Something needs to change....

[CheziBrown]

The Underweight TB post was about my sisters horse and somehow got round to me and my weight. TBH having thought about the whole thing I now find it quite funny. I was a little shocked but then, these comments are from people we don't know, have never met etc. I think there are more important things to be worrying about than what people think and i've realised this now. Think i'll just carry on getting on with normal life.............there do seem to be some lovely people on here but some not so nice which is just life isn't it. Not everyone can get on. Anyway might pop on some time in the future but think I will give it a rest for now.

 

[SirenaXVI]

Whilst I agree in principal MizElz, in the two latest posts, the nasties were shot down in flames fairly quickly and it is that that makes this forum what it is, not the negatives. I would not like to see censorship here, we are fairly good at censoring ourselves. If you look at the amount of people posting on the TB thread, only two of them actually stepped over the mark, the majority of people were, if initially curious re the condition of the horse, once they were aware of the whole story, in the main they were supportive of the OP.

I do see where you are coming from though.

 

[Flame_]

Cheers! Sorry I have a real problem with censorship I'm too quick to go off on one

. I don't know how things should change though, nastiness is usually stood up to here. Point taken about people feeling they have to offer explanations for anything they anticipate being ripped apart for, although tbh I don't think they'd be ripped apart anyway, most people on this forum are just trying to learn and be helpful.

 

[__Fanny__]

I totally agree MizElz

HHO is a fantastic forum but there are a dozen or so members that consistently turn the posts around just so there will be a cyber riot.

 

[MizElz]

Can I go back up in your esteem now please?

Sirena - I would just like to reiterate that I dont think censorship is necessary - I'm sorry if that is what came across. I wouldnt want anything to be censored here - it would make it equally as unpleasant a place to be. TBH I'm not really sure what the solution is, if there is one.

 

[SirenaXVI]

[ QUOTE ]

Can I go back up in your esteem now please?

Sirena - I would just like to reiterate that I dont think censorship is necessary - I'm sorry if that is what came across. I wouldnt want anything to be censored here - it would make it equally as unpleasant a place to be. TBH I'm not really sure what the solution is, if there is one.

[/ QUOTE ]

No I don't either

I suppose there is UI but I am far too nosey to use that sadly

and anyway it would not completely solve the problem.

 

[Ellies_mum2]

As I have said on another post I have learnt a lot from the posts on here but fail to see how personal attacks help anyone.

Maybe we all need to grow thicker skins .... and think twice before hitting submit

 

[MizElz]

LOL can you imagine....if we could narrow the nastiness down to one member (I know we cant, but...) and everyone then ignored that member.....they'd think they were speaking to everyone when nobody would actually see their horrid comments....

If only it were that simple!

 

[Flame_]

Of course..... but in the great scheme of things, what I think of you matters diddly squat really, does it?

 

[Daphnelia]

QR: H&H has always been like this, since I can remember, and well before I joined. Its just a forum

xxx

 

[MizElz]

[ QUOTE ]
Of course..... but in the great scheme of things, what I think of you matters diddly squat really, does it?

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really hurt me, do you know that? I want everyone to think well of me....

 

[TableDancer]

Is it just me or do the threads only tend to turn nasty in the evenings, when people just may have had a glass or three of wine

Seriously though, I think it was valid for you to raise this point but also agree with some of the notes of caution - perhaps you have done some good simply by posting this thread, and people will be a little more considerate and a little more measured in their comments - at least for a day or so

 

[carys220]

I agree totally with MizElz, this reminds of the poor girl who took on 2 ponies from a neglectful home and posted pictures up on here when one of them had a skin complaint - all she got was abuse about where she kept her horses and the way she kept them - so much so that she contemplated giving it all up. It turned out the ponies had got liver disease from eating ragwort when with their previous owner and had to be PTS. So not only did she have to contend with the nastiness of people on here but also losing 2 lovely ponies! It really annoyed me!

 

[Natch]

QR
I have always said rights come with responsibilities, something many people tend to forget and gloss over. You have the right to freedom of speech and to voice your opinion, but it is entwined with the responsibility to be professional and human about it. So many threads that go downhill contain post after post full of people who seemed to think "but that my opinion and I'm entitled to voice it" without also considering that it is not ok to be personal, rude or b*tchy.


... but thats just my opinion

 

[Gingernags]

[ QUOTE ]
I agree totally with MizElz, this reminds of the poor girl who took on 2 ponies from a neglectful home and posted pictures up on here when one of them had a skin complaint - all she got was abuse about where she kept her horses and the way she kept them - so much so that she contemplated giving it all up. It turned out the ponies had got liver disease from eating ragwort when with their previous owner and had to be PTS. So not only did she have to contend with the nastiness of people on here but also losing 2 lovely ponies! It really annoyed me!

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah but there was a background, a past history previous to that post - which most people would be unaware of. Shall we say there have been proven examples of that particular poster telling porkies...

In general I agree there is a bit of a tendency for some to jump in with both boots firmly in their gobs before they think...

Maybe everyone needs to just think before they hit submit, of how they'd feel if that response was sent to them?

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

It's a shame when things degenerate into a handbag fight, but sadly that seems to be human nature. And horsey people (women generally!) seem to be more prone to it.

My take on this place has always been if I have an opinion and I feel like posting it, I will - but it is just my opinion and I don't expect everyone to agree with it. I won't enter into any slanging matches and if that makes me boring, then so be it - my real life is stressy enough without coming on here for a fight! I would never knowingly hurt or offend anyone on here, or pick a fight for the sake of it - don't see any point in that.

I have to say that I have found the people who have responded to my posts have all been fineand have provided sound and helpful advice. Some have been more abrupt than others, but if I ask for opinions I have to expect that and take it on the chin. If it ever became personal, I would just ignore it.

I said once before that I used a forum on another site (think it might have been the BHS one) which was closed down because the b*tching and aggressiveness got out of hand. It would be a shame if that happened here.

 

[itsme123]

Have just gone back to the thread which i replied to yesterday, and noticed lots of "I can't believe you said that"'s

I never have and never will say something to try and make myself popular amongst forum members. But again, neither do i try and make myself out to be the know it all. I don't know it all, and maybe never will. And yes, i would rather hand a horse over to someone more experienced than risk screwing it up myself.

My reasons for suggesting the OP's friend thought about having the hunt kennels in was simply in what she posted. A horse who had issues, who had 'no fear', had bolted with someone's daughter.. breaking their ankle and was now happily loose complete with saddle jumping whatever stood in it's way, not only that but running AT people. That screams highly dangerous situation to me. Of course afterwards the full story came out and probably the horse wasnt as dangerous as the first page would have us believe but based on that first page I stand by my opinion.
We've all had that heart stopping moment when we've lost hold of a horse or it's escaped. Imagine my horror when I accidently 'lost hold' of my YO's very new stallion in the yard. The yard leads out to the mare fields... I was horrified! Thank God he's a total saint, and allowed me to catch him! But from then on in when handling stallions I now always shut the (very high) yard gate...

anyway, back to OP. I too have spoken to people who will not post on the forum based on the 'bandwagon' mentality. one lady who used to post lots of photos of her ponies now doesnt because she's seen so much 'CC' spiral downwards into a slating. There are some individuals who claim to know 'everything' and will reply to queries with a "if you don't know you shouldnt have a horse" attitude. I think we've all been guilty of this at times

None of us have the answer to everything, with horses you carry on learning until the day you die. That's what i love: so much to learn, and so much to share. That's what a forum like this should be about, learning and sharing.

ETA: and in no way did I say what i said just to be a bitch or to hurt someone's feeling, I said it because from what the OP was saying the horse was terrified and maybe that was the better option.. for the horses and general public's sake.

 

[DuckToller]

Having received two pms from people who have been reduced to tears over comments made to and about them, I applaud you for posting this and risking life and limb to make a good point!

Perhaps some people just don't realise how harsh they sound? Some advice is well meant, but the post around Badminton time in breeding was just awful to read, and showed quite a few people in an interesting light. Our local mag had a forum that had to be closed down because it got 'out of hand'. If you can't say something reasonable or constructive, don't say anything at all, IMO

That doesn't mean you shouldn't disagree with someone, just not jump in with both guns blazing. I've seen several posts where someone has been out of order and others have rounded on them, but it's sometimes too late for the original poster, who is by then a blubbering wreck - and I'm not joking there

 

[mickey]

I haven't read the recent posts in question.
I think that the problem on this forum is a bit of; both genuine nastiness/unproked attack and in some cases people not being able to take criticism that is genuine.
There is often a bandwagon mentality. I am always honest with what I write on here but I have to admit sometimes I will hold back on what I write as a form of self-defence.
People do need frank statements at times, however they do not need personal or vindictive attacks. We need to try to keep things positive and supportive.
As for shooting/selling horses, I don't believe this is an option to be rushed into, and I do believe that there are many cases of people not trying all options with an animal before making that final decision. If you own a horse, you owe it to that animal to look into all forms of help. I don't believe a horse should be treated as a 'disposable' item.

 

[LindaW]

To be honest, it's many years since I cut my internet teeth on 'USENET' uk.rec.equestrian, which was generally reasonable apart from the odd nutter and rec.equestrian (otherwise known as "the bear pit") this forum is absolutely positively nice compared to those.

There are a few trollish types out there, a few wind ups, few self rightious twits, but they really aren't worth worrying about.

In all those years, nothing has changed, people still post saying things have to change and we should be nicer. Maybe we should, but experience says that things won't change sadly.

Best you can do is support anyone you see being bullied, and stand up to the idiots.

 

[smallbutgreat]

I SO agree with what you are saying MizElz. Just read through the two posts in question and I really could not believe it - some of the most unpleasant and spiteful conduct I've come across in a long time in cyberspace.

Of course one knows one will come in for a range of views when posting on a forum, and doesn't expect people to be 100 per cent supportive/positive all the time. But the comments on the photobucket were totally out of order, as were the people insisting the poster hadn't switched yard and the horse should be shot.

FFS the people starting these threads are relative newcomers ... probably don't yet know what user ignore is or where to find, and looks like they won't be sticking around to find out. I really admired the patience of Cellie, just ignoring some of the ruder and battier posts and politely thanking people who had actually read what she had written and were making helpful comments.

I'm a relative newcomer to horse owning, and often make silly mistakes. I've been coming to NL more and more for advice which has been great. But I'll weigh my words in future and am most unlikely to ever post a photo of my horse after this!

If you have very strong comments or criticisms to make, at least read the whole dammed thread first, before diving in and slagging off/reaching for your gun.