Spooky horse - losing confidence

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. I’ve recently taken on a new share horse (2 months ago - riding 2-3 times a week) and the last two times I have ridden him he’s spooked and thrown me off (both hacking and schooling). It’s knocking my confidence and making me feel down, like I’m a bad rider. I feel like I can’t trust/build a bond with the horse because he keeps doing this and I become on edge with everything he looks at. How long should I give it before I decide if we just aren’t suited?

Part of me wants to push through as I hope it will make me a better rider, but another part of me also wants a slightly easier life and to look forward to riding.

I also keep comparing him to my boy who recently passed - as he never threw me off in the six years I rode him. This makes it even more upsetting.

 

[ponyparty]

Are you having any lessons on this new loan horse? That might help your confidence. Depends how much you want to invest into this new horsey relationship.

Another thing that might help - how fit are you? Do you do much in the way of core strength exercise? Pilates etc might help you to keep your balance better in the saddle.

I really feel for you with the comparing him to your boy. I was in a similar situation, lost my boy in May and every horse since I can't help but compare to him. So I knocked riding - and everything to do with horses - on the head altogether for a bit, and I do feel better for it. I need the headspace and have a lot on my plate already at work and at home. I'm hoping by the time I come back to it I'll have got over losing him, and be able to move on.

 

[Widgeon]

To be honest, as he's a share I would probably give up sooner rather than later - others may say that's a bit defeatist, but it's a personal decision and confidence is a fragile thing and takes ages to rebuild. You're totally right that you should be looking forward to riding. What does his owner say - does she have some tips for riding him through it? Does he do the same with her? Lessons are definitely a good idea - it may be that you're inadvertently doing something that contributes to his spooking, and an independent pair of eyes on the ground is more likely to pick that up.

The only practical tip I've got is to get a neckstrap! My current horse can be spooky because it's hilarious and livens up an otherwise boring ride (or so he says) and two fingers in a neckstrap has helped give me the confidence to actively ride him through it rather than hanging on whimpering miserably. When I do that he gives up on the idea pretty quickly.

Is your horse genuinely worried or is he just being a goon for fun, like mine? Again this is probably something his owner can tell you but it would inform your approach to tackling it.

 

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

Are you having any lessons on this new loan horse? That might help your confidence. Depends how much you want to invest into this new horsey relationship.

Another thing that might help - how fit are you? Do you do much in the way of core strength exercise? Pilates etc might help you to keep your balance better in the saddle.

I really feel for you with the comparing him to your boy. I was in a similar situation, lost my boy in May and every horse since I can't help but compare to him. So I knocked riding - and everything to do with horses - on the head altogether for a bit, and I do feel better for it. I need the headspace and have a lot on my plate already at work and at home. I'm hoping by the time I come back to it I'll have got over losing him, and be able to move on.

Thank you for your help. I have had a few lessons, as his owner is an instructor (which is helpful!). But I’ve also been wanting to see what me and him are generally capable of (if that make sense) so have had some sessions in the school alone. I know I’m definitely not as fit as I should be, so will look into more exercises to help It would definitely be hard to give up riding altogether for a while as I’d be worried I wouldn’t want to come back! But I wish you the best for when you get back into riding

 

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

To be honest, as he's a share I would probably give up sooner rather than later - others may say that's a bit defeatist, but it's a personal decision and confidence is a fragile thing and takes ages to rebuild. You're totally right that you should be looking forward to riding. What does his owner say - does she have some tips for riding him through it? Does he do the same with her? Lessons are definitely a good idea - it may be that you're inadvertently doing something that contributes to his spooking, and an independent pair of eyes on the ground is more likely to pick that up.

The only practical tip I've got is to get a neckstrap! My current horse can be spooky because it's hilarious and livens up an otherwise boring ride (or so he says) and two fingers in a neckstrap has helped give me the confidence to actively ride him through it rather than hanging on whimpering miserably. When I do that he gives up on the idea pretty quickly.

Is your horse genuinely worried or is he just being a goon for fun, like mine? Again this is probably something his owner can tell you but it would inform your approach to tackling it.

Thank you, he doesn’t do it with his owner but I suppose she’s had him for 18 years so knows him much much better. I’m not totally sure why he does it, it seems more genuinely worried to me but I will check with his owner. She says to kick on/tap him with a whip to get through it but I worry if I ride forward through it he might be too forward and take off and then the spook, spin, and throwing me off will be worse?

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

It sounds like his picking up on your worries a bit and I find spooky horses are best ridden forwards, I have an Arab that can be spooky and sharp and he definitely picks up on my emotions and is better the more positive and forward you ride him.

As it's not your horse I would be inclined to find something you can enjoy and not worry about the spooking and potentially falling off, life is too short and confidence is lost so easily and quickly but takes a hell f a long time to get back.

 

[Wishfilly]

What do you want to get out of the share? Do you want it to improve your riding, or just to generally have fun?

I agree that spooky horses are often best ridden forwards, I think part of it is that they then take their confidence from you and feel safe, because you are insisting.

Falling off twice in two rides is bound to dent your confidence- it would definitely upset me! For me, I probably wouldn't want to continue the share, but I am over my days of falling off other people's horses if that makes sense?

I no longer have much desire to challenge myself with something I find scary or unpredictable. But there were times when I did want to improve my riding by riding tricky horses- so I think it depends on how you feel about the share in general and what you want to gain from it?

If your hacking involves roadwork, I would be tempted to stick to just the school for now, to avoid being put in a dangerous situation around traffic.

 

[PeterNatt]

I would find yourself a nice horse to share that you feel happy on.

 

[asmp]

I agree with post above that you should ride a horse you feel happy on - it’s too expensive a hobby not to enjoy it. However, if you want to carry on, I used to use on of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kincade-Monkey-Saddle-Strap-Black/dp/B005M4MN0E

Also things like sticky bum breeches and a Hit Air jacket all helped me with feeling more secure.

 

[stormox]

If you were riding my spooky horse and couldnt sit them I actually wouldnt want you to ride him, if you cant sit on them he will just get worse. I think its better you find a mount more suitable for your standard of riding. Im not being nasty but I really think you arent doing the horse any good and he isnt doing you any.

 

[Upthecreek]

Sounds like you aren’t suited and I would look for another horse to share in your position.

 

[Goldenstar]

Just stop before you get hurt .

 

[blitznbobs]

What do you do when he sees something scary? (And probably what Goldenstar says)

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. I’ve recently taken on a new share horse (2 months ago - riding 2-3 times a week) and the last two times I have ridden him he’s spooked and thrown me off (both hacking and schooling). It’s knocking my confidence and making me feel down, like I’m a bad rider. I feel like I can’t trust/build a bond with the horse because he keeps doing this and I become on edge with everything he looks at. How long should I give it before I decide if we just aren’t suited?

Part of me wants to push through as I hope it will make me a better rider, but another part of me also wants a slightly easier life and to look forward to riding.

I also keep comparing him to my boy who recently passed - as he never threw me off in the six years I rode him. This makes it even more upsetting.

I’m sure this is going to sound repetitive but have you analysed what you are asking of him when he does this? It could be aggravating pain in a certain area, why don’t you discuss with the owner who could ask his vet to look him over? Has the owner noticed a change in his behaviour? If you have owned and ridden a horse successfully for 6 years it’s unlikely to be your riding, although having a session with a trainer is always a good idea. But it could be tightness in his spine, or he may have changed shape and his saddle is bothering him. An example is when my old horse started reacting badly when asked to canter on the left rein and reflocking the saddle as well as some trigger release on his back got him back to his usual happy self

 

[PapaverFollis]

Honestly I would give up the share and find something steady. My big horse can be a little spooky... not to the point where I've come off but even so it's chipped away at my confidence for 3 years and it got worse over time, not better. It went up and down and it wasn't all her fault but the spooking never helped. I retired my old mare then lost her in that time too and just the grief of losing the ride, then losing the horse fed into the confidence issues. I've got a second, very steady but not switched off type horse now and I can feel my confidence growing again. I still compare him to my old girl a bit but he lives up to her in many ways.

It's so worth finding a nice steady type to just have fun on.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I’m sure this is going to sound repetitive but have you analysed what you are asking of him when he does this? It could be aggravating pain in a certain area, why don’t you discuss with the owner who could ask his vet to look him over? Has the owner noticed a change in his behaviour? If you have owned and ridden a horse successfully for 6 years it’s unlikely to be your riding, although having a session with a trainer is always a good idea. But it could be tightness in his spine, or he may have changed shape and his saddle is bothering him. An example is when my old horse started reacting badly when asked to canter on the left rein and reflocking the saddle as well as some trigger release on his back got him back to his usual happy self

I say this as you’ve been riding him regularly for 2 months a few times a week and it’s now happened twice in a row- maybe he is testing you as he senses a lack of confidence but it could be badly fitting tack, or pain. But if he is being a bit naughty it’s a vicious cycle; as you lose confidence, he will know you aren’t calmly riding him through it with a good seat and contact, but probably tensing up and losing your seat, which may make him think ‘hey, I’m in charge now!’. At any rate, sort it before you lose your confidence that you built with your last horse. One last question; compared to your last horse is he trickier to ride? If you have overhorsed yourself I would look elsewhere for a share of a horse that will build your confidence in your riding rather than chip away at it X

 

[BSL2]

You ride 2-3 times a week..how often does the other rider ride? Spooky horses are often better with consistent work. Without being harsh, one either likes the challenge of working through or prefers a more settled ride. I would never judge someone who didn't want the hassle/ risk. It is meant to be fun. ?

 

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

I’m sure this is going to sound repetitive but have you analysed what you are asking of him when he does this? It could be aggravating pain in a certain area, why don’t you discuss with the owner who could ask his vet to look him over? Has the owner noticed a change in his behaviour? If you have owned and ridden a horse successfully for 6 years it’s unlikely to be your riding, although having a session with a trainer is always a good idea. But it could be tightness in his spine, or he may have changed shape and his saddle is bothering him. An example is when my old horse started reacting badly when asked to canter on the left rein and reflocking the saddle as well as some trigger release on his back got him back to his usual happy self

Apparently it happens around once a month for a few days where he’s just a bit silly and does things like this, but I will speak to her about things like that - thank you

 

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

I say this as you’ve been riding him regularly for 2 months a few times a week and it’s now happened twice in a row- maybe he is testing you as he senses a lack of confidence but it could be badly fitting tack, or pain. But if he is being a bit naughty it’s a vicious cycle; as you lose confidence, he will know you aren’t calmly riding him through it with a good seat and contact, but probably tensing up and losing your seat, which may make him think ‘hey, I’m in charge now!’. At any rate, sort it before you lose your confidence that you built with your last horse. One last question; compared to your last horse is he trickier to ride? If you have overhorsed yourself I would look elsewhere for a share of a horse that will build your confidence in your riding rather than chip away at it X

He is rather different to my last horse - much more experienced and more of a schoolmaster, whereas my last boy was more of a hacker. He used to take off occasionally and was very strong but I never felt unsafe getting on him. I was looking for something to help me more with the flatwork and schooling side of things which is why I went for this share horse (as he was described as a schoolmaster)

 

[bigbrownheavyhorse]

You ride 2-3 times a week..how often does the other rider ride? Spooky horses are often better with consistent work. Without being harsh, one either likes the challenge of working through or prefers a more settled ride. I would never judge someone who didn't want the hassle/ risk. It is meant to be fun. ?

His owner is a very confident rider, and his other sharer only rides at weekends and is more of a novice - so I would say I am in the middle ability-wise. As I mentioned, I am undecided whether I’d prefer the settled ride or something more challenging to improve my riding

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

He is rather different to my last horse - much more experienced and more of a schoolmaster, whereas my last boy was more of a hacker. He used to take off occasionally and was very strong but I never felt unsafe getting on him. I was looking for something to help me more with the flatwork and schooling side of things which is why I went for this share horse (as he was described as a schoolmaster)

Schoolmasters should be relatively mature in their attitude but do require to be ‘ridden’ as in with a good seat,
contact etc....if you are used to a ‘happy hacker’ maybe book some lessons with a good trainer who may be able to point out anything you can do better to direct him and be in control.
But still if you aren’t enjoying it definitely talk to the owner and explain the problems you have started to have in case you want to leave the arrangement

 

[Sossigpoker]

Someone posted a link in a previous thread about confidence to a blog site where some lady has written lots of blogs about riding nerves and confidence. One of them was about self limiting beliefs.
Does anyone remember what that site was, please?

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. I’ve recently taken on a new share horse (2 months ago - riding 2-3 times a week) and the last two times I have ridden him he’s spooked and thrown me off (both hacking and schooling). It’s knocking my confidence and making me feel down, like I’m a bad rider. I feel like I can’t trust/build a bond with the horse because he keeps doing this and I become on edge with everything he looks at. How long should I give it before I decide if we just aren’t suited?

Part of me wants to push through as I hope it will make me a better rider, but another part of me also wants a slightly easier life and to look forward to riding.

I also keep comparing him to my boy who recently passed - as he never threw me off in the six years I rode him. This makes it even more upsetting.

My mare is the queen of spooking. After many failed attempts on a calmer. I worked with Equifeast, through their range now happy on Coolcore Bomproofing. Her spooks have def declined in reaction and amounts. My late mare rarely spooked and I do compare *L to my late mare *D daily. I would jump most things, but now get nervous and started CBD oil for myself and it really helps along with rescue remedy. Only thing different is I own this mare and took 3 years to actually say I love her. I could not get close to her before and daily thought "what the hell did I buy" wanted something sensible and I could go and ride and jump straight away. but no I got a Mega spooky horse, green as they come, badly schooled. behind in schooling, and have to spend £100"S to help school her.


I would suggest for you rescue remedy and CBD oil. The horse you need to speak to the owner as you cannot add things without agreement, if it continues, research a new horse. gd luck.

 

[Dave's Mam]

My mare is the queen of spooking. After many failed attempts on a calmer. I worked with Equifeast, through their range now happy on Coolcore Bomproofing. Her spooks have def declined in reaction and amounts. My late mare rarely spooked and I do compare *L to my late mare *D daily. I would jump most things, but now get nervous and started CBD oil for myself and it really helps along with rescue remedy. Only thing different is I own this mare and took 3 years to actually say I love her. I could not get close to her before and daily thought "what the hell did I buy" wanted something sensible and I could go and ride and jump straight away. but no I got a Mega spooky horse, green as they come, badly schooled. behind in schooling, and have to spend £100"S to help school her.


I would suggest for you rescue remedy and CBD oil. The horse you need to speak to the owner as you cannot add things without agreement, if it continues, research a new horse. gd luck.

Oh I had a nosy at Equifeast. Good stuff then?

 

[Frano]

This is a share. I would move on to a more suitable horse. The owner may not be telling you the whole story. May be looking for a shred to sort her horse out.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Oh I had a nosy at Equifeast. Good stuff then?

yes I find it as my mare is sensitive to magnesium and other calmers with it made her worse once her levels went over 6%. They work through with you details of horse etc recommend one with trial packs, then once you tried they tweak it.