Should I stay or go?!

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Snapshot2016

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Hi everyone, I have a dilemma and wouldn't mind your input just to back up what I think I already know! Bit of background, I keep my horses at a friends rented yard. It is totally DIY, fencing is ancient and dropping to bits and my horse always gets the blame, he's a big lad but all the wood is rotten so a slight rub on it and it breaks, landlord wont replace it, not much grass as its overgrazed and not looked after. Stables are roomy and airy but neglected a little. I have it pretty cushty in that I'm not restricted for turnout, there's hacking onsite, there's only 3 of us on the yard with 10 horses so its quiet, indoor arena but the surface is crap, My friend is the messiest, most untidy person and it drives me up the wall, she will also often use things and not tell me/replace them. I have been there for a few years, its about 2 miles away from my house. But my friend is really starting to take advantage of my good nature and is asking for favours all the time, now I don't mind but these favours are never repaid and with a seriously ill family member, full time job etc , I struggle to find the time to spend with my own horses, never mind looking after hers too! She will often message me the night before she goes away on holiday so I feel like I cant say no. I have tried to explain that I cant help her out but then it then feels like I'm being interrogated as she will catch me off guard and I end up agreeing! She always makes it out like she's doing me a favour by allowing me on 'her yard' So I have today put my name down on another local yard!
I have a few friends that are on the new yard and its really nice! Plenty of grazing and rotated, indoor big stables, arena, hot wash, wagon parking, clinics held on site, hacking on site in good weather, off road hacking just a short distance away, all year turnout, the list goes on. The only downside is I'm a quiet person and this yard is abit bigger than what I'm used to, although its never super busy as people are there at different times of the day. Its also a little more expensive but doable and everything's included so no hidden costs! Its actually the same distance away from my house but takes about 3 mins longer.
As much as I don't want the hassle of moving, I think its the right thing to do? Its getting to the point where I'm dreading going up to for fear of being asked to do something! Or am I just being dramatic?
Thanks for reading!
 
I have been in this position, friend asking me the day before she goes away/ out to do her horses even though the trips had been booked for weeks. It was her yard, my horses were settled there but I was getting really fed up. I had seen a post on fb of her booking tickets to Hoys, way in advance. I was competing on the Sunday, I had late times. She asked me on Saturday if I could do hers on the Sunday as she was going to HOYS. I asked why she had waited to the day before to ask!! So my Sunday out with my boy was ruined by the fact I had hers to do when I got back from competing! I started to look else where but with winter approaching I didn't look too hard. In the April she decided she wanted her yard to herself so it pushed me to find something else. Best thing i ever did. Hope you can find a resolution and start enjoying your horses again.
 
Flowerofthefen said:
I have been in this position, friend asking me the day before she goes away/ out to do her horses even though the trips had been booked for weeks. It was her yard, my horses were settled there but I was getting really fed up. I had seen a post on fb of her booking tickets to Hoys, way in advance. I was competing on the Sunday, I had late times. She asked me on Saturday if I could do hers on the Sunday as she was going to HOYS. I asked why she had waited to the day before to ask!! So my Sunday out with my boy was ruined by the fact I had hers to do when I got back from competing! I started to look else where but with winter approaching I didn't look too hard. In the April she decided she wanted her yard to herself so it pushed me to find something else. Best thing i ever did. Hope you can find a resolution and start enjoying your horses again.
Click to expand...
Honestly this could be the same person! I k
 
Many years ago we briefly kept our horse on a private yard belonging to a friend- whilst they meant well I am sure, it was a psychodrama nightmare on so many levels, we lasted about 9 months before we left and we managed to do it without falling out. It was the best thing we ever did. I think we gave a sound, neutral reason, bought them a nice parting gift and it was fine.
 
I guess my question would be, are you mostly considering moving because your friend is taking advantage? if you really don't want the effort of moving you could sit her down and just tell her its getting too much and you don't want to fall out with her but you can't keep doing extra and not spending time with your horses. if it doesn't improve then move!
 
Another spanner for you all... would you move somewhere short term (hopefully) until space on the dream yard becomes available? Things have taken a turn and I absolutely do not want to be stuck where I am for any longer, after my "friend" asking yet again for more help and me saying politely, sorry no I cant, This went down like a lead balloon! I don't really want to stress of having to move twice but mentally I've just had enough
 
Yes

For reference when it became clear my friend was going to be away sufficiently more for work we had a chat and I said I didn’t think I could manage it all and she moved to a yard with assistance. Now I did miss her a lot but there was never the expectation that I’d just cover it (we’re still friends!)
 
Snapshot2016 said:
Another spanner for you all... would you move somewhere short term (hopefully) until space on the dream yard becomes available? Things have taken a turn and I absolutely do not want to be stuck where I am for any longer, after my "friend" asking yet again for more help and me saying politely, sorry no I cant, This went down like a lead balloon! I don't really want to stress of having to move twice but mentally I've just had enough
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Yes - all day long. Life is to short.
 
So, we’re going to our “stop gap” yard next month 😁 I’m excited but nervous! Very chill farm with only about 3/4 other liveries. Hacking is amazing and there’s a little arena. Who knows I might actually prefer this set up to the bigger “posher”yard I have my name down for. Friend was very shocked when I handed my notice in, asked me to stay but Iv just had enough 🤷🏼‍♀️ feels like a weight has been lifted, busy few weeks for me sorting through all of my crap that Iv accumulated over the past 20 odd years
 
Maybe it's just me as I don't do p*** takers. If she was really a friend she wouldn't load all the extras on you in the first place, she clearly is a bully and doesn't respect you or she wouldn't do it. It's a control thing.
Even if you moved to the other yard and left on friendly terms I predict she'll be messaging you to still drop in and do her horses. Sometimes we just have to put our foot down and say no means no which it sounds like you already have and as I would have predicted it didn't go down well.
Sometimes in life we have to move on and leave certain "friends" behind.
Move and get out of there asap, no explanations, you don't have to justify yourself as that will also been seen as a weakness and you'll never get her off your back, just go.
I have been shat on SO many times by so called friends who have helped me in some way only to find very long strings were attached in the past it makes me cynical but I don't DO "friends" anymore, they really are sapping your energy and are not worth it.
Oz
 
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