going to be ok in the end. Just stick in there and enjoy your time at the school.
 
if you do stay away for a week, when you go back do not let on that you stayed away because you were unhappy, make up a little white lie about how you went on holiday or stayed with someone who had ponies or something, that will stop the friends from being even more nasty because they would see you were weak by staying away.

no harm in you getting your riding gear together before you buy a horse, so bully to them.

just be strong, you will come across this so often in life, put your head up high and believe in what you love, learn to close those ears, and you do not have to engage in conversation with them when you are at the stables, because you are there to be with the ponies arent you?
 
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