Should we admit defeat and sell our stubborn pony?

[Fatonfreshair]

I have not posted very often but have been a very frequent lurker on threads for the last 18 months since we bought our first pony for our now teenage daughter.

We have coped with the steep learning curve of horse ownership but the real disappointment/difficulty has been that the 'bombproof, suitable for novice rider, been there done that' pony we bought does not live up to the description given by the seller. Our pony will be 10 this year, he was 8 when we bought him and we have little to no information about his history other than he had allegedly been a family pony.

The problem is that our daughter was a proficient but novice rider and the pony lacks confidence and needs a confident positive and determined rider to get the best out of him. I feel we have been going slowly backwards since we got the pony despite having an instructor come out every other week (every week for the first year). Because the pony is stubborn, clever and keen to avoid work - he can be hard and frustrating to ride and often unwilling to do what is being asked of him - that is combined with a teenager who by her own admission loves riding but is not really as horse mad as her mum and she is losing confidence and willingness to keep trying when often riding him is no fun at all. Because the pony lacks confidence he can be a real spook monster and views jumps, whips, men (sometimes), bin bags and a plethora of other things as terrifying and whilst sometimes he will be reasonable to ride - he very rarely goes over jumps without a lot of asking and refusals. Oddly he is beautifully behaved for the farrier, vet, equine dentist etc and loads easily, he is also good to handle and happy to be stabled or left out according to the weather conditions. He is a bit of a conundrum and I know it has taken him a good year to trust us and is my firm belief he has had some violent treatment in his past which might account for some of his spookiness. Our instructor has said he is not really suitable for a novice and would benefit from being with an experienced adult rider - although he is only 14.2 so a relatively small but determined adult.

My sadness and dilemma is that I think we should sell him, but who would want him when there are so many horses and ponies available and how would I guarantee his future. He deserves kind, firm but gentle handling and I worry about how he would be treated if we sold him. He is a real character and very affectionate and funny and like all animals deserves a good home plus I have never had to sell an animal - I have always had them for life so this would be a tough thing to actually do.

How would you recommend we advertise him or can you think of any alternatives to having to give up on him? I used to love riding but lost my nerve completely when I came off badly about 10 years ago - otherwise I would be tempted to be a pony squisher and try and get him behaving more myself. I do not think we could even ask for a sharer as he is not an easy ride and whilst he was hacked out by an experienced rider when we first had him - he was a bit of a nervous nelly about it and prefers to be with other horses - he has not been hacked out for over a year so would have to start again.

I suppose I am asking whether the sensible thing would be to sell him and if so how would you describe him - I certainly would not sell him to a novice because I suspect he will always be opinionated and as we all know, ponies are quick to take advantage.

Sorry for the long essay - this is the first step in my thinking the unthinkable and giving up on him .

The thoughts of all you experience horsey people would be welcome!

 

[bonny]

It's supposed to be fun, this horse owning way of life and for you it sounds like it's become not worth it. I would say sell the pony before your daughter loses all interest, especially if you are not keen on riding either. It's a lot of expense and time for something that neither of you are getting anything out of....

 

[Spring Feather]

We have coped with the steep learning curve of horse ownership but the real disappointment/difficulty has been that the 'bombproof, suitable for novice rider, been there done that' pony we bought does not live up to the description given by the seller.

He probably was and still is, in the right hands, and with correct handling.

Oddly he is beautifully behaved for the farrier, vet, equine dentist etc and loads easily, he is also good to handle and happy to be stabled or left out according to the weather conditions. He is a bit of a conundrum

He doesn't sound like a conundrum to me and I don't find it odd that he behaves perfectly with more experienced horse handlers.

I know it has taken him a good year to trust us and is my firm belief he has had some violent treatment in his past which might account for some of his spookiness.

This is such a misquoted thing imo. In any case it has no bearing on the here and now. Horses coming from unfavourable living conditions can, and do, recover, with correct handling.

My sadness and dilemma is that I think we should sell him, but who would want him when there are so many horses and ponies available and how would I guarantee his future. He deserves kind, firm but gentle handling and I worry about how he would be treated if we sold him. He is a real character and very affectionate and funny and like all animals deserves a good home plus I have never had to sell an animal - I have always had them for life so this would be a tough thing to actually do.

Tbh he sounds like a great pony. As with any sales horse; priced correctly and with care taken over who buys him, he could be someone's pride and joy.

I'd advertise him for what he can do, and what he is good at; including his personality and plus points. Don't feel bad in selling him. If you find him the perfect home, he will be perfectly happy. It's not worth beating yourself over; some people get along with naughty ponies, others find they are way over their heads with them. I hope it all works out well for everyone :smile3:

 

[Zero00000]

Agree with bonny,

and you are not giving up on him, you have tried, and found the relationship doesn't work and he needs a different type of rider than your daughter is,

Good luck

 

[roz84]

Not much advice to give really but wherever you advertise him advertise him totally honestly - does your riding instructor know anyone who would be interested? If you do advertise him online you are likely to get lots of idiots and timewasters asking about him so you will need to weed the good from the bad. The only thing I would be wary about for a pony such as this would be that he gets passed from pillar to post and eventually ends up at the markets/ going for meat. That being said if you vet any prospective homes VERY thoroughly you may be able to find a good, adult owner home for him, 14.2 is certainly not too small for many an experienced adult rider!

Also selling him to someone who is able to get the best out of him is not giving up on him, you would be doing your best for the pony and for your daughter. There are lots of lovely ponies out there and as mentioned previously it is meant to be fun!

 

[Fatonfreshair]

it is meant to be fun!

Thank you for all your replies - I think the part about it is supposed to be fun rings true. I love looking after the pony but it is a waste of his potential and damaging our daughters confidence so I think I will ask our instructor for advice and ask her to help me weed out potential buyers. As Spring Feather said he is actually a lovely genuine pony and all the horsey professional's love him because he is a character without a horrible bone in his body. I think we have failed him in not being experienced enough to cope with him as a ridden pony but I am happy he has had a good, safe home with us for the last 18 months and he is one contented pony. There is no need to sell quickly so when we do advertise him, I will be very choosy about who he goes to.

thanks all - I do feel sad though and a bit sniffly about having to face up to the inevitable.

 

[Ruth17]

Can you afford to put him out on loan whilst buying another? Then if his loaner is more experienced she may get him going better and after a time he could sell better.

 

[Tobiano]

I have huge sympathy for you OP. I bought my daughter then 14 a horse who seemed lovely but in all honesty was too much for us. She is a lovely rider but not very confident and not very masterful with the horse. He terrified us over cross country (had us both off at speed and me with concussion) and with any kind of jumps. Was about to sell him when we discovered he had arthritis in both hocks (aged 8) and hence I have not been able to sell him... that was 4 years ago! Polly now enjoys riding him in the school, almost always under instruction, but she wont hack or jump him and neither will I! It is a shame because she could have done so much more with a kind pony, and it is my fault.

So for the sake of your daughter, if you can sell the pony to a decent home, do, and get something that seems to be a bit beneath her abilities - she will have a lot more fun!

After all, if you keep him but she gives up because it really isnt fun, you will have to sell him in the end, and she will miss out on so much.

Good luck.

 

[Fatonfreshair]

Can you afford to put him out on loan whilst buying another? Then if his loaner is more experienced she may get him going better and after a time he could sell better.

We could think about doing that but I wasn't sure if a loanee would be willing to take on a cheeky pony. Ironically my daughter has tonight announced that she does like her pony, she does not want us to sell him and that she has a plan??? But will not tell me what it is. I will continue to think what is best for her and the pony long term as in experienced hands he might blossom but never be an entirely uncomplicated ride. He is an appaloosa and from what I have read of the breed - they can be opinionated! He does not buck or rear or appear to deliberately try to get his rider off but he does require something of a defensive seat

I confess to love reading the tales of people who had difficult ponies and managed to come good or be better more determined riders as a result. The ups and downs of horse ownership I guess!

 

[Spring Feather]

I think we have failed him in not being experienced enough to cope with him as a ridden pony but I am happy he has had a good, safe home with us for the last 18 months and he is one contented pony. There is no need to sell quickly so when we do advertise him, I will be very choosy about who he goes to.

thanks all - I do feel sad though and a bit sniffly about having to face up to the inevitable.

Don't feel you have failed him. It was just a mismatch. It happens. He will be happier with someone who enjoys that type of pony and your daughter will be happy with a different one who suits her personality better. I understand you feeling sad over this decision, but a few months down the road, when the pony is settled with his owner and you are settled with a better suited pony you will feel the joy that keeps us all going :smile3:

 

[Spring Feather]

Ironically my daughter has tonight announced that she does like her pony, she does not want us to sell him and that she has a plan??? But will not tell me what it is. I will continue to think what is best for her and the pony long term as in experienced hands he might blossom but never be an entirely uncomplicated ride. He is an appaloosa and from what I have read of the breed - they can be opinionated!

Lol kids! Well maybe her having a plan is a good thing, depending on what it is lol. And Appaloosas, I wouldn't class them as opinionated, but they are definitely one of the more intelligent breeds and certainly have the brains to figure out how to manipulate people. I have quite a few Apps and they're all very smart cookies.

 

[Fatonfreshair]

Appaloosas, I wouldn't class them as opinionated, but they are definitely one of the more intelligent breeds and certainly have the brains to figure out how to manipulate people. I have quite a few Apps and they're all very smart cookies.

I know what you mean about being one of the clever breeds - I do not have much to compare him too but he certainly does not miss a trick and notices absolutely everything - if anything has moved he has to stop, stare and snort at it. I found him in his stable trembling in the corner and wondered what the matter was and pinpointed it to the bin bag in the corridor that was not there an hour before! He is unfortunately more chicken than horse sometimes! .....can you tell that I am a bit attached to him and his character

 

[Highlands]

Why not send pony for some schooling, get your daughter to go help, have some lessons etc.Good luck

 

[Spring Feather]

...can you tell that I am a bit attached to him and his character

Yes I can :smile3:

 

[honetpot]

I think every young rider needs an older riding sibling, and if you haven't got one you have to try and borrow one, in fact in some ways a borrowed one is better as they tend not to fall out. Depending on what type of yard you are on I would try and find someone older and stronger in mind if not body to get a handle on him preferably someone your daughter gets on with. A pony I used to own is for sale at the moment, he has done well competitively but in his present home like your pony I think he has go the better of his present owners. Ponies are so smart and they are always looking for the way out of doing every thing, they only have to see a chink and they are through it, to some its seems their favourite pastime.
One part of me thinks if its really putting her off and she's not having fun get rid, the other part thinks if he just a t**t and taking the pee if she stops feeling like she is just reacting and not taking charge that he could end up being the most fun pony ever. There is a lady near use that does Le Trec and comes out with a trailer of equipment, I wonder if some training with some thing like that mounted and dismounted would encourage more of a partnership.

 

[Dubsie]

He sounds just the sort that my daughter would adore, unfortunately the horse is looking to your daughter for confidence and to take the lead and if that's not there it doesn't work. Different horses/ponies will suit different riders, and it seems to me that your daughter needs to work with him and they need to build trust. It all takes time though, and if your daughter is like mine, it can take a long time if she has been frightened by riding him.

We have bought a horse which was described by a previous owner as 'very spooky, too frightened of it's own shadow and definitely not suitable for a 14 year old' Funnily enough my daughter is more than happy to ride her out of the fields (with the odd buck and protest at leaving her mates)as she actually is now quite a competent rider and used to the naughty ways of the pony - but the horse is in need of clear direction and leadership from the rider. Daughter struggled on the ground more, as she is so big and had discovered she could tow her about in the mud! With consistent riding and handling we've got over the 'on the ground' issues and she is a dream to ride compared with the pony (who was young when we got him and described by the last owner as 'our daughter has taken him as far as she feels able'). We have got to this stage after just 6 months with the horse, with the pony it was more like 2 years.

I'd see if you can find a competent sharer happy to take him out on the roads for hacks, and get him going, and exercised more, I'd also spend time long lining, lunging and just generally handling him - perhaps agility? Get him more used to taking leadership from you and your daughter on the ground as well as ridden And for your daughter, see if she can take him on a residential camp (pony club/riding club) so he HAS to ride him at least twice a day or find a friend she can ride with every day - that was the best thing for improving the partnership for us with the pony.

 

[LynH]

If your daughter is keen to keep him then if look into getting some professional help. Someone who can ride him and also teach your daughter and help her gain more confidence with him.

One of my horses is very spooky and sugar makes her a lot worse. She is much better on a molasses free diet and muzzled when the spring grass comes through. Even a handful of carrots can make her spookiness worse so it may also be worth looking at his feed and treats to see if eliminating sugar helps.
If you are near Surrey I can recommend someone who is very good at dealing with issues like this and helping both horse and rider.

However if you both come to the conclusion that he is not the right horse for you then sell him as you should be enjoying yourselves.

 

[Spotsrock]

You won't always like other people, sometimes it's nothing they say or do, u just dont take to them.
I think it's same with horses, sounds like he and ur family just don't gel. Selling him isn't giving up, u have tried for a while, it's allowing him the opportunity to be owned by someone he clicks with

 

[Fatonfreshair]

thanks again all for your input. I think in many ways we have gelled with the pony and the relationship between him and my daughter on the ground and when being handled is lovely - they do have a bond but he does still take the mickey when being ridden. She needs to be stronger and more determined and unless she can do that - we will have to change the situation.

He is kept at home with another pony but that pony is ridden by a younger child rather than an older person who could encourage my daughter. Our instructor has ridden our pony and admits he is not an easy ride but also adds that considering he is difficult, my daughter rides him really well - especially when she is being determined. He is a fatty (hence my user name) so is kept away from anything with sugar or molasses but the spring grass is starting to come through so the Greenguard muzzle will go back on and we put MagOx into his hard feed to help with breaking down sugars and to see if it helps to de-spook him (it does not have any discernible effect so perhaps he is not deficient in magnesium).

I will take on some of the suggestions, perhaps look for an experienced sharer and give him and my daughter until the summer before deciding what his fate is. I have to say everyone loves him who comes across him because he is a definite personality - just frustrating!

thanks

 

[peaceandquiet1]

Have you tried lunging him before she rides? I mean a proper workout just so he is a bit tired and the edge off him. Might help with the spookiness and the discipline issues. Good luck with him.

 

[Fatonfreshair]

Have you tried lunging him before she rides? I mean a proper workout just so he is a bit tired and the edge off him. Might help with the spookiness and the discipline issues. Good luck with him.

Not very often - I think I will build that into the cunning plan (whatever that may be) that my Daughter has for him! He is not very fit and it might just help get his brain engaged and enjoying his work more. My daughter is better at lunging than me so I will suggest it. I actually tried to get home in time to lunge him yesterday but it was getting dark by the time I arrived - lighter nights will make that easier.

thanks

 

[peaceandquiet1]

Maybe look at the lunging as your warm up, if he doesn't spook when lunging then you know he just needs sent more forward when ridden, when riding keep the jumps small and don't let him turn away. If he refuses keep them small enough so he can step over, so he learns that he must not stop while improving his confidence at the same time. It's back to basics with him! I would suggest lunging lessons so that you really know what you are both doing, really make him work properly. Please keep posting and let us know how things go!

 

[Fatonfreshair]

M Please keep posting and let us know how things go!

I will do as I more than secretly hope that we can get through this and that ponio stays with us for a very long time. I will ask the instructor to give me lunging lessons - my daughter has had some already so we will get more proficient. Do you have any tips on how to motivate a teenager to be more determined???? If I think about it maybe I should put my daughter out on loan and get another teenager in her place!!

 

[Garnet]

Do you have any tips on how to motivate a teenager to be more determined???? If I think about it maybe I should put my daughter out on loan and get another teenager in her place!!

You may have found the key issue right there!

How about trying to find an activity that will fire up your daughter's enthusiasm to teach the pony something new? If the pony never hacks out, then you are going to have to think of activities that enthuse him to work too, so maybe you need to think outside the box a little?

Google Emma Massingale - she has some hilarious videos about her horse-training activities on Youtube, a blog on Horse Hero, a website and a Facebook page, so plenty of opportunities to see what she gets up to and maybe some of her ideas will fire the imagination of your daughter, or lead you to click through links to find other ideas?

I have never met Emma, and only found out about her through clicking on links from one horse-related website to another, but her activities fascinate me and I would love to have a go at some of the things she does!

Have fun!

 

[Lolo]

Why not send pony for some schooling, get your daughter to go help, have some lessons etc.Good luck

If you can afford it, this is a very sensible idea. Often the spooky and nervous ones who are a bit clever are being spooky and naughty as a response to not understanding the questions. A small and competent teenager (ask your local PC branches for ideas on who!) can often rapidly install the right buttons and help the pony understand less competently asked questions.

My younger sister is often stuck on ponies to see what they're actually like and to put the right buttons in easy to find places. Often it takes a few rides to get them going well off precise and correct riding, and then another few for her to ride more like the child and give a few lessons along the way.

FWIW, I had a very similar pony when I was 12/13. He stopped like anything and it took someone else riding him really positively in front of me for me to realise what needed doing. It was literally a lightbulb moment and we went from not getting past the first fence to completing ODEs. We still had stops and arguments but literally just seeing someone else not be afraid to sit up and really kick on made me much happier to!

 

[honetpot]

I am a mum and had two daughters that rode, with a variety of ponies from Welsh A, Connie, NF, Highland , and mixed breeds right up to horses and although you can lunge to take the edge off I would advise against getting a pony fit.
A, a fit naughty pony has more stamina than any child so the child will end up giving up.
B, ponies are easily bored and what starts as an avoidance of work ends up as a battle to stop being pestered then they get really sour.
A lot of instructors deal mainly with horses you need someone who knows ponies and how children tick . Ponies need variety, lots of hacking, do something different every day and a clear, you have done well so you can stop, not you done a circle so now I want you to do it 20 times more.
Teenage girls, that's harder. I would sit down together when you are both in a good mood and try and discuss it calmly what you are going to do. Even if her idea is a bit daft listen to it and if its half decent try it. She will probably only have a short time before exams start so you both have to be realistic, so perhaps a goal may be getting him going better to sell over the summer and good motivation is a % of the money. I gave my daughters money if they sold anything they worked on. The main thing is it's not a failure, you've tried something, it wasn't for you, learn from it and move on. If she is a nice tidy competent rider perhaps looking to share may be less stressful. Good luck.

 

[thewonderhorse]

Ironically my daughter has tonight announced that she does like her pony, she does not want us to sell him and that she has a plan??? But will not tell me what it is.

Hi, Just wanted to say I love this!!!!

As others have said lunge him and do groundwork with him as well. Get him fit. Just a thought. Get him listening and reacting to your voice.

To me, it sounds like he may be avoiding work because he is unfit and tired. I may be wrong....

I really hope that you decide to keep him. He sounds a character and as a young teen, Im 34 now, I always loved the more challenging and quirky ponies.

Good luck xx

 

[putasocinit]

Just needs lots of confidence, exposure to things, desentising, do you know someone who has the time and patience to help without whips and violence. Pity you are bot close to me i would offer to help, always suggest feed magnesium esp this time of year it is a great calmer, have you relooked at what you are feeding him. More turn out, even in a bare paddock with hay better than grass, esp spring time. Get you daughter to do lots of leading with him, show him things, make a bond, try not to be scared, sounds like he is just as scared as she is.

 

[Fatonfreshair]

FWIW, I had a very similar pony when I was 12/13. He stopped like anything and it took someone else riding him really positively in front of me for me to realise what needed doing. It was literally a lightbulb moment and we went from not getting past the first fence to completing ODEs. We still had stops and arguments but literally just seeing someone else not be afraid to sit up and really kick on made me much happier to!

this is interesting - I need to try and find an older more experienced rider who can give both the pony and my daughter confidence. I will look into it although I do not know many horsey people locally - the pony does not try to buck and never rears so he is not nasty in any way - just lazy and stubborn.

thanks

 

[Fatonfreshair]

Just needs lots of confidence, exposure to things, desentising, do you know someone who has the time and patience to help without whips and violence. Pity you are bot close to me i would offer to help, always suggest feed magnesium esp this time of year it is a great calmer, have you relooked at what you are feeding him. More turn out, even in a bare paddock with hay better than grass, esp spring time. Get you daughter to do lots of leading with him, show him things, make a bond, try not to be scared, sounds like he is just as scared as she is.

We have always gone down the gentle but firm handling route with him and never use a riding crop on him because it sends him into a panic. He is on magnesium when he has a scoop of Dengie Healthy Hooves or Happy Hooves (cannot remember) molasses free and I turn him out with his companion all day but unless he is evading capture he just pootles around instead of having a good old hoon around. He is better behaved on the ground for my daughter than for me sometimes but because she has been disheartened she has been spending less and less time with him but she was in the paddock giving him a hug when I got home last night whilst declaring she had a plan for him and he was not to be sold . We will do some more desensitising and I will encourage her to follow me on a hack with me walking - it can only be good for the pony.

I feel encouraged to keep trying as a result of all the replies so thank you everyone. I will update if I can see we are making progress.