So Bored with Feeling scared - Just want to turn back the clock

Chavhorse

Chavhorse

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I am sitting her attepmting to give myself a huge kick up the backside....and failing miserably!

I own a saint of a youngster he just takes everyting in his stride and has never given me any reason to doubt him at all. Even the very experienced trainer who backed him has said that he is one in a million a totally cool horse.

I have recently moved him to a new yard and he has taken it all in his stride, we have walked out in hand yesterday actually walking along the cycle path of a busy road with no reaction at all apart from a snort at a man riding a bicycle with a dog attached to it (not surprising) and a stop and a snort at one of the horrific bikes they have here with a plastic covered pod at the front that you sit children in....again can not blame him at all for finding this a little strange. On each occasion he stood calmly walked on past then stood whilst i got him to lower his head right down then walk on calmly.

I have ridden him in the school this week again cool calm and collected (in spite of me attepting to mount from a plastic stool and falling through it.....he just looked at me, then having to retreat inside the barn pulling up a wooden crate having to mount from the wrong side kicking him on the arse as I got on then having to lean over his neck and walk him out as i have said the horse is a saint!)

It is 100% me I know it....since the accident I had in September 2008 I have just lost every inch of my courage. When I first moved to Holland prior to the accident I was one of those horrible gung ho horsewomen, scared of nothing nothing could possibly go wrong yadda yadda. Now everything is a big deal.

I have (in a moment of madness!) agreed to go for a ride out with one of the other liveries at the stables this afternoon (this will be the first time I have ridden Vardi outside) we are going for a 30 - 45 minute walk and I am sitting here trying to think of 100 good reasons for cancelling. The me of two years ago would have been really looking forward to it .....I want her back.

I am tempted to just say sod it my horse I don;t have to do anything I don't want to and just ride some more in the school (get some more successes under my belt) then work up to being led out alone, then out with another horse.

Am I being a total wuss?

Liberal supplies of alcohol and cakes for anyone getting through this pathetic drivel
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She will come back hun, it just takes time and patience
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If this friend is a good one, ask her if you can just go for a hundred metres then come back. There is no 'must', there is try just the little bits.

Hugs and a hot choccy hunny.
 
Well, in order to get back to your old self, I think you need to address fears connected to your accident. I'm sure I'll sound like a broken record as I've mentioned this sooooo many times. I used to be really REALLY scared of jumping and got over it with Thought Field Therapy (if you Google Jo Cooper you'll find her website and lots of case histories, including mine) I'm thinking of having a refresher course as I'm a bit 'wobbly' at times since my fall with PF in July.
On a different note, I think the ride could be a huge confidence boost for you. I suspect you won't 'enjoy' it much as such but once you get home you'll feel a lot better and probably more confident for next time. You've said yourself your boy is an angel so you know you don't really have anything to fear and it's all in your mind. Sooo, personally, I think you should give it a shot, as long as you promise yourself that if you really hate it you can turn back. Good luck.
 
I think you need to accept that feeling the way you do now is perfectly normal and natural for starters. Once you have done that you can then assess whether you want to address it or feel ready to do so.

I found setting myself deadlines to be counterproductive as they just increased stress and was more successful with just doing more when the mood took me, and other times not pushing the limits of my courage or much reduced physical abilities
 
i know it is so much easier to up up with reasons not to go and ride i am currently doing the same. i cant even ride in the school now i am too scared, but i will quite happly deal with my kids ponies and my seven month old foal, but my horse scares the hell out of me, stupid i know.
you have to do what you feel is right, if that means more schooling then so be it, just make sure that you are not kicking yourself later on for not going
good luck
 
O dear - there is no easy answer really!
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I would say as much as you want to cancel - don't! Spend the time between now and then going through the ride in your mind - with only good things happening.

So start with getting him in and grooming him - think of the good feelings, smells and how it makes you feel - and his good reactions to you. The do the same with tacking up, mounting etc. Everything needs to have a 'good' feeling attached to it - so walk down the road - looking over the hedge, I am happy and smiling, Vardi is being nosey and tootling along - If necessary sing songs whilst you are riding as it will remind you to breathe!!
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Good luck!!
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Try and remember every time a negative thought creeps in replace it with a positive one.
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If it really gets to be to much nearer the time don't go - maybe ride in the school again - take as much time as you need to get your confidence back - is ti possible to make it a shorter ride this time - maybe 10 - 15 mins?
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Break it down into little bits until you are ready for more - I'm sure once you have done the 'first' one you will be up for more!!
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Look forward to your 'I had a fab hack today!!' report!!!
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Hi ya, you poor thing, i think a lot of us have been there too, i certainly have so can totally sympathise with you! Would anyone else ride your horse out at all? Maybe if they would, you go with them on foot or pushbike so you can see for yourself what he is like without actually being scared?
That is a possible option you could explore.
Good luck
Let us know how it goes hun
Kate x
 
your doing great and no your not being silly at all. Both me and my mum have been there recently. Trust me when i say you are not alone, a lot of people have been there.

If you WANT to hack but are scared, I would suggest going out for a 10 min walk with just one other person. let them know that you are nervous as no harm in admitting it. but even 10 mins is a sucess and you'll feel so good for doing it.

Basically you wouldn't push a nervous horse to do something it was scared of... you'd take baby steps. You said your horse spooked at the push chair? Well think what you did then and do it to yourself- i.e. i'm guessing you spoke to him in a calm voice, reassured him it was ok and encouraged him forwards- you wouldnt tell him off and tell him to stop being a numptie
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ALso, what helped me was the confident riding series- i got the hack with confidence one and was great. really teaches you to relax.

Best of luck and keep going, your doing great.
 
First of all, may I add, that you are not being stupid.
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Confidence is a very fickle thing, and it's amazing how things can set you back. So, my advice is to breathe. Every time you think "OMG, no!" take a really huge breath, and think very positive thoughts
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I did this with my daughter who had an awful accident. Used to ask her to breathe deeply and think about all the lovely places she would like to be, riding along the beach at sunset, concentrating on the sound of the sea and the waves gently lapping on the shore. I even asked her to close her eyes for a few moments and think about the best picture imaginable
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The strange thing is, when your mind wanders to the good bits..my horse went forward, when I reassured him he took no notice of the scary object, when I wasn't thinking about what would happen, nothing did...your body relaxes and the whole experience is much better, building confidence for the next time.

I also agree with the singing, ask your friend to sing along!!
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It sounds mad, but you end up laughing so much, you enjoy yourself
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Don't cancel your ride, and I would love to hear about all the good points when you come back, with a big smilie at the end
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Been there, done that, had an accident or two and been scared to get back on afterwards. The only advice I can give is to just do it, stop trying to work up to it, go out tack up your horse and go out for a short walk /ride with someone who gives you confidence and then go a bit further and do a bit more as time goes on. After a few rides, you'll wonder why you were so scared, your confidence will return and you'll be a better rider for it.

Good luck and lots of hugs.
 
Oh lordy I so know how you feel but please go and with the famous HHO vibes and a little luck your lovely boy will look after you, you will have a fabulous time and some of your courage will come back. I will await an update fingers, legs and toes crossed for you hun.
 
Well you obviously have the ability, you obvioulsy have the right horse, so the only thing you need now is the confidence, going through all this with the oldest daughter at the moment as she posted yesterday, so dont think you are on your own cause you aint, time is the big thing here, also you need to ride ride and ride some more till your backside is saddle shaped, thats what I did.

After my accident, riding my new beast, half an hours ride used to wear me out pysically and mentally, 2 years later I took him on holiday and was out one day for 8.5 hours on my own in a strange place beach spooking spins and rears etc etc, did me the world of good, it can be done but you just have to keep at it bit by bit, every mile ridden is another mile of confidence, good luck, you can do it.
 
Thanks everyone for the Vibes (they obviously really work!)

Well I got down to the yard and waited for my friend, few tears shed and a couple of "sod this I am going home" them my new YO came out and thank god I was brave enough to say "actually I am really scared about this" expecting the well you don't have to go reaction WRONG....she looked at me a bit sideways said "oh well then you are going out with the best person" and handed me an extra strong mint with 3 drops of Rescue Remedy on it!

Manon arrived and Miruim said "she is nervous but I have told her to get on with it" before I knew it we had tacked up and I was on top.

Had a bit of a hairy first minute when the other horses in the paddock decided to hoon up to the top of the paddock and Vardi obviously thought wooo hoo got excited and started to canter but he stopped when asked and walked through the gate onto the road ignoring the man jogging past.

Bless him he did the lot, heavy traffic, joggers, dog walkers and cyclists on the cycle path right next to him, having to cross two busy roads. Walking through a housing estate past skips, cars, a man weeding his garden and suddenly standing up, and another one walking towards us with a pile of flapping washing in his arms.

Totally ignored the lot, only time he had a little jump was when the horse that was with him (and behind him as he insisted in going in front) had a minor spook and he thought it was only polite to join in, oh and the glass bus shelter (he has never seen one before) was a little bit of a ohh moment. The little saint just ignored everthing (well the puddles were a minor bit scary) and walked on (bit speedy we will have to work on that!) he even crossed a bridge over water for the first time (in the lead) ignored a train coming past a field away and coolly let me dismount and lead him up the steps and across the narrow bridge which is the quick way back to the stables (never encountered this before).

We were out for 30 minutes, I sang most of the way round and when I got back to the yard was unsure whether to laugh or cry.....but we did it and we have made an appointment to do another outside ride next Sunday.

So I am soo glad I did it being honest I am know it is still going to take a long while until I totally get my mojo back as you so sensibly said Pedantic.....every mile ridden is a mile of confidence....we have a lot of miles to go.

I have also booked a lession every Thursday night with Mirium she has set me the challange of being up to entering a basic entry level Dressage competition in the June. When I said "why not it is not like I have to win" her reaction was "Yes you bloody do"
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Apologies for this babble this short ride has left me physically and mentally done in and I have also had two large glasses of wine!
 
Well done, that's fantastic
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lots of people on here have been in the same situation, me included.
Two years on I'm still a complete wreck and times and am thinking of contacting Jo Copper.
 
Yipee!!!! I'm so glad you did it, and so proud of you!!
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If you can cope with all that, you can do anything, well, well done, and looking forward to the next great report
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