Stolen from FB - but so funny.

Clodagh

Clodagh

Playing chess with pigeons
Joined
17 August 2005
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Dear Neighbour,

It was good to meet you and your dog once again this morning. I'm sorry the circumstances were such that we couldn't have a proper chat, but I'm afraid that being in a situation where I was restraining my four agitated and angry dogs whilst trying to ward your dog off with my foot as he tried to hump them indiscriminately wasn't conducive to chit-chat.

Unfortunately we have had similar encounters several times since you moved here a few weeks ago, and as my dogs are neutered males and spayed females who don't appreciate your dog's relentless advances things can get a little lively when we meet, so I thought perhaps a letter might help to break the ice as it were.

I appreciate that your dog ran over two fields and nearly a quarter of a mile to get to mine, so it was going to take you a little time to get there to retrieve him. However for next time I'd suggest spending 15 minutes standing two fields away angrily screaming his name possibly wasn't the best use of your time. It hasn't worked on any previous occasion and didn't work this morning, so could I respectfully suggest that next time you cut that part out of the process and come and get your dog straight away?

Anyway, I was sure as hell pleased to see you after 25 minutes of my dogs being humped, barged and jumped on. It was a shame that having finally managed to catch your dog and get hold of his collar you only let us get a few yards down the path before you released him, so he immediately came after us and the whole performance started again, but hey, that's dogs for you. Whoever in the world could have predicted he would do that?

We did talk a little last time about how you could stop your dog continuously running off and bothering other dogs, and I'll accept that you have indeed tried everything... except training apparently. Or rewards, as he should do what you tell him without them. Dogs are certainly clever animals, but I'd never before realised that they had a sense of ethics and obligation to do the right thing, I certainly learned a few things from our conversation. To think of all that time I've wasted with clickers and treats!

On that subject, I'm still not entirely sure how smacking him when you do finally manage to get hold of him will make him easier to catch next time - perhaps you could talk me through that one next time we meet?

We also briefly discussed that neutering might help curb his desire to streak off into the distance hump anything that moved, but you mentioned that you were considering using him at stud in due course as he a Pedigree Labrador with Papers.

Now I certainly can't claim to know a lot about Labradors, but if the standard for the breed specifies a potato-shaped body and short, stumpy legs your boy is certainly a fine example and it would obviously be a shame to rob future generations of his genes; and he has Papers. I hate to break it to you, though - so does my newsagent but that doesn't make me want to have his babies.

You told me that you'd thought about an electric shock collar to tackle his tendency to run off, but were concerned about the cost. I'm sure the fact you didn't also mention any concerns about the effect of administering electric shocks on your dog's physical and psychological wellbeing was merely an oversight, but I thought I'd slip it in here just in case it's an aspect of these collars you may not have considered?
Anyway, having come home and pondered our mutual problem, I hope you are as pleased as I am that I have managed to come up with a tried and tested 100% effective solution that requires no time, input or effort from you and costs only a few pounds.
There is a handy little gadget that savvy dog owners have been using for many years to address your sort of problem. It's very simple, a long strip of rope or leather with a loop at one end you can use as a handle, and a clever little clip at the other end that attaches to your dog's collar (you might have seen that metal ring on his collar and wondered what it was for?).

This brilliant device is called a lead - L.E.A.D. You attach it to your dog, hold the handle and hey presto, you have control of your dog and he can no longer run away! Most pet shops sell them - in fact I probably have a spare I can loan you to try, just let me know.

You can thank me next time we meet. Or better still, if we don't meet that will be thanks enough.
 
To play devils advocate, it’s well written and funny but it’s obviously made up and yet another example of my dogs are so much better behaved/trained than the others that I meet !
 
bonny said:
To play devils advocate, it’s well written and funny but it’s obviously made up and yet another example of my dogs are so much better behaved/trained than the others that I meet !
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Well yes, it appears based upon what is written that the author’s dogs are indeed better behaved!
 
Yes well, some people wear the fact that their dogs are uncontrollable like a badge, the rest of us try harder, of course we're all only human, but most of us at least try to be contrite and stop it happening again if things go wrong, rather than do nothing/repeat the dog's name over and over again and wonder why nothing changes... or not really care at all :)
 
Excellent, thank you for sharing.

My dog and I frequently encounter idiots. The following is a recent incident.

I was at a community woodland when I saw a woman approaching with the tiniest of poodles complete with hair bows, attached to their ears! I called my dog and took him to one side (I thought that was a good clue that we didn't want to interact).

I waited for her to put her dogs on leads to pass. One dog totally ignored her pleas to return to her and continued towards us. She called to me "It's okay, he'll sort it out" Me - "Who? who will sort it out?" She said "The big dog. The big dog will tell her off, she'll take notice of that"

I wanted to say "Are you mad?" Her dog was the size of my dog's head and she wanted my dog to "sort it out". Where do you start with that?

I pointed out that actually it was quite unfair to my dog to expect him to do any such thing.

I often get "it'll do her/him good to get told off, he/she needs to learn". Well bloody well teach it then, don't expect my dog to train it, that's your job.
 
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skinnydipper said:
I often get "it'll do her/him good to get told off, he/she needs to learn". Well bloody well teach it then, don't expect my dog to train it, that's your job.
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I was riding one evening years ago with me friend, when a small dog came running at us yapping. It was running in and out of the horses legs, we’d stopped, and it’s owner was calling it. We eventually said there was a possibility of the dog getting hurt and he basically said it would be the dogs problem and it would soon learn!
 
I was out walking my lot a few weeks ago and a couple were approaching with a collie off the lead. To be totally fair they put the collie into a ‘down’ position when they saw me, but then they called out “are yours friendly?”

I’m afraid I lied and called back “sorry no they aren’t” so they had to hold onto their dog, because I’m blowed if my dogs are going to have another dog in their face because the owner CBA to keep control of it!

I’m a right grouch (unsurprisingly!) and also said to a youngish lad walking 2 spaniels that he would do well to keep them under control, all of mine were on a lead and both spaniels cane right up into their faces.

Marty has an embarrassing habit of growling at other dogs because he doesn’t understand them as they aren’t greyhounds! (It’s a greyhound boy thing I’ve realised) He has never ever snapped or been horrible, but Hoover used to do that at the beginning so I never give Marty the chance. You would hope that a dog owner who is approaching another dog owner with an on-lead dog who is also holding that dog by the collar would take the hint but people never do

I did have to smile when I met a lady walking a lab and a spaniel yesterday - Marty and Millie were on the lead and Amy (aged 11) was off lead, so she and the Labrador encountered each other. The Labrador tried to take liberties so Amy put him in his place with one quick snap - not something I would want to happen, but at the same time I admired her style 😄
 
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D66 said:
And someone might read it, recognise themselves, and then do something about it.

May-be.
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I met these people today on the beach!!!!

Two mini schnauzers, one Goldie. Tbf, lovely natured dogs, but all out of control and totally ignoring their hapless owners. Goldie having great fun standing in a foot of water refusing to come out whilst waiting for some other dog’s owner to throw their ball (with its owner standing yards away pleading with it to come to them - nope). The schnauzers busy mugging my four (all of whom where at heel with me), one a nine month old puppy who was a little freaked out.

Owners grabbed the schnauzers and apologised, but explained that being a highly strung breed they could be tricky. ‘Ah, ok’, I said. ‘By the way, what breeds are yours?’ they asked. ‘Bichon, Shitsu, oh and two Schnauzer cross poodles’ I responded walking off - all four attached to my heel 😄😄

Sometimes life is just good 😇😇
 
skinnydipper said:
I pointed out that actually it was quite unfair to my dog to expect him to do any such thing.

I often get "it'll do her/him good to get told off, he/she needs to learn". Well bloody well teach it then, don't expect my dog to train it, that's your job.
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Totally, it’s the owner’s job, not your dog’s and a big dog telling off a little dog could quite easily damage or kill the little one.

I despair: some dog owners are idiots.
 
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