Stuck with the "wrong" horse - what to do?

Go back to metre classes while you decide what you what to do .
Careful horses often stop when 'wrong ' it's not something that's the end of world , the spooking sounds like classic displacement spook where the horse seeks to get the riders attention onto other things rather than the stressful jumping .
It's a warning you need to take a step back and sort the issue before the horse becomes spoiled .
If you want to keep the horse then I would consider a break from competitions and have a training binge before returning to competion at a metre .
The first thing to do is to work to find out if your canter is really good enough 100% of the time ,once you get to 1.15 you begin to need the right canter all the time ,there's less margin for the horse to jump out of an not optimal canter .
You need to find the right trainer who understands how to help a horse through the pro to amateur transition .
Grid work would help you both to enjoy your jumping together again .
If you really feel you have it wrong then sell the mare she will find another home and start again .
I think perhaps you have not enough or the right support in terms of training to help you .
Your attiude sounds sensible and mature I wish you all the best.
 
I agree with what everyone has said about taking a step back.

Whilst I am not competing on big tracks, and don't own a horse previously ridden by a pro, I had a massive confidence knock after a fall where I really hurt myself and ended up with a broken wrist about 5 months before my GCSE's (and I did art!). I was already losing confidence before the fall, but mum wanted me to keep jumping and riding and 'get on with it' which whilst she had good intentions, ultimately ended up with me getting hurt as I should have stood up to her and said no, I need to work on my confidence.

The best thing you can do for you and your mare is to try and understand her a bit more, take things back so you are jumping a height you are both comfortable with, and speak to your instructor as to what you can do to help with your confidence in yourself, your confidence in her, and her confidence in you. After I had my fall, when I came back to riding I would not ride my own horse, and instead rode a different RS horse I trusted for a few weeks, and started at the very very basics with my own.

It has taken me a few years to build that confidence back up, and I am still not 100% confident when it comes to jumping anything over 80cm, but I know my horse is more than capable of jumping 1m if he's asked too, and I know I can jump 1m on another horse (and I have done since my bad fall!) but there is no point trying if he can tell I am nervous or I am anticipating he'll stop or do something silly. He picks up on it, even if I don't realise I am faltering in my riding, and that's when things end up getting worse. It has taken me about 4 years of owning my horse to truly 'get' him, and within 6 months we were very far from even having any sort of understanding or partnership.

I'm guessing you'll have A Levels coming up, and it really is not worth risking a big injury in the year before your A Levels, and it's not worth the frustration of feeling that your confidence is shot as well. You might find if you take a break from jumping and competing, and instead focus on flatwork and just chilling out and relaxing rather than being competition ready, you may come to understand your mare more, and find your confidence in each other improves. I do also find that once you've had a dip in confidence, you do start to think negatively even if you don't mean too!

Once I had been able to release the pressure on myself, and instructor also helped with this as she was regaining my confidence in myself, then my confidence on my own horse, and then my own horses confidence in me, and mum stopped pushing so much from the sidelines, I also found it was easier to ignore her. And much easier to tell her if she had so much she wanted to criticise, or felt I should be doing with my horse, then she should get on and do it.

I think you are being very hard on yourself OP, your mare is still young and you are still young. There is no shame or harm in realising you are losing confidence, and no shame or harm in deciding to take things down a notch and asking for help. I would speak to your instructor seriously and outline your confidence is seriously plummeting and you feel your horse has no confidence in you, and also speak to your mum and explain.

6 months isn't a very long time, especially not in the long run, and I know even before I had my fall I was starting to wonder if I had the 'wrong' horse, and I did for a good year after my fall. 6 years since I bought him, I don't think I have the wrong horse at all, I think I just went about trying to understand him and how he works the wrong way and it ultimately led to a very unconfident rider, and a very confused, unhappy horse. Had I not have taken the time out after my fall, as well as changing instructor to one who could tell me and my horse both didn't have confidence in each other who took things back to the basics and never made me feel pressured into doing anything, I most definitely would have sold him and either stopped riding, or bought something else and probably gone through a similar cycle.

Another thing you could try, is if possible to get a few lessons on a schoolmaster as an additional, with a good instructor, who can help with your confidence and allow you to get a feel more with how you should be setting up and riding a horse over bigger fences, as opposed to a pony. It may be hard to find somewhere with that quality of horse/willing to let you jump that big and with instructors who would know how to teach it, but there are some out there.
 
I think this is a question for your instructor - someone who knows you, knows the horse, and can see in person if this relationship could work out or not.

If it's a no, sell and buy something else.

If your instructor thinks it's workable, take it easy. You need to be able to turn up to the show, walk the course thinking that you should have entered a bigger class, and not be worried at all. You can still jump bigger at home.

The other question is, does she jump consistently at home? I ask because my horse started refusing intermittently earlier this year - fairly dirty stops too, as in he was going, going, then in the last stride just went "nope, I can't". Finally diagnosed as an SI problem. If you have any doubts, get a vet to take a look.
 
In a way you both need to work together to really make a difference and understand each other. Maybe take the jumps down a bit, do some dressage competitions even if they're boring to you to get into an arena with less nerves to get your confidence back up. She's a young so you can't always expect her to give huge consistency certainly when you aren't too sure on all her buttons. Keep at it, she was ridden by a completely different person before you and may have been ridden by them for a lot of their career, give some more time and take it slow, you have to learn to walk before you can run and in the end you will get somewhere. Horses struggle more with going on all different strides as they have longer legs than a pony so need more input from you to control them effectively as it will be harder to snap them up quickly off a short stride so you just need to take your time around a course and take one fence at a time.
 
Roisiny said:
, that we have done it separately, so therefore we should be able to do it together! t.
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Everything 'be positive' said really, and just a couple of extra points.
Think of the jumping as learning to fly a plane - your horse has successfully done a number of high level flights with a VERY experienced instructor, and nothing went wrong. So she is full of confidence. Then she gets a less experienced instructor - maybe you gave her the wrong advice about take-off or didn't help her with exactly the right advice when she needed it. just because she has flown with someone else, and you have flown with another horse, doesn't mean that you will get and interpret all the messages between you exactly right (perhaps her last instructor used different 'words' for some things).
I am presuming she hurt her legs at some point through this process (e.g. hitting rails or even crashing a jump) - poles hurt, so this will be associated with her fear too. However, just like us, they don't have to have a major incident to become worried about doing something, she might have just had enough of a scare that she is worried that she will get hurt!
Some horses don't care and can hit poles without worrying, then go on to jump more. Other horses (particularly very well bred ones like kwpn's) are more sensitive and there 'fight/flight' response is more reactive, so when things aren't right they worry more. Also, some horses will ALWAYS need to be put into the right spot and will stop if they aren't, especially above 1.15m.

So, she loses a bit of confidence. The next 'flight' she is more worried, and something else goes wrong (unfamiliar jump, distraction, knocked leg, or similar) and she loses a bit more confidence. Sometimes she is brave enough to still have a go, but at other times she just doesn't want to get in the plane, let alone take-off and risk a crash landing! You mention that she has a 'dirty stop', and i presume that you are referring to one of those last-second hit-the-brakes. In my experience this has always been from lack of confidence and not 'dirty' at all. The horse thinks it can do it, but then chickens out (you can probably think of many examples where humans do the same thing, particularly in sports where they can get hurt). If you hit the horse at that time for being 'dirty' then she will have the memory of the pain added to the fear and lose confidence even faster. See this article for the way pain and fear link in the horses memory: http://equinefreelance.com/free-articles/memories3/

As someone else put - horses and ponies are completely different, which is why many people give up when they move onto horses. But, if you learn how to get your mare through this issue and give her her confidence back then you will have gained invaluable experience that will help your whole riding career. Good luck.
 
OK OP you've got 2 options - sell or keep.

Nobody would blame you if you did decide to sell and it wouldn't be you being 'a failure' it would be you admitting that perhaps she isn't the horse for you.

However if you do decide to keep then my personal advice would be to take it right back to basics. Stop jumping altogether and concentrate on your flatwork for at least 3 months, forget competing for a while.

Go back to trotting poles, canter poles - learn her stride, learn how she covers the ground in collected canter, working canter, extended canter - you need to know how much ground she covers so that YOU can stride out the course and know when to kick on and when to shorten up and ask for an extra stride. You have also got to learn how to read and stride a course for her. Get her moving forward from your seat on the flat - to the point where you trust her to respond to your commands and she trusts you.

Once you have all that going on the flat then start introducing jumps - jump grids, practice combinations, practice coming in at an odd stride - again until you are working together as a team.

In between all that take her out and have fun - hack out, go to the beach, go on farm rides - get to know your horse, learn how to read her, learn how she is going to react in new situations. By doing this she will also learn to trust you - at the moment she probably doesn't have any confidence in you so when she is unsure she is putting in a stop.

A very wise and experienced horseman once told me that the difference between horses and ponies (in relation to jumping) was that a pony would take you round and (mostly) keep you out of trouble - a horse expects you to take it round.

If you can get to the point where you are working together and understand one another it sounds as if you will do very very well.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
Thank you so much everyone, for all your comments - I didn't think i'd get half this amount of replies! I was so apprehensive about writing this because it seemed like I just needed to cop on and learn how to ride properly..but I'm so glad I have. I never expected to get so much amazing, genuine advice and support, or even that so many people could of gone through the same thing, and 'come out alive'!

To the people who asked do I have a second horse. I have a 14hh pony that I broke 2 years ago, and kept to PC event @1m this summer. He is a typical pony... ridiculously forgiving, loves his jumping, loves flatwork, loves life, and is a wonderful confidence giver and schoolmaster. He is as close to a perfect pony as I think you can get!

I currently take dressage lessons with a very good instructor. With school it was about once every three weeks, but now with school finished it's once a week, and thinks are finally "clicking" with her and she is coming on very well, particularly with how she works through her back and how she moves laterally. She is so similar to everyone else's experience with ex-pro horses. She was flabbergasted the first time she went through a grid with me- definitely never seen one before- and was so bad laterally at first, you would really wonder how she got around at all! She will be coming to pony club camp with me, so there we'll be able to just chill out and enjoy each other :)

When asked do I want to keep her - I do really like riding her, and when it goes right she is the most fabulous ride. I've never met a more friendly horse on the ground, and she is perfect to handle. And from a more practical point of view, it would be hard to replace her with a horse as talented with the money we'd get from her, although that definitely wouldn't bother me, or pressure me into keeping her. It's just after some pretty bad results, I couldn't see a 'light'. This post has made me an awful lot more positive about our future together :)

I've been told for years now I'm too hard on myself and get to caught up on the negative. It's been really nice to hear that other people have these problems too. We bought her with the sole goal of competing in RDS young rider 1.15m qualifiers, which are for 6 and 7 year olds. Even when me learning how to ride her didn't go to plan, our goals never changed, which was pretty stupid. Just a rookie, overambitious mistake! I wouldn't personally mind bringing her back down to 90s/1m for a while. It's funny that you say my parents were pushy...because I always just viewed it as them trying to support me to do well(= jumping high). I'll definitely have a sit down with my Mum and discuss bringing it back and just having fun for a while. Take the pressure off and make it fun for both of us again.

I do have A levels coming up next year, and am not sure will I keep her for college. However, I don't have a job or any other sport commitments, and an hour out to ride a day will probably stop(\delay) my brain becoming completely fried next year. So school isn't a deciding factor.

Thanks so much everyone, and perhaps I will update this in a few months with how we are getting on! :)
 
What a lovely mature attitude you have, your youth meant you got caught up in the ambition and goals even when things were not going to plan, taking a step back, enjoying her and the training with less pressure is ideal, the classes will still be there next year and there will be many others in the future.
Keeping a horse through A levels/ uni is possible if you have good support and it can be a really good release from a different kind of pressure, an hour a day doing something you love can make exams more bearable, I wish you well in both aspects of your life over the next few years and would love an update when you feel ready to give one, even if it is that you won the 70cm class at the PC show!!!
 
Roisiny said:
I've been told for years now I'm too hard on myself and get to caught up on the negative. It's been really nice to hear that other people have these problems too. We bought her with the sole goal of competing in RDS young rider 1.15m qualifiers, which are for 6 and 7 year olds. Even when me learning how to ride her didn't go to plan, our goals never changed, which was pretty stupid. Just a rookie, overambitious mistake! I wouldn't personally mind bringing her back down to 90s/1m for a while. It's funny that you say my parents were pushy...because I always just viewed it as them trying to support me to do well(= jumping high). I'll definitely have a sit down with my Mum and discuss bringing it back and just having fun for a while. Take the pressure off and make it fun for both of us again.
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I'm glad you're feeling a bit more positive now OP :) if you ever need to rant or talk feel free to PM me, I think we're around a similar-ish age as well.

Your mum may not realise that even though she is supportive, she is also putting pressure on you to do well. Of course she wants you to do well competing and to see you winning and meeting your goals, but sometimes I think even parents get a bit carried away and don't realise that their support can be a bit misguided as to what they think is best for you (which could be winning, or seeing you jumping bigger or competing at a higher level) and what is actually best for you (be it deciding to jump smaller classes or taking a break from competition)

as you have a lot of time over summer coming up as well now, it might be a perfect time to take a break from competing and do more chilled out and relaxed stuff like going to the beach and long hacks when the weather is hopefully nicer!

I think the next time you update, you should share a few pictures too! :)
 
I had always wanted a pony as a kid, used to cycle to all the local gymkhanas, or hack to them with some half-broken one from a local dealer, watch the lucky kids with their own ponies ride and jump, winning rosettes, all having fun . One particular girl used to win everything, with her beautiful snow white pony. How I envied her.

30 years later I met that girl, was introduced and recognised her name, so I said 'How I envied you, with your lovely pony at the gymkhanas, you were so lucky to have parents that bought you a pony and went to shows with you, drove you there in a horsebox!'

Her reply? I HATED it - loved my pony but hated competing. if I didn't win they were SO angry, in fact they were SO cross they had me in tears - even if I came second.

Parents dont think at times.

I am sure if you jump some lower classes- I know there is a 3 band rule, so 1m is probably the lowest you can go if the mares jumped 1.20, butjust spend time doing the lower classes, a few hunt canters, a bit of xc- learn to trust each other. You've got 5 years left in young riders yet....
 
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Definitely don't sell. I think that is completely the wrong thing to do.

The horse jumps well at home for you so you have the ability. Take it back to basics even go lower than 1m for competing. Even go out to different shows take her to dressage or ridden and inhand shows. Just for some fun competing and less pressure on yourself. Just do something else with her take her to the beach and blast along it. Do ground work and get to know her. Get her trust and her willingness to please you.

Big horses with talent need to be kept thinking. You aren't a pro rider but that doesn't mean you can't ride her. I have a talented horse and he is a big mover it's hard for me at times to ride him correctly. But giving him up would be the worst thing to do even though he would be ridden better and evented better by someone else. But he doesn't give a damn he is well fed happy and loved. He doesn't need to be doing high level jumping or dressage and nor does your horse. Take the nerves away from her and she will get better.
 
She does sound nice OP.

Get the right help and am sure you will crack it, sit down with parents and come up with a plan you are all happy with to go forwards with, that is just a bit slower than the initial plan was and point out it is good for you to have to work through things sometimes :). And enjoy doing the less serious stuff on the pony :D
 
be positive said:
Don't give up but take a step back, jump 1m, if you and she are happy there, stay at that level until you are jumping DCs and being placed, then think about starting to move up but even then if you have a bad day go back down next time, get out and have a bit of fun, win a few classes, there is nothing like winning to boost the confidence, keep training and plan for the future rather than next week, aim for this season to be the learning time, next season for the more serious stuff.
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This. I personally dont see why you're continuing to keep trying to jump 1.10's+ when it seems to be going badly so often. If my horse even refused once then I'd go right back down as there's clearly a confidence problem then build back up only as the horse is jumping clears happily every single time. Doesn't help you, but this is why I wouldn't take on a pro-ridden horse because they do tend to put the horse in exactly the right place all the time whereas I like my horses to think for themselves which makes them far more forgiving ;)
 
A few people asked for me to update this post, so....I discussed it a bit with my Mum earlier this week, and she was mainly worried that all these 'high flying' showjumpers, who knew her when she was with a pro, would always be watching her competing and judging us together. But I pointed out.. now she's OUR horse, and our 'problem' and no one elses ;) My dressage instructor said that she was coming on so well recently, and it would be a shame to sell her when we really seemed to be clicking (we started half pass this week :) )
Since there was no show\training show within a 3 hour radius today, we rented out a arena and jumped a 95\1m course with her. She went in spooky, but soon settled, and jumped around the course really nicely, and bravely, didn't mind contact with her mouth, or getting placed a bit wrong. The pace was wonderful, and she tried very very hard. We had to completely dismantle a triple as she really didnt' like it, but instead of getting angry with her, we just took it down a little bit, and she jumped through it fine. She's definitely a horse you have to work with. The triple I found I was subconsciously jerking back with my hands just before it, so when I stopped she was much happier!
Someone asked for some pictures of her...
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Good to have an update and see you are working through things with her, you both look very happy in the photos and it should mean you start to build up confidence in each other.

As for the pro riders judging you, in all honesty they have far more important things on their minds than being concerned about what you are doing with your horse, that is not me judging or putting you down in any way but stating facts, they really will not be that interested if you drop down a level or two, they may take notice when you start beating them but that will be because you are doing really well, keep having fun and take your time to gradually creep back up once you are really comfortable and ready.
 
She's a lovely horse .
Thank you for the update , and it's sounds better ,forget about what people think find the right people to help you and just get on with learning .
Good luck
 
be positive said:
Good to have an update and see you are working through things with her, you both look very happy in the photos and it should mean you start to build up confidence in each other.

As for the pro riders judging you, in all honesty they have far more important things on their minds than being concerned about what you are doing with your horse, that is not me judging or putting you down in any way but stating facts, they really will not be that interested if you drop down a level or two, they may take notice when you start beating them but that will be because you are doing really well, keep having fun and take your time to gradually creep back up once you are really comfortable and ready.
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This. No professional rider worth anything will judge you on how high you are jumping. They will be pleased to see you are progressing with her. Glad you are doing well and keep enjoying her.
 
be positive said:
Good to have an update and see you are working through things with her, you both look very happy in the photos and it should mean you start to build up confidence in each other.

As for the pro riders judging you, in all honesty they have far more important things on their minds than being concerned about what you are doing with your horse, that is not me judging or putting you down in any way but stating facts, they really will not be that interested if you drop down a level or two, they may take notice when you start beating them but that will be because you are doing really well, keep having fun and take your time to gradually creep back up once you are really comfortable and ready.
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This in spades. They are more likely to admire you for working at it, using your head and not copping a strop.
Have fun and enjoy her.
 
She is gorgeous OP, really nice to see your update, that you have taken the pressure off yourselves and are taking a bit more of a relaxed approach and that is seems to be reaping rewards.

Great update, looking forward to the next one
 
She is stunning OP, I'm glad talking to your mum has helped as well!

It sounds like things can only get better from here, and you're both starting to work each other out a bit more as well :) I look forward to the next update, and hope it all keeps improving for you both!
 
Lovely pics OP :) I think all pros know that when 1) when a junior starts on horses it can take a while, 2) when a horse goes from a pro to a junior it might take doubly wrong. No one will be judging you :)
 
Just another update as some people asked to see more. We went to a 5 day residential pony camp last week, where Moose absolutely shone. Her flatwork has improved ten fold and although we did very little jumping, she saw a lot of 'new' things like challenging grids, and didn't flinch when riding in a ride for the first time. Mum was so surprised at the end of the week at how much rounder she'd gotten, and she even won most consistent dressage! Straight after camp we went to a PC showjumping qualifier, where I'd preentered to jump the 1m. However it turned out that the 1m was for 138 and 148 ponies in this particular type of class, so we either had to jump the 1.10 or just turn and do 3hours home again, as we couldn't just jump the 1M Hors Concours. She ended up performing brilliantly and was much more eager to the fences in the warm up, and did not shrink away when she went into the ring. She delivered a perfect double clear and placed 2nd, even when I completely misplaced her to the first 2 fences in the JO.
Here's a video, excuse the rubbish quality and my ridiculously stiff riding -new backprotector!

[video=youtube;CcMB-vIzpTs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcMB-vIzpTs[/video]
 
Very well done. :) Glad to hear and see that you have powered through and got a better relationship with her. See it only took a bit of time. :)
 
Great video! Lovely to see and update! I am so pleased for you that you and Moose are really gelling now and working together. Sometimes it just takes time and going from ponies to horses is a big change! The video looks great and I wish you all the best in your future together!
 
Quote "I discussed it a bit with my Mum earlier this week, and she was mainly worried that all these 'high flying' showjumpers, who knew her when she was with a pro, would always be watching her competing and judging us together."

Your Mum obviously wants you to do well but she has been inadvertently putting pressure on you & this was causing you your anxieties. As many of us advised, you've taken a step back, jumped smaller, done flatwork & built your confidence back up. Just continue to take your time & enjoy what you are doing. Your horse is starting to go well for you & providing you don't rush things there is no reason why you shouldn't progress further. Well Done! :)

PS Your mare is far too beautiful to be called 'Moose'
 
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