Strange people !

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dumpling

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Took a while to think about writing this post and even what to call it but that's the best I've came up with! I need your advice on how to deal with and be around this person.

Ill start by saying I've been in a couple of livery yards while owning my horse. One if them is the biggest one in the area and it attracted a lot of people with 'big' personalities which I 99.9 % of the time got on with and had the few usual spats with know-it-alls etc.

Anyway, the yard I'm at now is very quiet, has everything i require and basically suits me down to the ground. Now to get to the point! - the girl I'm stabled next to is in want of a better word- strange. She was at the yard one month before me, and I'd 'heard' about her , how she reacted at other yards etc and I gave her the benefit of the doubt . For a while she was quiet , wouldn't speak which didn't bother me. Then we started conversations while mucking out etc and actually had a bit if a laugh. Now the s*** seems to have hit the fan! Basically myself and the other livery bought in 4 large bales of hay and with the agreement of yo , we could store them directly infront of the stables - this is where hay has been before as only room for small bales in barn. Girl was told about this , she clearly wasn't happy but at the end of the day that's where they were going and we weren't going to pay more/ be in difficulty of sourcing hay to suit her. So they arrived. The first words put her mouth were 'FOR *******S SAKE' . Which I expected. Then she went quiet with me. I thought let her be. Then I brought up a comment about shavings going up in price. Silence. She started throwing things about . I thought, great here we go. Everything I was told was true! So a few days later I'm still getting ignored, her face is like fizz. I came in from arena last night and got hollered at not to come near her horse as he would kick mine (?) I should add they're stabled and in the field together. So I asked her if she'd like to move him out the way while I came in the only entrance from the arena, and I got cursed like something else. I kept my mouth shut purely because I can't be bothered with an argument over her being so petty . Seen her this morning and she came and turned out and flung her headcollar back in and left again.

She wasn't annoying me as such when she started all this, but I have to say she's slightly grating on me now. I don't come to my horse after a hectic day at work to be met with some madam that can't control herself! Have said to yo and she says leave her to sort herself out. She's very stubborn so I can't see her changing anytime soon.

What would you do? Ignore? Confront?
 
Ignore. Let her get on with it. If she gets no reaction from you she may well give up her silliness.

If she carries on being 'difficult' have another word with the YO. It is an expensive hobby and supposed to be fun.
 
I'd be civil to her and try to ignore her odd behaviour. Sounds like this is pretty standard for her!

It's hard for people to keep that sort of thing up when they aren't getting anywhere with winding others up.

It's hard to do, but it does work in the end. Depends how patient you are though-I've been there and it's taken a lot of deep breaths to stop myself throttling them!!
 
Personally I'd be super, super polite every time I had to interact with her but minimise interacting - don't go out of your way to avoid her but just ignore politely unless you need to say, ask her to move her horse over etc and then ask extremely politely. Confronting her is only playing to her game, I suspect from what you say she's one of these people that enjoy all the drama she causes so don't let her cause any, if she wants to throw a paddy just walk away and don't engage her at all.

try and see the 'funny' side of it all - she sounds like she's behaving like a spoilt little brat really
 
I would probably keep out of her way as much as possible but just be sickly sweet to her when I couldn't avoid any more! You are right, people are very strange and who knows why they behave this way, perhaps she's a control freak who has lost control??!!!
 
I'd ignore it but if she swears at you I'd just say to her that you don't come up the yard to be sworn at, and if she has such a problem with the hay being put there then to speak with the yo.
I'd also ask the yo to speak with her, is there another stable you can move into away from hers?
 
Oh god, she sounds like loads of fun on a winter's evening! Leave her to it if you can bare it, if she directly confronts you just say you didn't do it to upset her, you just needed hay and the YO said it would be fine! End of story really. It does annoy me when people seem so intent on making enemies!
 
I have to deal with someone like this on a regular basis, so I can sympathise!
People like that are used to being able to throw a tantrum and get their own way, and when that doesn't work they stomp about sulking.

Grit your teeth, carry on doing what suits you and try to be polite if you have to speak to her.

Good luck! :)
 
Thank you everyone so far. When she started throwing things about i started quietly laughing. I don't know why! I think it was the whole situation . Im sure she thinks shes 'threatening' and trying to show how annoyed she is when in actual fact I find her just silly and a bit volatile. There's no need for her to react like this at all. She has a bit if OCD I think, her horse is old and laminitic so she's particular with him but I think overly so and not particularly knowledgable . She does stuff like restricts his grazing to an incredibly small paddock, yet brings him in at night and gives him a horselyx which is laced in sugar ?!
 
Personally i'd confront her. I cant abide bad manners.
Surely if you ignore this tantrum, when something else doesnt go her way you'll get this attitiude again. Nip it in the bud .
 
Bring some music with you and plug in whenever shes around...then you dont have to hear her throwing a fit! Ive done this before...and if i was in a really evil mood id start singing...they cleared off the yard pretty quick once they heard my siniging!!
 
That's funny! Bless her, clearly a sandwich short of picnic. Lucky you have a good sense of humour. You can't tip toe around crazy people all your life, just get on with it and deal with things as they come with the current good attitude you have. I feel a bit sorry for her as whatever planet she's on cant be a very nice place.
 
Haha! I thought about music but I like to talk to my horse all the time so may not work.

I should really listen to him more often has he always pulls faces at her! :p
 
Ditto the radio, run on batteries and taken into your stable to put on when you are there, and turned up to drown her out if she is being petty. Or an ipod, and definately laugh randomly/sing badly/whatever you like :D

The swearing I wouldn't put up with. I'd either burst out laughing at her (not mature but would make sure she knows you find her hilarious not intimidating) or just say very assertively and politely "please do not swear at me."
 
dumpling said:
Haha! I thought about music but I like to talk to my horse all the time so may not work.

I should really listen to him more often has he always pulls faces at her! :p
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Lol, i talk to mine too! What sort of things do you talk about!? Prehaps next time you have a chat with him you can ask hes opinon on manners and exceptable yard behaviour...maybe he has some ideas on how to handle her!?
 
I don't really understand what she is upset about? Where have you put these bales to upset her so much? Surely, if she is paying towards this yard and these bales are causing her some major inconvenience, she should have been asked? Is she upset because she did not get the bales herself?

I would try to speak to her my self - what is the point of just ignoring that type of behaviour?
 
Can't quote as on phone.

There's is nothing to be upset about! If you imagine an old barn , there's stables on one side and space at the opposite which is where the bales are.

We have a stable and storage space in tack room. She does not have tack so doesn't use tack room and had taken it upon herself to store boxes of rugs where hay is. Yo asked her to move them in to tack room which she's not done either. There's still room for her to tie up outside stable- which she took great pleasure in doing very loosely so her horse could snatch the hay! (Now covered) . She's just stubborn. At last yard I 'heard' she'd argue with yo if she didn't get her own way, and no one spoke to her. I can see why. I don't understand how people can be so unhappy!
 
I would talk to her and see how she reacts. If you have a stable next to her its going to be a miserable atmosphere if she carries on like this.

I would either go in directly and say 'can we have a quick chat, you don't seem very happy, what's the problem.....' then brace myself for a full-on faceful of venting, which at least gets it out in the open and gives her a chance to get it all off her chest.....then you can hopefully agree a way forward and move on.....

Or I would ask for her 'advice' on something completely unrelated, eg a work situation or something not too personal obviously. It will hopefully get her to shake herself out of the whole sulk thing and make her feel special that you are asking her for help.

It might be that if you can break through the stroppy intolerant exterior, there might be a nicer side lurking in there somewhere which it would be worth trying to find.
 
She doesn't like change, is worried about hay and her laminitic horse, understandable, but just speak to her nicely and ask her if the bales being where they are is a problem and why, then if her reply is reasonable see if a solution can be found, no need to fight life is too short, you may make a good friend out of her because clearly she has feelings, good or bad only she knows, but she has them.
 
I have to work with someone like this, always gets in grumps with me, flings stuff around. I've never had it in my entire life! I just ignore her, and when she's angry at someone else we're best mates!
 
dumpling said:
When she started throwing things about i started quietly laughing. I don't know why! I think it was the whole situation . Im sure she thinks shes 'threatening' and trying to show how annoyed she is when in actual fact I find her just silly and a bit volatile.
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exactly - this is the perfect attitude to take with this sort of person, eventually she'll get the idea that she doesn't own the yard, isn't scaring you and quite frankly she isn't worth you bothering over
 
She does sound very strange.

However in my experience there is usually a reason for such behaviour.

I would NOT tolerate her swearing at me and she would have known it there and then. But I agree with WandaMare. She could have personal circumstances that make her very short tempered? Give her a chance to have her say.

Obviously I am not saying you have done anything wrong, what I am saying is that it is going to make for an unpleasant atmosphere if you both don't try and sort things out. If she throws it back in your face you just say "Well if you ever need to talk the offer is still there" and walk away. That way you have been reasonible and you have tried and been civil.
 
dumpling said:
Thank you everyone so far. When she started throwing things about i started quietly laughing. I don't know why! I think it was the whole situation . Im sure she thinks shes 'threatening' and trying to show how annoyed she is when in actual fact I find her just silly and a bit volatile. There's no need for her to react like this at all. She has a bit if OCD I think, her horse is old and laminitic so she's particular with him but I think overly so and not particularly knowledgable . She does stuff like restricts his grazing to an incredibly small paddock, yet brings him in at night and gives him a horselyx which is laced in sugar ?!
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So if you think it's funny then you have realised that it's her problem and not yours. Why then bitch about it on a public forum?
 
Uh..to share advice with people who have been through the same experience? Thats what most people use this forum for.
 
Is she a child? She is annoyed as she cannot have her stuff where it shouldn't be because god forbid, someone decided to store hay in the area for storing hay...........How immature!

Ignore her, but if she keeps making an atmosphere you will need to speak to the YO, as the horses will pick up on it. that and, you don't pay for hassle.
 
Maybe give her some helpful leaflets on stress managment, some Kalms and explain the negative effect her attitude is having on your karma......either that or a baseball bat!?!? ;)
 
Well felix. I'm not bitching, just asking questions which is why the forum is here.

She's not young as in a child/teenager, she's 8 years older than me and I'm in my 20s.
 
Sounds like my ex-YO! I found the best way was to ignore the strange behaviour and carry on as if nothing is wrong, the same way you would treat a child having a tantrum.

She'll shake herself out of it eventually, or even better move off your yard!
 
I used to livery with someone similar, never took it out on me (she just ignored me which suited me fine!) She would be sweeping up then all of a sudden throw her broom across the yard screaming at the leaves for landing on her newly swept bits! Turns out she had a bit of a drug problem!
 
If i come accross this silly childish behaviour i usually just carry on as if i hadn't noticed. Cheery pleasant "good morning" even if i dont get an answer. Cheerful "thank you" when they move their horse out of the way - even if they've been cursing and swearing whilst doing it. The more unpleasant they get, the more cheerful and politely i respond - just as if i hadn't noticed, it takes a lot of energy to remain that cross and sustain a tantrum, if she wants to waste her energy thats fine, but dont waste yours - she will most likely get bored eventually.
 
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