Should I sell... How to make the decision?

[metalmare]

I posted yesterday about how it took me about 5 yrs to bond with my mare, I loved her regardless of her horribleness but I honestly think she wanted me dead at the beginning!

It was only moving to my previous yard that made me realise how much of a star she was, she'd get stressed out by other horses, so I moved to a tiny private yard, just me and my two to start with then the odd friend came and went! it was a tiny village, with loads of off road hacking and no other yards, and the last 3 years (of 12yrs) have been amazing! she was so much happier and finally after 8-9yrs I started to actually enjoy riding her!

She was never the sort of horse I could stick kids on at today was the first time in 3 yrs I've let any kids on her, and I can safely say she was perfect! I felt like a very proud mum!

So I would say keep him, work with him, if it breaks your heart there must be something there? you don't want to see him passed from home to home because he doesn't bond well with new people???

This is a lovely story, but I don't think I can wait 8-9 years to start to enjoy him, especially as he is my only horse, but I respect your commitment to your mare!

The shame of it is, it won't break my heart to sell him I don't think, which is why I think it is the right thing to do.

 

[Wagtail]

I didn't at any point say that I don't school or have lessons, just that I can only school when the paddocks are suitable, therefore not regularly enough. Just because I don't have facilities that doesn't mean I don't value the importance of improvement! I have lessons usually on other horses at another yard where there are facilties. On him lessons are only possible in the paddock and weather permitting. I'm not sure why, yet again, this has become another discussion of the amount of schooling a horse receives anyway as I did state that if I was fond of the horse I would be prepared to continue working on the ridden issues but it is the fact that I don't enjoy him as a ride and I don't feel I've clicked with him after a year that is making me want to sell.

Ok. Yes, I think you should sell. Regarding wanting a better schooled horse though, any horse will decline without regular schooling, no matter how well schooled it is. I am not getting at you, just saying that what you are craving for maybe isn't available without the facilities or commitment to travel to a school regularly, if you see what I mean?

 

[metalmare]

Ok. Yes, I think you should sell. Regarding wanting a better schooled horse though, any horse will decline without regular schooling, no matter how well schooled it is. I am not getting at you, just saying that what you are craving for maybe isn't available without the facilities or commitment to travel to a school regularly, if you see what I mean?

Yes, I do understand what you're saying and I don't mean to be touchy, only it's a hard decision to make. I think as much as a well schooled horse, what I want is an uncomplicated arm chair ride so I can relax and enjoy 3 hour hacks. I like an alert horse, I don't mind a horse on its toes, but I do hack alone, far from anyone and often on busy roads, past a wide range of traffic.

Schooling aside, Kes just doesn't feel wide or comfy enough to sit on (even stationary and even with my mega comfy saddle). I barely feel like I'm on a horse, it's more like a bike. When I bought him I thought that feeling would go, as I had been riding a lot of 16-17hh horses and I thought I would adjust, but over a year later I'm still hankering for the ride a larger horse gives, which is not poor Kes' fault. My neighbour has a 16hh lightweight cob, she's less confident and less capable than me and she's found such a sweetheart she can just relax and enjoy the riding and she too has no facilities.

It's all a huge pay off. I love schooling, both flatwork and jumping. I get a huge kick out of collecting a well schooled horse and feeling that moment when the back rounds and the trot feels like oiled springs. But, sadly I live in the real world where perfect yards are hard to come by, time is short and my riding skills are what they are. I'm not competitive. So I think, what is my goal? In short, to make sure the horse is healthy, relaxed and happy and to have fun, whilst improving us both to the best of my ability.

I hope I'm making some sense... It can't just be me that feels this way

 

[Tilda]

I think if you read back through this thread OP you will realise you have already made up your mind. You respond really positively to the posts that encourage selling and respond with more reasons not to keep him when people say keep him. This is in no way a criticism just an observation.

I for one think you should sell him, I too persevered with a horse for 18 months that was no longer right for me and we ended up winding each other up. I was lucky that my friend took her on and has different people sharing her and although she is still waiting for her perfect partner she is well looked after and is happy enough. I moved on to my current horse who is so much better suited to me and I have fallen in love with riding all over again.

I agree with everyone who has said it is an expensive hobby you need to enjoy it or is it really worth it? Good luck x

 

[maree t]

I think you should think more about your relationship tbh. If he isnt right for you then so be it he will be right for someone else. I stuck with a mare that I bought from a dodgy dealer until the day I lost her but although on ground level I loved her she has destroyed the enjoyment that I had in riding . I wish I had been braver but life is too short. Sell him and find the right one for you . Good luck

 

[Wagtail]

Yes, I do understand what you're saying and I don't mean to be touchy, only it's a hard decision to make. I think as much as a well schooled horse, what I want is an uncomplicated arm chair ride so I can relax and enjoy 3 hour hacks. I like an alert horse, I don't mind a horse on its toes, but I do hack alone, far from anyone and often on busy roads, past a wide range of traffic.

Schooling aside, Kes just doesn't feel wide or comfy enough to sit on (even stationary and even with my mega comfy saddle). I barely feel like I'm on a horse, it's more like a bike. When I bought him I thought that feeling would go, as I had been riding a lot of 16-17hh horses and I thought I would adjust, but over a year later I'm still hankering for the ride a larger horse gives, which is not poor Kes' fault. My neighbour has a 16hh lightweight cob, she's less confident and less capable than me and she's found such a sweetheart she can just relax and enjoy the riding and she too has no facilities.

It's all a huge pay off. I love schooling, both flatwork and jumping. I get a huge kick out of collecting a well schooled horse and feeling that moment when the back rounds and the trot feels like oiled springs. But, sadly I live in the real world where perfect yards are hard to come by, time is short and my riding skills are what they are. I'm not competitive. So I think, what is my goal? In short, to make sure the horse is healthy, relaxed and happy and to have fun, whilst improving us both to the best of my ability.

I hope I'm making some sense... It can't just be me that feels this way

I think that it is right that you should sell this horse because it is obvious the way you feel about him, you are not happy. What is less clear however, is the real reason for this. You seem very mixed up about what you want. You start by saying he has taught you a lot, and that he is forward going and has challenged you with his spins and bucks. But you say he can't teach you any more. It is as though he bores you now. But then you say you want a straight forward easy going happy hacker. That you can just enjoy long hacks on etc. Then you describe the feeling of a quality horse that moves beautifully beneath you. To get a quality horse that is beautifully schooled and moves well, that is also a safe, uncomplicated hack is as rare as hen's teeth. They do exist but they are ££££ I think you need to sit down and really think about what you want and what you don't want. And then what you are prepared to compromise on.

 

[metalmare]

I think if you read back through this thread OP you will realise you have already made up your mind. You respond really positively to the posts that encourage selling and respond with more reasons not to keep him when people say keep him. This is in no way a criticism just an observation.

I for one think you should sell him, I too persevered with a horse for 18 months that was no longer right for me and we ended up winding each other up. I was lucky that my friend took her on and has different people sharing her and although she is still waiting for her perfect partner she is well looked after and is happy enough. I moved on to my current horse who is so much better suited to me and I have fallen in love with riding all over again.

I agree with everyone who has said it is an expensive hobby you need to enjoy it or is it really worth it? Good luck x

Yes, I had 99% made up my mind... You are spot on right! I have now advertised

 

[metalmare]

I think that it is right that you should sell this horse because it is obvious the way you feel about him, you are not happy. What is less clear however, is the real reason for this. You seem very mixed up about what you want. You start by saying he has taught you a lot, and that he is forward going and has challenged you with his spins and bucks. But you say he can't teach you any more. It is as though he bores you now. But then you say you want a straight forward easy going happy hacker. That you can just enjoy long hacks on etc. Then you describe the feeling of a quality horse that moves beautifully beneath you. To get a quality horse that is beautifully schooled and moves well, that is also a safe, uncomplicated hack is as rare as hen's teeth. They do exist but they are ££££ I think you need to sit down and really think about what you want and what you don't want. And then what you are prepared to compromise on.

Yes... I think I am a little confused to be honest. I think I am confusing a dream where endless time, ample money and beautifully schooled horses are part of my life with the realities of the real world

Let me try and get this straight in my own mind...

As far as Kes goes, he has taught me that I can stay on a (sometimes) challenging horse and he has built my confidence in that area. Not what you would describe as a confidence giver but it has had that effect as he has tested my seat! When I bought him I would have given myself 50/50 odds of sitting a buck. Now, I would give myself a 90% chance (unless it was serious stuff). I didn't mean to give the impression that he bores me, but I feel unwilling to persevere with the uphill challenge of improving him given the fact that I haven't bonded with him anyhow and I don't feel we're a partnership. We have made strides together however in the time I have owned him.

As for riding well schooled horses, yes, I love it, however I know I don't have the time / facilities to keep up a really well schooled horse in the sense that you're meaning. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy riding other people's though and aspire to that at the level at which it is possible given time / facility constraints.

And on to what I want...

- something not too strong, with good brakes
- something alert and active and forward, but not completely tapped and not with anxiety problems (I can literally feel my pony's heart pounding, even when he sees the dogs that he has lived with for the last year...)
- something reasonably easy on the eye
- something comfy and straightforward to ride
- something that is safe in traffic and open spaces
- something that will pop a little jump
- something with nice manners and people skills
- so far as schooling goes (nothing fancy, just the basics), something that has the basics of reasonable balance, suppleness and straightness, will accept a contact, has straightforward up and down transitions, will leg yield, rein back and accept a simple novice outline, flexing the jaw and poll and rounding the back). It doesn't need to be a dressage world breaker, I think these are just basics for a healthy, willing horse.

I think I have just described the traditional ladies hack above.

Have I been more succinct now?

 

[Wagtail]

Yes, I think that you have explained yourself really well. I think you are still probably talking £3.5 - 5 k for what you describe, unless you are prepared to do some of the schooling and making of the horse yourself, even in today's climate. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for

 

[metalmare]

Yes, I think that you have explained yourself really well. I think you are still probably talking £3.5 - 5 k for what you describe, unless you are prepared to do some of the schooling and making of the horse yourself, even in today's climate. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for

Yes, I suppose I am looking for the same thing everything else wants!

I would be happy to continue the schooling, so long as the horse had the basics of light enough in hand and off the leg for little me to get it between hand and leg. I don't expect to buy a horse that works in any outline in the price range I'm looking in. However I do hope to find something genuine enough to work with. In fact I really enjoy setting goals and training, provided I feel like a) I have bonded with the horse and b) the horse is willing and able, because in all reality, though some people can produce results from any horse, average joes like me need something that meets you half way and I don't honestly think all horses do.

I have taken your advice and advertised to see whether anyone local has a school I can hire. Worst case scenario though, I will still be riding in the paddocks, though hopefully on something that doesn't rodeo when ridden on grass . And luckily my instructor is very happy to give lessons on the paddock and based on the imminent weather conditions.

The right thing will be out there, I'm sure.

You'll all be rolling your eyes a year down the line when I've got something else that's entirely unsuitable and I'm having a good old grumble, but I am trying to increase my odds by enlisting a few knowledgeable contacts in the hunt

 

[JFTDWS]

Well, my opinion is that all of the problems you describe are a reflection on your handling, training and schooling. Any horse can work off the forehand and be taught manners, and most horses have a lot you can learn from (and with) them, unless you're aiming at the higher flights of competition.

However, if you're not enjoying him, sell him to someone who will, and find one you like. It's too expensive a hobby not to enjoy.

The reason I make the former point is purely because I don't think you will do him any favours if you sell him on with the attitude that he is as bad as your OP describes. With the right handling, he can be well mannered, with the right schooling he can (probably) be a nice enough ride and with the right person he may just turn into a big soppy lump, who's as affectionate as any... Sales livery or lessons / work on him before you sell might be worthwhile.

 

[metalmare]

Well, my opinion is that all of the problems you describe are a reflection on your handling, training and schooling. Any horse can work off the forehand and be taught manners, and most horses have a lot you can learn from (and with) them, unless you're aiming at the higher flights of competition.

However, if you're not enjoying him, sell him to someone who will, and find one you like. It's too expensive a hobby not to enjoy.

The reason I make the former point is purely because I don't think you will do him any favours if you sell him on with the attitude that he is as bad as your OP describes. With the right handling, he can be well mannered, with the right schooling he can (probably) be a nice enough ride and with the right person he may just turn into a big soppy lump, who's as affectionate as any... Sales livery or lessons / work on him before you sell might be worthwhile.

I don't disagree and I don't think he is actually a bad horse at all - I think he will make someone a cracking horse... But not me. Read my threads as moderately tongue in cheek and bear in mind I am probably subconsciously devising as many negative things as possible, not for rational reasons but because 1) it makes it easier for me to part with him and 2) the fact that we haven't clicked has led to me nit-picking. Technically, he hasn't done much wrong and I think he'll get on famously with someone else, but the bottom line is he's just not what I want.

My advert is in fact very positive - enough to make me wonder why the heck I am selling him - and it is a truthful reflection. But I just feel like we are a stale married couple who don't respect each other.

 

[ester]

It sounds like for you the best thing to do is sell.

But I would like to make the point that it's perfectly possibly to bring a horse on without a school I got my welsh at 12 and doing a walk/trot test to competing at BD elementary. He's 20 now and we still find things to work on . I have however found in the past that I much prefer riding him to most others

 

[metalmare]

It sounds like for you the best thing to do is sell.

But I would like to make the point that it's perfectly possibly to bring a horse on without a school I got my welsh at 12 and doing a walk/trot test to competing at BD elementary. He's 20 now and we still find things to work on . I have however found in the past that I much prefer riding him to most others

Yes, I'm sure it is and whatever I buy I will be schooling it.

I really do think people have misunderstood me a bit here (probably my fault for feeling negative and putting myself across wrongly).

A lot of effort has gone into this pony in the last year and my trimmer (who is extremely knowledgeable and the best horsewoman I know) has said that I have given him a really good go of it and that she has suspected for a while we weren't right for each other. My instructor also flagged up his dominant, pushy personality.

We have had fun together and part of me still doesn't want to let him go, especially as someone else will benefit from all the work I HAVE put into him both in terms of schooling and medical attention.

I have in a year moved this horse on from a Waterford, flash and martingale and head in the air taking off, to a chilled out ride who goes in a bitless... That didn't happen by magic.

But he still ain't the one for me.

 

[ester]

mine has a habit of trying to make my instructors fall off and embarrass them it keeps us all amused

 

[metalmare]

Welsh through and through!!

 

[DJ]

I`d be interested to know which saddlers you used, and which physio. I`m pretty sure we use the same physio, but i tell you now i wouldn`t touch any of the saddlers in this area with a 10ft barge pole.

If you are still at the place i was, i had the same problems with having no where to school. Everything was done with my lad (also welsh) in hand and out hacking, it made for hard work, especially coming in over the stones, as my lad was footy. When i moved next door but one i had a schooling paddock and he then came on in leaps and bounds ..... there are 3 schools all of with in 5 mins walking distance that i`m sure you could use.

I`ve met Kes on a couple of occasions and think he`s a lovely lad, and i do 100% believe you get out what you put in (for everything in life) but you do have to "click" .... though to be fair it took me a good 18 months (and clicker training) until i properly clicked with my lad.

Ultimately only you can know what is right for you both, and if he`s not right, then it isn`t fair on you both to carry on.

 

[metalmare]

I`d be interested to know which saddlers you used, and which physio. I`m pretty sure we use the same physio, but i tell you now i wouldn`t touch any of the saddlers in this area with a 10ft barge pole.

If you are still at the place i was, i had the same problems with having no where to school. Everything was done with my lad (also welsh) in hand and out hacking, it made for hard work, especially coming in over the stones, as my lad was footy. When i moved next door but one i had a schooling paddock and he then came on in leaps and bounds ..... there are 3 schools all of with in 5 mins walking distance that i`m sure you could use.

I`ve met Kes on a couple of occasions and think he`s a lovely lad, and i do 100% believe you get out what you put in (for everything in life) but you do have to "click" .... though to be fair it took me a good 18 months (and clicker training) until i properly clicked with my lad.

Ultimately only you can know what is right for you both, and if he`s not right, then it isn`t fair on you both to carry on.

Hi, yes I am still in the same place. I have just been offered a school to hire locally, which is great news! I will try and get Kes into it a few times while I'm waiting for the right purchaser and now I have somewhere to school when I get another. Kes is a lovely lad and I'm glad you think so and if I could have two he wouldn't be going anywhere, but I really don't feel he is what I want as my only horse. It hasn't been an easy decision.

 

[tessybear]

If you're not having fun then sell !