Struggling with a difficult decision - to sell or not

I think I would find a good part loan but then I struggle to sell anything, what's your set up like there do you have other liveries or people with horses there or is it just you?
 
Pinkvboots said:
I think I would find a good part loan but then I struggle to sell anything, what's your set up like there do you have other liveries or people with horses there or is it just you?
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We have other liveries and horses here so part loaning would be a possibility or full loan as I know the other liveries would keep an eye on my horse.

I'm gonna go to bed now and sleep on it as I just can't come to a decision, I went out before to bring her in and seeing her little (big) face just made me cry and I thought she won't understand what is going on, if I sell her she will go off and never see me again potentially and what will she think but then I know that it would be for the best for her and I hope she would forget me in time and love her new owners and live life to the full with them but it breaks my heart to think of her leaving her friends and I won't be there at where ever she goes to comfort her.
 
CrimsonDivine said:
I'm with the idea of sharer, or as we call it; part or full loan. At least that way you're more certain to see her still and can have the pressure of taking care of her, and cost reduced if not gone altogether and can still do what you want with her and even have her back should the time ever come that you might want to. For me they are like family, like your pet dog, so I beg to differ on those who claim it's not like that because honestly? and I'm pretty sure I speak for alot of people around here when I say; horses are like family to us!
Frankly I find this alot better to share/loan your horse than to sell them as they could be past on from pillar to post in some cases, or god forbid land up with a really bad owner, or seller/breeder, and that so-called forever home may never even come for some horses. And I say so-called because as much as some people like to fantasize and wish for these kind of things for their horses the truth is it is quite a slim chance, especially considering how many people, just like yourself, change their mind and/or simply cannot keep up with the requirements, maintenance and upkeep. Got to take the pros with the cons as they say. Anyway, that's my two-cense on the subject. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
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You have summed up all my fears there of what could happen if I do sell her, I did feel earlier that it was the best thing for both of us but then going out to sort her after work was just so sad and I feel like I'm betraying her.

She is my family and she's all I have left now and I just can't understand why I don't enjoy her and why I don't want to ride because she everything I could have ever dreamed off and I feel so lucky to have owned her but I know that I owe it to her for her to enjoy life as well and for her to have the best care and treatments to live a long and happy life and financially I can't give her that ☹
 
Try a loan and see what you think about it. It will either be a relief, or you will miss riding. I would say that if it is a relief then look to sell, gather your finances together and then if you want to ride buy something much smaller that shouldn't (with luck) be as expensive to keep.
 
It sounds to me as if you do need a break, and if nothing else that should tell you whether you still have that love for horses When you have had chance to regroup a little. if you do your best to find a good home for your horse then I think that’s what you should do - it all sounds very hard for you at the moment and life shouldn’t be like that x
 
Give yourself time to come to the decision that's right for you, and don't put yourself under pressure. It's hard to think straight in stressful situations. There are lots of ideas here that are worth exploring, and hopefully an answer will come that you will know is the right one.
 
Dufus said:
We have other liveries and horses here so part loaning would be a possibility or full loan as I know the other liveries would keep an eye on my horse.

I'm gonna go to bed now and sleep on it as I just can't come to a decision, I went out before to bring her in and seeing her little (big) face just made me cry and I thought she won't understand what is going on, if I sell her she will go off and never see me again potentially and what will she think but then I know that it would be for the best for her and I hope she would forget me in time and love her new owners and live life to the full with them but it breaks my heart to think of her leaving her friends and I won't be there at where ever she goes to comfort her.
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I have felt a bit like that about one of my horses when I lost my confidence, but because I am sentimental fool I just couldn't part with him he had 5 owners before me, he loved it here with me and my other gelding so I just rode when I felt like it paid a pro to ride and had a friend that rode him.

I am so glad I kept him I have had him 6 years now and I often have days I don't want to ride him properly, but I am so much more confident and really enjoy riding him and although he is not the easiest sometimes and he has funny little quirks I know he would never hurt me, I love seeing his little face through my window everyday.

I hope I haven't made it more complicated for you but I think you could possibly find a good loan or share for your horse for now, it would help financially and then take the pressure off riding, but sometimes seeing someone else enjoy your horse does very funny things been there!!
 
A bit out there and not really what you're asking about but...

Firstly you are not a bad person if you sell your horse. The majority of us all have our horses because someone sold them to us. Some of us plan to have our horses for the whole of their lives and some of us have them for a specific reason/to do a specific job and when that is no longer working or training is complete etc it's time to move the horse on.

Some of us want to have horses but for one reason or another end up with one that doesn't set our hearts on fire in the way that another might.

It is ok to sell a horse and it does not make you a bad or heartless person. Selling a horse also doesn't mean that it will end up in a downward spiral. Often those being so preachy about their own knowledge, experience and "love" of horses are the one who are keeping horses in dicey circumstances.

When finances become a cause for concern or stress it is much better to sell a horse before things become critical and an owner ends up in a situation where they cannot cope with any unexpected bills or price increases.

Sometimes being a grown up sucks. As hard as it is certain times call for adulting. There is absolutely nothing to gain from making yourself bankrupt and ill with stress.

Do not feel bad for selling, or considering, selling your horse.

Life had thrown a lot of guff at you and that's on top of all the hardships caused by covid/lockdown.

It might be that you just need a break from horse ownership for a short time to get your head straight. If you think that's a possibility perhaps a short term loan might be an option to give you a break? It might be worth spreading the word around your other liveries in case they know of anyone looking for a horse for the summer (to full/part loan from your yard) or to buy.

Another POV is that you've been through a lot and are missing relationships (in laws, friends) due to life changed and covid. You dont have access to your normal outlets like the gym and enjoying horses. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and the longer you are there the harder it is see a way out and the deeper it becomes. A bit left field but maybe some self help or motivation type books or TED talks might help. The horse trainer Warwick Schiller had a bit of an epiphany a few years ago and is now into the teachings/books/talks of Brene Brown for example. He relates that to working with horses and has free podcasts on the usual platforms along with free videos on youtube. Brene brown also has free talks on youtube.

It might not be your usual cup of tea or of any help/interest to you but it might help you to arrange your thoughts and figure out what you really want to do going forward.

Most importantly take care of yourself. You've been through a lot and these are hard times.
 
TPO said:
A bit out there and not really what you're asking about but...

Firstly you are not a bad person if you sell your horse. The majority of us all have our horses because someone sold them to us. Some of us plan to have our horses for the whole of their lives and some of us have them for a specific reason/to do a specific job and when that is no longer working or training is complete etc it's time to move the horse on.

Some of us want to have horses but for one reason or another end up with one that doesn't set our hearts on fire in the way that another might.

It is ok to sell a horse and it does not make you a bad or heartless person. Selling a horse also doesn't mean that it will end up in a downward spiral. Often those being so preachy about their own knowledge, experience and "love" of horses are the one who are keeping horses in dicey circumstances.

When finances become a cause for concern or stress it is much better to sell a horse before things become critical and an owner ends up in a situation where they cannot cope with any unexpected bills or price increases.

Sometimes being a grown up sucks. As hard as it is certain times call for adulting. There is absolutely nothing to gain from making yourself bankrupt and ill with stress.

Do not feel bad for selling, or considering, selling your horse.

Life had thrown a lot of guff at you and that's on top of all the hardships caused by covid/lockdown.

It might be that you just need a break from horse ownership for a short time to get your head straight. If you think that's a possibility perhaps a short term loan might be an option to give you a break? It might be worth spreading the word around your other liveries in case they know of anyone looking for a horse for the summer (to full/part loan from your yard) or to buy.

Another POV is that you've been through a lot and are missing relationships (in laws, friends) due to life changed and covid. You dont have access to your normal outlets like the gym and enjoying horses. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and the longer you are there the harder it is see a way out and the deeper it becomes. A bit left field but maybe some self help or motivation type books or TED talks might help. The horse trainer Warwick Schiller had a bit of an epiphany a few years ago and is now into the teachings/books/talks of Brene Brown for example. He relates that to working with horses and has free podcasts on the usual platforms along with free videos on youtube. Brene brown also has free talks on youtube.

It might not be your usual cup of tea or of any help/interest to you but it might help you to arrange your thoughts and figure out what you really want to do going forward.

Most importantly take care of yourself. You've been through a lot and these are hard times.
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Thank you so much, it's so easy to forget that we wouldn't have our horses if someone hadn't sold them to us!

I love her so much and I just can't work out why I can't pull myself together and enjoy her , I've just been out to see her now and given her a hug bless her and I just don't know if i can do it but then I know it's best for her and I need to remember that and the life she could have and the love she can have from someone else and the adventures she will go on ❤

Will definitely give the Ted talks a watch, I think everyone has been through so much and I feel like I should be so grateful to have my job still, my family and my health and my horse! For now. I don't know why I can't appreciate her and enjoy her but I think part of it is closing myself off to her in preparation for letting her go because I know that I don't have a choice really, not if I put her first and do what is right for her.
 
fredflop said:
What injuries did the horse have? Will they re-occur if a future owner doesn’t manage the horse properly
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She has had a few kicks at a previous yard and went through a real bad patch of recurring mudfever for around 3 years which has damaged her skin but as soon as I moved her to the yard she is at now it all cleared up and hasn't come back, she also had a kick which broke her splint bone so she had an operation to remove the fragments and the kick also damaged her suspensory ligament which was 2 and a half years ago but she has been OK since and I take things easy with her so nothing has reoccurred yet and the vet was confident that it shouldn't cause her any problems in the future.

Unfortunately she does have the start of ringbone in her hind legs but the vet said he isn't concerned as its common in big horses and those with draught in them, she also has to have her feet trimmed a bit more upright as she had broken back pattern axis'

So I suppose the only reoccurring things could be mudfever although she only had that as one yard and not at previous yards or the one we're at now and that a farrier would need to trim her to prevent anything with her patterns occurring again
 
Dufus said:
You have summed up all my fears there of what could happen if I do sell her, I did feel earlier that it was the best thing for both of us but then going out to sort her after work was just so sad and I feel like I'm betraying her.

She is my family and she's all I have left now and I just can't understand why I don't enjoy her and why I don't want to ride because she everything I could have ever dreamed off and I feel so lucky to have owned her but I know that I owe it to her for her to enjoy life as well and for her to have the best care and treatments to live a long and happy life and financially I can't give her that ☹
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That's too bad. And yeah tis why I couldn't bring myself to selling my own. However, for me there is nothing holding me back from wanting to do things with them.
 
I wouldn’t sell. You have had a difficult time recently so it might be wise to wait until your life in more settled and you can think rationally about it. She seems to be the one constant in your life and you love her. Once a horse is sold their fortunes are absolutely of your control. X
 
You have been through the mill, I hope this is the start of better and happier times for you now - it is absolutely better to be on your own that with the wrong person. With regard to selling , for me, it would depend very much on her age - I don't think I could bring myself to if she was over 14 or so, (I know horses can have long and active lives and carry on working well into their 20's, but that's just how I feel) So if she was older,I would offer her for loan, (actually, I would consider that anyway, as others have already said ) Sometimes, if I feel like I don't want to ride, I make myself do it every day, and once you get in the swing of it again, the passion for it returns, and I certainly feel better for the fresh air and exercise. So much in your life has changed recently, I would not be in a hurry to do anything ... Having said all that, selling your horse does not make you a bad person, quite the opposite, as you are looking for someone to fulfill her needs. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
JunoJones said:
Give yourself time to come to the decision that's right for you, and don't put yourself under pressure. It's hard to think straight in stressful situations. There are lots of ideas here that are worth exploring, and hopefully an answer will come that you will know is the right one.
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I think this is absolutely spot on. I had to make a huge decision that seemed impossible to make. I was torn 50:50, and I'm terrible at making decisions even about trivial things! To my amazement and great relief, after a month or less, the decision actually made itself, without too much agonising, and it turned out to be the right one. I hope that this is the case for you. I would give yourself plenty of time if finances allow, I find that when I make decisions quickly when I'm unsure, they often turn out to be the wrong one.

I did think on reading your post that selling would probably be the right decision, but it's very easy to say that as an outsider who isn't emotionally involved, of course. There do seem to be more negatives than positives to keeping her, and I think that financial worries take an awful lot of pleasure out of things if you can't really afford them. Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope that there are better times ahead for you in the not too distant future.
 
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Just wanted to come back onto this thread and thank you all for your advice and help.

My mare has been accepted to go on trial to the police to become a police horse , I'm now panicking that it's too dangerous but I suppose they will assess her to see if she will cope with the job but the best thing is she will be on loan and will be coming back to me in her retirement and in the meantime I know she will have the best of care and want for nothing so I hope this works out for her as difficult and heartbreaking as it will be. If they keep her beyond the trial I can visit at any time and I will be attending every football match and protest in the future with a large stick to fend off anyone who might hurt her!!

Thank you again you lovely lot for all of the support and advice xxx
 
Winters100 said:
Well done you. I'm sure that she will be fine and you will have the comfort of knowing that she won't be passed on.
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Thank you, I hope so, I feel ill everytime I see something on the news where there's crowds and things and thinking I'm putting her in that situation and at risk but I hope she will be ok and if not then at least she can come back (there is part of me hopes she doesn't pass the trial but I know that's not the answer lol)
 
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