Struggling

[fine_and_dandy]

Ok, don't really know where to begin with this - it's likely that it will be a random flow of things that have gone on so apologies.

To cut a long story short, I am really questioning my ability at owning a pony. I feel that whatever it is I do is never good enough and that it must be blatantly obvious to all around me. I am trying so hard, i get help from my instructor and a couple of people i really trust on my yard, but I feel completely hopeless when they aren't around. It seems to me that there is always someone around ready to pass judgement and its really deflating me atm. It also feels with my pony atm that theres no give and take just take take take. I don't let him get into bad habits, i think I am firm but fair with him but it feels like I am going 2 steps forward and 20 steps back. This is my first time owning and I have looked after other people's horses full time before, so I knew what I was letting myself in for. I have a friend who got her first pony last year and I look at them and see how far they have come and they are progressing in leaps and bounds, which is ace to see but makes me think about how useless I feel.

Sorry, and well done if you got this far. No one really seems to understand my predicament. Feeling very blah

 

[setadrift6]

Chill out! It will all come together, just give it time. If you didn't think you were ready to own a pony you wouldn't have spent all that money.
As long as you do your best and are prepared to learn as you go, then just enjoy it. If you are doing things that you are comfey with at your pace then it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing you'll get there with a smile on your face and thats what counts!
Have Fun!!

 

[bex1984]

Are you on a livery yard? They can be a bit bitchy sometimes but there's nice ones out there so maybe consider moving?

Do you feel you've bonded with your pony? Maybe you need to spend some time on that?

Don't let it get you down, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.

 

[TiaPony]

Please don't be to hard on yourself. Remember that everyone grows and learns at different rates. You are probably feeling really overfaced by the whole ownership thing at the moment, like you arent doing the best for your boy and anything could go wrong and you couldnt help it. don't - you should be incredibly proud that you have admitted and taken help from knowledgable people around you, which many would be too afraid to do. You say you feel your hopeless without them? Why not create a little diary of all the useful things they tell you - so that there is always information to hand? Remember to always ask when you are unsure and (i assume you are on a livery yard?) don't be afraid to ask when you see other horse owners doing something you haven't seen before.
Regarding everyone making a judgment on you, ignore them. You are an individual and your situation is probably completely different to theirs, so ignore their 'judging' or ask for some constructive critisism rather then becoming afraid of slipping up.
Finally, with your pony and the whole 'take take take' issue, i really recommend one of the kelly marks or similar groundwork books, which really focus on building the bond between you and respecting each others space. I think the backwards feeling you are experiencing may also stem from your lack of confidence in your ownership. remember to always praise your pony for the slightest thing, that way he learns to do as you ask and be rewarded (a pat, a treat, a rub etc)
enjoy yourself, and don't be afraid to get out there and try everything out
good luck
xxx

 

[Natalie_H]

I think you are being very hard on yourself! How long have you had this pony? They are all different & take different lengths of time to bond with their riders / progress to happen.

When I got my ex-racer, I realised that after riding for 22 yrs, I was actually a complete idiot where horses were concerned! Sure I could stay on, & pop my pony over a jump, walk, trot, canter, gallop - but suddenly presented with a 4-y-o off the track I had no clue where to start!

Fortunately I have a fabulous instructor who is patient, understanding, and most of all can always pick the good things out of a lesson. 4 yrs on - horse can still be a pig, but I never forget how much I have learnt - and I have learnt it all along with the horse & the journey for us both has been worth it!

There was a time I was ready to give up as I felt my ability was totally inadequate for the job at hand. The key is perseverance, patience, supportive people around you, plus the ability to look at what you have achieved, rather than what you have not!

Good luck & keep your chin up! You will get there!

 

[clipclop]

Welcome to horse ownership.

Everyone will have an opinion and I am sure everyone has good intentions for you and your pony.

If you use your common sense. Ask lots of questions and you will start to develop your own way of doing things (Which will change many times over the years).

Don't feel down.

If your pony is happy and healthy that is all that matters.

Have you told the people on your yard how you feel? If not, you really should. I am sure they will help you out much more.

 

[filly190]

Being around very confident people is helpful, but on the otherside it can sometimes work against you, by making you feel inadequate.

Firstly you are not, forget trying to be perfect. Chill out enjoy your pony and your time riding and looking after him. Learn to just simply enjoy being around horses.

You wil improve in time, dont look for it everyday, it does not work that way. One day when you least expect it, something clicks. Everyone feels they are taking a step forward and 10 back, thats normal with horses, they each have a individual charactor, with good and bad days as do we.

Stop asking for advice and help all the time, just do your own thing and enjoy it. By allowing everyone to interfere may be undermining your confidence and making you feel like a complete novice. We all are learning everyday about horses, even the top riders have a group of experts around them, helping them. Vets contintually update their skills! In a life-time with horses you will always be learning and thats the enjoyment.

You will find in time you will know certain things through experience that others dont, and will be able to give an input and an opinion.

For instance, this forum, its brillent because people from all works of life and experience are giving their imput and opinions on a daily basis. Look at how different our views are on here. Look at the requests for help and advice, these people dont feel silly for asking, thats what it is all about.

Value yourself and your pony, you are being a good mum to that pony, enjoy and love him.

 

[HorseyGirlie]

When I first bought my boy almost 4 years ago I was over the moon - 1st horse, and a handsome boy at that! The very 1st day I had him, I tied him up directly outside his box whilst I mucked out and he got himself so stressed that by the time I had finished mucking out you would have thought that he had done an XC course - the sweat was running off him. For the first few months, he took the mickey and I had to find a strategy for putting his bridle on, (he is 17hh and would just lift his head and lift me off the floor), but we soon sorted that. He had a back injury before I got him and to this day he still has trouble lifting one of his back feet and can be a pain for the farrier. All of this, at first, made me wonder what I had bought and why I was carrying on, and like you I was convinced everyone was having a dig whenever they even so much as looked in our direction. Then I realised that take all of that away and he is a kind and loving horse. There is not a bad bone in his body and that he needed time to settle down to my routine. I came to the conclusion that he is the only horse I want. I had had him for 2 years when I moved yards (away from the type of environment that you seem to be in) to a much more laid back, friendly place. My confidence has come on no end and Lu is much more laid back, (if that's possible) than he was before! You don't say how long you have had your pony, but after 4 years, I am still finding out things about my horse, and coming across situations that I feel uncomfortable with at times, but I have fantastic back-up who I can ask for help and I know I will get sensible advice. Ignore the bitchy people who obviously have nothing better to do, (and are probably jealous!), and enjoy having a pony, they are wonderful!

 

[Walder]

i agree with filly190 - dont keep asking others for help - i did that on the previous yard i was on with my 1st pony they were a bitchy lot any way and im sure they got p**sed off with me keep asking - then it does begin to undermine your own ability - like filly190 says there are hundreds of people on here to ask advise without personalities getting in the way. another good thing is to read all the horsey magazines - i learnt an awfull lot from there. just take things slowly and only move in your own comfort zone until you feel a little bit more confident then push forward a step - it doesnt have to be perfect - and you will find that even after youve been a horse owner for 20 years you still wont know the half of it!!!! good luck and more importantly ENJOY - its meant to be fun! x x

 

[Andelusional]

One of my pupils has just won a simple dressage test on her mare. She has worked to learn to deal with this her first horse for TWO YEARS! I am so proud of her, she has never blamed her young horse for the struggle and has persisted with her lessons and it is all now worth it. As I bred the mare I admit I was dubious if she could cope with such a well bred young mare as a first horse but two local instructors had refused to sell her a horse and I felt she was being judged unfairly. SO you can do this with yours. Just keep going because everyone is an expert when it is not their problem!!! You will get it together wth your beastie and dont let anyone put you down. They probably make mistakes all the time and you will see this once you are more confident!!!!