Should we/I tell her ? (possibly a little long)

burtondog

burtondog

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SE London/Kent, UK and Devon
www.michellehudson.co.uk
My friend and I share a 2 horse box. We are on a large yard and sometimes, if only one of us is going to a show, we might take along one of the other liveries instead.

Usually the people we've given lifts to are no trouble, their horses are well behaved, they've helped to clean the lorry after, given us a generous diesel contribution and appeared grateful for the opportunity to get to out.

However, we have a particular friend who doesn't have her own transport and is desperate to get to some shows but neither of us ever wants to take her. The simple reason is that she's embarassingly tight when it comes to contributing towards the cost. We're not the only ones who think so, several people on the yard have said the same about her and now nobody takes her out.

She once gave me £5 for taking her to a dressage show. She said that was probably 50% of the diesel (a 40mins each way journey) and I was going there anyway ! FIVE POUNDS !!! Anyway, it's not about the money exactly, it's more about a lack of appreciation her contributions (if any) represent.

It's no longer a problem for us, my sharer and I have basically agreed between ourselves not to transport her. If she asks us these days we just say we're busy or already using the horsebox for something else.

The thing is, this friend is moving to a new yard and if she does the same thing there she'll soon encounter the same lack of transport. I like her in all other respects and was thinking that perhaps now's the time to be honest with her about the reason why we (and everyone else) never take her anywhere. On the other hand I could just keep quiet rather than possibly upsetting her.

Should I tell her or just leave things as they are ?
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I'd leave it - sadly she will haveto learn the hard way. No point in upsetting your friendship.
 
What could you possibly gain from telling her, if she is moving yards anyway? my advice is leave things the way they are, and at least remain friends.
 
I suppose it depends on how much you want to remain friends with her and how she takes criticism. If she is leaving your yard and going to another it is no longer your problem regarding the transport issue. Telling her would only help her out if she honestly hadn't realised that she ought to be coughing up more. Maybe the people at her new yard will put her straight if she's tight.
To be honest, if I was going somewhere anyway then I wouldn't really expect payment - I'd just be glad of the company and some help cleaning up afterwards but I have a trailer not a horsebox, I don't know how much they cost to run.
 
Too late now, the time to tell her would have been after she gave you the five pounds, as in'I;ve just filed up after our weekend trip and it cost £33 to get ther and back'
ALso taking payment menas you are now at risk of being classes as operator, invalidating insrunce and ahving vehiel seized by VOSA.
PLus with the new mobile Weighbridge systems, and Transport Legislation, more likely to be stopped and checked.
 
Definitely agree with you keeping quiet. What's the point in mentioning it? You'll only embarass her and quite possibly ruin your friendship too. It doesn't affect you now so I'd leave well alone, no matter how good your intentions were.
 
I was under the impression that taking diesel money for a friends horse wasnt classified as 'gain' as you arent making money from it?? Have they changed the rules again??
 
[ QUOTE ]


She once gave me £5 for taking her to a dressage show. She said that was probably 50% of the diesel (a 40mins each way journey) and I was going there anyway ! FIVE POUNDS !!! Anyway, it's not about the money exactly, it's more about a lack of appreciation her contributions (if any) represent.

It's no longer a problem for us, my sharer and I have basically agreed between ourselves not to transport her. If she asks us these days we just say we're busy or already using the horsebox for something else.

The thing is, this friend is moving to a new yard and if she does the same thing there she'll soon encounter the same lack of transport. I like her in all other respects and was thinking that perhaps now's the time to be honest with her about the reason why we (and everyone else) never take her anywhere. On the other hand I could just keep quiet rather than possibly upsetting her.

Should I tell her or just leave things as they are ?
confused.gif


[/ QUOTE ]


why should you go to the time and trouble of telling her!!!! shes an adult right??? if she doesnt realise whats shes doing then thats her problem,(clearly) and if you did tell her, then shes would prob be arrogant(sp) and think you were just being mean!!! i wouldnt waste my time!!
 
I wouldn't tell her either hun. She's probably quite happy in her own wee way, and quite impervious to other peoples non-verbal cues about "tightness"
I think you may feel that it would be right to tell her because it's in your nature to be generous with costs and appreciative of help given, though your friend just might not be wired the same way. (not to sound mean towards her, but it takes all kinds of people to make a world, and we are not all the same)
Don't judge her by your values, keep your lips tight and stay friends.
smile.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
I wouldn't tell her either hun. She's probably quite happy in her own wee way, and quite impervious to other peoples non-verbal cues about "tightness"
I think you may feel that it would be right to tell her because it's in your nature to be generous with costs and appreciative of help given, though your friend just might not be wired the same way. (not to sound mean towards her, but it takes all kinds of people to make a world, and we are not all the same)
Don't judge her by your values, keep your lips tight and stay friends.
smile.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

Totally agree!
 
I would have told her when I was giving her a lift that we'd be splitting the diesel cost and would have told her what her share was, I'm amazed nobody has done this. There's not really any point telling her now.
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Definitely wouldn't tell her! I bet you anything if you said WE at the yard thing you are tight, she would go ask the others and no-one would back you up! It would then look like you have a problem with her.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I would have told her when I was giving her a lift that we'd be splitting the diesel cost and would have told her what her share was, I'm amazed nobody has done this. There's not really any point telling her now.
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[/ QUOTE ]

Once she persuaded another horsebox owner to take her and 2 others to a cross country course for the day. They agreed a price of £105 (based on £35 each for 3 horses). When the day came one of the horses was lame so only 2 went. Of the remaining 2, one happily paid £52.50 (half the agreed amount) and my friend still only gave the horsebox owner £35, even though the horsebox owner had given up her day especially !!

Thanks for all the advice, I'm definately going with the majority.

My lips are sealed.
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