So it looks like I am giving up...

Flibble

Flibble

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 September 2007
Messages
4,282
Location
Gloucestershire
www.annamason-art.co.uk
Firstly thank you to everyone who has given me help and advice.
This is the second time I have posted this as having type it out my cat sat on the keyboard!!

This post is really to confess that I have given up. My beautiful horse is for sale as I admit that I am overhorsed and my nerves have got the better of me. I just woke up one morning and thought I cant do this anymore.

The most embarrassing thing is that apart from being a bit bouncy looking at all the sights and smells at the new yard he hasn’t done anything wrong but my imagination has been working overtime and everytime he swung his head around to look at something I wanted to bail out.

For those who havent been bored by previous postings I never really got my nerve back after a disasterous fun ride last July. It was too much for a young excitable horse particularly when the quiet pony we were with bolted.

So I was in danger of ruining a really good horse. My partner has been a saint through all this and even went and saw the friend who has taken Drifter on to sell him for me and arranged everything.

I got him shod 10 days ago and in spite of me warning the farrier he might be a bit bouncy due to the new yard syndrome he dropped his lower lip and had a kip.

Dave turned up with his lorry and my next panic arrived, he would never load up a noisy metal ramp!! Armed with hard hat and lunge line as well as lead rope attached to his headcollar I walked to the bottom of the ramp and he practically loaded himself straight up the ramp in a flash. But then he always did travel well and used to stand rock solid in my trailer.

At Daves yard he was a bit bolshy Day 1 as everything was strange again so quickly but now he has been out hacking on his own and they made me go and watch him Cross Country (I think he hoped I would change my mind). He cantered around a huge field and popped a big hedge then cantered around and popped it back again then he went around some cross country fences.

They are very pleased with his attitude and say he is a good honest horse without a stop in him and should sell. They even turned him out in the paddock with a little mare I didnt even know if he would mix with girls and he was as good as gold.

If only I had kept him somewhere with more turnout and maybe when I first had confidence issues I had been on a different yard with more turnout etc and if only I had asked for more help sooner. But thats life and as they say it is how it is.

But my partner and I have both taken early retirement and since then I have been tied to my horse and my nerves so we havent had any holidays.

Suddenly I have no desire to own a horse anymore. So maybe once Drifter is sold we will have some holidays and I will not bother to get another horse because at the moment I don’t miss it and am more sort of relieved. I just have to hope he sells before my money runs out.

So sorry if I have let you all down but I know this is the best for my Dream horse and probably best for me too!
 
Thats a very brave decision to make, I hope it all works out for you both and that one day you feel ready to own again. I have read your posts and I'm quite sure any horse would be lucky to have you as their owner, x
 
It sounds like you have tried really hard and that this is the right decision for you (I understand, I overhorsed myself with a youngster and was so relieved when I sold her although she was lovely). Time to allow yourself to breathe and see what life offers - which may include in the future a kind sort to enjoy but in the meantime have some fun in whatever form you fancy! :D:D:D

Good luck!
 
Oh hun. Firstly a hug, secondly a hot chocolate, and thirdly (but probably most importantly!) you haven't let anyone down hun :).

You gave it all a damn good go and it just turned out not to be. There is no fault to be laid at any feet, not yours nor your horse's, it's just the way it is.

Have holidays, have lie-ins, have fun times with your partner. Horses will always be there and you are always welcome to come and see the Hairy Gang should you feel the urge :)

Hugs to you. It would be lovely if you stay in touch, but will understand if you don't.

C.x
 
Well Flibble, you know what I think as we have discussed it previously :).

Enjoy your new found freedom and maybe time out will re-ignite your love of riding.

I know you are looking into selling all your stuff but I'd say (having been there myself), keep hold of it for at least 6 months (if you don't need the money from them of course), as it's an expensive do having to completely start again.

Good Luck :) ..... will you still be coming on here?
 
It shouldn't be a case of giving up, if you are constantly battling with nerves its just not the right horse. At least Drifter's got loads going for him and when the right person finds him he'll be their superstar. You should consider getting a pony-horse like a welsh cob or something else you fancy, that you could enjoy and get your confidence back on. There comes a point to most people where you no longer want a horse with the potential for world domination - you just want something safe and easy. Or you could look into sharing something similar. It would be a real shame to give up horses altogether. :(
 
I will still be coming on. I am going to keep my trailer 'just in case'!

And I am going to Badminton 30th April and we have just phoned the cattery and booked the cat in for 8th May and phoned a cottage in cornwall and booked ourselves in for the week.
 
Flibble you've not let anyone down. I know from reading your posts what ups and downs you've gone through with your horse and my what a chance and go you've given it all. I wish some of the people on my yard were as brave and sensible as you've been to come to the decisions you have. But you also have to think of you and your quality of life and ultimate happiness and if Drifter specifically or horses more generally aren't what you need at the moment, that's fine. I hope you have the most fantastic holiday in Cornwall when it comes. Chill out and relax and you can get your horsey fix from being on here or at Badminton, etc. Just please don't beat yourself up about your decision, sounds like Drifter in the right place to find a good home so all will be well :)
 
I can't help feeling sad for you! :o ...Not because you are selling Drifter- that is your perogative, and I happen to agree it is a good idea- but because the tone of your post really encapsulates how you feel about the decision, and because you really seem to feel that you have let people down!! Please be assured it really isn't the case!! :D

For slightly different reasons (divorcing my farming Dad and deciding she couldn't move to a livery yard, having always owned her own facilities) My Mum sold her horse recently. After 30+ years of riding and horse ownership, her decision to sell really left Mum feeling like she was letting her horse and other people down, and that she should be "fighting to keep him"... Please be assured that now Solly is settled into a fantastic new home Mum's worries and curious 'sense of failure' have all abaited and she is loving the liberation from horse duties!

I guess what I am trying to say is Stop Worrying about what anyone else thinks, and get on with enjoying the different opportunities that will now be available to you :D
 
agree with the other comments, I havent read your other posts but having a horse your not happy with can just make you feel depressed to the degree where youve had enough. Few years ago I took 2 years out, it was great but by the end I was itching to have a horse back. Now a few years on, I have a warmblood who is lovely but even now not sure hes right for me, sometimes think give me a fat little pony easy to get on and mess around with.

As said dont worry about anything, your doing whats right for you and the horse, take some time out and I bet in a year or maybe sooner you will be itching to get back
 
So sorry it's come to this, but so pleased you are doing what's best for you ! If you want to ever get back into horses, do go for a very hairy coblet - that's what I've done, and my confidence has fully returned.

((((hugs)))) sm x
 
You're not letting anyone down! From the sound of things you are doing the right thing by the horse as well as by yourself. You are being a responsible owner and you do have a right to enjoy your life - maybe owning a horse isn't the best way of doing that. There are other ways to be around them, like volunteering with the RDA that will not give you the constant day to day pressure of being an owner. Relax and have fun. If you really want horses to be part of your life, they will find their way back in, in some shape or form.

And I do know how you feel - I lost a wonderful mare last November and there are times when I think there is no way I could cope with another horse. Yet I still stay around them!
 
I think amongst the thousands of issues I have in my head there is the fact that I owned my previous lad for 14 years before he retired to a happy life of grazing and I bought Drif on the rebound following redundancy plus I still had thoughts in my head of being younger than I really am and jst to put the icing on the cake I am menopausal and even on HRT appear to have every symptom going so all in all I am a bit of a molitov cocktail.
Luckily I have a group of friends who are all inviting me to hack out on plods which I will do once the yearning to be someone I arent any more gone.

You know the person who entered 3 foot showjumping on her old horse got a treble wrong buried herself in the dirt got back on jumped through the rebuilt course and completed doesnt really live here anymore.
 
(((hugs))) If its got the point where your not enjoying riding him and there is no pleasure in it anymore then yes you have made a the right decision, its hard work and an expensive job a keeping horse at the best of times let alone if you feel there a bit too much for you, hopefully he'll benefit and progress with someone else and that will be all down to you, because you let go, not only that but I'm sure it will give you great happiness in seeing how he progresses in the future if you stay in contact with his new owner. :)

Besides maybe in time you will start up again, nothing to stop you riding still though, you can always go to a good yard and pay to hack out/lessons etc so you can still enjoy riding again. :)
 
As many others have said, you are NOT letting any-one down, not yourself, not the horse and certainly not any-one on here. Posters who have offered advice in the past have done so because they were offering support in a difficult situation. Now I am sure they will continue to offer support as you resolve that situation. As another life-long rider who is well past the first (or even the second) flush I recognise that feeling of not wanting to fall off on every third ride, even when you know really that it is unlikely to happen. Go and enjoy your holiday in Cornwall and remember that there are lots of ways of being involved with horses without being tied to the daily grind (if we're being honest) of ownership.
 
You have to do what is right for you, no matter what others think.
Sorry you have had your confidence dented so badly. At the end of the day, life is short and if something is causing you so much worry it is not worth it. Do not pressure yourself to do anything, if you never own again then no matter, do what is right for you. I think you have made a very brave decision and I hope that you enjoy some nice holidays and times ahead.
 
Fair play. You sound very sure and most of all, you're setting him up for sale to a good home by sending him to a seller who displays him the way he did to you. Enjoy your holidays, it sounds like you need them!! xx
 
Don't beat yourself up, you have done the decent thing for your horse. If you were a little worried about things, can you imagine what he was picking up from you. so good for you.:):):)
 
oh, poor you. Huge hugs.
If you've ever been unfortunate enough to stumble across one of my posts, you'll know i suffer incredibly with nerves.
I bought my raff to rebuild my confidence and for the last few months i've struggled to even get on him without crying/being sick. Yet, like you, i had never been let down by him. He's never put a foot wrong. It's all in my head. I create problems where they don't exist. Raff sometimes pricks his ears and breathes heavily when he sees something scary... I take this to mean he's going to buck and bolt and jump off. Needless to say, he's never bolted,
... Anyway, last week he broke his leg. And i'm worried sick he won't pull through it. And... I'm kicking myself for not seizing every chance i ever had to ride him. If he recovers, i have no doubt in my mind that i will be brave now and ride as often as i can, and enjoy every second of it.

I'm not suggesting you break your horse's leg... But thought i'd tell you that i can totally empathise with you- but that it is fixable.
Xxx
P.s. I hope he finds a lovely home. Good luck! Hugs! X
 
sounds like you have made a brave decision and I understand why you must feel relieved. We all have such high hopes of our horses to be well behaved, not be ill, give us those memorable times such as hacking across stubble fields in the evening sun, on the buckle, without a care in the world without sppoking bucking, napping, headshaking etc (or coming first in a dressage or whatever lights your fire!) but in reality owning horses is hard work and expensive and if the highs dont outweigh the lows significantly then imo life is too short to waste any more time or money and you need to change something. Enjoy your time with your partner, have some wonderful holidays, love horses from afar and who knows you might start riding for a friend or even just grooming. I am sure lots of people would love someone so caring and honest as you to help out with their horse and that way you can keep your toe in the water.
Good luck with whatever you do and I am sure drifter will find a smashing home with someone who wants to enjoy his particular way.
 
Agree with GreyBay, life is too short and horses too expensive to keep on for ever with a horse that you don't click with (for whatever reason). Sounds like you have thought about it a lot and done your best by him so don't beat yourself up.
Hope you continue to visit HHO and post as I have always enjoyed reading your posts - you have a knack for writing!
 
Honestly don't feel bad or beat yourself up - lots of people go through it, myself included! I bought a youngster about 14 months ago and struggled with him pretty much from day 1. Came to the realisation a couple of months ago that he just wasn't the right horse for me and is now being ridden 5 days a week at my instructors yard and I am going to advertise him in the next week or so. He is going great guns and will make a fabulous horse for someone, just not for me! I totally understand how disheartening it can be but you are making the right decision, life is too short x
 
I absolutely agree with all the posters who have said that you have let no-one down. Fun rides seem to me to be one of the most mis-named events that anyone has ever come up with, and to be avoided at all costs! Good luck with whatever you choose to do in the future, be it with or without horses, we only get one go at life and our 'leisure' time should be fun, not an assault course on the nerves.
 
Well done for a hard choice. The world would be a much better place for our horses if more people were like you and admitted when things are too much and found the right home for their much loved horse. A break is what you need and your inner self will let you know when you are ready to ride again. In the meantime have a fab holiday and have a excellent time ! I'm sure I go for everyone on here ! Good luck and keep in touch ! ;-)
 
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