So disappointed - is this a sign of things to come?

I'm not sure it's a case of being ungrateful... it's understandable to want to spend time with friends at that age and just because she doesn't want to spend every spare moment with horses and ponies doesn't necessarily mean she's not grateful for what she's got.
I've never had my own pony, but if I had one I'm sure I'd want to be able to spend the occasional weekend with friends.
 
My 13 year old boy gave up when he was 10. He is now starting to make want to ride again noises, as his smaller brother (7) is coming on great guns. Trouble is he can't ride either of the two neds we have so it would mean getting a new one, which is possible, but what if he gives up again a few months down the track?
I've told him if he has weekly lessons for a bit we'll see, but at 13 he hardly wants to go to a riding school in front of a load of much better girls, does he.
I was gutted when he stopped and know how you feel, unfortunately they are becomnig their own people. (Which is good really, I suppose)
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I agree with those who have said its the ones who get it handed to them on a plate who have a tendency to take it for granted. I got my first pony at 14 and I worked my arse off to save up for and keep him.

This could well be a sign of things to come - if I was you I would have a chat about it and explain that if she wants to start spending all her weekends with friends then the pony will have to be loaned out or sold. That might shock her into realising that she can't just ride and have fun when she feels like it and then leave all the responsibility on you when she fancies going off with friends. That's not to say of course that she shouldn't be allowed out with friends, but if that is going to start becoming more important than pony time, then it may be time for a serious think about what you want to do. Having a pony is a privilege, and I believe you should only have one if you're prepared to take responsibility for it, and that means you can't just go off with friends and expect mum to take care of it - she should be asking you very nicely!

I don't mean to sound harsh, and this could be just a one off, or she could be losing interest. That's fair enough and it happens to a lot of kids as they grow older, but a pony is not a toy to be cast aside when you're not in the mood, so as I said, a serious talk about what she really wants might be in order.
 
I totally agree with what Ravenwood says. I started with riding school ponies at 7 years old. It was only when I was working that I could afford to buy mine newfie mare. My grand-daughter has had two ponies bought for her and still doesn't think she needs to poo-pick and sweep the yard. I do think we appreciate things more when we have to work for them but your daughter is a young woman now and needs to establish her own identity. So I guess the answer is to let her do what she wants (within reason) and hope she comes back to riding in time.
 
Mmm...I'm not sure that having a pony is necessarily the huge privilege that alot of people seem to think it is. Does that not depend on the circumstances...?
My daughter has ponies as much because I want them as she does..she does little else other than go to school. Horses are her hobby.
She had a pony since she was 2yrs old. I don't want her to be eternally grateful to me for this fact...I had a choice of whether or not to have it.
Do kids that have other things such as expensive instruments and lessons or trips abroad etc feel privileged I wonder?..
 
My daughter is 11 years old and is VERY into the horses......however she does have a life away from them; which I have to say, I do encourage. I have always had a life away from them and I think it is really healthy for children to do so too.

I never push my daughter into anything horsey - if she wants to go to a show then I will take her if I don't have anything else to do. If she doesn't or I have other arrangements, then we don't go.

I like my daughter to have her friends, most are non-horsey. I think it is good for her to go around with all sorts of children; be they farmy or towny. I think it gives her a good balanced outlook on life.

I really wouldn't be worried at all if this were my daughter. I don't think it makes her unappreciative, it just shows that she has other things going on in her life which also make her happy.
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I agree with those who have said its the ones who get it handed to them on a plate who have a tendency to take it for granted. I got my first pony at 14 and I worked my arse off to save up for and keep him.


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I agree - I'd been begging for a pony since I could talk but I didn't actually get one until I was 14/15 and could prove that I was capable of that amount of responsibility. I still have her now
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I did come under a lot of peer pressure at around 16/17 and this may be what your daughter is experiencing now. Non-horsey friends don't understand how much time horses take up and often feel put out and snubbed when horse comes first. I also often felt left out in conversation, because all I had to talk about was horses and horsey lingo because it was all I did at weekends.

She is growing up unfortunately and she will make her own decisions
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[QR]I think there are two things here - if you just want to get along with her, have a nice life, let her develop her own life etc, that's fine, let her continue to dabble.
If however it is all or nothing, and you expect commitment, and have high expectations, then say so, and if she chooses to opt out, fine, sell the pony and let her get on with her life.
You each have a life to lead, and as she grows up and gains independence, it won't do her any harm to learn that other people have needs and expectations too, and you can't always have it all your own way. Sometimes, you have to choose.
To be honest, if more youngsters got this kind of 'tough love' demonstration of what real life is all about, the world would be a better place.
Just my not very humble opinion, of course!
 
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One reason daughters shouldn't have ponies until they can look after and pay for them! I know, still got her first pony 7 years later! She's ninteen now and hasn't even bothered with him for the last 3 years
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I still have my daughter's, even though she only comes very occasionally. I cannot bear to part with him (he's 22 now) so have all the responsibility and commitment.

I would advise any parent of a child who is losing interest to cut their losses sooner rather than later. Or you might end up like me!
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She isn't really being unappreciative, although I hope she asked you if she could go rather than telling you she was going - after all, presumably someone has to see to her pony. Would you be less upset if it wasn't a hunting and jumping weekend? Is it her actions you are concerned about, or the fact that you would have liked her company? You have now to expect a wait of approximately ten years, give or take, before she becomes a thoughtful human being!
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QR -

I'm not really able to agree with the posters who say children shouldn't have horses. I always had ponies and subsequently as an adult I have many horses. I can't see me going out of horses at any time in the near future, and I'm at least half way through my life.

Same with my daughter. She had her first pony at 6 months and has owned her present pony since she was 1, so for over 10 years now. She has never neglected Cloud; she still rides her pretty much every day. She has a few other horses which she rides on a daily basis, BUT she does have time away from the horses with her non-horsey friends; that's something I have always encouraged.

It's not just me and my daughter though; I know a lot of people my age who have always had horses since tiny and still have them. I don't know what makes people get out of horses? I do sometimes wonder if pushy mothers are the reason (not saying you are RW, just I've met some like this and as soon as the children are old enough they drop the horse thing). I never had a pushy Mum, and I'm not pushy in the slightest with my daughter where the horses are concerned; if my daughter chose to get out of horses, then I have no problem with that. It's her life - I already live my own life quite happily so it makes no difference to me.
 
Although Saskia was a bit, um, abrupt, I'm afraid it was my first thought, too. I came from a non-horsey family and had to wait until I was 23 to get my first pony and pay for everything myself.

I wouldn't be happy with my kid spending a weekend away when there is a pony at home needing attention. Is she coming home during the weekend to help with any chores? If not, I would seriously reconsider having the pony. It does sound like she's losing interest. I would be giving her an ultimatum - more input into the care of the pony or pony goes to a new home/is loaned out in situ.

Saying all that, I don't have kids, so you have to take my advice with a bag of salt, as I appreciate that I know nowt about kids!
 
Gosh - so many replies and all with valid points!

I have always had ponies too - an overwhelming amount of competition ponies and my parents were very pushy, we competed nearly every weekend and Dad always got in a temper if I made a mistake.

Therefore I am definitely not a pushy Mum. As long as my kids can canter across the moor and go hunting if they want that is fine by me.

My main point was just the awful realisation that she is growing up (and I don't want her to!!) and that a little more consideration could have been shown towards me - but as Sooty says I probably have some time to wait for that!!
 
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Mmm...I'm not sure that having a pony is necessarily the huge privilege that alot of people seem to think it is. Does that not depend on the circumstances...?

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Wealthy or not, I still believe having ANY animal is a privilege. They are not toys, they are living creatures and they need care day in and day out. Therefore if you own a pony, I think you need to be responsible for it, and that means making sacrifices from your social life on occasion, or asking your parent nicely if they'll be prepared to take on your jobs if you want to take time off.

Its a different thing if you keep the ponies because you want them and are happy to have your kids ride when they fancy, but if the pony is the child's responsibility, I think they need to take that seriously.
 
I wasn't necessarily referring to wealth when I mentioned circumstances. Certainly not everyone with ponies is wealthy..
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I just think its possible for children to be able to have animals, be responsible for them AND have a life outside of it too...
 
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I just think its possible for children to be able to have animals, be responsible for them AND have a life outside of it too...


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I agree. Not only do I think it is possible, but I think it is healthy.
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I just think its possible for children to be able to have animals, be responsible for them AND have a life outside of it too...

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I agree, I never said it wasn't.
 
I got my first horse when i was 14/15 and as soon as i was earning i had to pay for her. I never lost interest until she died when i was 23. I had a break and went back to horses 17 years later. However my daughter who was a good rider was keen until she hit about 16 1/2 and then other things took her interest. By the way she did also have an active life outside of horses too which i encouraged. I was upset at the time, mainly cos she was a good rider but it's no good trying to get them to do something they aren't interested in. It could just be a blip with your daughter, time will tell.
 
I couldn't agree more. I had to beg and wheedle for every minute I could spend with a horse/pony - got my first one of my own when I was 15 and she was entirely my responsibility. had a couple of loan ponies when younger but couldn't bear to be parted from them at the end of the day.

Boys and partying were always something that fitted in around riding, and if there was a clash, horse always came first. There was no alternative as no-one else was going to look after her for me.

Kids do need space away from horses though, time to grow up and hang out with mates. It doesn't mean she's lost interest necessarily!
 
I wouldn't be worried at all. She is growing up and developing as a person and we all need space to do that, even though it may not meet up with what our parents want. Far better to have a socable, well rounded child than one of these hideous, competative kids you see all to often at competitions.

I have my horse on full livery as although I love him dearly, my entire life does not revolve around him and I need a break every now and then. I can't see its any different for your daughter. You mention the pony is new and also helping you out. Could you possibly just be a little hurt she is not showing the enthuisiasm you feel for both the new pony and also spending quality time together as mother and daughter? Its very natural for a mum to feel this way but there comes a time when kids need space to grow up.

Summer is coming and with it light nights and riding in the evening. If she is genunely losing interest it will be more noticeable. Worst case scenario is that you sell the pony and buy a small horse that both of you can ride. Then you get another horse for yourself
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but it is also there for her to ride should she become interested again. Many kids go onto horses at 12 or 13 these days and it would make more sense than a pony sitting round doing nothing
 
Ravenwood, I would feel like you too. I would want her to stay with me and do the thingsI had planned for/with her and be upset that she has other plans. That's natural, that is how it is. You are just naturally a bit rueful about her growing up and starting albeit a very tiny bit at the moment, moving away from you. You can feel like that..It's how you feel.

Thing is how to handle it. I guess you need to talk to her about checking with you first about her plans which would affect her being able to look after the pony and maybe help you out when you need it and come to some kind of compromise and see how things go.

If it were me (this is just my opinion) I don't think now is the time to lay down the law. You bought her the pony and you want her to ride. Presumably she wanted it too, but it was a joint thing. I think it would be bit harsh to start saying you are going to sell it if she doesn't ride it more. I don't think you would do that anyway :-)It would be different if you hadn't wanted it and she had begged and pleaded...

One weekend doesn't necessarily mean she is going to give up quite yet :-). They will leave us all too soon in one way or another, just enjoy it with them now and try to bite your lip a bit and let her go.
 
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