Stressed!!

N

navaho

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 April 2009
Messages
1,311
Location
West Wales
Visit site
I wont bore you all with the ins & outs of everything, so long story short, i have a 18yr old daughter (19 next month), i posted about her a few months ago, as she had decided she no longer wanted to keep her yearling. Fast forward to now...
Daughter no longer living at home & has no demanded that i hand over her yearling, she stopped paying for his keep around March/April time & i took over all his bills, which included his livery & for his gelding all in all totaling over £400. I dont quite know why she has had this sudden turn about, but what i do know is that she has no money to keep a horse & the place where she is proposing to keep him she couldnt get to as she doesnt drive, its not on a bus route & certainly not within walking distance. Ive told her in no uncertain terms that there is more chance of hell freezing over than me handing him over to her, but i cant help but feel a little bit horrible about it....all i know is its stressing me out like mad! Ive told her i cant afford to loose the money that i have put in to him but her answer is oh well shes my daughter & i should pay for him..which i think is a bit of a ****ty attitude if im honest.
Maybe i am in the wrong i dont know....has anyone else been in this situation, do i stand my ground or do i give in...shes told me she wont ever speak to me again if i sell him.
 
Typical teenage demanding attitude! She says she will never speak to you again but really...?

Have you explained your concerns, ie, she didn't want it, this new place she won't be able to get to to actually care for the horse?

And her saying you're the parent so you should pay - she's 18 and therefore legally an adult! You have no obligation to pay anything for her.

Sorry to speak of your daughter like this but she sounds like she's being a bit of a brat! I would definitely not back down.
 
Teenagers - don't you just love 'em! Sounds like you are being quite reasonable as she doesn't sound in a realistic position to be able to look after the yearling. Agreed you should try explaining, but would it be sensible to think about selling? Hopefully, even if you put your foot down she will evenutally see sense and know you are right (probably never admit it though!). Good luck.
 
Sorry if i sound harsh but she sounds like a typical teenage spoilt brat, had it handed to her on a plate, and why should it stop now !:o
"you had me, now keep me forever " i remember it well :D:D
She isnt putting this horses welfare first from what you describe, im with you in that it would go ....... Over my dead body or she forks out all you have put into the horse.Likelihood of that probably nil
If its any consolation I do think the bulk of teenagers go through it, theyre so wrapped up in themselves they cant see past their own nose. ( sorry any teenage users, if thats not you, you are the exception to the rule )
Stand your ground she's being selfish and not considering her horses welfare.
You on the other hand are.:)
Ps if i had a fiver for everytime my son pulled out the big " i hate you " guns id be loaded, the wee beggars know the barbs that sting.:mad:
Hes 25 now with 2 kids of his own, and we laugh now at the trials of the teenage years :p
 
I think you are quite right to keep hold of the yearling. She needs to prove to you first that she is able to maintain him etc...Kids cant just assume their parents will take care of it ! Have you thought she may want to sell him herself to get some much needed money ? It sounds as if the yearling is in the best place with you... so hold onto him.
 
Send her an invoice for the money you have spent so far, when its paid then hand him over. If its not paid send a new one each month with the total going up and up.

If she cant afford the £400 she cant afford the horse.
 
I would sell the Horse to recover your costs, or if you like him I would keep him for myself.

I would not hand him over though. Your daughter doesn't sound very mature and I don't think she deserves to have a Horse. Sorry if I sound harsh. But I would never dream of talking to my mum like that or expecting her to pay for my Horse.
 
marydoll said:
Sorry if i sound harsh but she sounds like a typical teenage spoilt brat, had it handed to her on a plate, and why should it stop now !:o
"you had me, now keep me forever " i remember it well :D:D
She isnt putting this horses welfare first from what you describe, im with you in that it would go ....... Over my dead body or she forks out all you have put into the horse.Likelihood of that probably nil
If its any consolation I do think the bulk of teenagers go through it, theyre so wrapped up in themselves they cant see past their own nose. ( sorry any teenage users, if thats not you, you are the exception to the rule )
Stand your ground she's being selfish and not considering her horses welfare.
You on the other hand are.:)
Ps if i had a fiver for everytime my son pulled out the big " i hate you " guns id be loaded, the wee beggars know the barbs that sting.:mad:
Hes 25 now with 2 kids of his own, and we laugh now at the trials of the teenage years :p
Click to expand...



Totally agree with this as a mum of 4 - 3 now grown up and one still a bratty teenager - teenagers can be very selfish and short sighted - you stand you rground and put the ponies welfare first - good luck, she will grow out of it! :D
 
Can she get to your place to do him? Can you agree a 'deal' whereby if she comes regularly to do his care while he's at yours for 6/12 months and pays for x% of his bills then after this time if all has gone well you will overlook the £400 you've spent and hand him over?
That way you won't be selling 'her' pony and seeming mean, but neither will you be handing him over to goodness-knows-what future if she does struggle with the work/£.

Either she really does love the pony but has found it hard leaving home/establishing herself and looking after it, or she is using it as some kind of bargaining chip with you. If you're really honest with yourself, which do you think it is?
 
This is classic "testing the boundaries" for a child. When my kids did it to me I always felt horrible about setting that particular boundary, but once I did and they accepted it, things improved.

You are not wrong; you are being a parent.
 
I personally would not budge.

She is old enough to know better at her age. By 18 I had already financed my horse for 2 years and I dont come from a horsey family so could not fall back on a parent to look after him.

Give her a time limit and an ultimatum. you want the £400 quid paid back if she wants him back. she has to at least have started to pay you back by a certain date and must come and help with his care from now on. If she does not meet the conditions then after a set time period the horse becomes yours to sell or keep as your own.

This is what would have happened to me at that age.

Just an opinion :)
 
Who is the legal owner of the yearling? What I mean is, is her name on his ownership papers or is yours? I think if your name is on it then you should keep hold of him and explain that X months ago she decided to drop him in your lap and you can't afford to have that happen again. Also explain what you said to us, namely that there's no way she can get there to take care of him and he's too nice of a horse to sit there and starve. Also ask her how she's going to afford to take care of him. I think it's a teenage temper tantrum (I've gone through them, not my proudest moments), but she'll get over it. 18 is still quite young. I'd say to tell her that she's welcome to come take see him etc, but unforunately I'd always be paranoid that she'd just take him without saying anything (I'm not saying that she would, it's just something I'd be paranoid about!). I hope she comes to her senses soon!
 
Stick your boot straight up her backside.
Cheeky madam! OP I would sell the yearling and try and get something back if you dont want him yourself.
If you do, tell her straight, he is yours now, and is remaining so!
 
Speaking as a reformed spoilt brat who's dad would give her what she asked for, and who's mum would try to stop him...she WILL speak to you again, she WILL continue to love you, and she most certainly WILL not learn if you hand over the pony.

Keep pony, tell her to grow up and stick to your guns. ;)
 
Of course she will speak to you again - when she wants something else. It amazes me how parents allow their teenagers to speak to them these days. I never argued or talked back to my parents because my backside would have suffered for it. I once said "I'm 18 and am entitled to my opinion" whereupon my mother said "when you bring in income into this house you can have an opinion". I'd sell the horse to be honest. She doesn't really want it, and I don't think you do either. Give him a chance with someone who does.
 
i was talking about this kind of thing to someone the other day and it is normal for tennagers to be self centred and have their hand out for money, some are worse than others obviously, they still have some growing to do

do not get upset, remain calm, she cannot make you hand it over, do not hand over horse , just be passive and persistent, she will get over it

I have a 17 year old boy and he varies from the perfect child to a child of satan - I have been visiting a hypnotherapist and whatever she is doing prevents me from stressing out - which is a pleasant change

my son has even noticed that I am coping with things better and has indicated he may go to hypnotherapy - if he does I think it will help him tremendously ( he was caught drinking at home with some friends by my OH at 11pm at night last sat, and after about 15 mins of OH ringing and telling me this - and that he had kicked my son, his GF and friends out in the middle of the night), I was asleep and left it until i was able to go and get my son the next morning, that is how well my hypnotherapy is working. When I picked my son and GF up i bought them breakfast and he commented on how well I was handling it all.

but I guess the point is that whatver you do has little impact, the calmer and happier you remain, the less freaked out you get the better you will be, and no matter what you do, in time your daughter's brains will kick in and she will be OK, so do not stress.
 
Thanks for all the replies, not feeling so much like a mean mum today. its such a shame shes been so silly with him, hes a lovely little chap & will be a nice cob when hes finished growing. I just think she needs to learn to appreciate what shes got....sadly she probably will when its to late.
 
Hang in there. I have two lovely daughters and both of them have been s***s at some time. The oldest was the mildest child but between the ages of 18-20 suddenly became a person I did not know. I put it down to outside influences. You've made ground rules please stick to them, you are not a bad mother you are a responsible adult who probabely end up sorting out any problems.
I hate to say this but we have brought up children who have lived most of their lives in finiacial security and they have no idea what budgets, economy and living within your means mean.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top