So lost and stuck in a rut... please help!

Lippyx

Lippyx

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Hi peeps,

Haven't been on here for a while, and I am sorry guys! I really need some confidence vibes :(

As some of you may or may not know, I had a really nasty fall back in January, and I cannot believe how much it has affected my confidence!!
A friend's horse bolted with with me in a menage and jumped over the gate, throwing me onto concrete. Obviously, I could bearly move, so couldn't get back on, and it was a good 6 weeks before I was even able to get back on a horse.

I have been sticking with the trusty steeds at the RS, but I am so nervous and tense all the time, even when they do something so small and insignificant, like look at something in the trees, I just panic inside!

The other week, I rode a new horse, who was only 4 years old. He was so sweet, and normally I would jump at the chance to take a baby under my wing, but I so nearly lost it, and was so close to getting off when he got a little babyish!

I rode another friends cob last night, and my back was so painful after, where I was so tense, and he is the sort of cob you could out your nan on!!

I thought I would have got over this by now, I was such a confident "up for it" kind of rider, but now, I feel like a total novice!!

I so want to get my own horse, and this time last year I would have jumped at the chance in getting my self a youngster to back and bring on... now, I am not sure I even want one - All I keep thinking is "what if MY horse does something, and I become one of those owners who is too scared to ride their own horse".

Please help, give me some ideas that may help me, or techniques to help me think about when I am having a wobbly moment!!

Thank you so much guys, tea and cake on its way to you xxx
 
Lippyx said:
Hi peeps,
I so want to get my own horse, and this time last year I would have jumped at the chance in getting my self a youngster to back and bring on... now, I am not sure I even want one - All I keep thinking is "what if MY horse does something, and I become one of those owners who is too scared to ride their own horse".
Click to expand...

I can relate to this, for me it's all about percentages. When I rode at a riding school, I rode once a week. One day, I came flying off the RS horse who had bucked in excitement. I got back on but didn't have the courage to push for more than a trot that lesson. As I only rode once a week, it magnified in my mind until the next week and I was even more nervous than the week before. I did eventually get over it, 3 months of one lesson a week, and eventually cantered this horse again.

I now have my own, she is much more horse than that RS horse and in the course of the last 5 years I've had occasion to unexpectedly dismount. But the difference is that I get straight back on, I ride for as long as it takes me to get up to canter/jump etc, then finish on a good note. The next day I will ride again, and the next, and the next.

So the percentage of rides that go really well is way up there at 99.99999% with my own horse, whereas with the once a week riding lesson it was a while to build up that percentage again.
 
Give yourself a break.

In the OP what comes across is that you think you ought to be able to ride anything. And I think it's that which is bothering you. If the RS steeds look around as you describe, I think you are automatically focusing on "well what if a youngster did this" rather than what horse you are riding at the time.

So take a chill pill, stop worrying about riding youngsters or buying your own and re engage with just riding "trusty RS steeds" until you remember how much fun riding is in the first place.
 
I really feel for you haveing been there before. I lost my confidence after a few bad falls/accidents over the years and one day my confidence was gone!

You say that you have a friend with a cob you could put your nan on, why dont you see if you can ride this horse a couple times a week to help rebuild your confidence?

I know it is hard when you used to be the kind of person to get on anything, jump anything, give anything a go (this used to be me) and you feel that you are letting yourself down somehow, but trust me when I say that if you push yourself then it will only get worse.

Small steps at a time, even if you are being led around a school for 10 minutes just build it up each time until you are starting to look forward to your rides! This is what I did, although I stupidly went out and bought a big 16.3hh TB which was probably the worst decision I could have made :o, although she really turned out to be a total star and got my confidence back so I guess I was lucky! But I had my boyfriend at the time's mum walk me around the school to help me rebuild my confidence and then I started with an insturctor which helped as I found my mind was on the instructor/the riding rather that what the horse "could/would" do. Then I started hacking, and so on!

Dont push yourself, stick to confidence givers who can help you and dont put too much pressure on what you can do in a certain amount of time ;)

Good luck!
 
The only thing I can think of that might help, it has helped me a lot and came from support on this forum, is that you should stop worrying about the nerves and take baby steps to get back to where you were before. Maybe have a few private lessons where you can just do a little more each time and focus on keeping it simple until you get the feeling that you want to do more, not that you ought to be doing more. Also, don't worry about what anyone else might think of you taking what might feel like backward steps, if going back a few stages to simpler things helps you feel better then go for it. That was my hang up, and now I've got rid of that I'm making real progress, with my boy and a friend's horse.

We all have our wobbly patches when things don't go right, and when there is an injury involved it can take a while to get back to where we want to be. Just take things gently, don't push yourself too hard too soon and you'll be back on form in no time.
 
Thanks guys!! I have totally changed the type of horse I would get now... cob all the way for me... I have always liked showing, so show cob it is!

Until then, I will keep with the confidence givers and take small steps. Strangely, a friends filmed me at the weekend, and my position has improved immensely and don't seem to be tipping forward so much!!
 
Lippyx said:
Hi peeps,

Haven't been on here for a while, and I am sorry guys! I really need some confidence vibes :(

As some of you may or may not know, I had a really nasty fall back in January, and I cannot believe how much it has affected my confidence!!
A friend's horse bolted with with me in a menage and jumped over the gate, throwing me onto concrete. Obviously, I could bearly move, so couldn't get back on, and it was a good 6 weeks before I was even able to get back on a horse.

I have been sticking with the trusty steeds at the RS, but I am so nervous and tense all the time, even when they do something so small and insignificant, like look at something in the trees, I just panic inside!

The other week, I rode a new horse, who was only 4 years old. He was so sweet, and normally I would jump at the chance to take a baby under my wing, but I so nearly lost it, and was so close to getting off when he got a little babyish!

I rode another friends cob last night, and my back was so painful after, where I was so tense, and he is the sort of cob you could out your nan on!!

I thought I would have got over this by now, I was such a confident "up for it" kind of rider, but now, I feel like a total novice!!

I so want to get my own horse, and this time last year I would have jumped at the chance in getting my self a youngster to back and bring on... now, I am not sure I even want one - All I keep thinking is "what if MY horse does something, and I become one of those owners who is too scared to ride their own horse".

Please help, give me some ideas that may help me, or techniques to help me think about when I am having a wobbly moment!!

Thank you so much guys, tea and cake on its way to you xxx
Click to expand...

Lippyx I could have written your post almost word for word. I had a similar accident to you a few years back and by the time I could get back in the saddle I'd graduated and moved to London. This year I'm finally in a position to buy a new horse but my nerves have seriously got the better of me. I've recently been offered the mare I ride on full loan and will be moving her up to our yard at the end of summer. She's meant to be a good confidence giving type but I still have moments when I just want to jump off. It's so frustrating as with my old horse I was out doing all sorts at the weekend, whereas now I'm too scared to do more than trot on a hack :(

I'm determined to get past it though as I know that it's just me getting in the way of my enjoyment. I don't know whether it'll help you but I bought one of the confident rider cds last night and after one listen I'm already way too excited to get back in the saddle at the weekend.

Feel free to PM if you ever want to chat about it as I know exactly how you're feeling.
 
Lippyx no wonder you are feeling nervous. Like others have said, give yourself a break - anyone would be nervous in your position and many would probably never get on a horse again. There is no rule saying you HAVE to ride - it is meant to be for enjoyment! I would suggest keeping things incredibly low key so that you barely get out of your comfort zone for a few weeks. Eventually you may start to feel that you would like to do more - then the confidence will come. Something I also recommend as brilliant for building confidence is to have lunge lessons. They are great for the position and you have that little bit less pressure as you just have to think about yourself and not the horse.

Another tip I suggest is to make yourself as safe as possible by wearing a body protector (and obviously hat!), and making sure there are people around. When I got my new horse I bought an rs-tor handle AND a sticky seat saver (!!) Not sure how effective they are but they made me FEEL a lot more confident.

Build your own confidence like you would a young horse's - lots of consolidating and make it as much fun as possible. Good luck! :)
 
Tobiano - Thanks for the tips! I obviously wear a hat, and do wear a BP (I wasn't when I had my accident - a mistake I won't ever make again!). I have just got a new Outlyne BP from Airowear and it certainly makes me feel a lot more comfortable in the saddle.

I may have a chat to my instructor, and book a lunge lesson, coz like you say it will certainly help.
 
good for you Lippyx... oh and by the way dont be in a hurry.. no need... I am now 50 and enjoying my riding more than any time since i was about 13 :) (though i dont recommend you wait that long!!) x
 
Hi OP i'm a bit like you in that i'm not all that confident on new horses. Something I found that really helped was having 1/2 hour lunge lessons a couple of times a week at a good RS. Once I felt secure in my seat I felt much more confident overall x
 
Lippyx said:
Hi peeps,

Haven't been on here for a while, and I am sorry guys! I really need some confidence vibes :(

As some of you may or may not know, I had a really nasty fall back in January, and I cannot believe how much it has affected my confidence!!
A friend's horse bolted with with me in a menage and jumped over the gate, throwing me onto concrete. Obviously, I could bearly move, so couldn't get back on, and it was a good 6 weeks before I was even able to get back on a horse.

I have been sticking with the trusty steeds at the RS, but I am so nervous and tense all the time, even when they do something so small and insignificant, like look at something in the trees, I just panic inside!

The other week, I rode a new horse, who was only 4 years old. He was so sweet, and normally I would jump at the chance to take a baby under my wing, but I so nearly lost it, and was so close to getting off when he got a little babyish!

I rode another friends cob last night, and my back was so painful after, where I was so tense, and he is the sort of cob you could out your nan on!!

I thought I would have got over this by now, I was such a confident "up for it" kind of rider, but now, I feel like a total novice!!

I so want to get my own horse, and this time last year I would have jumped at the chance in getting my self a youngster to back and bring on... now, I am not sure I even want one - All I keep thinking is "what if MY horse does something, and I become one of those owners who is too scared to ride their own horse".

Please help, give me some ideas that may help me, or techniques to help me think about when I am having a wobbly moment!!

Thank you so much guys, tea and cake on its way to you xxx
Click to expand...

First of all - aaaaaand breathe :). Second of all - here's a big hug.

I'm in the exact same place . . . and I'll bet we're not the only two :). I had a nasty fall from my horse nearly a year ago . . . was bringing him back into work after box rest for lameness, should have lunged him gently first to get the fizz out of him but didn't, he was fine in walk but exploded when I asked for trot and fired me into the floor at an impressive rate of knots. To cut a long story short, I fractured my pelvis.

A year on he is a different horse thanks to a fellow livery who has been schooling and competing him for me, and I have been back on board, but not very often and EVERY time I played the "what if" tape in my head.

However, last week I swallowed hard and had a lesson on him with our new trainer . . . she knows him, knows Z and knows me . . . and I trust her. Yes, I was bricking it. Yes, I felt like a sack of spuds. But guess what - I also really, really enjoyed it. Since then, I have ridden him in the school on my own (he was an angel) and had another lesson (yesterday - he wasn't being particularly cooperative, but he didn't do anything naughty). I will be getting on him again this morning - in fact, I've been awake since 4 because I'm so excited about riding again. Oh, and in five weeks time, I'm taking my very own horse out to do a dressage competition - never thought I'd be doing THAT!

You are in the fortunate position of having a choice of horses to ride . . . so you can (and should) talk to your instructor about how you are feeling and make sure you sit on something that makes you feel safe (or maybe just safER). If you need to go back on the lead rein - do it. If you'd feel more comfortable on the lunge - ask if you can do that.

Confidence is an elusive thing once lost . . . but one thing I can say for sure (from bitter personal experience) is that you won't regain it from the ground - the only way you can regain that confidence in yourself as a rider is to actually ride.

I have been where you are - multiple times. During one of my earlier confidence dips, a very wise friend reminded me that we ride for fun . . . and if it isn't fun, then is it time to walk away . . . and even though I was scared (make that petrified), I was never petrified enough to say that riding isn't for me. Yes, I've had breaks - most often due to injury related to a fall (two broken ribs, a broken coccyx, a fractured pelvis) - but I must really, really want to do it, because I keep coming back to it.

There's no shame in losing your confidence. Heck, Pippa Funnell used to be a quivering wreck before and during competitions and there isn't a rider out there - professional or otherwise - who hasn't been frightened at some point.

So, what can you do about it?

- Take some Rescue Remedy before your lessons
- Try some NLP to change the tape in your head from negative outcomes to positive outcomes
- Talk to your instructor and come up with some strategies together

Best of luck.

P
 
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