Someone wanting to watch my lesson - what to say?

Woolly Hat n Wellies

Woolly Hat n Wellies

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A lady who keeps her horse down the road has been asking about my instructor for ages. I don't know her very well, and have received all these messages through my mum, who sees her occasionally when out walking. I'm sure she's a very nice lady, and I don't want to come across rude or like an antisocial baggage, but she wants to come and watch my lesson to see how my instructor teaches. I have a couple of issues with this. 1) I'm very self-conscious about my riding, and I really don't relish the idea of someone watching me. I'm learning from my mistakes, but I'd prefer to make those mistakes without an audience. 2) I don't go to a busy yard or hire a school for lessons, they're at my instructor's own outdoor school at her house, and I feel very uncomfortable with essentially inviting a stranger to her home. 3) My horse and his problems are very different from this lady's horse and the issues she is having, so I'm not really sure what use my lesson would be to her (and I'm a little wary of ending up paying for my instructor to answer someone else's questions.) 4) My instructor will be moving away soon (I'm pretty devastated about this!) so I don't think she will be likely to be taking on new clients. My mum explained this to the lady, but she said she just needed a bit of help and it wouldn't take long, which leads me to 5) my instructor doesn't do things by halves, and doesn't believe in quick-fixes, and tends to be quite blunt, which I like but I realise it isn't an approach for everyone. If someone takes something the wrong way or gets offended, I don't want to be in the middle, or involved, at all.

My mum suggested the lady contact my instructor directly, but she hasn't done, and now she's left her number for me to tell her when my next lesson is. So far all I can think to do is to give her my instructor's number and suggest she call her for a chat. I don't want to upset or offend her by saying I'd be uncomfortable with her coming along to my lesson... but I really WOULD be uncomfortable with her (or anyone else!) coming along to my lesson! It doesn't help that I have the social skills of a sea sponge and have to write down phone conversations in advance (right down to 'hello' and my own name). I don't know how to word it though. Everything I've thought of makes me sound unreasonable and unwilling to help. Maybe I am just being unreasonable?
 
Either forget it or alternatively, get your mum to give her back another slip of paper with instructors number on it and say that you don't wish anyone watching your lesson so best that she contacts the instructor direct.
 
Ask your instructor what she thinks.

It may be pointless if shes not taking new clients anyway.

Personally I would just say no, would rather not, sorry. If she gets funny I would say I am spending MY money to have my instructors time and undivided attention and I don't want distractions knowing some one is watching. But just pass on instructors number.
X
 
If you have issues with people watching you, one way to get over it is to have people watch you. I also felt like i would hate people watching, but getting lessons at a riding school there was always someone, so i just had to do it. Now im on livery for the first time ever and i have to just ride when i want and if they watch so be it...ill put on a show. Its making me SO much more confident to be honest. I actually find myself asking others to watch me and give tips.
 
Honestly if you like the instructor you're likely to be putting business her way so the 'inviting someone to her house' excuse is a bit odd. She might live on the site but the arena is her business premises.

Similarly excuses 3 and 5 don't really fly... If the lady wants to see the RI's style of teaching /what/ she is teaching doesn't really matter... And if your RI is blunt with you then the lady seeing that first will help with 5, which in any event is silly. The RI is a professional who should know how to treat clients respectfully, even when being direct and if lady doesn't like her she just won't go back.

Which basically leaves you being shy. If you are really so shy you won't consider helping out your RI and your mum's friend by doing a lesson being watched, well, you obviously have the funds not to have to. I'd call the lady direct and explain you're happy to recommend but instructor is quite direct so mum's friend needs to be aware and that you're too shy to be watched so lady could call direct and book her own lesson/see of RI has a braver client so lady can see before committing funds or horse table etc

Or you could be brave and generous to all concerned and just explain situation to RI and have her talk you into it in her direct manner!
 
You are perfectly within your rights not to want your lessons to be watched. Tell your Mum this is non negotiable and leave it at that. If this woman wants help with her riding, she should approach the instructor and ask to come and watch her giving a lesson. It will be up to the instructor to agree to this or not and to ask one of her pupils whether she would agree to be watched. Do not let anybody bully you into doing anything you are not ready for right now and spoil things for you. Your confidence will grow with time and experience, being forced will not help as I know from experience.
 
I think it is quite enough to give the woman the instructor's contact details and leave it at that. You are not obliged to let her watch and she should be not assuming that it is ok.
 
ThursdayNext said:
Which basically leaves you being shy. If you are really so shy you won't consider helping out your RI and your mum's friend by doing a lesson being watched, well, you obviously have the funds not to have to.
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The OP has not mentioned any financial gain to herself if her lesson is observed.

OP - if you prefer not to be watched then that's fine.
 
Please don't feel obliged to let someone watch the lesson. It is your lesson, not for her benefit.

Having said that, if it is stressing you to refuse, when you next have a lesson it may be worth discussing with your trainer. If she is professional then she would not chat to this relative stranger during your lesson.

You may find that this lady is nice, and you could have a new person to share some horse journey with.

But, for me, there is no need to worry if you really don't want her to come. Just don't call her, or ask your mum to relay the message that your lesson is your private horse time, and you don't want anyone there.
 
You don't want a stranger to watch your lesson. To me, it seems sufficient - I'd just give her the instructors' number and let her sort out her plans herself.
 
If you think of it from the other side then it might help.
If it was me who'd asked to watch and you'd said you weren't comfortable then I'd be happy with that & go call the instructor myself.
What's the worst that could happen? You never see a person again you never saw before?

Please don't worry and follow previous advice, tell mum to say sorry but you're not comfortable with her watching your lesson and call instructor directly.
 
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My mum suggested the lady contact my instructor directly, but she hasn't done, and now she's left her number for me to tell her when my next lesson is."

This is the bit of the OP's post which rings the alarm bells for me. Why didn't she contact the instructor directly? And I find it a bit cheeky/OTT to expect the OP to make the effort to ring up a stranger to arrange something for the sole benefit of said stranger .

As suggested by others, I'd be losing the number. And if feeling generous I'd give mother the instructors number, with the request she stops pestering me!
 
If you don't want this stranger watching you, then don't have here there. I also get where you are coming from with not inviting someone you don't know to the instructors yard.
Give your Mum the instructors number to give her again and leave it at that.
 
Cragrat said:
Quote:
"
My mum suggested the lady contact my instructor directly, but she hasn't done, and now she's left her number for me to tell her when my next lesson is."

This is the bit of the OP's post which rings the alarm bells for me. Why didn't she contact the instructor directly? And I find it a bit cheeky/OTT to expect the OP to make the effort to ring up a stranger to arrange something for the sole benefit of said stranger .

As suggested by others, I'd be losing the number. And if feeling generous I'd give mother the instructors number, with the request she stops pestering me!
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This. The woman is being rude. *If* I happened to bump into the woman I'd simply say "No, that's not convenient" when she asks to watch a lesson and leave it at that. If she asks why it's not convenient (she seems the type!) a stare, a long pause and a firm "because it's not" should get the message across. I wouldn't phone her to tell her. I'd also be telling your mum "thanks, but I'm not interested" next time she goes to pass on a message from this woman. You've made yourself clear, it's time people started listening to you. You don't need any reason why she can't watch you, because you don't want her too is reason enough.
 
Woolly Hat n Wellies said:
My mum suggested the lady contact my instructor directly, but she hasn't done, and now she's left her number for me to tell her when my next lesson is.
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And I would be putting said number immediately in the bin! It's your decision OP, you don't have to justify or over think this, you don't want her there and that's, that!
 
If fairness to the woman asking, she probably doesn't realise she's being rude and I have seen others advised on here to "try and get the chance to watch an instructor teach before booking a lesson". However she really should be going through the instructor to arrange this, not just expecting it from someone she barely knows.
OP, do you think your mum could have (unintentionally) encouraged this behaviour? Maybe just saying how much you've achieved since working with this instructor or implying that you wouldn't mind?
 
The woman is a potential PITA - she has been put off yet still she keeps pecking away trying to wear you down until you give in and agree. She needs to talk to the instructor herself and either book a lesson or not. This is a "what's in it for me?" moment and the answer is 'nothing' so PITA woman can jog on.
 
Why not just pass on the number to your instructor. If she is taking on new clients she will probably be happy to call this lady. Just ask your Mum to let the lady know that her number has been passed to instructor and then just the ignore any further discussion on the subject.
 
If it's a mobile number and you find phone conversations difficult, why not just drop her a text saying something like.

"Hi xxxx, Mum gave me your number. I'd rather not have anybody watching my lesson as I get very self-conscious and won't ride properly. This isn't personal, I'd say the same to anyone. I've checked with xxx (riding instructor) and she'll be happy for you to give her a ring to discuss (if she is indeed happy). Her number is........"

That way you've been polite, but you can avoid getting into a situation where you're all tongue tied.
 
Just send her a text, something along the lines of "Hi, mum said you were interested in looking into lessons with my instructor. I'm afraid I'm a bit shy and prefer not to be watched in lessons, but I have spoken to my instructor and she would be happy for you to contact her direct and book a lesson. Her number is *****. I really enjoy lessons with her, so i hope you get on well with her!"

Then tell your mum so she can reinforce the message.
 
send her a text, giver her your RI’s number. You DONT have to explain your reasons, just say sorry Im not happy to have my lesson observed
 
I'm with AceAmara here, you DON'T have to explain a complete stranger how you feel! That's your choice and you're not obliged to give her your reasons, just politely decline.
 
I would just lose the number. The woman is rude and lazy why can't she just phone the instructor? Why do you have to call her to arrange a time for her to watch your lesson and pick up on free tips? Just ignore her if she wants to learn she can learn to call the instructor.
 
Thanks for the replies. My reluctance isn't to do with not waning to help someone out, or not wanting to pass business to my instructor, but rather that she is moving away (several hundred miles away) soon and is recommending other instructors to her existing clients, so I doubted she would be inclined to take on a new one. I decided just to speak to her about it, and she gave me a message to pass on to the lady up the road along with her number, so I've texted that to her. Hopefully it's now out of my hands!
 
Arzada said:
The OP has not mentioned any financial gain to herself if her lesson is observed.

OP - if you prefer not to be watched then that's fine.
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Sounds like OP has it sorted :-)

I meant funds as in has own horse/doesn't have to ride at a riding school as per another poster.
 
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