Spinal fracture and huge confidence hit, the future is a scary unknown :(

[Miggy99]

Just under three weeks ago I came off my horse in the school. I'd been on board less than 5 minutes having planned to just do a couple of laps in walk before getting him fed, turned out, mucked out and get myself to work. Unfortunately a spook at a huge gust of wind, lost me a stirrup and the bolt down the length of the school with emergency stop resulted in a fall off the side landing flat on my back. Somehow I got to my hands and knees and crawled to the fence thinking I could pull myself up, but I couldn't. Fortunately another livery arrived and saw my horse stood at the gate with me out of sight on the ground so she came to my rescue. Husband and yard manager were called followed by an ambulance when I still couldn't move.

Long story short, I was taken to A&E where they suspected muscle damage and got me sitting up on the bed. After another (3rd or 4th) spinal check I felt something off and was sent for an X-ray followed by CT scan. These showed an unstable fracture of my L1 vertebra. I was transferred to a different hospital where I had spinal fusion surgery to attach L1 to T12 above and L2 below with rods and screws. I came home 2 weeks ago and although I can walk around the house I've still got a lot of residual muscle pain and cramps/aching. I'm a dog groomer so am looking at around 3 months or so off work, because of the amount of bending, twisting, lifting etc it involves.

My main "issue" is how this has affected me mentally and emotionally. I'm crying almost daily worrying about what I will and won't be able to do in the future and whether I'll ever ride again. I've been riding for 34 years and although I'd say I'm a good rider I'm not a confident rider. This fall has knocked that confidence even further and I'm scared I'll never feel able to get back on board my boy. I'm very lucky that we had recently moved to a livery yard where I have the option of paying full livery and having him looked after while I'm not able to do it myself, but this isn't something I can afford to do forever, and he isn't a horse that will cope as a field ornament - he loves his work. I also have three dogs who I obviously can't walk or anything at the moment. My husband is looking after them, but I feel so useless and I'm missing being out with them and taking my older girl to agility training. All I can do at the moment is have cuddles with them on the sofa

I've referred myself for counselling/talking therapy as I'm worried about slipping back into anxiety/stress. I'm not really sure what advice I'm asking for here, but just felt the need to vent to others who may have been where I currently am. Please be gentle with me, I am really struggling

 

[poiuytrewq]

Oh gosh, i think you have every right to be feeling how you are. Go easy on yourself and don’t rush this.
It’s still very very early days and you have had a massive trauma.
It’s probably easy for me to say but I don’t think you should even be thinking about riding at this point. Concentrate on getting better instead. Horses and riding can wait and when you’re physically in a better place then you can think about what you can or can’t start doing.
Thinking of you x

 

[poiuytrewq]

Nb- my dog loves sofa cuddles more than walking so keep cuddling!

 

[humblepie]

Oh gosh, i think you have every right to be feeling how you are. Go easy on yourself and don’t rush this.
It’s still very very early days and you have had a massive trauma.
It’s probably easy for me to say but I don’t think you should even be thinking about riding at this point. Concentrate on getting better instead. Horses and riding can wait and when you’re physically in a better place then you can think about what you can or can’t start doing.
Thinking of you x

Very sensible and yes early days and don't over stress, just look after yourself. x

 

[rextherobber]

You poor thing! You've had a horrible experience and it's not surprising you're feeling the way you do. It's very early days still. so I would not be looking too far ahead, just concentrate on getting stronger and ask your GP or hospital consultant for advice on long term prognosis, counselling and therapy if you feel that would help.(should you be doing physiotherapy too?) I don't think anything you're feeling is unexpected in the circumstances. so cut yourself some slack. And you will probably be surprised how well your horse will adjust to being turned away, I recently had to retire a very busy brained sports horse, I would have put money on this horse not being able to be a field ornament, but I was very wrong... Hope all goes well for you, look after yourself.

 

[scats]

Gosh you poor thing! It’s still very early days and your body has had a major trauma so it’s totally normal to feel very wobbly about the future and about riding.
Give yourself time to process what has happened and when you do come to getting back on, see if you can find a safe horse that you know well. You don’t have to make your first ride back the horse you fell off.

I had an accident last year (also a dog groomer- had about 10 weeks off) and broke my lower leg and ankle that needed surgery so feel free to drop me a PM as I’m happy to chat.

 

[Hormonal Filly]

Oh you poor thing sounds awful.

What breed are your dogs? My spaniels love playing find the ball inside. I make them sit/stay outside the room, hide a ball somewhere and one at a time ask them to find it. They love it and it tires them out using their brains, luckily we have quite a bit of room.

Probably only ideal for dogs that loves balls!

 

[ycbm]

You've been through the worst scare of almost every rider and had a very close call with permanent major disability and had serious surgery . You're bound to feel down, but things will get better, slowly. Take care, let yourself heal slowly. .
.

 

[GypsGal1718]

Such bad luck. I know it is hard but take it easy or it may take longer to get better. Wishing you and your horse the best of luck. Heal well

 

[Surbie]

You poor thing, that is such an unlucky accident. And it's very scary to think you should be able to get up and you can't.

It's only been 3 weeks, it's so early in your recovery and feeling wobbly is normal. Constant pain is such an influence on mood - I really struggled with mine but I found making sure I was eating well and getting outside for a bit helped bring some balance.

If you're someone who likes to plan, can you talk to your GP/surgeon about physio referrals and getting an exercise/stretching schedule ready? Have they given you any help in how to manage the muscle cramps and pain?

 

[JackFrost]

You will ride again.

After a bad fall hacking my horse I couldn't ride for 5 months. Once I was mostly mended, I thought about getting on again but it was daunting.
One day I saddled up and decided that we'd go out for a walk together but I wouldn't ride. A short way out, my horse stopped and refused to move and then repeatedly looked at me and pointed her nose at the saddle, telling me to get on. I did, and it was fine.
Get yourself well, you can both have a rest for the winter and get back on board again when the time is right.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

That’s really bad luck. So sorry you’re badly injured. It’s very early days. Enjoy your dogs at home knowing your horse is being looked after. As you improve things will look better.

 

[nagblagger]

I agree with what has been said, give yourself time to recover mentally as well as physically before making any decisions, take the pressure off yourself.
You know what caused the spook which is easier to understand and accept, than a horse bucking or rearing to get you off, hold on to that as you move forward in your recovery.

 

[gallopingby]

Sorry to read about your accident and with time it’s very likely you’ll be back riding again. It’s unfortunate you weren’t put onto a spinal board and assessed from there. L1 is quite a common fracture and with time and appropriate rehab / treatment you’re likely to be getting around ok. However it’s important that you take things slowly and don’t try and climb back on board too soon. Have you had your horse a long time? If you were previously confident riding him then there’s every chance you’ll be back riding in a little while. It is likely to take a few months before things begin to feel a bit better. Just because you’ve had a spinal fusion doesn’t mean you should be getting on board before you’re ready whatever anyone might tell you. If you’re worried maybe consider a simulator first, assuming there’s one near by? Having someone to talk to is usually helpful especially when you’ve had a trauma. December / January/ February are the worst months of the year for getting cold, wet and fed up for many people so maybe it’s an opportunity for you to enjoy an easier few months and make the most of any one offering help. Good luck, things will feel much better by the end of February.

 

[Vodkagirly]

Sorry to hear about your accident. I broke 2 vertebrate earlier this year and found it really hard. Combined with another health issue it really knocked me and I felt like I lost a lot of my identity and social life. Time goes slowly when you struggle to move and it gives you time to over think. Bones do heal though and after a lot of physio I'm on my way back but it was tough.
Please pm if you would like to chat, take care xx

 

[4Hoofed]

Please give yourself time to heal mentally, emotionally as well as the physical. And give yourself the biggest hug, bar of chocolate and cuddle your pups (or your OH ) and treat yourself to a really good cry. A nice emotional dog or horse film with a happy ending I find a useful catalyst. I’m a big believer that sometimes you just need to have a really good cry, or scream and let it all out. You’ve just had a very scary trauma. Also emotions etc will be running at max and generally your bucket is full.

I had a spinal fracture of l3, (and another that was not diagnosed until healed as doc thought was muscle! ) I don’t jump anymore but have my flat/backing/hacking confidence back which is weird as it wasn’t a jumping accident! The mind is a wonderful mysterious place. Give yourself time, sounds like you already have a plan to get yourself outside help so I’d say go easy on yourself!

On a horsey practical note is your a horse a candidate for a part loaner whilst you’re recovering, may help somewhat financially? And also to keep them working so when you decide to ride them again it’s not a big deal to everyone in the situation? Feel better soon!

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Our farrier broke his back some years ago now. He is still trimming and doing the odd shoeing in his early 70's. Just give it time and let your body heal.

 

[Miggy99]

Thankyou for all your replies, been tired this evening but I’ll reread them all tomorrow and reply

 

[Muddy unicorn]

I had a bad accident last year - I broke 5 vertebrae and 4 ribs after falling at speed onto a concrete wall. Thankfully the fractures were stable so I didn’t need surgery, just rest. I found 3-4 weeks after the accident the hardest to deal with mentally as my recovery just plateaued for a while. I was in a lot of pain and was worried about the future. It was a few months before I could ride, cycle or run but I was back to going on long dog walks after a few weeks and completely recovered physically after six months or so. I had physiotherapy which helped but wasn’t able to start that until about 7 weeks after my fall. It is still really early days for you - it takes time for bones to heal.

 

[Ratface]

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. When I was 21 I had an accident with my youngster which resulted in the base of my spine being fractured quite badly. Slowly I recovered from this, but it took time. I spent quite a lot of time crying, feeling hopeless and murderously angry in quick sucession. The process of grieving what one has lost takes time and isn't always a clear linear process.
I don't think that these sorts of injuries can be a quick fix, physically or mentally. However, I coped by prioritising my own needs and getting other people to do as much for me as they could.
I'm glad that you've got your dogs. In my opinion, animals are excellent counsellors and supportive company.
Wishing you all the best for now and the future.

 

[Sossigpoker]

You've had a terrible injury and major surgery. Now isn't the time to make life changing decisions. Your body is still in shock and learning to adapt to your new normal. How you are today is likely very different to how you will be in 6 months time.
I had a stable fracture to my L2 so no surgery needed but I was in a back brace for 3 months. Having spent a week in hospital , when I got home , I was so weak and fatigued I could barely walk! This is without surgery . Your body gas gone through major surgery so it is to be expected that you will be sore and weak for quite a whole.
I'd say it took me about 6 months to feel "normal ".
And yes my nerves were shot and I had flash backs to my accident. I was in a real state .
That was nearly 4 years ago and I have bounced back mentally and physically I'm now better than ever.

It's a cliche but it applies here : give yourself time to heal and recover , and try not to make any big decisions ,.just take it one day at a time.

 

[Britestar]

It takes up to 6 weeks to recover from a GA without anything else being factored in.
As everyone else says, time is the secret. Allow those emotions out.

I had a 5hr surgery 3 weeks ago, but with a spinal and sedation no GA, and I'm still very tired at night.

 

[Supertrooper]

Time is a great healer and your body has been through a huge shock and will be exerting so much energy on trying to heal

Also anaesthetics knock you around even without everything else added in!

Sounds positive that you’ve got some counselling lined up as talking through what’s happened will help and allow you to process things

You will get to a better place and although there will be some bumpier bits things will get better

 

[Miggy99]

Nb- my dog loves sofa cuddles more than walking so keep cuddling!

I'm quite lucky that with my job and horse my dogs are used to only really having walks on my days off work (they have garden access so not cooped up), so they're coping well with just snuggling on the sofa. My oldest girl actually cries and doesn't want to go out with my hubby, she just wants to get back to me, she's my little soulmate!

You poor thing! You've had a horrible experience and it's not surprising you're feeling the way you do. It's very early days still. so I would not be looking too far ahead, just concentrate on getting stronger and ask your GP or hospital consultant for advice on long term prognosis, counselling and therapy if you feel that would help.(should you be doing physiotherapy too?)

I haven't been told anything about physiotherapy, others than seeing the physios the day before I was discharged when they taught me how to get about on crutches. I have a follow up with the surgeon in January so I'm going to ask him about physiotherapy, as I do think it's something I should have access to.

Oh you poor thing sounds awful.

What breed are your dogs? My spaniels love playing find the ball inside. I make them sit/stay outside the room, hide a ball somewhere and one at a time ask them to find it. They love it and it tires them out using their brains, luckily we have quite a bit of room.

Probably only ideal for dogs that loves balls!

Mine are cockapoos. My older girl loves playing with a ball on the beach, but nowhere else! I can play catch with their food and treats though which makes them all concentrate!

You've been through the worst scare of almost every rider and had a very close call with permanent major disability and had serious surgery . You're bound to feel down, but things will get better, slowly. Take care, let yourself heal slowly. .
.

I think that's what's scaring me the most, knowing how close I came to a more permanent injury. Just the thought of getting back on board terrifies me, even though that wouldn't be for a good few months yet.

If you're someone who likes to plan, can you talk to your GP/surgeon about physio referrals and getting an exercise/stretching schedule ready? Have they given you any help in how to manage the muscle cramps and pain?

I'm going to speak to the surgeon about a physio referral when I have my follow up appointment in January. I'm just on paracetamol and ibuprofen at the moment. They sent me home with codeine and oxycodone also, but they have not very nice side-effects with regard to going to the toilet (or not!) so I'm not taking them unless I have really bad pain!

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. When I was 21 I had an accident with my youngster which resulted in the base of my spine being fractured quite badly. Slowly I recovered from this, but it took time. I spent quite a lot of time crying, feeling hopeless and murderously angry in quick sucession. The process of grieving what one has lost takes time and isn't always a clear linear process.
I don't think that these sorts of injuries can be a quick fix, physically or mentally. However, I coped by prioritising my own needs and getting other people to do as much for me as they could.
I'm glad that you've got your dogs. In my opinion, animals are excellent counsellors and supportive company.
Wishing you all the best for now and the future.

I'd definitely be in a worse state if I didn't have my dogs. And I'm so glad I moved the horse, we were previously on a farm in a sole use paddock, so there was nobody there to care for him for me. Thank god we moved to a proper yard with the option of full livery, even though it is costing a fortune!

 

[Miggy99]

Sorry to read about your accident and with time it’s very likely you’ll be back riding again. It’s unfortunate you weren’t put onto a spinal board and assessed from there. L1 is quite a common fracture and with time and appropriate rehab / treatment you’re likely to be getting around ok. However it’s important that you take things slowly and don’t try and climb back on board too soon. Have you had your horse a long time? If you were previously confident riding him then there’s every chance you’ll be back riding in a little while. It is likely to take a few months before things begin to feel a bit better. Just because you’ve had a spinal fusion doesn’t mean you should be getting on board before you’re ready whatever anyone might tell you. If you’re worried maybe consider a simulator first, assuming there’s one near by? Having someone to talk to is usually helpful especially when you’ve had a trauma. December / January/ February are the worst months of the year for getting cold, wet and fed up for many people so maybe it’s an opportunity for you to enjoy an easier few months and make the most of any one offering help. Good luck, things will feel much better by the end of February.

The paramedics did put me on a spinal board for the transfer to hospital and they checked down my spine. The doctors checked again twice when I got to A&E, but it was presenting as muscular so they didn't X-ray. It was only when they said they needed the bed, but that I needed to be able to sit and stand and that I should try to sit up. They left me to try and sit, so I pulled myself up using the bed rails and they came to recheck my spine, at which point I could feel like spasms at the fracture point, so she pressed harder and I shrieked with the pain. At that point they ordered an X-ray. I really think they should've X-rayed immediately to rule out any fractures, and I feel very lucky that the attempts to sit up didn't cause and further damage!

I've had my boy for 3 years, he's 5.5yo and I backed and broke him myself. I was more confident previously but had a fall back in April, which although I wasn't badly hurt did knock my confidence as it was my first fall from him, and first for 13 years! I'd always been able to sit anything, so now 2 falls in 7 months has me massively questioning that ability. My brain is questioning if I can no longer sit a spook is it really safe to even consider getting back on. We have a holiday to the Lake District booked for June so I have absolutely no intention of getting back on before that just in case.

 

[Miggy99]

Please give yourself time to heal mentally, emotionally as well as the physical. And give yourself the biggest hug, bar of chocolate and cuddle your pups (or your OH ) and treat yourself to a really good cry. A nice emotional dog or horse film with a happy ending I find a useful catalyst. I’m a big believer that sometimes you just need to have a really good cry, or scream and let it all out. You’ve just had a very scary trauma. Also emotions etc will be running at max and generally your bucket is full.

I had a spinal fracture of l3, (and another that was not diagnosed until healed as doc thought was muscle! ) I don’t jump anymore but have my flat/backing/hacking confidence back which is weird as it wasn’t a jumping accident! The mind is a wonderful mysterious place. Give yourself time, sounds like you already have a plan to get yourself outside help so I’d say go easy on yourself!

On a horsey practical note is your a horse a candidate for a part loaner whilst you’re recovering, may help somewhat financially? And also to keep them working so when you decide to ride them again it’s not a big deal to everyone in the situation? Feel better soon!

My bucket is definitely overflowing right now!

How long did it take you to bet back on after your fall? I think I'll give him the rest of the winter off, then I'm hoping one of the other girls at the yard will give me a hand with groundwork (assuming I'll be capable of lunging/long reining by March). Once he's done a few weeks on the ground I may well look for a part or full loaner for him. I haven't ruled out selling him, but I don't want to rush into that decision, because I won't be getting another so I need to be 100% sure before I do anything permanent.

 

[Miggy99]

Sorry to hear about your accident. I broke 2 vertebrate earlier this year and found it really hard. Combined with another health issue it really knocked me and I felt like I lost a lot of my identity and social life. Time goes slowly when you struggle to move and it gives you time to over think. Bones do heal though and after a lot of physio I'm on my way back but it was tough.
Please pm if you would like to chat, take care xx

I'm a massive over thinker at the best of times, so this is such a struggle at the moment! At what stage did you start physio? I haven't been referred for any physio other than the session I had while in hospital so they could check I could get about on crutches and go up and down stairs. I have a follow up with the surgeon next month so I'll ask him about a referral, I just don't want to miss out on anything that will help me heal, so unsure whether to speak to my GP sooner than that.

 

[honetpot]

I am sorry to hear of your injury, I had to recover from and illness, and it took nearly six months until I could walk any distance, or do anything meaning with my animals.
I know its hard but you have to let go a bit to give your space, its early days. The hardest thing I found was the physio that I finally got was so disinterested, as long as you can get to the tiolet and climb a couple of stairs, they are done. When you are ready I would go for a specialist physio, not normal NHS, my SIL has a crumbling spin and physio has improved his pain and strength.
Daily you may not see much difference, and every thing is a hard slog, but you will get there, and ask for any help you can get and not feel your failing.

 

[Surbie]

My brain is questioning if I can no longer sit a spook is it really safe to even consider getting back on. .

Just wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't follow that you cannot sit a spook any more because you didn't sit this one.

I had a bad accident in August 2021 and it has taken an AGE to be riding again - though I am assuming I am a lot older than you. I have a friend who has been exercising my horse twice a week since January 2022 and that has been a godsend. I know why it happened and that has given me the confidence to get back on. I am now at 30-40 minutes riding before the gammy leg gives out, and I am getting stronger every month. I can now realistically think about going back to what I love next year, which is only low-level dressage and fun rides - I'm no great shakes at this!

I would second getting specialist physio as soon as you are ready for it. I found the NHS one worse than useless - they just printed exercise sheets for me.

 

[Miggy99]

I am sorry to hear of your injury, I had to recover from and illness, and it took nearly six months until I could walk any distance, or do anything meaning with my animals.
I know its hard but you have to let go a bit to give your space, its early days. The hardest thing I found was the physio that I finally got was so disinterested, as long as you can get to the tiolet and climb a couple of stairs, they are done. When you are ready I would go for a specialist physio, not normal NHS, my SIL has a crumbling spin and physio has improved his pain and strength.
Daily you may not see much difference, and every thing is a hard slog, but you will get there, and ask for any help you can get and not feel your failing.

Yes the physio I had in hospital was basically just making sure I could walk up and down the ward and up and down a flight of stairs. I expected a referral for regular physio when I got home but that didn't happen. I may speak to my GP about a referral. I can't afford to go private unfortunately as my livery bill has sky-rocketed having to put him on full livery for 3 months