Struggling after mare PTS

Just as another suggestion, have you thought about counselling? A low key once a week talk with someone to help you process the feelings of grief could be really helpful. Grief for a horse is a special kind of pain, and there’s nothing wrong with getting a bit of support. I wish I had done when my mare was pts, it devastated me and took years to feel at peace about it all.
 
I lost my horse of a lifetime at the beginning of the year and it completely broke me. It was sudden and unexpected and he was only 9. It was horrendous, and while I know there was nothing I could have done, it just seems so unfair for him to have suffered like he did.

I felt completely lost without him, and struggled to leave the house. It took about 3 months to be able to speak about him and even that was a struggle.

Starting to look for another horse was terrifying, and in hindsight I think it was too soon. Every horse I went to see I got upset and every horse seemed to similar to him in some way. Completely by chance I came across a horse the complete opposite of what I’d been looking for, but she came home with me and I couldn’t have found a better friend to help me through the worst time of my life. I’ve heard comments that it was too soon but how long should you leave it? I don’t think there’s an answer. I needed a routine and a reason to get up in the morning.

I still find it hard to talk about him, and I don’t think there’s been a single day that I haven’t found myself getting upset about something. To be honest I can’t see it ever being any easier.
 
I'm sorry for your loss. I've just lost my beautiful boy who I've only owned 2 months.
My vets gave me the number for the Blue Cross bereavement helpline they are open 830 am until 830pm every day of the year. They also have an email address you can contact as well. They're all volunteers who have lost pets of their own.
I've found them really helpful to talk to x
 
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