Struggling with selling decision

[sjdress]

Long story short I brought my horse 18 months ago. We had some feet issues and then she pulled her stifle in the field so has been very stop/start , however is now well and sound and back schooling/jumping etc. Sadly she naps with me and can try it on, I’ve lost my confidence with her and she feeds off of this. Doesn’t do it with pros , she might have a think about it but they can get her forward pretty much right away. I’m thinking I want to sell but am worried I’ll make the wrong decision. My concerns are:
I think I’ve over horsed myself in size and quality.
Will I make the same mistake again.
Worried where she will end up.
She’s easy to do, fab in traffic etc, next horse might not be.
Might have same problem with another horse
Going into winter … worse time to sell.
How do I price her, she’s a quality horse but has now had some vet history
I feel like a massive failure
Really don’t know what to do but am struggling to get any sort of tune out of her and loosing my confidence daily.

 

[webble]

How much time have you had consistently riding her and having lessons with her?

A good horse priced correctly will sell. You can never guarantee where they will end up unfortunately. Depending on what she's worth sales livery might be your best bet

 

[Polos Mum]

What does your instructor think ? It's really impossible for us to give any view on whether you need the put in the hours to work each other out or whether you would both be better of parting ways.

I had an amazing horse that it took me a year to learn to ride (he'd been ridden by a pro for 10 years and I had no clue where the buttons where!)

Is the confidence a dip for now or something you've always struggled with? If you buy a less talented horse that is more steady eddie type - will you get bored quickly ?

The steady confidence givers that are happy to do riding club dressage SJ and sponsored rides are literally what everyone wants - so they can be more expensive that the flashy competition types that only have a limited market.

Pricing i have no idea but for the cost of a lesson twice a week for a month - I'd give it a go with some really consistent very regular help - I think that would be cheaper in the long run than selling and trying to buy perfection.

 

[Skib]

Sadly she naps with me and can try it on,

I ride (hack solo) a horse that naps. If one waits long enough, she gets bored and continues. Horses want to save energy, so napping is sort of natural. Dont take it personally. But if a horse is napping, one does need to ask whether she is hurting?

I dont regard her napping to show I am a bad rider.

It is true that a Pro can get a reluctant horse moving on but often it only takes a single instance of resolute authority to persuade a horse that the rider is the one in charge. Our old RI used to growl at her mare when she napped out hacking.

 

[Kirstd33]

First don't feel like a failure.
I agree with PM above, 18 months really isn't that long especially if its been stop-start due to injury issues. I would set a time -limit of say 3 months and in the that time really commit to the process of plenty of ground-work for bonding (worked wonders with my coblet) and regular lessons with a trusted trainer, maybe try a couple if needed and try some CBT style work to improve your confidence.

If at the end of the 3 months and you're still feeling the same then you can at least say you gave it your best shot.
With regards to selling, if you really feel you cant show her off to her best then a sales livery would probably be your best bet?

 

[Highmileagecob]

You are not a failure, but you may need to learn to ride this particular horse. They are all different, and some will accept right away that you are giving the instructions, whilst others have their own opinion. All horses need to know that they are not just carrying a passenger, and if you feel you are not bonding, then there may be communication difficulties. Trust your gut feeling. If you really can't get it together with this horse, then put the word out that you are looking for a new home for her.

 

[asmp]

I’ve said a few times on the forum that one of ours started napping when his saddle stopped fitting. Have you had yours checked recently? Saying that my horse scared me for the first year but we got over it and I’ve now owned him for about 17 years BUT please remember that owning a horse is supposed to be fun. It’s too expensive a hobby not to enjoy it.

 

[dorsetladette]

First don't feel like a failure.
I agree with PM above, 18 months really isn't that long especially if its been stop-start due to injury issues. I would set a time -limit of say 3 months and in the that time really commit to the process of plenty of ground-work for bonding (worked wonders with my coblet) and regular lessons with a trusted trainer, maybe try a couple if needed and try some CBT style work to improve your confidence.

If at the end of the 3 months and you're still feeling the same then you can at least say you gave it your best shot.
With regards to selling, if you really feel you cant show her off to her best then a sales livery would probably be your best bet?

And in 3 months time generally you have a wider audience to sell too.


But from your last thread it sounds like you would both benefit from a few lessons with someone on the ground walking out with while you are hacking and spending sometime in the area's that are issues. I'm sure you mentioned that once your out hacking she is OK it's just getting her off the yard/down the drive. Can you spend a little money on someone like Steve Young to work on the sticky spot on the drive/yard?

Check everything fits well too.

But if your not feeling it then selling is not failing. Its a hobby and it should be fun, if it's not change something.

 

[Jambarissa]

All of your points are valid and very hard to balance.

I personally would rather work with what I know than take on an unknown, if you think you might be able to get over this and everything else is ok then I'd get lessons over the winter and revisit in summer.

The perfect horse for you is made not bought, but if you do think you have over horsed yourself and think you can find a more suitable one that's a fair call.

 

[Waxwing]

HI I am in a very similar situation, although my horse has just started a rehab programme following having her si injected last week so isn't currently being ridden. I have owned my horse eighteen months and had issues and had times when I have felt over horsed. I know that the behaviours she has present with recently have been pain related, prior to this we had been making some progress together; like your horse she has many positive attributes she is lovely on the ground and will hack alone in the heaviest of traffic. I am sending her for rehab livery in a few weeks times, if this goes well and she is sound and pain free I plan to keep her there after this for some further schooling. I will then make a decision on whether or not I feel confident enough to start riding her again, if not I will look to sell her with full disclosure. This is of course on the basis of the rehab being successful, if it isn't I will have some different choices. However it goes I feel this plan gives both her and me the best possible chance. I am very clear that if I don't feel confident about getting back on her, however well she is going for the person rehabbing and schooling her I won't. This is after all something we should be doing for fun. I am prepared to put the work in with my riding but need to feel safe.

 

[sjdress]

What does your instructor think ? It's really impossible for us to give any view on whether you need the put in the hours to work each other out or whether you would both be better of parting ways.

I had an amazing horse that it took me a year to learn to ride (he'd been ridden by a pro for 10 years and I had no clue where the buttons where!)

Is the confidence a dip for now or something you've always struggled with? If you buy a less talented horse that is more steady eddie type - will you get bored quickly ?

The steady confidence givers that are happy to do riding club dressage SJ and sponsored rides are literally what everyone wants - so they can be more expensive that the flashy competition types that only have a limited market.

Pricing i have no idea but for the cost of a lesson twice a week for a month - I'd give it a go with some really consistent very regular help - I think that would be cheaper in the long run than selling and trying to buy perfection.

My instructor thinks if I get through this I will be laughing and thinks I should continue as she’s a nice horse, but it’s the confidence thing for me. I’ve never experienced this before, only with her and now I have it in my head that she’s too big and I’ve over horsed myself. I’m going to a clinic tomorrow and actually dreading it

 

[sjdress]

I’ve said a few times on the forum that one of ours started napping when his saddle stopped fitting. Have you had yours checked recently? Saying that my horse scared me for the first year but we got over it and I’ve now owned him for about 17 years BUT please remember that owning a horse is supposed to be fun. It’s too expensive a hobby not to enjoy it.

I’ve had saddle checked by 2 different master saddlers, re assessment of injury , physio, teeth, bit fitter, a loooong rehab after injury . I really hope to think I’ve checked everything.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

What if you took things down a notch and just hacked for a few weeks, in company, and if need be with someone along on foot to lead her if you need them to, instead of pushing yourself to do clinics and schooling and jumping, and so on? Do you think that would help with your confidence?

 

[Highmileagecob]

It's an awkward situation, and I hope you find a way through. One thing that might help is that horses can sense when our heartbeat/adrenaline levels rise. Not sure how, maybe it's something to do with being a prey animal and needing that particular ability. If she starts to perform, are you able to sit calm and relaxed and guide her forward? If I've read your post correctly, she is either challenging you, or she has some pain.

 

[rextherobber]

My instructor thinks if I get through this I will be laughing and thinks I should continue as she’s a nice horse, but it’s the confidence thing for me. I’ve never experienced this before, only with her and now I have it in my head that she’s too big and I’ve over horsed myself. I’m going to a clinic tomorrow and actually dreading it

I think it takes a mare a while to decide that you are "their" person. If you've done all the health/ tack checks, it could simply be that. I bought one that I absolutely dreaded the thought of getting on, but she was unsellable so I kept on getting on ( I enlisted the help of a sympathetic instructor). 18 months on, she decided I might be worthy after all, and a decade on, she's not only the best horse I currently own,but she's the best horse I've ever owned.She's with me for life. She's a bit funny with other people, but she'll do anything for me. The downside is, she gets terribly jealous if she can see me working with one of the others! She's got a lot of plus points, I vote to stick with her.