sometimes i think, why do i even own a horse?

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Cherrydan

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I know this might seem selfish, but believe me I absoloutely love my horse and it would be one of the hardest things to do, but I don't ride him because I lost my nerve after some falls. I am currently taking a riding course with an amazing instructor on a gem of a horse, but he's not mine. My riding and confidence are improving slowly, but as I keep my horse at home, and have two kids, ones still a baby, the other has special needs...I have little energy or time to exercise him. He is such an honest fellow, and he has never done me wrong, he gets nappy, which is scary for me and I'm frightened to death of doing this alone...I just think he'd be better off without me, but I don't want to lose his friendship, but feel such a selfish, scared idiot....my dream is to trust in myself, that I can do it...I can just tack up and bond with him....smetimes I feel that where we are in life (little confidence and trust) reflects in our way with horses...why can I ride a horse I don't know, but can't ride my own....any advice here, would be great.xxx
 
Oh what a horrible situation to be in, could it be you feel safe riding this other horse because your instructor is present? Try having small lessons or just walk abouts on your own horse and see how you feel, or would it be worth getting a rider/sharer in to exercise your horse whilst you build your confidence up so your not just going back to an unridden horse?
 
Would it be possible to keep him at a livery yard, instead of at home and then you would have company for riding and hopefully support and advice. It's never easy doing things on your own, especially if you've lost confidence and have young children.....you're still riding, even if it's another horse so perserve with your own, if you like him and try and enjoy the time you spend with him, even if it's not riding him just now .......
 
Livery yard isn't an option, I wish it was, as I feel that would be great...some support would do me the world of good. I also got a sharer and he bucked her, but I don't blame him, she was very heavy handed, pulled at his mouth while ribkicking, poor lad...he hasnt been ridden in eighteen months, due to pregnancy, c. Section and winter...and any excuse, just to mask I'm a fraud....I have read all the books, know all the techniques, have all the gear, no idea...lol...no I just have no confidence, I've cried....I don't have an arena, just a few acres...I have loaned two horses as company for him, and they all bit him up, he is a typical omega horse, who enjoys his own, mine and cow company. What can I offer him apart from, basic care, lots of love...as a rider, nothing, I'm failing him...failing myself too...he has navicular (early stages) is sixteen, so his future without me doesn't look too great and his departure would have me pining for him...it's so so hard on us both...please be honest, do you think he would be better off elsewhere?
 
Cherrydan said:
Livery yard isn't an option, I wish it was, as I feel that would be great...some support would do me the world of good. I also got a sharer and he bucked her, but I don't blame him, she was very heavy handed, pulled at his mouth while ribkicking, poor lad...he hasnt been ridden in eighteen months, due to pregnancy, c. Section and winter...and any excuse, just to mask I'm a fraud....I have read all the books, know all the techniques, have all the gear, no idea...lol...no I just have no confidence, I've cried....I don't have an arena, just a few acres...I have loaned two horses as company for him, and they all bit him up, he is a typical omega horse, who enjoys his own, mine and cow company. What can I offer him apart from, basic care, lots of love...as a rider, nothing, I'm failing him...failing myself too...he has navicular (early stages) is sixteen, so his future without me doesn't look too great and his departure would have me pining for him...it's so so hard on us both...please be honest, do you think he would be better off elsewhere?
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You clearly love him to have kept him through all this, maybe see if anyone else would like to loan him(be honest about him) bring him back into work and see how he goes then go from there. You sound a bit like me if i knew a horse bucked, was a bit naughty etc i would always be abit put off but riding a horse i didnt know was fine because i didn't know any of the negative things-maybe try and focus less on the negative any horse at any time if they want to can and will get you off.Take it slow dont rush yourself, set your self realistic aims just 10 minutes in walk and a short trot and have lessons on your horse when hes fit enough so you can progress together. On the other hand im being honest if your not enjoying him and you think he would be better off somewhere else maybe look at full loaning him, if you pine for him can always visit. Hope this has helped you a little.
 
It be brutally honest you are not enjoying him, he is giving lots of extra work that you would not have to do if you sold him. I have been though many a horse not suitable for me and now say if you and horse don't get along just sell. There is always somebody for a horse.

If you sold him you would not longer have to worry about getting back on him, you can take you riding course slower and feel no pressure to ride anything else. And if the time comes that you feel ready for a new horse you have saved some money from running cost of you current horse and you can find something you have not had bad memories with.

Hope this is a little helpful, and wish you luck will trying to make the very very hard decision about how to move on.
 
Who says you have to ride him? If you are happy just to keep him and can afford to do so, why not just keep him as a pet? He won't care if he's not ridden!
 
Get the instructor you trust to school him for you and then give you lessons on him. I'd also start lungeing and long lining him so you get into the routine of doing something with him, then build up to sitting on and getting off, sitting on and taking a few strides etc at the end of each session.

Would you be able to offer grass livery on the land with another (riding) horse owner who could encourage and support you when you need it?
 
I agree with bluebellfreddy. Why put so much pressure on yourself? I am sure there is someone else out there who would love your horse and make him happy. Although you would miss him life would be much easier without the extra work. You could also take your riding slowly and just enjoy it. Maybe try and find a nice genuine horse share? As a sort of halfway house you could put yours out on loan so if you improve and get very confident you could (with appropriate notice!) have him back.

If riding/horse ownership is no fun what is the point?!
 
Who says you have to ride - if you're happy just chillin with him then thats fine. Also might be worth looking into a sharer if you feel he needs exercised and then they may be able to support you into riding him
 
Hey, everyone! Thank you sooo much for your kind advice, I have decided that I can never ever let him go...so, the solution is...my riding instructor comes out in two weeks, which is amazing, meanwhile I continue with my riding, which is helping me. It clicked when people said he'd be okay if I didn't ride, so there's no pressure, I can do it in my own time...I love him too much to give up, I'll get there, I have faith. Our love and thanks to you all, you've made a sad woman get things into perspective.xxxxxx
 
On the advice thread someone said that horses dont dream about tomorrow, he doesn't care that he's not out showing/schooling/jumping etc.. He only cares that he's got food and cared for. You obviously love him very much, don't worry about not riding him , just enjoy him.

Could you buy another little ploddy, safe as houses horse to keep your other one company, and then you'd have something to keep you riding but that you feel comfortable on- and your other horse will have a horsey friend to keep him company :)
 
Cherrydan said:
Hey, everyone! Thank you sooo much for your kind advice, I have decided that I can never ever let him go...so, the solution is...my riding instructor comes out in two weeks, which is amazing, meanwhile I continue with my riding, which is helping me. It clicked when people said he'd be okay if I didn't ride, so there's no pressure, I can do it in my own time...I love him too much to give up, I'll get there, I have faith. Our love and thanks to you all, you've made a sad woman get things into perspective.xxxxxx
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This is really great! It's amazing how much better you can feel when you just take away the pressure! Don't forget, horses don't choose to be ridden. You're not failing him in any way if you're providing for his needs and caring for him and so long as you are still enjoying looking after him then don't add to your stress by feeling you need to be working him. He's probably chuffed to bits to be hanging out in the field and having your love and attention. It's great to have the support of your instructor too, don't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Chin up! Let us know how you get on.
 
Honestly I don't think you are failing him at all. Horses, unlike humans don't have ambitions so I doubt he's in his field fretting about not being ridden.

From what you've said it sounds like you love him an awful lot and that you're meeting his needs so I wouldn't worry too much.

Can your instructor come to you and help you gain your confidence on him again?
 
I'm really glad you reached a good solution that you're happy with.

I have a "pet" mare, she's a TB, nice looking, a very bold and athletic jumper, but she's quite difficult and quirky to ride and my daughter tried so hard with her but after 3 years her confidence with the mare was gone, a couple of loan homes failed and now she really is little more than a pet, but she is very happy, very relaxed and consequently very easy to handle most of the time.
 
I understand what you are thinking .. im a single mum young children working full timone child autistic..no time ....horse on d.i.y. i feel so guilty...thought about a sharer even with no contribution but i dont want to share :rolleyes:for some reason, my horse seems quite happy not getting ridden so much , and we go out mind hes like an old man and hes young he likes to plod hes low maintenence couldnt bare to sell him when hubby upped and left and cash flow was major issue, i did live him out a pprox a year , this might be an option ? I did think hes wasted, he has a good steady jump and canter we have won jumping rosettes :D with no hard work and hacked to show due to being skint :rolleyes:he loves my children my autisitic son will sit on him only in nice sunny weather mind and hes great ,i know id never have another like him and hes a lovely person . You have a lot going on in your life but, hey you have to have you time maybe grass livery like i did or loan to a college for a year or two and still have lessons when you can ? I hope your ok but these horses do keep you sane x
 
You are all right, and the pressure was and has been coming from me...he really has never goofed me on the shoulder and said," you know mum, I'd really like to compete or go for a hack " lol, he is one amazing fella, I think he is a one off, he is happy to be with me, and I'm happy to be with him...I'm very lucky in all ways. Once my instructor comes out, I'll feel like progress is being made, silly as it sounds I need some security. Im too clingy and controlling to share, lol...to all of you who have let me share your experiences and let me off my own hook, you don't know how valuable these things are...today opened my eyes. A big heartfelt thank you! I'll keep you posted...hugs.xxx
 
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